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Archive | 2011

Blog Snog: Holiday Dates, Office Party Hook-Up Rules, Sexy Gift Do’s & Don’ts

December 16, 2011


photo via Flickr

Why Articles About Sex Always Use Photos with Bare Feet

December 16, 2011


Getty Image from Telegraph UK article

While doing a little internet research, our intern Alyssa came across this article from the Telegraph UK entitled “Average Man Has 9 Sexual Partners in Lifetime, Women Have 4” accompanied by the above photo from Getty Images. Next to the link she sent, Alyssa wrote: “Random Side Note:  Why do they always use photos of feet sticking out of a bed for these sex stories?  Who has sex with cold feet like that?  Doesn’t it make anyone else feel uncomfortable staring at these random people’s feet?  Seriously!” It’s a legitimate (and funny) question.

The photo cliche of a couple’s bare feet sticking out from under the covers is to sex news stories as the line “I didn’t come here to make friends” is to reality TV shows. They’re both inescapable, because they both do their job — which is to immediately convey a message and a mood succinctly. With the television script, that message is: I’ll be an interesting and compelling character on this show because my bloodthirsty desire to win will allow me to lie, cheat and talk shit about anyone and everyone without remorse – stay tuned!” With the feet photos, that message is…

Read the rest of this article on SUNfiltered

Dear Dr. Kate, Can Hand Warts Be Transmitted to Genitals?

December 15, 2011


photo via Flickr

Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City and she answers your medical questions every few weeks on EMandLO.com. To ask her your own question, click here.

Dear Dr. Kate,

My boyfriend has 2 warts on his fingers. We have been trying to treat them to go away but in the meantime, is it possible to transmit these warts to my vagina? I have looked this up on various websites but can’t find a definite answer. One them has been there for almost 10 years (keeps regrowing) if that helps to clarify what type of HPV.

– Mrs. Toad

Dear Mrs. T.,

There are nearly 200 HPV virus types, and about 40 of them can infect the genitals. HPV viral strains tend to have a favorite vacation spot on your body, and don’t tend to travel outside of that area. Of course, there are exceptions; some high-risk genital wart strains can infect the mouth and throat during oral sex. But HPV 6 and 11, the two strains that together cause 90% of genital warts, don’t cause warts on other areas of the body. The reverse is also true; HPV on the fingers — most often from HPV 1 or 2 — is not likely to cause warts on his or your genitals. But to be even safer, cover up his warts with a Band-aid, finger cot or glove before he touches you.

– Dr. Kate

Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City. She also lectures nationally on women’s health issues and conducts research on reproductive health. She generously shares her medical wisdom with EM & LO readers every few weeks. Check out more of her advice and ask her a question at Gynotalk.com.

On Feminism, High School and Sex — and What Occupy Can Teach Us About All Three

December 15, 2011


“It’s not easy, in this world, to learn how to navigate our anger and attraction, to learn how to be strong, sexual women and kind, gentle men.” This is a quote from our friend Michelle Chihara’s essay, “Pieces of the Past,” published this week on her blog This Blue Angel. On the surface this essay is a response, a clarification of sorts, to an essay the filmmaker Miranda July — Michelle’s former high school classmate — published on the teen website Rookie, about what she calls her feminist action, twenty years ago. But at its heart Michelle’s essay is about feminism, activism, sympathy, motherhood, adulthood, sex, sexuality… you know, the little things.

Let’s rewind a little: Miranda July’s essay describes how a boy at their high school made an announcement in assembly: “Someone spilled their Coke on my BMW. If this happens again I’m going to be forced to sue for damages. Keep your hands off my car.” In other words, he was a rich asshole — either that or he did a pretty good impression of one. In response, Miranda hung posters all over school that read, “You say: Keep your hands off my car. We say: Keep your hands off our bodies. Sincerely, the women of this school.” Because he wasn’t just a rich asshole, Miranda writes, “he had a history of touching girls at parties when they were drunk or passed out. This was widespread knowledge; older girls told younger girls: watch out for Xavier Reed.” The way Miranda tells it, this was a story of high school girls standing up for themselves when no one else would, eschewing victimhood for a controversial riot grrly campaign. No wonder the teen girl readers of Rookie responded with such awe, declaring themselves “inspired” by Miranda’s action. And it’s true: teen girls need more heroes, more role models, more women who will teach them how to grow up, how to be a woman, how to be a feminist.

