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Dear Dr. Kate: Why Does My Vagina Taste Bitter Sometimes?

Thu, Jun 28, 2012

Advice, What's Up Doc?

photo by robbie_jim

Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City who answers your medical questions here once a week. To ask her your own question, click here.

Hello Dr. Kate,

My question is about the taste of my vagina. Both from what my boyfriend has said/his reactions and my own taste-tests, I know that sometimes I taste of nothing and sometimes almost bitter (even after showering). Is this change due to hormones, or is it like with men where the foods you eat affect your taste? Thank you so much!

– (Would Rather Be) Tasteless

Dear Tasteless,

Every woman has a unique taste that changes based on many things. At different times in your cycle, your taste can change from sweet to salty to sour. When you’re aroused, or if you’re sweating (or both), the flavor can also be different. And certainly having an infection (yeast or vaginosis) can cause your taste to change.

It’s unclear if diet can really change the taste of vaginal secretions — unsurprisingly, it’s hard to get funding to do such research. But anecdotally, different foods in your diet can change how you taste. The foods I hear about most: raw garlic, citrus fruits (particularly pineapple), strawberries, coffee, and asparagus. Even alcohol, nicotine and vitamins have the potential to change your taste. Violet Blue goes into further details that she learned while researching her book on cunnilingus.

I’d love to hear about this from you all… Have any of you (or your partners) noticed a change in your vaginal taste? What do you think it’s due to?

– Dr. Kate

Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City. She also lectures nationally on women’s health issues and conducts research on reproductive health. Check out more of her advice and ask her a question at Gynotalk.com.

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121 Responses to “Dear Dr. Kate: Why Does My Vagina Taste Bitter Sometimes?”

  1. DiAnna Says:

    When my girlfriend was taking antibiotics after a sugery I noticed that she didn’t smell or taste like she usually does. About 24 hours after she stopped taking the meds, she was back to normal. I also notice that both our tastes change throughout our cycles. I’ve always found this to be normal, but I know my body well enough to notice when something seems “off”. Usually that means I’ve got a yeast infection coming on, or that my body is fighting another illness.

  2. Beth Says:

    I find I am extremely extremely acidic before my period and I can smell a difference when I change my underwear every morning. Not horrible or bad, just strong. My bf doesn’t like to give oral then, heh. And then that lasts until probably 3 days after my period. I don’t notice a huge difference with food or anything otherwise.

    There is a day or two during the month when I smell especially good, fresher and more salty, and I always have assumed I’m ovulating.

  3. searchingwithin Says:

    My S/O has always made the comment that pineapple was supposed to make you taste sweet, and since he loves to spend a lot of time in that area, I have always tried to eat a lot of pineapple, which I love. Two birds with one stone.

  4. Lacey Harding Says:

    Uh, try two cockroaches with one wingtip. I’m an animal lover!

  5. swingers Says:

    We ditto the pineapple and citrus fruit thing. It works for both of us! :P

  6. juju b Says:

    i definetly taste some differences in my woman’s vagina during oral sex the worst is a day or 2 after period so i usually know to stay away
    other than that i think every woman has their own scent and some are stronger than others i also think it might have a lot to do with the diet and higene one girl i had ate alot of pickles and jar jalapenos and currys and she always had some scent another girl was almost vegetarian and she had a fresher smell but still there was a smell not a bad but like i said everyone has a scent.

  7. Pander Says:

    Every time my girlfriend has tasted salty/sweet. Today however, i noticed after a while she started producing A LOT more fluid and it tasted bitter.

    any ideas on what this could be?

  8. johnnetta Says:

    my husband says my vagina is bitter, but he has no problem giving me oral, i on the other hand sometimes feel uncomfortable even tho he says it okay with him cause he loves me. i notice it more after eating onions, garlic and junk foods also when i have to use the bathroom and i don’t go right away.what i suggest is that you eat healthy . ps. if he dose not have a problem with it don’t worry its normal.

  9. Shayanne Chapelle Says:

    I wouldn’t receive oral sex from him any further. He probably doesn’t want to do it. He’s just pretending to be nice. If he felt that way, he would have never mentioned it in the first place.

  10. Rei Says:

    Diet. Eat a lot of crap junk and you taste nasty. Eat healthy and you’ll taste great!

