The midnight New Year’s kiss is the stuff that Hollywood movie climaxes are made of. Help yours live up to the hype by following these 15 rules:
- Even though it IS New Year’s, don’t expect a midnight kiss from your date. Remember, kissing is so intimate an act that not even Julia Robert’s hooker character in Pretty Woman would allow her johns to osculate her.
- That said, there’s nothing wrong with being prepared. Right before you leave the house, brush your tongue as well as your teeth and put a tin of mints in your pocket for a post-drinking pre-midnight touch up (gum is tacky). Because bad breath makes every other tip on this list moot.
- Oh, and moisturize ‚Äď chapped lips are a bummer.
- But go easy on the glam gloss. We know it’s a festive New Year’s party, but three coats of red lipstick or thick sticky goo make you about as kissable as a bulldog with gum disease.
- Try to pick up on any signs that your date may not be into a midnight kiss (e.g. at 11:59pm they either excuse themselves to the bathroom, they are in the middle of an in-depth debate on Middle East politics with a group of nerds, or they make a plate with a big pile of spinach garlic dip). You can still try, just move slowly and give them a chance to turn you down. No swift “sucker punches.”
- Don’t lick your lips when going in for the kiss, lest you look like the Big Bad Wolf sizing up his next meal.
- Do not open your mouth so much wider than your partner’s that it appears as if you are trying to eat their head. Kissing is not a Mick Jagger impersonation contest, no matter what Maroon 5 says.
- Use restraint when it comes to tongue (i.e. don’t think of this as “tonsil hockey”). Keep it romantic at midnight and save the passion for 2am.
- No matter how much tongue you decide to use, keep it soft and flat, not pointy like an eel.
- Keep your salivation in check ‚Äď sloppiness does not equate passion.
- Assuming you’re in the middle of a party, don’t let this become an extended public make-out session. If anyone yells “Get a room,” you’ve held the lip lock too long.
- It’s an over-the-top holiday so an over-the-top move like a dip is acceptable (again, so long as it’s clear your date is into the kiss in the first place).
- Grabbing someone’s face is romantic so long as you are not holding their head to keep them from pulling away.¬† Putting someone in a headlock so they cannot escape your kisser is not only rude, it is criminal.
- Savor the smooching and save the boob groping and crotch grabbing for a little later.
- If your kissee turns you down or pulls away quickly after just a peck, resist getting mad or pouty. Even if you are dying of humiliation or crying on the inside, maintain a cool and calm exterior. You can kill yourself later.
Happy New Year!