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Confession: I Lied About Being a Virgin

Thu, May 3, 2012

Confessions, Personal Post

photo via flickr

A female friend of ours, a recent college grad who wishes to remain anonymous, has a confession to make:

When I got to college, I was still carrying around my V card in my back pocket. By then, I had read erotica, watched porn, masturbated, made out furiously with high school boyfriends, even experienced cunnilingus — it just didn’t make sense to me (and, I feared, to everyone else at school) that I hadn’t had intercourse yet. I figured, with some annoyance, that my intact hymen was going to be a major speed-bump on the road to on-campus sexual satisfaction.

Turns out it was also a blow to my on-campus self-esteem. At my college — a¬†very¬†liberal, sex-positive place — everyone was having sex, and talking about having sex, and thinking about having sex. Everyone but me, it seemed. When the topic would come up among friends,¬†I would sit blushing in the corner with¬†nothing to say, uncomfortably aware of my status as outsider, as freak.

My virginity had to go! It didn’t matter who, it didn’t matter how. So when I found an interested party — a rather devastating boy who lived down the hall from me — I didn’t dare mention it. Why risk the transaction? I figured, Let’s just close the deal!

I very quickly realized this was a mistake.

Sure, there was some relief in the moment that actual, official intercourse was finally happening. But that emotion was squelched by an all-consuming fear of the unknown — a fear I couldn’t share with my partner, which ironically made me feel very alone. Then there was the pain. I wasn’t aware of how much I would need to be turned on in order to find penetration pleasurable, and lube (what’s lube?) certainly wasn’t an option back then — so it hurt like a mother. The final indignity — at least at the time — was all the blood. He freaked, I cried, and that was the end of that five-minute relationship.

Thinking back on it now, I realize that what’s worse than the break-up, worse than the physical pain, even worse than the crime scene is the ridiculous power that Virginity with a capital V still holds over our 21st-century culture. It’s like the Scarlet Letter — except this time, inexperience is the crime. Virgins don’t want to talk about it; experienced people don’t want to take it away from anyone. The shame and fear surrounding it make virginity a way bigger deal than it needs to be. After all, intercourse is just one of many different ways to have sex.

Clearly, with this issue — as with so many relationship problems — communication is the key! For all you newbies to intercourse, take it from me: Tell your partner in a non-sexual context that intercourse is new to you, and tell them how you feel about it. If it’s not a big deal to you, say that. If it is, say that too, and why! Then you and your partner can go forth fully informed and aware of what you are doing together. And maybe you’ll have the good sense to put down a towel.

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2 Responses to “Confession: I Lied About Being a Virgin”

  1. Michael Says:

    Hey, it’s better if you’re not a virgin. That’s what always gets me about the suicide bombers in the Middle East. They believe by becoming a myrtar they will have 12 virgins waiting for them in heaven. Listen, I like the befuddled thing as much as the next guy but after about the fourth virgin I’m going to want to bring in a pro. Because at some point during the night, I’m going to want a finger jammed up my ass!

  2. Dirra Says:

    Virgin is a person who hasn’t ever had iostrcnuree. Hasn’t ever inserted penis in the vagina, or received penis in one’s vagina. Also, for homosexuals, you can apply the same theory, they take iostrcnuree through the butt. For lesbians, I guess if they you know I don’t know, put a pickle between themselves or something o_oanyways, person is still a virgin even if they had oral sex or masturbated whatever It’s just that. Virgin has to receive or put in (vagina) you know? It’s that simple. Virgin is one who hasn’t had experienced with the real sex. You can’t tell a woman who masturbated she isn’t a virgin anymore just because maybe she hurt hymen. I had a friend who believe in half’ virgin. LOL that’s hilarious. you’re either a virgin or you’re not.I’m still virgin and I save it for the one.

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