  11. kristyn Says:

    Shayanne is dumb, your man would tell you..he’s your husband.

  12. Msundastud Says:

    My husband and I have been together for six years and married for one. We have been sexually active with one another for five years. Everytime we have sex he would perform on me and I would perform on him. I’ve been smoking cigarettes for four years and I slowed down dramatically when I got pregnant in 2007(from needing my own pack to two cigarettes a day or non at all). My husband didn’t know about my smoking while pregnant. My daughter was born very healthy weighing 7lbs and 15oz and measuring 19 1/2 in. After I gave birth to her I went back to needing my own pack. And that’s when my husband slowed down with oral on me. My diet changed to eating whatever I wanted, when before I cared about what I ate (even before I got pregnant). I am working on quitting cigarettes and I am proud of myself because I’m doing better than I did when I was prego. I’m watching what I’m eating, too. Now,…I can’t really remember what I smelled and tasted like when we first started dating. But I know he LOVED going down on me. I don’t smell bad and I don’t taste bad. But he’s not going down on me frequently anymore, so I KNOW my taste and smell is not the same. I been reading different things on the internet for the past two/three hours and everyone is same the same thing. “Eat more fruit and vegetables.” I don’t need to be told to stop smoking because this I already know will affect my body in more than many ways. It’s been said to get pineapple juice, cranberry juice, and strawberries in your diet. And vegetables, too. Like asparagus. For one, I don’t know how to eat it. I HAVE tried it once in my cooking class back in high school and I didn’t like it. And I don’t know what other vegetables to eat. We eat baked beans, corn, mashed potatoes, and ceaser salad. I know out of those I named are not considered vege’s if at all. In general, I want to get my body to a more healthy state and get better benefits in the bedroom,too. Any advice or facts are greatly appreciated and welcomed. I just need help. I am also a little concerned with the decrease in self lub I am producing. Sometimes it’s good and sometime’s I need more. We tried lub you buy from the store and we do not like it. I have a REALLY good hunch that this also has something to do with what I’m putting in my body. Please email me with your advice/facts at porshiawillis@live.com thanl you.

  13. Kim Says:

    I notice that I’m very acidic around ovulation, but I love the taste.

  14. lolo Says:

    i havent changed my diet, i havent drank water in almost 3 to 4 months i do drink alot of beer, my girfriend said that i taste bitter and i do, she wont give me oral sex cause she think ive been with a man and i dont do men, i want to know why the change in taste when i wasnt like this before.

  15. lovebugg Says:

    i’ve had one guy go down on me before.
    he said he really liked it.
    but when i did a taste test on myself, it was really gross and bitter. so im working on eating more fruits and drinking more water. because i told my bestfriend [who happens to be in love with me] that he could eat me out. and i dont want it to be bitter when he does.

  16. Hazel Says:

    Women’s vaginal pH needs to be a bit acidic to keep yeast at bay. The water, fruits, and veggies is really good but don’t forget to eat yogurt or take acidophilus regularly, especially if you take medications, particularly anti-biotics. Acidophilus supplements are in most big supermarkets and health food stores – aim for the ones that don’t require refrigeration … it gets to be a pain if you travel a lot!

    Hope that helps!

  17. Raelene Says:

    I have noticed my vagina changes taste regularly and smell. I notice if i am feeling bad about myself or have been sitting around worrying, my vagina will have a very offensive smell even after a shower. If I have been busy with other things and feel very positive about myself and beautiful i will have no odour and little taste.
    Kind regards

  18. MomMom Says:

    My boyfriend and I just noticed the other day that I taste different. More acidic/sour. Typically I taste like salty honey, or so he says. I am about to start my period so I’m guessing that the change in taste is due to the hormonal changes of my period that’s about to start. I’m hoping that this will go back to normal after my period because he tells me alllll the time how much he loves the way I taste and that he misses it :( It’s not offensive and I don’t have an odor, but I definitely have more of a taste that reminds me closest of vinegar (on a much lesser scale)

  19. Madamoselle L Says:

    I notice a LOT of very young women responding to this post. Ladies, there is a hell of a lot MORE to whether or not your man goes down than “how you taste.” Most GROWN men don’t care and don’t notice the “taste” (unless you are unclean) and love oral sex. Inexperienced men and women tend to have issues with things like “taste” etc.

