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Your Call: Can She Keep Her Boobs Covered Up During Sex?

Fri, Sep 16, 2011

Advice, Dear Em & Lo, Your Call

photo by Paul J Everett

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below.

I hate my boobs. I’m really self-conscious about them. So I really like keeping a bra on during sex. How much of a bummer is that for guys? And do you think it’s at all possible to find a guy who’d be okay with me keeping that part of my bod covered up during sex a majority of the time?

– Breast Intentions

What should B.I. do?

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13 Responses to “Your Call: Can She Keep Her Boobs Covered Up During Sex?”

  1. EM Says:

    Short term, you could probably get away with it. Long term, no way – and you shouldn’t try.

    Look, I don’t know what your boobs are like, but any (decent) guy who might be disappointed by them will be more disappointed by your crippling self-doubt. You don’t have to “learn to love them”, but you do have to learn to accept that none of us have perfect bodies – not even supermodels. Grown-up guys (aka “men”) don’t expect perfection. And if they love you for you, they’ll love your boobs, however imperfect they may be (and I neither confirm nor deny that they’re imperfect!).

    All that said, you have no obligation to lead with them on night one; and when the time comes take a moment to have a talk with your lover first and tell him you’re insecure about your breasts. A good one will pull through.

    Finally, being in a secure relationship is all about being vulnerable. My partner knows all my warts, even the ones that I can barely admit to myself. It feels good when you get there – trust me.

  2. Matty Blue Says:

    trust me, whoever you’re with will like your breasts just fine…after all, they’re, you know, breasts. it’s not a huge exaggeration to say that all men like all boobs. if we can get them, we like them. if you’re comfortable showing them to us, that’s even better. men who DON’T like the breasts of a woman they’re having sex with, that would actually think that, probably aren’t worth your time.

  3. matbo Says:

    Sure it’d be possible to find a guy who was okay with it…

    But honestly, for your own sake, I would work to get over it…It’s so much nicer to enjoy sex an be fully in the moment…I hate my belly for instance and sometimes when I notice the way it flaps it totally spoils the mood. Sex is so much better when you relax and let it hang…and trust me, there’s always something that “hangs”.

  4. Karen Says:

    At the end of the day guys like boobs; and during sex is no exception. No guy is going to care what they look like, and if they do maybe you shouldn’t be with them.

  5. Tomio Black Says:

    Here’s a cold hard truth: Not all men are rendered helpless by a set of breasts. Nor is it a requirement for all men that the woman they are interested in has a set of “good” breasts (however that is defined). So it is possible to meet one of these guys. It is also possible that one of these guys might be attracted to you. Humanity is incredibly diverse. Anyone who claims differently is relying on (at best) stereotypes.

    There are also any number of things you can do that will “hide” them but is still considered “sexy.” There are tons of lingerie styles that vary in the amount of revealing they do.

    My strongest suggestion is to come to terms with your body. Until you do, you’ll never really believe that someone will find you attractive exactly as you are.

  6. Garret Says:

    One thing I learned through having a sexual relationship is that you can learn to appreciate yourself by learning more about how someone else sees you. The girl who I first had sex with was the first girl who saw me without a shirt on. I was incredibly uncomfortable, and figured she would walk right out of the bedroom, but all she said was, “You are sexy.” Ever since then, I have come to appreciate this idea that, despite the fact I do NOT have the world’s greatest physique, someone might find my body to be something desirable.

    No matter how you look, and no matter what gender you want to impress, there are people who will think that you are hot stuff. If you can see yourself through the eyes of those people, you’ll come to a greater understanding of what makes you attractive, and how to accentuate the things that will complement what you have.

    I say this not to sound mean, but simply to prove a point: I have met married folks who are, without question, incredibly attracted to their significant other, while I think they don’t even register on the attractiveness scale. So take heart! Sexiness is in the eye of the beholder!

    Love you boobs! Goodness knows we all do!

  7. Kev Says:

    Mmm…

    Us men love boobs. But we also love sexy bras as well. And the right guy, when you find him, will love all of you. People do get hung up about their bodies, but if you are in love with someone, does it really matter. But you do need to build your confidence.

    Firstly, before bed one night put some music on, turn the heating up and have a good look at yourself in the mirror in your undies. Look at the woman that you see. Lots of men will look at you, and think you are gorgeous, attractive and beautiful – so why worry about your boobs? Imagine a guy you do fancy is seeing you in your lingerie for the first time, and you are seeing him, naked, for the first time. Let your mind wander with sexy thoughts. Shrug your shoulders to let the bra straps fall, slide your hands round your back and undo your bra, then slowly remove it to reveal your breasts. Lie on the bed give your boobs and nipples a good massage, maybe with some warm oil. Relax, and let yourself go.

    (There is also a very good health reason for this as regularly feeling your breasts and keeping an eye out for abnormalities is can detect breast cancer. So learn to love your boobs!)

    When you go to bed sleep topless – it will feel comfortable.

