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Your Call: Can You Fall in Love Through Video Chats?

Wed, Aug 22, 2012

Advice, Dear Em & Lo, Your Call

photo via flickr

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below. 

Dear Em & Lo,

I met a great man through an online dating service. We haven’t met, but he wants me to be his girlfriend. He is in Europe and is returning for a business trip in October. Is it possible for a man to fall in love or be infatuated with a woman through video chats? ¬†Does that even happen anymore?

– Virtual Girlfriend

What should V.G. do? Let her know in the comments below…

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7 Responses to “Your Call: Can You Fall in Love Through Video Chats?”

  1. Your Dating Diva (@itsjustlunchDC) Says:

    Shared on my Facebook page! This is great stuff foe our DC daters! Thanks

  2. Piper Says:

    Fall in lust, yes.
    Fall in love, no.
    To fall in love, you need a full experience with someone. Being around them, knowing them, compromising, realizing that with love comes being there for your partner during the good and the bad.
    You are in the infatuation/lust stage. It feels great, but its not very deep.

  3. KT Says:

    Of course it’s possible! It’s entirely plausible that you are two people who have been lucky enough to meet each other, get along marvellously and couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. Of course it’s also entirely plausible that he’s a bit lonely in Europe and is diving in perhaps a little too deeply with the first person he’s clicked with online, despite that fact he’s never actually physically met you, because of this.

    Personally, I certainly wouldn’t have him call me his girlfriend if I were you. That smacks a little of some desperate attempt to make him ‘yours’ even before any physical contact has been made. Keep it light, keep it happy, meet in October. You’ll soon know if it’s worth pursuing.

  4. J Says:

    Basically, what I see here, is a situation where you two are agreeing to not see other people and put yourselves on hold until October. If you are both content not dating other people, then I think it is perfectly fine for you to be exclusive until you have the chance to meet in real life. BUT, if I were you, I wouldn’t consider this “love” or a serious relationship until you see what kind of real life dynamic you guys have. In other words, don’t get to invested.

  5. DJ Osiris Says:

    It’s very easy to become infatuated with someone through video chats, but to actually fall in love with someone you have yet to meet who lives thousands of miles away??? I don’t know about that.

    In heated chats some people will say just about anything and that feeling of lust is very powerful, but at the end of the chat, you have to look at it for what it is and seriously ask yourself this question– Is it love or lust? You have to be weary. Developing a strong relationship takes a lot of time and effort in most cases even when you are close to the person and see them daily. It’s doubly a challenge if you are trying to get serious with someone who lives far away and you must also account for the fact that you’ve never met in person.

    I was fortunate though. I found my beautiful girlfriend through Facebook. At that time, she lived a thousand miles away, but my advantage was that we went to high school together and we already knew each other before I found her 20 years later on Facebook. Being so far apart, one thing we knew was that if we wanted our relationship to work, one of us would have to give up the life we were living and move. It was impossible for me, as I am military, so she made the choice. She gave up a very lucrative career, said goodbye to her friends and family and moved in with me. It was very hard for her to leave all that behind, but that’s the level of commitment you or your perspective partner have to be prepared to take. It’s not easy. Nothing that worth it ever is.

  6. Greenbaum Says:

    I met a woman online who lives 8,000 miles from me. We talk approx 3 to 4 hours each day for the past 3 years. We have been exclusive from very early on in our relationship based on our conversations. I believe that we have talked to each other more than some husbands and wives have talked their entire marriage. We met in person 3 months ago and all went well in person and I proposed to her and she accepted. We are very happy with our arrangement till her divorce and visa are completed and look forward to the day we are together.

    Yes, you can fall in love with someone online, I did.

  7. Jen Says:

    My husband and I certainly went a long way down the road to love through video chats for about 8 months before we could meet in person.

    I certainly wouldn’t want to make any commitments before you actually meet in person- no matter how honest you are with each other, you learn things in person that you just can’t find out online. How they smell, whether they do actually pick up their socks, how physically comfortable you are with each other, how you interact with each other’s friends/families etc.

    There’s a lot about having an online relationship that’s a bit ‘artificial’ just by the nature of it- one of you can always just walk away from the chat when you want to, you’re in your own little ‘bubble’, etc. I do think that it’s a great way to start a relationship as you often skip the bullshit/trivial part of dating pretty quickly, and I think that it can give you a very good idea if you’re compatible or not, but I would definitely want a face to face meeting before I decided on whether we love each other for real. It certainly worked for us though- we’ve been together for almost 9 years, and that certainly wouldn’t have happened without a great deal of time spent on video chat.


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