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Comment of the Week: Don’t Hide Your Porn Habit

Wed, Nov 2, 2011

Comment of the Week, Confessions

photo via flickr

I second the importance of ethical porn consumption and highly recommend Abby Winters, which is woman-owned and operated.

It’s definitely better to bring up the topic of porn early on in a relationship, than to wait for it to come out when you get caught. If you hide it, it will seem like an infidelity, and the sense of deceit that results can be just as damaging as if you were cheating with another person.

Having learned the lesson about hiding my porn the hard way (a couple times — I’m a slow learner), it’s now something that I talk about in the “getting to know you” phase of dating. I’ve got a list of reasons NOT to date me on my online dating profile, and porn makes the list because I know it (in any amount) is a problem for many women. The rationale of my list is that I’m happier being alone than in the wrong relationship, and so far it has worked out really well.

There does come a point for me in most long-term relationships where the excitement of sex diminishes and porn becomes more desirable. It’s hard to overstate the importance of “newness” to my own excitement, and porn is generally going to be “new” to me because of how I browse it. I’m pretty sure this (need for newness) is a sort of biological imperative that I don’t have a lot of choice over. Of course, I do have choices about communicating what is going on for me, and about finding other ways to keep things interesting in the bedroom.

Mike Lewinski, responding to the post “How to Understand His Porn Habit”

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3 Responses to “Comment of the Week: Don’t Hide Your Porn Habit”

  1. Casha R Says:

    “I’ve got a list of reasons NOT to date me on my online dating profile, and porn makes the list because I know it (in any amount) is a problem for many women.”

    I trust you realize that the opposite is also true for many women, such as myself, who are proud to state they will not date a man who likes porn.

    Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the fact that you’re upfront about your “porn preference” when it comes to meeting women just as I hope you appreciate the fact that I would have nothing to do with any man who gets his jollies from that type of smut.

  2. Jack Jones Says:

    Abby Winters is not woman-owned and operated. That doesn’t mean that it is not ethical, although there was a news item where the company refused to remove a model’s photos from the site, see:
    http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/porn-peddler-refuses-to-remove-nude-photos-from-website/story-e6frf7jo-1225881181814

  3. Johnny Says:

    ^ Either way, I’ve always assumed that the women who succeed in business are just as ruthless as the men who succeed in business.
    I’d especially assume that a woman who has not only survived the sex industry, but thrived from it, is hard as nails. In other words, I wouldn’t expect fair treatment from her in the name of feminist solidarity. Not with money on the line.


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