    Invest in some sexy lace and satin bra and knicker sets. Something that will make you feel “sexy” under your clothes and your guy gasp as soon as he gets to see them! Babydoll nighties and chemises are also good bedroom wear. If it makes you more comfortable go into another room to get changed into your lingerie – it will build a sense of anticipation in your man. When you walk out think you are the star of the show.

    Despite rumours to the contrary, lots of us guys like foreplay, and a bit of mystery, so keeping your bra and knickers on while making out is a huge turn on, and gives you a bit of time to get comfortable. You can tease – pushing his hands away if he tries to unhook your bra, saying “later”, with an devilish grin shows you are in control, specially if you are stripping him out of his clothes.

    Stroking your bra covered breasts against his naked body, while kissing and feeling him, is also something very arousing and will turn your man on.

    The bra will eventually end up coming off in the heat of the moment. You might have a “nip slip” and a boob might come out. Or your guy might come up to kiss your breasts and push the material of the bra away. Or, you might decide that its too uncomfortable to keep on, so you just strip it off!

    Love yourself and love your boobs.

  8. Bill Says:

    As a man I can tell you that breasts are nice but, I dont need to have them during sex Im more into pussy, ass and oral sex. I a women want me to play with them I will, I have had women with breast from A-DD and none turn me on more or less. I think the way a women uses her body is more sexy then her breasts

  9. Kat Says:

    I was self conscious about my breasts for sometime as I had an open-heart surgery when I was young which also means I have a scar.

    However, why should we get in the way of our own enjoyable experience?

    Guys are more impressed with the way you commit to the deed which leaves them wanting more.

    I have never been turned down once because of my scar or not wanted to pleasure my breasts and early on, I had decided should I come across an idiot like that, he will go in the scrap pile, not knowing what he has missed.

    If you keep a piece of clothing on during this intimate time, you are creating a barrier which a guy might read differently to you wanting to cover them up because you don’t like them. Doing it sometimes is sexy but not all the time.

    I recommend that you masturbate and explore yourself. Get comfortable with yourself and learn to relax. Watch Em & Lo’s Sex: How to Do Everything show because that truly liberated me as well as teaching me different things about the sexual experience. I particularly liked that couple who were roving reporters.

    Learn to love yourself and then learn to be a great lover.

    The media portrays too many plastic women with plastic boobs, bums and everything but this isn’t real. I’d much rather have my real boobs with all the nerve endings in tact. By the way, I never held much hope they would grow because of my operation but I didn’t feel bad, it’s something I just expected. But around the age of 21, they started growing. Gradually from an A cup, 3 years later , they are a D. I found out pleasuring them can contribute to this.

    There is more to life than having the perfect body. Being open, being loving both to yourself and others is key.

    Just feel lucky that you even have a body and you are alive to be able to experience these pleasures. Let go and enjoy.

  10. Kev Says:

    Keeping a piece or two of clothing on can increase the sensations and should not be seen as a barrier to intimacy. It depends on the mood. We all enjoy bodice ripping sex but sometimes keeping a little bit hidden for a while can give a bit of time to get comfortable, and then increase the arousal and the pleasure once the underwear comes off.

    For example, touching and feeling the breasts through the lace and satin of a bra can feel good and send signals of pleasure through the body, and an attractive bra is a sight to behold when laid down with your girl on top. A guy going up to tease his girls breasts by nibbling, licking and pulling at the material of the bra, and kissing the bare skin that the garment shoews off, while rubbing his partners shoulders and back should create an erotic sensation. Making love with the woman on top, with her in her bra to start but with it being pushed down as her guy explores her boobs and pleasures her clitoris can be arousing.

    Similarly kissing and licking your guys chest and tummy, working down to his boxers before nibbling and pulling at the waistband can be a turn on, specially if you decide to take things a bit further…getting a guys penis pushing for freedom through his boxer shorts before removing them can create a sexy sight for his partner, and why should she pull them down when she can rip them open from the front, which can be a good prelude to a blowjob….

  11. Jessica Says:

    My sexy husband knows that whenever he buys me some of Anita’s and Kutchie’s delicious key lime pie that I will do any sexual favors that he is in the mood for that night. He knows that the key lime pies really turn me on to no end. They really get my juices flowing and I am just puttee in his arms. I love him so very much, he is my everything, he is my life. We do sexual things that would make a sailor blush. So wonderful that I can not tell you them here. Letting my Boobs bounce around while my is making sweet love with me I consider that to be the least of what gets to hang-out in our bedroom.

    “AH”, the Magic of Anita and Kutchie Pelaez’s Key Lime Pies! Rated XXX…..For Married Couples 21 years or older.

    Who needs a Bra here? Give me a brake!

  12. kyle Says:

    Compliments should have never been called “sexual” socalled pestering.

  13. phip Says:

    Men like boobs of all shapes and sizes etc, it is just a fact. Hopefully you were careful and pick a man who cares, and when he looks into your eyes, he sees your insecurity and loves you for caring what he feels about you, and then when you look into his eyes, you love him for caring about you the person and not the acces ories you happen to own through life. No matter how you look, ultimately it will be your soul and personality that will forever obsess a partner. Love yourself and others will too.


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