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Question of the Week: What’s Your Number?

Thu, Jan 19, 2012

Confessions, Poll

The movie What’s Your Number? (just released on DVD) is based on the totally annoying premise that a woman (played by the usually much funnier and better-than-this Anna Faris) freaks out when she reads a magazine article and discovers that her sexual body count (20) is twice the average. So she decides that rather than just carrying on with her dating and sex life like a normal human being, or becoming celibate, she will rifle through her exes to see if one of them could be The One — thereby not upping her number any further.

So, here’s our question for you: Do you (or did you ever) keep track of your “number”? Do you have it on the tip of your tongue? Could you work it out, if pressed? Were you ever bothered by your number (in either direction), or what other people might think of your number?

Leave your response in the comments section below (feel free to share your age, gender, relationship status, etc., if it’s relevant to your answer).

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32 Responses to “Question of the Week: What’s Your Number?”

  1. Ella Says:

    Not a problem: 8. Counting the guy I spent three nights with but only did heaviest petting, not counting one guy with whom I just snogged (do you still say that?) and whom I grabbed into their pants. And I hope (having been in a relationship for over 4 years now) that it stay exactly that number (assuming that I’ll spend the rest of my life with HIM).
    When I was 18, I was quite bothered by my number, as it was 0. But as soon as I got a taste of it, I wanted more, and when I wanted sex, I got it. I’m not exactly modellike (from my outer appearance), but I’m pretty and I’m frank about what I want. Sex was usually with guys I had known before for quite some time (friends, acquaintances) and with whom I had talked about it in general terms. We just had some good conversations about it and decided that it might be fitting to try it out together.

  2. 28yo female Says:

    8 = 4 boyfriends + 4 not
    i’ll probably lie about the non-boyfriends, though i hate the idea of lying. this feels like a high number to me based on stats. i’m definitely not marrying one of these 8, because the best (guys & sex for that matter) were the boyfriends that are married now anyway. boo hoo.

  3. Susie Says:

    10, counting threesome ladies ;)

  4. Dannie Says:

    Honestly, I feel more pressure to lie about my number because I’ve only slept with one person, and plan to. When I say this, I typically have to defend my choice: no, I don’t feel like I’m “missing out;” no, I don’t think sleeping with more men would make me wiser or mature; yes, I really do feel satisfied and, after four years of great sex, predict that such feelings will continue. I know in my mother’s generation it was sort of a goal, but now, if you haven’t slept with more than one person, people act like you’re missing something big and that you’re a total prudish, backward (probably *gasp* Christian!), limited human being. I’m not any of those things. I think having as many partners as you want is a wonderful thing, be it none or two hundred. For me, at this point in time, I want one. I have one. I’m happy. And this long tirade is just proof of how, again, I felt the need to defend myself. But that was basically my point.

  5. Codi Says:

    I lost my virginity one month prior to turning 18 yrs old. My first three were with boyfriends. The third guy n I had a rocky split. I ended up experimenting and getting a little too wild. Thank God that phase is in the past.

    I’m now 21, with my dream guy in a healthy n serious relationship. Hoping things keep my number right where it is!

  6. 22 almost 23 year old Says:

    So after reading all these other comments I don’t know if I want to publish my #… but in interest of showing no shame and female empowerment it is somewhere upwards of 20.

    I haven’t created a list in a while because I seem to have lots of casual flings in between boyfriends. I enjoy sex and am safe so I don’t really see an issue with it.

    Feel free to comment

  7. matbo Says:

    5 and of those 5 one was a LTR. I hope my number goes much higher and consists mainly of casual sex. That would be awesome.

  8. mikey Says:

    5 – I’ve almost always lied about it (macho pressure to have a higher number). A few years ago I told my wife and her reaction was “thats all?”, she also let on that her number was higher (no specifics, thank god). This stands to reason because she is hotter than me, so I wasnt surprised. Had I any modicum of social skills, no doubt my number could be a little higher – but alas… Now that I’m married and in my 30′s, I’m absolutley fine with it as it is. And that feels good.

  9. Brian Says:

    upwards of 50 at 29. well above average apparently but not for the people i associate with so who knows? i don’t care to know a girls # either way and will only tell a girl if i’m really really into her and it will take a long time before i share that with her. by that time we will have already had sex so whats it matter? nothing shes going to be able to do about it

  10. Rachel Says:

    18. I was 18 when I lost my virginity, it’s been 18 years since then and the guy I am seeing at the moment is #18. I’m not reading too much into this whole thing, it’s just a funny coincidence.

