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Comment of the Week: How to Get the Sex You Want

Wed, Sep 26, 2012

Advice, Comment of the Week, Confessions

photo via Flickr

For the second week in a row, our favorite comment has been in response¬†to the post, “Your Call: My Husband Won’t Even Try to Give Me an Orgasm”¬†–¬†¬†this week reader¬†Tess¬†has some similarly spot on advice:

…if this pattern [of unsatisfying sex] is all that [your husband] knows, then you can’t expect him to just get it. To him, all of a sudden the rules about sex have changed, and oh yeah he is also now a HORRIBLE lover. Which has to ding a person’s self worth and likely he is too freaked out or embarrassed to learn to be better.

“I tell him if he‚Äôs not sure what to do I‚Äôll guide him but it always goes straight to sex and that‚Äôs it.” —This is what needs to change.

  1. Do not tell him that he can ask for pointers. Instead, give him feedback while he is doing something. Examples: “Please touch me (here)” or “bite my (location)” or even “To the Left!” If he gets off track, then redirect him with another suggestion.
  2. Why, oh why are your letting someone put his penis in you when you aren’t ready? This one is on you. You need to stop doing this. If he tries to slip it in, tell him “not yet” and mean it. Don’t give in to “I can’t wait any longer” and if he ignores you, tell him he is walking that fine rape line and he doesn’t get to ignore your “no” so he also doesn’t get to ignore your “not yet”.
  3. Your husband needs to be retrained where sex is concerned because this isn’t working. You can talk all you want, but it is your actions that have any hope of changing things. And if he STILL doesn’t get it, then at least try couple’s therapy before cheating or divorce or even an open relationship.

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