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Your Call: How Can She Get Over Her Girl-on-Top Fears?

Wed, May 16, 2012

Advice, Dear Em & Lo, Your Call

photo via Flickr

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below. 

Hi guys,

I’m a lesbian and have been for about 10 years now. I’ve only had two previous girlfriends in the past and have been with my current girlfriend for nearly two years. Things have been going great, until last month. My gf asked me to get on top of her during sex…I just froze. I’m too embarrassed to get on top during sex. I can’t physically bring myself to do it. I’m quite conscious about my size but my gf says I’m perfect. I just cant do it and I don’t want this to ruin our relationship. Please help, x.

– Reluctant Cowgirl

What should R.C. do?

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4 Responses to “Your Call: How Can She Get Over Her Girl-on-Top Fears?”

  1. Diz Says:

    Maybe look up some positions in the Karma Sutra, or online… There are lots of different types of on top variations, some of which might be more comfortable for you, some a bit harder but perhaps you can work towards them.

    Perhaps explain to your partner that you feel shy, and if they pressure you, tell them off! Pressure won’t help! You have to feel like you’re willing and in control when on top!

    I feel very self-conscious up there too and it most certainly isn’t one of my favourite positions, but my partner loves it so much that I try to make effort to do it once in a while. It makes it worth the while just to see their face ;P

  2. J Says:

    Well, if you don’t want to do it, don’t. Plain and simple. But if you want to give it a try, I recommend starting slow and small. If your self-conscious of your appearance, start with the lights off. Or, maybe bring a blindfold into your play time and blindfold your partner. You could also try just laying on top of her so your chests are touching. This position feels awesome (at least in my opinion) but you won’t be in such a visibly vulnerable position. Hopefully, this will help you build your confidence and ease you into more bold positions and situations.

    I should say, though, that I think building confidence in yourself and your body is more important than just getting comfortable with girl on top. Try to learn to love yourself a little more and be less critical. And remember, your partner (presumably) is with you because she loves you and is attracted to you. If you need a little encouragement from her, ask! So try to drown out those negative thoughts with loving ones! Good luck!!

  3. Bryan Sebeck Says:

    This is one of those instances where some more information would be helpful. How did your gf ask you to get on top? Was she fun and lighthearted or was it more like a command from one of those girl on girl BDSM scenes that lots of straight guys seem to love? You say that you’re self conscious about your weight, but nothing further. If you’re somebody who weighs 800 lbs (nothing against re 800 lb people out there) and she’s significantly smaller, you may have a real concern there.

    But, in absence of that, I’m going to assume that you’re both of averse size and you just have a hangup about it.

    Your gf’s request is reasonable. I think that this is an instance where you should be (to use a Savageism) Good, Giving, and Game. If your gf wants you to be on top for once in the two years that you’ve been together, do it. You can tell her “You know, I’ve got this irrational thing about my size, so can we, this time, have me on top for just a little while and then switch back?”. If your gf is also GGG, she should have no issue with it.

    But, the key us not to just do it once and be done with it. You won’t necessarily like it te first time, or even the second time but, soon enough, you will be completely lost in the feeling of her face being buried in your crotch and forget all about your hangup.

    On a related note: remember that nobody is perfect. We all have things that we don’t particularly like about our bodies. A part of being in a loving LTR with somebody that you really care about is being able to let go of those things with our SO. If you still have those hangups when you’re in public, that’s fine. I think you should strive to make the bedroom, or living room, or wooded area (or wherever you’re having sex) a “physical hangup free zone”. Don’t worry about looking silly. Sex is silly, it’s fucking ridiculous. Show video of people having sex to some alien species, and they’ll laugh because sex is ridiculous and we look ridiculous doing it.

    Good luck an happy fucking!

  4. jim Says:

    someone already gave the answer that I was going to suggest, because it works – a blindfold. I put it on and she went nuts, she wasn’t freaked out by what i was looking at or thinking about, and all her inhibitions went out the window.


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