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Your Weekly Horoscopes: The Road Sign Edition

Mon, Dec 12, 2011


Years ago, while driving around San Diego on a book tour, we saw what to us was the craziest road sign: the black silhouettes of two adults running for their lives, dragging a youngster behind them, all on a yellow, rectangular background. You don’t get many of those in the Northeast. (Though maybe you yanks are more familiar with it now with all of Arizona’s “papers please” shenanigans.) It struck us how effective road signs are: succinct, powerful, instructional, universal, and sometimes entertaining even if you don’t quite understand them (frost heaves, anyone?). So we occasionally like to whittle your horoscope down to its purist form–behold, The Road Signs.

aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
Falling Rocks Ahead

taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
Caution: Water On Road During Rain
(that’s a real one, believe it or not: if you think about it, it’s profound in its obviousness.)

gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
Last Exit Before Toll

cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
Be Prepared To Stop

leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
Recreational Area Turnoff

virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
Stop When Children In Crosswalk

libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)
Divided Highway Begins

scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd)

sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st)
No Stopping Inmates Working

capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
Lane Ends Merge Left

aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)
Push Button For Green Light

pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th)
HOV Only


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