    Men who will not give oral usually refuse NOT because of “taste” but because they are selfish and immature bastards or have vagiphobia. RUN do not walk from such man/boys.

    I do, subliminally notice my dh’s semen changes taste, according to what he eats, drinks, when he exercises a lot, how much fluid he drinks. The “taste” of his ejaculate makes NO difference whether I give him head. I do it because I LOVE it, and because HE LOVES it. I know my taste changes, because I love when he kisses me during the act, and I also give him head frequently when we take small breaks from intercouse. It’s NO big deal ever.

    Neither of us have EVER mentioned the changes in taste to the other, mainly because we are beyond such silly expenditures of energy. WHO CARES? If you are healthy, and clean, the taste may change, but it SHOULD have NO impact on whether or not your man Goes Down. If it does, he needs to grow up. I am usually more tolerant of things, but this is silly silly silly silly thing to worry about.

    A mature grown man does what pleases you, and doesn’t care about a minor change in “taste.” I can’t even remember the last time I even THOUGHT about this issue, nor has my Man. Please ladies, focus on other things during sex. (like having a GOOD time and also pleasing your lover.) As long as you are clean, he should be giving you head. If he isn’t, the relationship most likely isn’t mature enough to continue.

    As for the girl who said “don’t let him go down on you if he mentioned it.” Does SHE go without oral sex? She expects YOU to. (My guess is she doesn’t have sex regularly yet, or would not have mentioned such a NONWORKABLE idea.) Ridiculous. Ignore such unfounded information from an obviously uninformed and inexperienced GIRL. Mutual oral sex is a normal part of a normal sex life, and worrying about things like this is not worth the trouble. Focus on perfecting your technique and learning new things.

    As long as you are clean, and uninfected “taste” plays little role in whether or not you get him to Go South. Adult men will Go South if you give head for them. Selfish little boy/men are afraid of dark, sticky, gooey places and are best left alone to masturbate.

    As for the girl who “does know how” to eat asparagus (which my the way, doesn’t make your Yoni taste particularly sweet, it often makes it taste similarly to asparagus pee, kinda funky, however, if you are an adult, WHO CARES?) To eat asparagus, you steam it, butter, salt and cover it with balsamic vinegar (now here is the important part) and then put it in your mouth and chew it and swallow it. See? That was easy. You can omit the balsamic vinegar if you like. ALL other vegetables follow the same ritual, cook (or eat raw) put salt or other seasoning on it, bite or cut, chew and swallow. Now, wasn’t that easy? Vegetables are NOT difficult to “eat.” Really. You may also want to borrow a copy of “The Joy of Cooking” from the library, and get some ideas on how to cook foods other than the few you mentioned. EXPAND YOUR HORIZONS, please.

  20. atwittsend Says:

    Hum, I am an older woman and I have those same “immature” insecurities. Please don’t brush off others so easliy. It can affect your life, regardless of how much you try to ignore it.
    For years I have been tested and prodded to find some relief from thick, sour discharge. Not once did I have an infection of some sort. I followed all the guidelines….cotton panties(wearing sexy underwear makes the smell even worse), no douching(though after the age of 30 I finally just started doing it), drink plenty of water. Been told to douche with watered down hydrogen peroxide by my doc. Told to stop sleeping around(at the age of 16, never been with a man at that point). I finally just gave up when they said it is just all in your head. Even after having someone hand me a bottle of baby powder saying I could really use it. Or cuddling with my 2 year old and her saying I am stinky.

    It is embarrasing. I stopped dating seriously 10 years ago because I felt disgusting. I am constantly aware of my smell. I am a very healthy, clean, vibrant woman who happens to have a not so happy outlook with her vagina.

