Top 10 Haikus About Self-Love (A Contest!)

***THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED***

We guess we should really title this post “Top 10 Haikus About Self Love That Em and Lo Just Came Up With.” We figured it’s a Friday, so what better time to celebrate the wonders of onanism!  In honor of this joyous occasion, we’d like to give away one INA 2 (LELO’s new and improved rabbit now with 100% more power) to the writer who can school us in a hot haiku-off! Submit your entries (as many as you like) either in the comments below or via our Contact Form (select “Contest Entry” in the drop-down menu) by EOD Monday, Oct 1st, making sure to include an email address so we can reach you if you win. We’ll pick the best 10 as determined by us, with one crowned champion (and the proud recipient of a brand new INA 2). Ladies & gentlemen, start your syllables!

1.
Quiet night alone…
A Rabbit jumps in my pond,
splash! Silence again.

2.
Need understanding?
Nobody knows you better
Than your own right hand.

3.
On the sea of love
The little man in the boat
Takes orders from me.

4.
Spanking the monkey
And choking the chicken are
PETA approved acts

5.
A rough day at work?
Lock your office door for five.
Better than Kit Kats.

6.
Broke up with my boyf
Breaking Bad is a rerun
Break out the “Pink-Man”

7.
Self love is freedom:
STD-free, duty-free
Fat-free, douchebag-free.

8.
Kellogg made Corn Flakes
Bland, boring and flavorless
To curb mass wanking.

9.
Why lose the sweatpants?
Ms. Palm and her five sisters
Don’t care how you look.

10.
Hairy palms, blindness,
Insanity and cancer —
The risks are worth it.

 

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27 Comments on "Top 10 Haikus About Self-Love (A Contest!)"


Danica Waites
2 years 8 months ago

Utterly composed written content , thanks for selective information ….

Dave W
2 years 8 months ago

Damn you, yoga pants!
Each sidewalk a candy store
My wiener is chafed

Don
2 years 8 months ago

Fire burning hot,
claims I will go to hell
I’ll still touch

Dannie
2 years 9 months ago

Don’t need permission,
Just some spare minutes and an
Imagination.

Dannie
2 years 9 months ago

They say: “Good girls don’t.”
But if they only knew me…
I’m good. Very good.