In an advice column on our site, “I Can Orgasm Easily, What’s Wrong With Me?!”Â we once made light of the issue of women who climax at the drop of a hat — we told the woman who wrote into us that, basically, she has a gift and should enjoy it. Well, the original post was all the way back in 2009, but for some reason the comments are coming in again. Is three years too long to make a public apology? In response to the commenters: we’re sorry for not seeing both sides of this story. Turns out that, just as there is such a thing as too big when it comes to penises, there is such a thing as too fast and too easy when it comes to female orgasms. Here’s what reader EmJ had to say to us:
I was so upset when I started reading this, and you assumed it was a joke, but with all the other ladies on here with the same issue I feel a lot better.
I wondered for a long time if I was not actually having orgasms, and if there was something else, because of the way people talk about orgasm like itâ€™s a holy grail. However I orgasm very easily for the most part. I find that the fun of it is discovering different kind of orgasms that I have, which is really lovely.
I find I am really not compatible with guys who assume you want to keep coming. They have this massive ego problem of how long they can keep going, how many times they can make you come and Iâ€™ll be lying there praying for them to come because the whole situation has become painful. Guys â€“ please donâ€™t so this, it can be really upsetting. Men often just donâ€™t seem to take me seriously at all. As a piece of advice, do tell guys aout this quite quickly, and inform them if things are getting uncomfortable. They may have been holding off because they think youâ€™re loving it, when things may actually have started becoming painful.
Just to be clear, that this does not mean sex has to be fast, I can force sex to be slow. And I donâ€™t mean by thinking of something else, but by enjoying the relaxing sensations you can get if you go very slowly â€“ it can be like a massage, and the slow build up can lead to really great orgasms that I find really help me to connect with my partner.
Also, once you start to take control of your orgasm a wee bit more, you can hold back somewhat. This means you can time coming at the same time as your partner, which is quite intimate.