***THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED***
We guess we should really title this post “Top 10 Haikus About Self Love That Em and Lo Just Came Up With.” We figured it’s a Friday, so what better time to celebrate the wonders of onanism!  In honor of this joyous occasion, we’d like to give away one INA 2 (LELO’s new and improved rabbit now with 100% more power) to the writer who can school us in a hot haiku-off! Submit your entries (as many as you like) either in the comments below or via our Contact Form (select “Contest Entry” in the drop-down menu) by EOD Monday, Oct 1st, making sure to include an email address so we can reach you if you win. We’ll pick the best 10 as determined by us, with one crowned champion (and the proud recipient of a brand new INA 2). Ladies & gentlemen, start your syllables!
1.
Quiet night alone…
A Rabbit jumps in my pond,
splash! Silence again.
2.
Need understanding?
Nobody knows you better
Than your own right hand.
3.
On the sea of love
The little man in the boat
Takes orders from me.
4.
Spanking the monkey
And choking the chicken are
PETA approved acts
5.
A rough day at work?
Lock your office door for five.
Better than Kit Kats.
6.
Broke up with my boyf
Breaking Bad is a rerun
Break out the “Pink-Man”
7.
Self love is freedom:
STD-free, duty-free
Fat-free, douchebag-free.
8.
Kellogg made Corn Flakes
Bland, boring and flavorless
To curb mass wanking.
9.
Why lose the sweatpants?
Ms. Palm and her five sisters
Don’t care how you look.
10.
Hairy palms, blindness,
Insanity and cancer –
The risks are worth it.
MORE LIKE THIS FROM EM & LO:
September 21st, 2012 at 8:27 pm
Most nights, just fingers
But on special occassions
The rabbit is boss
September 21st, 2012 at 9:24 pm
Piles of monthly bills,
Economic recession,
But my hands are free.
September 21st, 2012 at 9:37 pm
Hello, beautiful,
I noticed you were alone.
You come here often?
September 21st, 2012 at 10:29 pm
Only thing better
Than watching you, is watching
You watch me do it.
September 21st, 2012 at 10:29 pm
Watching the TV
Anderson Cooper’s soft hands
My moist kleenex
Good god I’m so bored
If I do the bad thing again
There Will Be Blood
September 21st, 2012 at 10:55 pm
“You should love yourself,
both inside and out,” they said.
“… That’s not what we meant!”
September 22nd, 2012 at 1:26 am
Choke the chicken, wank
Flick the bean, spank the monkey
Oh, I love self love!
Long term, long distance
Words and Ina get me off
Sext me while I play
Bunny Foo Foo bops
All the field mice on the head
Please, my clit, instead?
As the rabbit hops,
And as my orgasm pops,
Vibration: Non stop.
When a person is
Their own best friend and lover
Fireworks explode!
It’s a special night
Candlelight and lingerie
It’s all just for me.
Bald man in a boat
I paddle past thick black weeds
Just to pat his head
September 22nd, 2012 at 6:30 am
A hard day at work-
Commute keeps getting longer-
Pumping Irony.
September 22nd, 2012 at 9:32 am
It’s not a flower,
not delicate, but sometimes,
a rabbit hums by.
September 23rd, 2012 at 10:11 am
Landlord said no pets;
Changed his mind when he caught me
With my pet rabbit.
September 24th, 2012 at 10:50 pm
Textbooks are too dry
When I am so wet down there
Books close; zippers drop
September 25th, 2012 at 3:30 am
It’s all in the wrist
Louder, then muted, and back
My honeypot flows
September 25th, 2012 at 3:40 am
Today in SOHO
A “model bomb” exploded
I had to wank it
September 25th, 2012 at 4:33 am
Deep in my spank bank
I remember Ramona
This won’t take too long
September 25th, 2012 at 9:38 pm
Loving, buzzing vibe.
In and out, faster, harder.
Pleasure explosion.
September 25th, 2012 at 9:39 pm
Designer sex toys
Or bargain table bullets
You make me happy.
September 25th, 2012 at 9:40 pm
James Deen on TV
Won’t you be inside of me?
Hey, I can pretend.
September 28th, 2012 at 1:25 pm
Lonely heart weeping
Fingers start to wonder down
Heart skipped a beat
September 29th, 2012 at 2:46 am
Inside and outside,
From the front or from behind.
Climax is devine.
September 29th, 2012 at 2:19 pm
A thank you to self-love:
Shagging, knocking boots
Bumpin’ uglies; Thanks for not
making me explain
September 29th, 2012 at 2:28 pm
Ravage fantasies
Threesomes, sultry strangers; With
you a girl can dream
September 29th, 2012 at 5:29 pm
A crush from my job
Surprises me in my dreams
Well, I’m awake now…
September 30th, 2012 at 11:13 am
They say: “Good girls don’t.”
But if they only knew me…
I’m good. Very good.
September 30th, 2012 at 11:16 am
Don’t need permission,
Just some spare minutes and an
Imagination.
October 1st, 2012 at 1:40 pm
Fire burning hot,
claims I will go to hell
I’ll still touch
October 1st, 2012 at 9:56 pm
Damn you, yoga pants!
Each sidewalk a candy store
My wiener is chafed
October 29th, 2012 at 5:14 pm
Utterly composed written content , thanks for selective information ….