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Wise Guys: Do You Like a Helping Handjob, Or Is Solo Better?

Tue, Jun 12, 2012

Advice

photo via flickr

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “s a handjob better than nothing for most guys, or would they rather just do the job themselves in that case?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Straight Single Guy (Tom Miller): This question is silly. On one hand, we are much better at it. On the other hand, SOMEONE IS GIVING YOU A CROTCHAL MASSAGE TO FRUITION. There’s something weirdly funny and adolescent about the handshandy, even an unskilled one. No one really has to put in that much effort, and provided there are Kleenex, socks or a t-shirt handy, it may be the most antiseptic of sex acts. At least 20% of public school sex ed should focus on the handy, since no one‚Äôs ever gotten pregnant that way.

anonymous_suitStraight Married Guy (Figleaf):¬†A handjob is better than nothing only to men whose partners are either unready or unwilling to have any other kind of sex. With him anyway. But, wow, with a partner who’s really into it and who really knows what she’s (or he) is doing, and who isn’t just doing it to “take care” of him? Did I just say wow? I think I did. In the right hands a handjob can be better than anything!

joel_derfner_100Gay Married Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): This is a tricky one. On the one hand, it’s impossible for anybody to give a guy a handjob as good as the handjob he can give himself. Like, seriously, each of us likes what he likes, and it’s different from what the next guy likes, and it’s highly unlikely that you’re going to be able to do it right. On the other hand, sex with somebody else’s participation is usually better than without, so maybe the thing to do is compromise. Like, get involved enthusiastically in the heavy lifting, but understand that he’s going to be doing much of the detail work himself.

Our ‚Äúwise guys‚ÄĚ are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. Tom Miller writes the Tomfoolery blog for YourTango; this week‚Äôs Gay Married Guy is Joel Derfner, author of Swish; and our Straight Married Guy is Figleaf, the guy behind RealAdultSex.com. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

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7 Responses to “Wise Guys: Do You Like a Helping Handjob, Or Is Solo Better?”

  1. Ella Says:

    I’m quite into giving handjobs – with loads of time and loads of lube. Of course my guy can be quick and exact about it, but I can take my time and make him enjoy for a looooong time. Always have his level of excitement slightly before an orgasm. This needs a lot of communication and practice – but it also creates a wonderful intimacy.
    And you’ve got much more control than when doing a blowjob (+ your jaw won’t start to hurt at some point) or having vaginal intercourse.

  2. figleaf Says:

    I was about to say what Ella says, above: it’s not just that receiving by hand can be almost maximally enjoyable, the same can be said about giving them. Because while, yeah, we can use our mouths to stimulate our partners, and obviously our genitals, hands are what makes us human — the range of strength, subtlety, and sensitivity is pretty hard to match. And, again as Ella says, the cool thing about using our hands is that we can be looking our partners right in the eyes when we’re touching them. With the result that, when we’ve got them wound up tight as a violin string, we can tell when the tiniest strokes will keep them riding on edge or send them cascading over it.

    Giving or receiving a well done handjob can be a total-body experience.

    figleaf

    p.s. I wax so rhapsodic about this not because I prefer giving and receiving handjobs more than anything else. Instead I just think they’re so badly overlooked and underrated compared to other kinds of sex.

  3. unwc Says:

    I actually like them a lot, but in the end my wife gave me only exactly the counterexample figleaf mentions… which took the fun out of them

  4. Ella Says:

    @unwc You can take the fun out of EVERYTHING if you don’t do it with your whole heart.

    @figleaf Yeah, that’s what I meant – you can make a guy (or a gal) cry that way, you can create so much intimacy. All my best sexual experiences centred around hand jobs.

  5. meau Says:

    Give him a break! After he’s given me several o’s, it’s sometimes just what he needs to relax and finish. Who doesn’t love to have someone’s hands play with their bits with so much attention? I like discovering new ways to drive him over that edge, AND it’s so cool to watch.

  6. J Says:

    Can I just say that the picture for this article is hilarious? I mean, we have all seen the “butt pat” in pro sports, but this is at a whole different level.

  7. PleasureMechanics Says:

    Amen Ella and Figleaf!

    An enthusiastic handjob is an amazing way to bring guys to high erotic states and maintain that arousal for a long, luxurious, pleasure-filled session. A great handjob, like a great blowjob, gives men the opportunity to just relax and receive, slip into a world of pure sensation.

    At the opposite end of the sexy spectrum, a bored, lifeless handjob consisting of a limp stroke repeated ad naseum. . .

    We believe the human hand is the best sex tool ever invented, and we can all learn to touch with skill and confidence – quality touch changes everything!

    Cheers!


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