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Wise Guys: Do Men Know When They’re in Love?

Tue, Aug 7, 2012

Advice, Wise Guys

photo via flickr

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: Do guys know when they’re in love? To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Single Straight Guy (Colin Adamo of Hooking Up & Staying Hooked): Not always. I think we spend a lot of time debating and turning this question over and over in our own heads as soon as we’re in a serious relationship (or even the first couple of weeks with a really exciting new partner). In some cases we may not recognize it until it’s too late. Other times we jump to conclusions and let out those three words when we shouldn’t. Sometimes the best thing that can happen to us is having friends and family give us that little push and point out that we are, in fact, in love.

Married Straight Guy (Irad Eyal of Sexdegrees.net): Yes. No! Why is she here all the time? I think guys know when they’re in love, but they’re instantly terrified by the implications. At the moment our hearts start soaring, we’re dragged down by fears of commitment, settling down, and worse. Emotions of any sort can be scary (Why is that baby seal so cute to me? Club it!), but love is the worst. Confronting love is an internal battle that has to play out before a guy can proceed to actually being in love.

terence_100Committed Gay Guy (Terence):¬†You betcha we know. It’s usually about two months behind schedule. A man’s realization is often triggered by his lover’s threat to bail if he doesn’t get with the program. But once he does, it’s on.

 

 

RELATED ARTICLES FROM EMandLO.com:

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. Irad Eyal is a writer, TV producer, and founder of celebrity gossip site Sexdegrees.net;¬†Colin Adamo is a recent Yale grad and author/blogger behind Hooking Up & Staying Hooked, the only sex and relationships resource specifically for high school guys; and¬†Terence is an American living in Sydney. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

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5 Responses to “Wise Guys: Do Men Know When They’re in Love?”

  1. figleaf Says:

    Do we know when we’re in love?

    Is this a trick question?

    There’s sort of a difference between feeling something and admitting it. But that’s not the same thing, at all, at all, as not knowing it at all.

    So. Short answer? Um. Yeah.

    More could and probably has been written about why men might be so reluctant to admit it. Even more could and should be written, preferably focusing on outside social, economic, and gender-convention pressures that overload such admissions with all manner of social expectations.

    But actual love? Yeah, men know what that is, we know when we feel it. We definitely know what it’s like to feel it and worry that it might not be reciprocated.

    I will say that one thing men, and women, don’t seem to know very well is that “love” is not the same thing as “validation.” You know that really, really over-the-top-stupid Eagles lyric “I want to know if your sweet love is going to save me?” The one sung to a complete stranger in a truck? The one the singer would like to have become the eighth woman on his “mind?” At least in western civilization that little rascal’s the source of all kinds of interpersonal anguish, humiliation, and alienation from “bridezillas” to “no-strings” sex. But validation doesn’t really have anything to do with love.

    Let’s put it this way. Pretty much all human beings, not just men, not just women, know when they’re in love. What we’re missing is knowing what to do about it when we feel it.

    figleaf

  2. aenn88 Says:

    I agree with what was said above. I will also say that people often mistake (including Colin Adamo in this post) being in love as a time to say “i love you”. I find these two phenomena very different; one takes more time to develop.

  3. figleaf Says:

    Not to sound tetchy but the correspondingly gender-alienated question would be “do women know when they’re horny.” (See Stephen Fry’s ill-considered venture into exactly that question back in 2010.)

    The answer would no doubt correspond to mine as well: of course women feel horny, but the consequences of disclosing it early are such that women tend to think carefully before disclosing it in any but the most trusted company.

    figleaf

  4. sage Says:

    There is an old expression that goes something like this…men give love for sex and women give sex for love…it would be interesting to see how your readers would update this timeless observation and put it into words….

  5. Sexy Says:

    I DON’T THINK THEY KNOW WHAT OR WHO THEY LOVE OR WHAT , CAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY THEY ARE LOOKING AT A WOMANS BODY AND HER WORTHMORE THAN HER HEART THESE DAYS.SOME MEN NEED TO STOP SENDING MIX SIGNALS AND THINK FROM THE HEART AND NOT A WOMANS BODY PARTS AND HOW MUCH MONEY SHES GOT AND VICE VERSA. TO ME PERSONALLY NOONE LOVE U AS A PERSON ITS ALL ABOUT WHAT SOMEONE CAN OFFER INSTEAD OF MINE BODY AND SOUL .


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