    Mind you, I was married for 7 years, he and I were together for 10 years altogether.

  11. 36yo woman Says:

    10. I feel like that’s pretty high, given that I was monogamous with one of them from age 19 to age 34.

    I don’t think it matters, though; especially once someone is in their 30′s or so, you can’t tell ANYTHING from a person’s number. It could be high because of a series of LTR’s or because of a promiscuous youth; it could be low because of longer relationships. It doesn’t reflect experience.

  12. April Says:

    6. I’m about to be 30, but my number’s been the same since I was 18. I’ve been with number 6 forever and intend to keep it that way, so unless some threesomes come along I don’t imagine it’ll be going up.

    His number is higher so at times I’ve felt like he had more life experience than me and like maybe I missed out on something… BUT I’ve come to terms with that because it really doesn’t matter.

  13. call Says:

    My wife and I once had a discussion about the number, and realized we were defining it differently. I was counting sexual intercourse only; she counted that, but also counted a number of people who were “other” sexual acts only (handjobs, oral, etc.). Took us awhile to reconcile our approaches….

  14. sean Says:

    Never thought about it or considered it in the least bit important.

  15. Dee Says:

    As a 23 year old female, mine is higher than is…socially acceptable I guess? I’m at 26, and I lost my virginity at 17. While some might say that’s pretty high for someone my age, I noted two things. 1) 2 of those guys were serious boyfriends, 2) The other guys I slept with because I wanted to. It’s kind of sad that men can have a high number and it’s celebrated but women are any where close and they are the biggest whores on the market. The fact is, I slept with these guys because I wanted to. Not for some unresolved attention or daddy issues. I happen to just like sex. Some of those decisions weren’t my greatest accomplishments, but I don’t regret any of those guys. Well, except one…but that’s only because he was DREADFUL.

  16. bree Says:

    1 for me. I lost it in my first semester of college to my boyfriend of 3 months. We’re still together, and it’s been almost 2 years. I might sound naive, but I hope it stays 1 forever.

  17. Cate Says:

    I’m currently sleeping with #8, and he’s my first true sexual relationship. I’m not uncomfortable with my number b/c i believe that people should have sex whenever they want with whoever they want regardless of perceived social norms.

    HOWEVER, I do recognize that my history is very unusual in that my number doesn’t accurately reflect my level of sexual experience. I only had sex one time each with numbers 1 through 7. Not necessarily by choice – it just worked out that way. #2 was a summer vacation fling that lasted a week – we had sex on his last night in town, but the rest were one-night stands – including the night i lost my virginity at 19).

    So in other words, before I started seeing #8 two months ago, I had only had sex a total of 7 times.

    Granted, that is 7 times spread out over 4 years (Sex less than 2X a year is practically celibacy, right?). So who can fault me for getting some when I could?

    So yes, I do expect my number to keep climbing, but I think my story accurately illustrates why this whole concept of having a “number” is totally bogus.

  18. Lydia Says:

    One for me, and one for my husband. How awesome that neither one of us has to worry about being ‘compared’ to a past sexual experience! Do I feel like I’m missing out? Absolutely not- just missing out on the baggage I could have brought into this relationship. No worries about him being faithful to me since he was able to wait for me and with me until we were married- what a beautiful thing!

  19. Lydia Says:

    Oh, and I forgot to mention- we’ve been married for 6 years this year!

  20. Mike Says:

    I’m at 10, and that’s after getting married as a virgin at 22. I’ve been very preoccupied with my number, because among my peer group it’s a badge of honor or a mark of loser-hood. My office-mate started keeping track after his divorce in 2000, with the goal of hitting 50 by 2010. He missed the mark by 2, but has since made up for it. I was hoping to add #11 in 2011, but toward the end of the year, I realized how arbitrary and dumb that is. I’m not a jock or a frat boy, but the status accorded to ‘cocksmen’ and my own insecurity and self-consciousness definitely contributed to a preoccupation with the number of ‘conquests’ I could claim.

  21. jen Says:

    Wow i really feel i need to lie but i dont because i feel what i have done shouldnt define me…my number is 90 something but i’ve been with my husband a year and only him i dont cheat

  22. flea Says:

    I’m 20 years old, and I lost my virginity at age 14. Since then, my sexual partners have consisted of 5 LTR, 1 FWB, and 3 one-nighters (one of those was a 3some, so I guess that could be 4 one-nighters.) So if you want to get technical, I’ve had 10 partners. However, I only count and will only admit to having 6 (LTRs and FWB). This is because to me, if there was no emotional connection (and no “finishing”) it wasn’t real. In my mind, that’s how I define sex (and sexual partners.) It’s a physical and emotional thing.