  21. Young but worried Says:

    Im young, and my boyfriend wants to lick me out, and i want him too. so the other day i was thinking and i thought what if it taste bad, so i took a taste myself, unfortunately it tasted foul and I really need help to make it taste better :(

  22. Bettyboo Says:

    Young but worried – I really wouldn’t worry, to put it bluntly, would you expect to like the taste of another woman? if no, then you’re probably not wired that way and you can’t really be surprised that you don’t want to lap your taste up like it’s a new flavour of ice-cream.. I’d be willing to bet he wouldn’t much like the taste of him either, but he’ll go crazy for yours.. ;0) cos unlike food, it’s not just about the taste, but where it’s served and other things, like f*ck me pheromones you’re pumping out down there which will make him very hot for you :0) on a practical front, keep clean, just with plain soap and water or mild shower gel (I use sanex, don’t know if that’s available in the US?) wear panties with a cotton gusset so your bits can breathe and don’t faff around with douches or vaginal deodarants, the guy isn’t going down there for the taste of summer flowers or whatever and you’re more likely to get funky smells/yeast infections etc if you’re putting to many products down there… Hope that helps :0)

  23. littlekidlover7 Says:

    I found that if you put powered sugar down there, it’ll taste like gummy worms. Most of My men..wait no, ALL of my men love it.

  24. Nika DeVita Says:

    NOOO! No sugar/sugary things down there!
    It WILL cause an infection!

  25. Madamoiselle L Says:

    I second Nika’s statement. NEVER put anything with sugar, honey, or other sweet foods into your vagina. The nastiest yeast infection of your life is awaiting you.

    Adult men are not afraid of the taste of a nice, clean, un”flavored” pussy. Flavored anything (including lubes) are for kids just starting out, and most of them will cause vaginal infections and penis irritation as well. Don’t be afraid of the taste and smell of genitals. They are YUMMY! Just as they are

    Use a good unflavored, non glycerin lube (like KY gel or Astroglyde green cap) or silicone lube ONLY IF you are not using silicone toys. (Sorry. but I don’t buy some of the Toy industries conviction that “good medical grade” silicone won’t melt on contact with silicone lube, it will.)

    But, please, keep the sugar and other flavorings out of your pussy. Pussy should taste like…..PUSSY. Experienced men and women everywhere agree.

  26. littlekidlover7 Says:

    No really, the sugar… Makes it taste like gummyworms. Try it. Very pleasuring.

  27. Elizabeth Says:

    Um… I really am not going to try and alter the taste of my vagina in a way that can cause MASSIVE yeast infections. Sorry, but even mild yeast infections are a kind of discomfort sent straight from hell. And honestly, I don’t see why you would either. Oral sex is not a good enough trade off.

    And on top of that, how old are the men you date? Because I don’t know ONE man my age (which is 23) who would want to eat out a girl who tasted like gummyworms (based on an informal survey of my friends). Sorry, but that’s a) creepy and b) not what they’re looking for.

    Madamoiselle L is definitely right – REAL men don’t complain about the taste of a clean vaginal area. It’s supposed to taste like that – NOT like some child’s candy.

  28. Shanel Says:

    Okay, first and formost, why the hell is your name “little kid lover?” Perv! That is very sick. Second, you’re an idiot if you are putting that crap down there. But maybe if you are what your name states then you deserve it.

  29. Madamoiselle L Says:

    I agree, Elizabeth, and so does my man (and my man is twice your man’s age) He doesn’t want Gummy Worm flavored pussy. (Now, a nice scotch on the rocks……j/k) In my case, (MANY years ago, when I was a teenager) even the flavored lubes would give me a yeast infection. Most likely due to the glycerin, but who knows? We used to buy that stuff at Spencer’s and it may have contained some sort of sugar, in the bad old 70s. Quality control not being as it is now (which isn’t saying much, as sex toys etc are STILL not regulated by the FDA.)

    I am guessing that due to the name “littlekidlover” (ca-reepy) this was a not serious post.

    I have a question, due to the problems with unregulated lubes, sex toys made with stuff you’d never want to put in your mouth, much less your nether regions, etc, is goverment control or at least regulation something people want? (No more phtalate filled “jelly rubber” carcinogenic, stinky, cheap sex toys, but who knows WHAT the government would do to the Industry we all know and love.) Or would simply a standard protocol to LIST what the toys, gels, lubes etc are made of be better?

    Em&Lo, I hope I didn’t hijack the thread. I’m just interested in what people think about the control of quality in sex toys and lubes from a Body which could actually protect us.

  30. Elizabeth Says:

    I don’t think I would want to give the government control over that personally. As much as I feel that regulation is in need, sex is, unfortunately, still primarily a morally driven issue in this country … I just worry that a bunch of moralistic Representatives and Senators would get their panties in a bunch and try to outlaw the sex industry (or something along those lines).