And yet. As always with the stories we tell — and especially so the stories we tell about high school — there is another side. Miranda writes, “Thinking about it now I imagine [Xavier] had his share of suffering, but to understand this story it’s important that you feel no sympathy for him.” Except that Xavier was a teen boy accused, anonymously, of sexual harassment, based — it turns out — on a high school rumor mill. As Michelle writes, “To understand this story, it’s important that you feel sympathy for everyone involved, including, yes, Xavier. Because any teenager accused of sexual harassment deserves a fair hearing, even if — or perhaps especially if — he can be kind of an ass.

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

How to Navigate the Crappy Holidays Alone

December 15, 2011


christmas_tree_holiday_japanphoto by w00kie

Feeling down in the dumps because you’re going to be single for Christmas and New Year’s?

You’re not alone. Well, sure, you’re alone in the sense that you don’t have a cutie to go ice-skating with while clad in matching striped scarves from the Gap. But you’re not alone alone. Despite the onslaught of trailers for overly sentimental flicks featuring inspirational sports teams/family reunions/elf costumes, all those extra Kay Jewelers commercials (that actually make us pine for the Coors twins), and the music about love and joy that’s piped into every pharmacy — despite all that, love is not, actually, all around. There’s war and infidelity and existential crises and depression and recession and people in those pharmacies fighting and pushing to get to the front of the line with their gift wrap, emergency box of tampons, and prescription meds. It only feels like love’s all around because single people don’t spend as much money on holiday gifts and activities, so as far as Madison Avenue is concerned, you’re persona non grata. You might as well be an elf. So you and the other single people start hibernating — drinking Coors in dive bars, most likely — which makes you feel even more alone.

During this season, you might find yourself lingering in the self-help aisle at your local bookshop, fingering titles like If I’m So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single? and Healing Your Aloneness: Finding Love and Wholeness Through Your Inner Child. (We wish we could say we made those titles up.) This extended holiday season is a romance pressure cooker guaranteed to make you feel like the kind of loser who might actually buy one of these books. … Read the rest of this entry »

Comment of the Week: Strap-Ons Can Bring a Couple Closer

December 14, 2011

1 Comment

a Starter Strap-on Kit

SJM, responding to the post  ”Confession: I Want to Do My Boyfriend with a Strap-On“:

This is something that will make a relationship grow. Plain sex gets old. It took me forever to open up to my gf about how I wanted her to ["plug"] me, or whatever. But when she told me about her all-time fantasy about wanting to f**k a guy, I told her how that has been my fantasy — and now that has brought us even closer. I was always scared of her thinking I’m gay or something, which I’m not. It made me feel better to hear her say it’s not. We have grown so much closer.

Lily, responding to the same post:

Assplay is not gay unless you are. You’re not the only one who’s into this, I promise. Even if you did fantasize about a dude doing it to you, doesn’t have to mean you are gay either.

Your Call: Can She Ask Him to Cut Off Contact with a Past Love?

December 14, 2011


We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your response in the comments section below.

Dear Em & Lo,

I have been dating my boyfriend for two years. We are both so in love with each other and talk of marriage in a few years. He is Pakistani and I am white. His religious Muslim family approves of me.

A few months ago, I found out that him and his cousin who lives in Pakistan were writing love letters to each other for two years before we met. I confronted him about it and we settled issues for the most part. He claims to have never loved her. I believe him for the most part, even though the only reason he tossed the letters was because he knew I’d not tolerate or be with him anymore. He is very clingy to things of his past. It hurt so much that he wanted to save these letters because it’s as if they meant something to him.

Since then I have gotten over this issue for the most part because we talked about it many times and he promised me he never loved her. I don’t want to sound like a stupid girl, but I believe him. I really do.
The problem is, they still talk. And her being his cousin, it’s difficult for me to tell him that I don’t want him talking to her, because she is his family. I know he has plans to go to Pakistan on vacation and I am extremely hurt and mad because I know they will see each other. I don’t think I’d be able to be with him anymore even though I love him deeply. I know that if he were in my shoes he would not want me to see someone I wrote love letters to or talk to them, even if I really didn’t ever love them.

I have been avoiding this talk because I can’t bear to be without him, I love him so much. I know that him going to Pakistan is somewhat out of his control because it’s his parents choice, but I don’t know how to handle or approach this situation. I trust that nothing will happen between the two of them while he is there. But I know they will be hanging out a lot, and I cannot bear the thought of him being near her, the girl he thought he loved for two years.

