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Your Call: How Often Do F-Buddies Become Girlfriends?

Fri, Oct 7, 2011

Advice, Dear Em & Lo, Your Call

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below.

Dear Em & Lo,

I’ve been in an “arrangement” style non-relationship with a dude for nearly a year (I say “arrangement” as I loathe the terms “fuck buddy” or “booty call,” but yes, they are one and the same). We have both seen other people over the course of this time, and it’s never been a big deal, we just see one another when the mood strikes, on a non-regular basis (sometimes once a month, sometimes every 90 days, just depending on our personal relationships at the time).

I don’t know if it’s the lack of other personal relationships of late, or what, but I have recently decided that I wouldn’t mind dating the fella for real, but don’t want to broach the subject for fear I’ll lose the best smoke signal I’ve ever had (again, a substitute for the awful butt buddy title)! I am nearly 100% positive that he’s not interested in more, otherwise I feel he would have made a move or a comment by now (thank you so much, mildly worn copy of He’s Just Not That Into You).

Also, I feel there’s a definite double standard involved here (or perhaps it’s just my paranoia): if a man develops feelings for his female casual sex partner, and the woman is interested, she doesn’t think twice about taking it to the next level. However, if the female develops feelings, the man suddenly has a “she’s tarnished and I could never take an easy broad like her home to Mom” epiphany. I guess what I’m really asking, with no true agenda, just a general wondering is…

How big is the obstacle of going from AssFriend to Girlfriend and is it even truly possible??

– Nookie Monster

What do you think of Nookie Monster’s question? Leave your opinion in the comments section below.

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51 Responses to “Your Call: How Often Do F-Buddies Become Girlfriends?”

  1. Loulou Says:

    So I started talking to this guy on a dating app. He seemed so interested at first. Conversations could have been a bit inappropriate looking back now, but at the time they were so exciting! We went out on our first date to a members only club. Which made me think ok it’s good that he’s not hiding me. We had three other dates but they were very spaced out and all three he would invite me over and cook for me. We slept together on the fourth date, I really like him and we clicked so well when we were together but then he wouldn’t talk to me until the next week when he’d want to see me.
    (We spoke about our families, he’d talk to me about his friends like I knew them, we spoke about our ex’s for a minute or so, I learnt that he had got out of a one year relationship 3 months prior to us talking)
    One day he tried to make a joke out of wanting to sleep with me, I took it the wrong way and said I wasn’t only looking for someone to sleep with and if that was the case maybe I should take a step back. His response was I hadn’t thought that far ahead!
    What does that even mean?!
    I tried to call him to explain what I meant, as I wasn’t looking to rush into something I just wanted to go out and do different things. He picked up but said he was in the middle of something and would call me back… Of course he didn’t
    I took the advice of a guy friend of mine and sent him a message the next evening to diffuse the situation. I said I had got a bit lost in translation and there was no drama and I asked what his plans were for the evening. He responded the next day… Basically just saying that he was ill but was able to go to an event he has and was just going to lay low.. I took that as he was only going to invite me over if I was going to see him. I told him to enjoy his evening!
    He texted a couple of days later saying that he was at work and was going to chill and watch a movie at home after work and said I was welcome to join.
    I told him I was not up for that but I didn’t mind going out for a drink! He said he would text me once he finished work. He texted me later than when he said he would finish to say that he was running late and let’s rearrange.
    Ofcourse I was annoyed but just said perhaps after I’m back from my trip. His response was “sure x”
    Thing is he hasn’t asked about me or contacted me since.
    I don’t know how to deal with this guy, I don’t get why I’m not being given a chance, I’ve never been in a situation where a guy hasn’t wanted to get to know me.
    I think about him a lot but I don’t want it to just be about sex!
    I’d love to hear your advice guys

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