    I think that a standard protocol of listing what is actually used in the creation of those things would be a good idea… I just worry about the government taking it too far.

  31. Madamoiselle L Says:

    I agree about “moralistic” lawmakers attempting to make a crime out of love. We all know a number of them would. (And then the leader would get caught on video with one of his pages doing him, tied up, and gagged with a strap on, but that’s an other story….. ;) )

    What we have now is lots of toys, lubes, condoms, etc which may be ineffective or even dangerous, and no way to take care of it.

    I don’t know what the answer is.

  32. BugsMommy Says:

    so i have gone down and read every post and i totally agree with Madamoiselle if i guy loves you then he is going to love the way you taste no matter what im a young mother and me and my guy have been together going on five years now and the only time he has been a little iffy about going down on me is right after i had the baby and he said it was not because of the taste but of what he had just seen and to the girl who posted to use powdered sugar you are SO SO SO SO WRONG and i really hope you never have to experence as bad of a yeast infection you can get also ladies watch out for the his and her lubs it also has been known to cause bad bad yeast infections and about the toys and stuff to be honest i think i would rather have young teens using toys on them selfs then out there having sex with who ever but thats just my opinion

  33. maj Says:

    Why would anyone take the gummy worm poster seriously? She’s obviously a young troll.

  34. Bettyboo Says:

    the gummy worms post invaded my brain, and nearly made me giggle, at a very intimate moment the other night.. surfice to say, given the enormous (;0)) enthusiasm for me au naturel I definitely don’t think he’s want me tasting of gummyworms ;0)

  35. fat sleeping beauty Says:

    This discussion board is really interesting to read.

    well,i have noticed that my vagina is bitter. it got me worried, cuz i havent noticed it before.
    but it got me thinking. i have gained a few kg in the past two weeks. i’ve been eating junk food and not many fruit and veggies. basically my diet has turnd almost 270 degrees. and also i have started to use bus rather then bike to get around (due to the snow and cold). could those be the reasons why the taste of my vagina has changed.
    otherwise i take showers regulary and avoid any fancy lubes or other weird things (no gummy worm taste down there!!).
    also, a little off the topic; what can help me to get motivated and back on my previous diet? i really want to lose the gained wheight and get helthy again.
    Thank You.

  36. Bettyboo Says:

    sleeping beauty – (feel bad calling you fat, i’ve never met you.. ;0) ) if there’s a funky, possibly fishy smell too it’s be worth getting checked out for vaginal bacteriosis. It’s not an STD, just an over proliferation of normal bacteria than live in the vagina cos everything has got a bit out of balance for some reason. Easily sorted with antibiotics. On the other front, I’ve recently fallen off the diet wagon too.. fortunately i have an active job now so I can afford to be a bit more relaxed about calories in theory but it’s annoying to fall back as i felt healthier on my diet (GI diet if you know it, lots of veg and wholefoods). Maybe try getting organised and preparing healthy meals in advance and freezing them so they’re as convenient as junk? of course i’m being lazy that way too currently too.. :0/ Exercise wise, if you’re office bound, maybe trying getting outside for a stroll every lunchtime when it’s as warm as it’s going to get this time of year? I started with that, then started swimming at lunchtime, then took a career change and i’m now unlikely to spend any of my working day inside and sitting down (a little extreme/unachievable for most people probably but doing me the world of good)