  23. erin Says:

    I figured I would admit,…I count 23. I am remarried but the period between being divorced and finding my new husband I think I felt this need to prove to myself I could act like a guy because my ex-husband was a cheater and a sex addict. So I dated and I had friends with benefits, because they count don’t they? I don’t think being sexual is bad. I think to many woman lie about how many they have been with because of the stereotype of being called a slut, but guys are doing it all the time and its different. There is nothing wrong with a woman wanting sex and getting off. There is no reason to feel your dirty for being driven to get laid. Or perhaps I am just one of the little few woman that doesn’t have to get emotionally caught up in the guy I have sex with, that I can see it as a sexual adventure and be done with that.

  24. Kat Says:

    One for me (lost virginity first year of uni at 18, married him 8 years later). Like some of the people with one above, I also felt the pressure to lie and make it higher!

  25. Kelly Says:

    I am 33 years old women. I lost my virginity at 16. My number is 7. Yes at times I have been embarrassed as I thought it was a high number. I was raised being told that good girls don’t. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have sex so early because I wasn’t ready. The 1st two times was because I wanted him t like me. Later I realized I was worth more than that and I should only have sex with someone because I wanted to and because I love them. I am now happily married for 2 years so my number is staying at 7.

  26. MissWise Says:

    I’m 22 and my number is 9…. I really hate it, especially since i’ve never climaxed…. I personally feel like it’s high but i’ve never had any complaints, especially since I still feel like a virgin “down there”. The reason I hate it so much is because I was young and dumb, actually believing that these guys loved me… Two of them were a 1 time thing, each with guys I had been talking to for about 3 months before it happened and they convinced me to do it using lies and deceit. The one i’m with now I know it’s love and I don’t plan on my number getting higher.

  27. tina Says:

    I’m 21 and I can count about 28 that are just sexual intercourse only. But I’m pretty sure that I’m forgetting a few so we’ll put the number at about 30ish. I lost my virginity at 13. I don’t think it’s a particularly high number but it isn’t exactly low either.

    I do say my number’s way lower though because of the stigma of a woman having a lot of sexual partners. To everyone I know my number’s been at 8 for the past 3 years ehehe

  28. phx_84 Says:

    I have no shame and no need for shame. I have lived an adventurous, fun, and disease-free life. I’m worldly and experimented with different guys that caught my eye. I lost my virginity at 17. I am now 27. My number is 74.

  29. l4dyh4wk Says:

    Hmmm.. been years since i kept count but i think its at least 15 but i suspect closer to 20 or more even.. 5 of whom were boyfriends.. 1 my husband (ex).. a couple were girls.. and the majority of the rest were casual flings during or between relationships so i don’t have names etched in my memory

  30. JJ Says:

    I am 28 and guess my number to be at about 35 over half of these guys and girls are in the last 18 months.
    I was ashamed until I recently met a guy (I was his fourth) he was so turned on by my experience. I know own it. Without this I may not have hit on him, he was a great lay and we will see each other again next time he is in town.
    I dont feel that numbers count for anything, and anyone that puts to much thought into it is not worth it.

  31. dallas Says:

    Im at 7, after losing my virginity at 18 and going to turn 28 in a few months. I don’t think that’s a lot of guys; I’ve always been picky and dated most of these 7, but have also gone months without it because I didn’t meet anyone who -pun intended- tickled my fancy. In college I would do only oral with most guys because to me that was less intimate. With 8 being my lucky number, maybe that’s why im holding out for the eighth man. That and number 7 was SO TERRIBLE in bed I wish I could say he didn’t count

  32. dallas Says:

    Im at 7, after losing my virginity at 18 and going to turn 28 in a few months. I don’t think that’s a lot of guys; I’ve always been picky and dated most of these 7, but have also gone months without it because I didn’t meet anyone who -pun intended- tickled my fancy. In college I would do only oral with most guys because to me that was less intimate. With 8 being my lucky number, maybe that’s why im holding out for the eighth man. That and number 7 was SO TERRIBLE in bed I wish I could say he didn’t count.

    To be honest if a man has a really high number, like upwards of 40, I’m gonna wonder a) if he’s clean and b) why he was sticking his dick into every single chick who looked at him twice. But that’s just me.

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