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Your Call: We Got Kinky Then She Dumped Me – Now What?

Fri, Mar 2, 2012

Advice, Dear Em & Lo, Your Call

photo via Flickr

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below.

Dear Em & Lo,

I had a break-up a little while ago with a woman I thought was the end all be all. One of the best parts of our relationship was how adventuresome we became. I found out during the relationship that I really enjoyed cross-dressing and pegging occasionally.

Now that we are apart, I can’t just put that side of me away. Leaving the relationship I was hopeful that this could still be a part of my life.¬†I don’t know how to bring this up when dating, let alone how to find someone with the same (or at least an acceptance of this) kink.¬†I have looked at alt sites and at dating sites that are focused on this. It seems that these sites cater to and are visited by people interested in same sex relations.¬†I’ve attended local support groups but they are focused on existing relationships and general support — more of the “you found out, so now what?” variety.

So how do I get back out there with out the shock and awe of this being overburdening? How can I meet a woman who has already at least considered this?

– Stranded at the Drive-In

What should Stranded do? Let him know in the comments below. 

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7 Responses to “Your Call: We Got Kinky Then She Dumped Me – Now What?”

  1. Bex Says:

    Join Fetlife! I assure you that the pegging community is NOT entirely homosexual. I know plenty of women who like to give as much as they like to receive… don’t give up hope!

  2. HelleBorne Says:

    I don’t know about that one Bex… I share the same slants, and I have found that while there might be 50 of us guys up there (at least waving our kink flags), there may only be one or two of the opposite sex out there actively looking.

    It is a difficult road out there, hopefully there is someone to match us all, right?

    Stranded at the Drive-In, I was here first!

  3. Ana Says:

    Ha! I came over here to suggest FetLife, nice to see that someone else already did. Note that it is NOT a dating site . . . there are groups geared to hook-ups, but much of it is sort of Facebook for kinky people . . . a place to meet folks, learn about get-togethers, gain support, etc.

    A simple perusal of womens’ lists of kinks will show that there are lots and lots of us out there who enjoy pegging (probably x-dressing too, though it’s not really my thing so not something I notice as much).

    You don’t say where you’re located, I reckon that will matter *a lot.* Here in San Francisco, if you just started going to BaGG, Mission Control, and the Citadel (once it reopens), you would meet tons of like-minded folks.

    Also, basic kinky dating rules apply . . . interact with people as people rather than as potential fetish items. I, for instance, didn’t think I’d be into pegging (tending to be more of a bottom with men), but met the right guy, found some top energy in me, enjoyed making him my filthy little bitch! So, the right kink-aware girl can learn to enjoy your kinks, as you learned to enjoy them with your recent ex. Enjoy!

  4. Nora Says:

    Haha! I was going to say Fetlife too! They have groups you can join, talk to people online, and they organise get-togethers. It’s a great way to meet likeminded people! I’m not into that at all anymore, but I did meet some people when I was a member there, and ended up in a fetish club at some point. Straight men cross-dressing all around basically, and not a single reaction was given, it was all normal.

  5. Elizabeth Says:

    I agree, Fetlife is the place to look. I’ve met great people there and there are lots of groups for just about ever fetish you can imagine.
    Collarme is more of a dating site but I’ve met some nice people there too.The profiles are free and just be clear about what you are looking for and what you are interested in. The best thing would be if you could find an active group in your town (Fetlife also has these groups) so you can meet socially with others and hope to meet someone with kinks that are complimentary to yours.

    good luck!

  6. Hannah Says:

    I agree with the other posters about looking online. I cant suggest specific fetish sites, but certainly check out the ones others have suggested. But in addition to that, I think you should just go ahead and sign up for a regular dating site as well. I haven’t tried it, but I think okcupid has specific questions about fetishes, including pegging, so you can probably find out in advance if someone is into that, just by browsing through their profile. Don’t despair! Plenty of people are kinky and would be excited to try all the things you liked in your last relationship. Just be totally honest about your needs from the get go, since I think some of the things would be out of the question for some people. I know if someone asked me to do certain things later on in a relationship, I’d simply not be interested and they’d have to either live with that or move on.. Better to know upfront if you’ll be compatible.

  7. TishK Says:

    Also don’t underestimate Love in general. My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 6 years now and he just recently showed interest in pegging. He is a very macho manly guy and I would have never guessed that this is something he would be interested in. We have always had a great sex life but I never would have thought this is something he would be interested until he asked for it. I guess my point is this, I love him therefore, I will try anything to make him happy. It doesn’t give me the power trip that it does for some women but I do enjoy making him feel good. I enjoy anal sex so I’ve known for a long time how good it can feel.

    Not to say that everyone will be as open as I have been but there is a possibility that when you do find that someone they will want to make you happy. Even if they have not previously been into it doesn’t necessarily rule it out.


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