  37. Sxech1ca85 Says:

    I actually read everyones comment… Quite interesting but nothing I haven’t heard before (well the gummy worm thing is a first but I agree that adding any sugary item down there will cause a pretty bad infection…but some just have to learn for themself). Me and my man have been together for six years now and we usually perform oral as a part of foreplay but I knew from day one that he wasn’t into the idea of eating a chic cuz apparently in his culture it is seen as degrading… Whatever the case, he will do it on me only cuz he knows I like it. That’s what I thought until he told me the other day he has been going me head because he fears if he doesn’t do it then I would be “on to the next one” trying to find somebody who would be willing to. So knowing he doesn’t do it out of pleasing me makes me feel like I am forcing him to… Let me stick to the topic though. When he does go down he tells me I taste like “water”, at times he says “nothing”… And one time he claims “chicken”. Now… I’m not sure boutthe diet affecting taste but I ate alot of fruits like pineapples, cantaloupe, melon, strawberries etc and yes it does make your pussy’s scent better or less strong. But taste wise when a woman is aroused her juices taste different than when she cums. When that time of month draws near it tastes more bitter but a week after it’s over everything is back to normal. Douching I hear is bad as it alters the vaginal flora. I had a friend tell me she had douches with soap and warm water and then had sex then got a yeast infection. Just a warm shower with a hypoallergenic soap such as dove will work fine. Don’t use deodrant soaps down there cuz they will dry it out and make it itchy. Summers eve has a bunch of products specially for that area. Their pussy wipes (cleaning towelettes) work great for those who r self conscious about your vaginal odor after stepping out the shower. I always taste myself before he goes down just to make sure everything is fine which it usually is. I used to be self conscious before but postive thinking helps… The more you fret about the issues the more they r likely to occur. The more u think positively the smoother things will be. It helps you gain confidence.

    Hope that helped!

  38. biggie Says:

    how bout from a guys prospective,my wife is Very clean and beauitful,but when she cums it seems to smell a little diffrent? any ideas,pussy all smells diffrent but also the same in other ways,i for oNe LOVe pussy cant livew without it…but i dont think the smell is that great,i dont bust in her,casue i heard that can make t smell foul,its not so much foul but diffrent then when we were dating?? any help please,and for all u unsecure ladys,Guys will eat Anything,we eat bugs if we had to..pussy aint that bad…it just use to taste better before we got marrried…help plkeaze

  39. Madamoiselle L Says:

    How many guys worry about how their penis or semen taste? My guess is very few.

  40. Madamoiselle L Says:

    And, most sex positive, secure women don’t worry about either. I mean, be clean, but worrying too much is enough to cause problems in your relationship.

  41. happywife Says:

    I have to say I liked Szech’s post the best – most helpful :) but to what Biggie said, my husband has said the same thing – that I tasted better before we were married. We were just married in June, and he stopped going down on me only a month or two later. After having read all the posts, I am inclined to think he may have gone down on me before or after my period, which might be why he now doesn’t want to go south anymore. But I am nervous to ask him to try again in case he says no.

    Also, I went to my doctor since I thought I might have had genital warts, he said he didn’t think they were that, but took care of them anyways. Now I wonder, is it safe for my husband to go down on me?

    Em and Lo, can you clear up any of this?? Haven’t heard from you in a while :)

  42. aquitter Says:

    I just got off the phone with I guy I have been seeing for a while. When we first started dating, I was a smoker. In meeting him, he made me want to make positive changes in my life. I quit smoking, stopped binge drinking and starting hitting the gym. He just told me that since quitting smoking, he could tell quite a difference in how I taste. I believe he used the word ‘bitter’ to describe the taste when I was a smoker. He has never mentioned my taste before, only tonite b/c we were talking about my quitting smoking. Anybody else know of smoking cigs affects your taste?

  43. Madamoiselle L Says:

    happywife, I felt so sad when I read your post. Marraige does not cause ANY physiological changes in the “taste” of the vagina or it’s fluids. How could it? Marraige is a piece of paper and a legal contract? If your man is claiming you “taste” different because you are married now, I’d cause bullshit on this.

    My guess would be, he’s getting all the sex he wants, now that he has a “contract” and doesn’t feel he needs to pleasure you anymore.

    This says a HELL of a lot more about the relationship and the kind of man, than the vagina. It’s similar to those women who quit having sex, or only “allow” sex very infrequently once they are married. They figure “I got him. What’s he going to do?” Well, divorce her, for one thing. People who get too complacent about sex after marriage and think they don’t have to try are despicable.

    GOOD spouses try even harder. Marriage is hard. GOOD spouses and partners don’t give up after the “legal” things are done. They work even harder.

    If a woman or a man “gives up” on their efforts in the bed after the vows are taken, it is not for a physical reason, it’s complacency, it’s laziness and lack of care for their lover and spouse. It’s time to get counseling, not worry about how you “taste.”

  44. happywife Says:

    Madomoiselle L, thanks I think.

    I had some concerns before which I brought up to him, and his answer was he thought everything was going great!