What do I do? I don’t want to break up with him, but I don’t want to be that stupid girl who gets hurt like this either. Ideally he would never talk to her or see her again. Am I being unreasonable for wanting this? I don’t think I am considering he has told me that he does not want me talking to guys from my past. But then again, they were not my cousins.

– Dating a Kissing Cousin

What should D.A.K.C. do?

Dream Interpretation: I Woke Up With My Friend and Her Ex

December 13, 2011


Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it) This week, a reader asks Lauri:

There’s this one aspect of a dream I had that really doesn’t make sense. I was at a college and for some reason the rooms had one bed, meaning I had to share. My friend was on one side of me and she woke me up and told me to get ready for school. I turn over and there’s her sleeping ex-boyfriend who I know she still has feelings for. This is probably something that just won’t ever make sense, but I’m completely stumped.

Lauri: Well, let’s see if I can make sense out of it for you. The college setting suggests this dream is about some sort of lesson you are learning right now in your life, and the bed may mean there is an issue that needs to be put to rest. However, you are sharing the bed. This tells me this issue is not yours alone; others are involved. Your friend waking you up indicates you have “woken up” to a certain reality. Can you think of a recent revelation you have had? This new awareness could certainly be connected to what you have learned recently. Your friend woke you so it is very likely that she made you aware of it, whatever it is. It may have to do with her ex. He’s asleep in the dream and when someone is sleeping in a dream it almost always represents their unawareness in waking life. Perhaps the “it” that this dream is about is that he doesn’t know that she still has these feelings. Does she still pine for him and drive you crazy? This may very well be what you feel needs to be put to rest… and helping her do that may very well be what you need to learn how to do.

Response from dreamer: Thank you for this interpretation! I think you’re right and I think I know what I’ve figured out. I’m the reason some of her favorite relationships sucked (she told me this today) and I really don’t know what to do now. But thank you for helping me figure this out.

Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. Anonymity guaranteed! Don’t forget: you can get access to Lauri’s Instant Dream Decoding Dictionary on her site. And check out Lauri’s new book Dream On It, available everywhere!


Naked News: Sexy Bananas, Viagra Condoms & Bad Sex Writing Awards

December 13, 2011


photo via Flickr

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

Wise Guys: Do Men Fantasize About Others When in a Relationship?

December 13, 2011


photo via flickr

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: Do most guys still fantasize about other people when they’re in a relationship? During masturbation or during sex with their partner, or both? To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Married Straight Guy (Irad Eyal of Sexdegrees.net): Fantasize? What does that mean “fantasize”? If by fantasize you mean think about with a desire to replace the person you’re with, then no, absolutely not. That’s crazy talk. But if by fantasize you mean day dream about in a sexy alternate universe where people you know do wonderful unexplainable things to you, then of course. I’m pretty in-the-moment during couples activities and I don’t possess the buddhist-power to clear the intercourse-monkey-chatter and replace it with fantasies, but during alone time, why not. When you’re in a relationship, your thoughts are one of the few things you have complete control over! If I can’t decide the color of my bath towels, or what restaurant we’re going to, at least I can choose my masturbation fantasies.

Single Straight Guy (Colin Adamo of Hooking Up & Staying Hooked): Most guys are fantasizing about all sorts of people, places, and things outside the boundaries of their own relationship (or reality) when they are seeing someone. Even the dictionary will back me up on this – “the faculty or activity of imagining things, esp. things that are impossible or improbable.” At best we’re only using these thoughts to pass the time sitting in traffic. On average we’re wanking to these in the shower if you went to sleep early and we’re still feeling pretty frisky. And for some of us these mental adventures are helping us get off in bed. It usually doesn’t have anything to do with what we think of our partner, just how active our imagination is at that moment.

terence_100Committed Gay Guy (Terence): I don’t fantasize about anyone else during sex with my partner. Never have. But masturbation is open season and everyone gets to play in my fantasies; me most of all. And I’m fantasizing all the time when I’m walking down the street, buying groceries or sitting at my desk.

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. Irad Eyal is a writer, TV producer, and founder of celebrity gossip site Sexdegrees.netColin Adamo is a recent Yale grad and author/blogger behind Hooking Up & Staying Hooked, the only sex and relationships resource specifically for high school guys; and Terence is an American living in Sydney. To ask the guys your own question, click here.