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Wise Guys: If a Guy Says He Doesn’t Like Porn, Is He Lying?

Tue, May 22, 2012

Advice, Wise Guys

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “If a guy says he doesn’t like porn, is he lying?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Married Bisexual Guy (Bryan Sebeck): Not necessarily. Porn is one of those things that get categorized as a guilty pleasure, but I know more than a few men who just aren’t into it. The problem with porn is that almost all of it is entirely unrealistic. “Ding dong. Hi, I’m Cornay and I work in IT. Do you have a problem with your hard drive?” Are you kidding me? If stuff like that worked, every computer programmer on earth would be getting laid like crazy. Just look at some of the titles of this stuff. “World Sex Tour 19”, “Ass Good Ass It Gets”, “Beverley Hills Copulator”? It’s freaking puntastic.

Of course, there is one way in which almost every guy enjoys porn, in humor. A good friend of mine went to a college where watching the porn version of Alice in Wonderland was a regular event. Viewing parties drew 40+ people. Who wouldn’t laugh at an x-rated musical parody of Alice? It gives new meaning to the phrase “down the rabbit hole.” When I was in college, a group of us would occasionally head out to the local movie rental chain and pick the porno with the goofiest sounding name or plot to watch and make fun of. My favorite was a Star Wars parody that was creatively named “Porn Wars”. Yeah, it’s that cheesy. The “Jodi” are a group of muscular buxom females who are training a crop of equally muscular and well-oiled men in the powers of the Force. The best part is that the light sabers have been replaced with silver dildos.

Really though, what a guy wants is real sex. The closer that he can get to that, the better, which is exactly the problem with porn, and why many men simply aren’t into it. Even the “amateur” videos and sites are bogus. These are simply women who are just getting into the business. What a guy is far more likely to utilize for his mastubatory needs are pictures or videos of ex girlfriends if he has them. If that bothers you, then you should either be giving him new material, or better yet, giving him sex.

Single Bisexual Guy (Jack): Short answer: yes. Nuanced answer? Maybe not outright lying, but not completely honest. In the internet age, we can find porn to suit any taste or fetish. To say a guy doesn’t like porn is like saying a guy doesn’t like music. Men are visual and will respond to something they like, whether they will admit it or not. If he says he doesn’t like porn, it can only be one of three reasons: 1) he’s completely and utterly repressed sexually, unable to accept his own sexual desires, 2) he’s embarrassed by his own sexual desires, which may include a fetish or two he isn’t ready to share, or 3) he wants his partner to believe that she is the only woman in the world on his mind. But in all three cases, he’s lying.

Single Straight Guy (Saad): If anyone – man, woman, straight or otherwise – denies liking porn, they’re probably lying. Unless individuals are truly asexual, like those bacteria and yeast you read about in biology class, there is going to be some kind of pornography out there that gets their juices flowing. (Whether they actively seek it out or not is another story. In other words, if they say they don’t like porn, they just haven’t looked hard enough…or at all.)

As far as guys are concerned, our relationship with porn spans a spectrum, from shamelessly addicted (or, shamefully) to “I’m bored, there’s nothing else to do on the Internet.” One thing is certain: we like the real thing, with her soft skin and a mess of hair splayed over our pillow, worlds better than any digital imitation. So, if you’re seeing a guy, show a bit of curiosity and ask him to share his interests in this area. Start small, indicate you want it to be on the tamer side. After a while, you both might find yourselves very pleasantly surprised with where the path takes you.

If you plan to reproduce by willing yourself to split into two, you can disregard this advice.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Married Bisexual Guy is Bryan Sebeck, a newlywed engineer and artist working in Detroit, MI who blogs at A Yooper Steampunk; our Single Bisexual Guy is Jack, a software consultant based in Phoenix, Arizona who blogs at Facets of Our Lives;; and our Single Straight Guy is  Saad Hasan, who works on nanotechnology with a team in Pennsylvania. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

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5 Responses to “Wise Guys: If a Guy Says He Doesn’t Like Porn, Is He Lying?”

  1. Johnny Says:

    Like I said in another thread, people come in all types, so yeah, some guys out there are telling the truth about not liking porn. Maybe it’s (actually, really, no lying) against their morals. Maybe it just doesn’t stimulate them. But like any issue involving admitting attraction to someone besides your partner, the porn thing gets a WHOLE LOT of lying from both genders.

    I know, I know – not you, and not your partner. You/your man/your woman gag at the thought of of sex with anyone else. Ok. Whatever you say.

    I’m so glad my lady and I are not hung up on things like this.

  2. J Says:

    Well, I’m a girl so not really the subject of this question. But, when I say “I don’t really like porn,” what I mean is that I’m not interested in it. I have devoted very little effort into finding porn I like because I’m not interested. I do like to read erotic stories and such. But, in general, I would rather read a book than watch t.v./ movies. So, I think if a man is not that into watching t.v., movies, etc. (I assume these men are out there) then this disinterest may extend to porn as well. Porn is just another type of entertainment and everyone has there preferences.

  3. Bryan Sebeck Says:

    J, your lack of interest in visual porn and your interest in text based porn are related. Numerous studies have shown that the male mind is much more stimulated by visuals than is the female mind. Likewise, the female mind is more stimulated by erotic stories.

    In addition to knowing guys who generally don’t like porn, I also know guys who like erotic stories, me being one if them. Sure, you can try and strike it up to me being bi if you want, but I’m far more likely to visit Literotica than I am X Tube.

    The general point here is that there is no universals when it comes to sex and sexuality an what gets us off. Yes, most guys like porn, but not all do. Yes, women are much less likely to enjoy visual porn, but some do. Of course, part of that is because visual porn is generally made by men for men without regard for what may turn women on, but there are female porn producers outthere who are making some good stuff that’s specifically geared towards women. But, I digress.

    A guy who says he doesn’t like porn may or may not be lying, but so what? If a guy likes porn it doesn’t mean anything. Likewise, I doesn’t mean anything if he doesn’t.

  4. Jasonabandon Says:

    Not all guys are into porn. We aren’t freaks, or asexual, and contrary to Saad’s comment, some of us really are more than capable of being attracted to and thinking about one woman. Being sexual and visual doesn’t mean that you get off on any sexual image you see. Some men aren’t picky and can get a boner from pretty much any cheap stimuli, but the belief that all men are lying pigs is really out of date.

  5. Real Says:

    Actually there are quite a few males who just aren’t into porn. I am one of them. I am a married heteroflexible and I admit I do look at it from time to time. But guess what? I have found that almost none of it turns me on anymore. It is actually boring. Some of us prefer sexual interaction with other living, breathing humans and some pathetically bad actors going through the motions on camera just doesn’t get our motor running.

    And I truly believe that easily obtainable porn is very bad for adolescent and young men. They see this (almost always) bizarre crap in porn and all too often think that’s how real sex is supposed to be. Also, as men watch more and more porn, they will need more and more extravagant forms to get them off. Eventually, real sex just can’t cut it for them. This has been studied and is a very real problem in young men these days. They need to learn that their fantasies are far more erotic and ultimately more satisfying than anything produced in a Vegas hotel room. Acting out a fantasy with a sex partner is always going to be hotter and more satisfying to both partners than emulating something seen in a porn vid.

    Did I mention that most porn is utterly ridiculuos? Humor has its place in the bedroom. Ridiculousness doesn’t.


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