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Wise Guys: Do Men Fantasize About Others When in a Relationship?

Tue, Dec 13, 2011

Advice, Wise Guys

photo via flickr

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: Do most guys still fantasize about other people when they’re in a relationship? During masturbation or during sex with their partner, or both? To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Married Straight Guy (Irad Eyal of Sexdegrees.net): Fantasize? What does that mean “fantasize”? If by fantasize you mean think about with a desire to replace the person you’re with, then no, absolutely not. That’s crazy talk. But if by fantasize you mean day dream about in a sexy alternate universe where people you know do wonderful unexplainable things to you, then of course. I’m pretty in-the-moment during couples activities and I don’t possess the buddhist-power to clear the intercourse-monkey-chatter and replace it with fantasies, but during alone time, why not. When you’re in a relationship, your thoughts are one of the few things you have complete control over! If I can’t decide the color of my bath towels, or what restaurant we’re going to, at least I can choose my masturbation fantasies.

Single Straight Guy (Colin Adamo of Hooking Up & Staying Hooked): Most guys are fantasizing about all sorts of people, places, and things outside the boundaries of their own relationship (or reality) when they are seeing someone. Even the dictionary will back me up on this – “the faculty or activity of imagining things, esp. things that are impossible or improbable.” At best we’re only using these thoughts to pass the time sitting in traffic. On average we’re wanking to these in the shower if you went to sleep early and we’re still feeling pretty frisky. And for some of us these mental adventures are helping us get off in bed. It usually doesn’t have anything to do with what we think of our partner, just how active our imagination is at that moment.

terence_100Committed Gay Guy (Terence): I don’t fantasize about anyone else during sex with my partner. Never have. But masturbation is open season and everyone gets to play in my fantasies; me most of all. And I’m fantasizing all the time when I’m walking down the street, buying groceries or sitting at my desk.

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. Irad Eyal is a writer, TV producer, and founder of celebrity gossip site Sexdegrees.net; Colin Adamo is a recent Yale grad and author/blogger behind Hooking Up & Staying Hooked, the only sex and relationships resource specifically for high school guys; and Terence is an American living in Sydney. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

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