Reader Jane wrote the following in response to our postÂ “10 Reasons Your ‘Ugly Vagina’ Is Normal and Gorgeous.” Will you, our loyal and kind EMandLO.com readers, please set her straight? Will you please reassure her that (a) masturbation and sexual activity do not cause your labia to turn dark and poke out (that’s just plain growing up that does that!); (b) men do not expect things to be “perfect” down there, whether you’re a virgin or more experienced than he is; (c) if a man is into you, he’ll be into your vagina; (d) she will not be single forever! and (e) she needs more girlfriends and fewer asshole guy friends. We could tell her so ourselves (in fact, we just did, and have done so repeatedly on this site), but we figured that a chorus of voices chiming in would be that much more reassuring. Men, especially — good guys, we know you’re out there! — please speak up.
I am in my twenties and have never had sex with a man, but have done so much of everything else (mostly to myself), starting at a very young age, that my inner labia is darker and pokes out. I find it extremely unattractive, and I fear I’ll never be able to be intimate with a man, because when I tell them I’m a virgin… they’ll expect everything to look ‘perfect’ down there and then encounter a big surprise.
I’m an outgoing person and am comfortable with how I look everywhere BUT “down there,” so I meet many men that I’m interested in and have no trouble getting asked out on dates (not saying that to be boastful, I’m just illustrating my life), but I rarely go on more than two dates with the same guy because I’m terrified of what they’ll think of me when we take that next step.
As a result, I have very many guy friends because that takes away the pressure of intimacy, but it also forces me to listen to “guy talk” all the time, only talking about sex and “ugly vaginas” that they’ve encountered. Â I join in and laugh, but little do they know… So I’ve come to the conclusion that I may just have to stay single forever. I’m not unhappy about that idea, but at the same time I wouldn’t mind sharing my life with someone either!
I liked reading this and knowing about other people’s experiences. It helped a bit.. however many people are talking about how everything turned “ugly” after having had children, and evidently I have not gone through that, so my anxiousness remains and probably will for a very long time.