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Comment of the Week: Why It’s Okay to Ask, Did You Come?

Wed, Feb 8, 2012

Comment of the Week, Confessions

In response to our post “The Ten Worst Things You Can Say in Bed,” reader Walt Whitman wrote the following. And we have to say: he makes an excellent point!

I take minor issue with #10. ["Did you come?"] I think it’s a bit romantic to presume that one’s partner will simply know whether the other has climaxed. Speaking purely in terms of my own (straight) relationship, I often ask whether or not my girlfriend came, not because I’m clueless but because I want to develop exactly the kind of keen sense your rule presumes.

Sometimes the answer is so obvious that the question would be pointless, but other times the line between orgasm and “almost” is very thin.

Granted, the question can be annoying, especially if it’s asked merely to place a period at the end of the sex sentence (Jesus, the sick ways that that metaphor could mix…), or to satisfy insecurity.

Communication being so essential to the Em & Lo sexual satisfaction program, however, I think we can be a bit more lenient with this particular question.

And yes, I did.

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One Response to “Comment of the Week: Why It’s Okay to Ask, Did You Come?”

  1. Bea Says:

    I’m with you Walt. When I was younger, I unfortunately was a faker. I let my lover know months later in the middle of a heated argument that he’d not once gotten me to the promise land. This was a horrrrrible and he let me know it. How was he supposed to know what worked if I didn’t tell him? Years later, we didn’t work out (because of different issues- our love life got pretty fantastic after I started being honest with myself and him) But I learned that I make pretty similar sounds when things feel great and when I finally get my big finish.
    Now a-days, my current lover asks me when he’s unsure, because if I haven’t yet he wants to get me there. If I’m offended, it’ll never happen.


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