    He doesn’t finger me anymore either, but besides this and not going down on me, we have a good physical and emotional relationship. He always holds my hand and is always generous with kisses, (altho if we’re not having sex, he will rarely just make out for the fun of it).

    Neither of us believe in divorce, so what would be some ways I can get him to realize I have a need? I know I’m a very shy person when it comes to expressing sexual wants – I’d almost rather go without than ask for something he doesn’t want to give, but I know I need more that just intercourse. Fore play is non existent! :(

    I should also add to what I said before, about him saying I tasted better before we got married. We maybe had sex a dozen times before we married, and it was always months apart (long distance relationship). So its not like we were sexually active that long before we were married. Idk if that has any bearing on the problem.

    Thanks for taking time to reply.

  45. happywife Says:

    If you think counseling is the answer, do you have anyone you recommend? we live in ND, close to Minot.

  46. Madamoiselle L Says:

    Hi, happywife. Yes, I think counseling is a good idea. Often, physical effection, outside of sex waxes and wanes, but shouldn’t disappear completely.

    I didn’t mean to disrespect you man, but it seems he is taking you for granted.

    It IS hard to ask for what you want, but if you never do it, you continually end up frustrated, disappointed, and anger follows soon after. Before you know it, you’ll be avoiding sex altogether. (This seems to be the common route of marriages where people are ashamed or embarrassed to talk to each other about “the relationship” or sex.)

    Can you talk to him while you aren’t making love at the moment and say, “I feel like plain intercourse isn’t satisfying me. Most women only achieve orgasm and physical satisfaction through longer stimulation of the clitoris and vagina etc, as well as holding, petting and physical attention before sex. I am starting to feel frustrated and I don’t want that or the lack of my satisfaction to interfere with our love or our sex life. We need to talk about a plan.”

    Put that, of course, in your own words. BUT you must be specific! Don’t use baby words for your sex organs or “hint” (men don’t get hints, they need to be “let to water” most of the time, and usually have their damn heads forced IN.) The first time it will be HARD to do, but you will get better at it.

    As this is permeating more than just the bedroom (he seems to be ignoring your need for non-sexual physical attention as well) talking to him about counseling is a good idea. If he is resistant, GO ALONE. One of you going is better than neither of you going.

    I can pretty much guarantee that even if one of you gets counseling, it will help. (But both of you is better. Some men are resistant, so if he says, “I don’t need counseling, There;s nothing WRONG with ME!” go ALONE.)

    Counseling is one of the best ways to learn how to communicate efficiently (most of our parents NEVER taught us that) and to not only get your needs met, but make sure he gets what he needs as well. As you have probably read a million times, the thing that plagues most marriages is the lack of communication. In Love or Not, things just don’t last, and don’t continue to feel healthy if you can’t talk to each other about the things that are so important. Sex is one of those things.

    I don’t know any counselors in your area, but you can contact you health insurance online list, or call your local hospital or even ask your GYN or Internist if he or she knows a good marriage or couples counselor.

    There is NOTHING to be ashamed of. We all have needs, and we can’t expect our lovers to be psychic. Talk is good.

    Good luck, happy, I’ll be thinking of you.


    M L

  47. happywife Says:

    Thank you very much M L.

    I know alot of what you said is very true, but you have given me courage to try talking with him and/or using counseling. For this, I am thankful!


  48. Artemis Says:

    well this has been more of a headache to read than helpful

    you went from sticking to the topic to arguing about how yeast infections starts to marriage consoling.

    Can I please get help on the question at hand?

  49. Madamoiselle L Says:

    Artemis, I think the consensus is, it doesn’t matter for most mature men HOW or IF your vagina “sometimes” tastes bitter. Guys don’t worry about how their semen tastes, and we know “being married” doesn’t cause a change in vaginal secretions, and that putting sugary things into your vagina IS a bad thing to do.

    I think the thing can be summed up by saying, “Keep clean, and after that don’t worry about “taste” if you are in a relationship with a mature man. He doesn’t worry about HIS taste, or yours and mature women don’t care a whit about either.”

    Discussions evolve. Don’t quite see how that’s a “headache.” Sorry.

  50. Madamoiselle L Says:

    Good luck, happywife. I hope things go well for you. :)

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