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Top 10 Haikus About Self-Love (A Contest!)

Wed, Sep 26, 2012


The INA 2 by LELO


We guess we should really title this post “Top 10 Haikus About Self Love That Em and Lo Just Came Up With.” We figured it’s a Friday, so what better time to celebrate the wonders of onanism! ¬†In honor of this joyous occasion, we’d like to give away one¬†INA 2 (LELO’s new and improved rabbit now with 100% more power) to the writer who can school us in a hot haiku-off! Submit your entries (as many as you like) either in the comments below or via our Contact Form (select “Contest Entry” in the drop-down menu) by EOD Monday, Oct 1st, making sure to include an email address so we can reach you if you win. We’ll pick the best 10 as determined by us, with one crowned champion (and the proud recipient of a brand new INA 2). Ladies & gentlemen, start your syllables!

Quiet night alone…
A Rabbit jumps in my pond,
splash! Silence again.

Need understanding?
Nobody knows you better
Than your own right hand.

On the sea of love
The little man in the boat
Takes orders from me.

Spanking the monkey
And choking the chicken are
PETA approved acts

A rough day at work?
Lock your office door for five.
Better than Kit Kats.

Broke up with my boyf
Breaking Bad is a rerun
Break out the “Pink-Man”

Self love is freedom:
STD-free, duty-free
Fat-free, douchebag-free.

Kellogg made Corn Flakes
Bland, boring and flavorless
To curb mass wanking.

Why lose the sweatpants?
Ms. Palm and her five sisters
Don’t care how you look.

Hairy palms, blindness,
Insanity and cancer –
The risks are worth it.



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27 Responses to “Top 10 Haikus About Self-Love (A Contest!)”

  1. Rachel Says:

    Most nights, just fingers
    But on special occassions
    The rabbit is boss

  2. Dannie Says:

    Piles of monthly bills,
    Economic recession,
    But my hands are free.

  3. Dannie Says:

    Hello, beautiful,
    I noticed you were alone.
    You come here often?

  4. Dannie Says:

    Only thing better
    Than watching you, is watching
    You watch me do it.

  5. Jamie Says:

    Watching the TV
    Anderson Cooper’s soft hands
    My moist kleenex

    Good god I’m so bored
    If I do the bad thing again
    There Will Be Blood

  6. Stephanie Says:

    “You should love yourself,
    both inside and out,” they said.
    “… That’s not what we meant!”

  7. Danika Says:

    Choke the chicken, wank
    Flick the bean, spank the monkey
    Oh, I love self love!

    Long term, long distance
    Words and Ina get me off
    Sext me while I play

    Bunny Foo Foo bops
    All the field mice on the head
    Please, my clit, instead?

    As the rabbit hops,
    And as my orgasm pops,
    Vibration: Non stop.

    When a person is
    Their own best friend and lover
    Fireworks explode!

    It’s a special night
    Candlelight and lingerie
    It’s all just for me.

    Bald man in a boat
    I paddle past thick black weeds
    Just to pat his head

  8. Shad Says:

    A hard day at work-
    Commute keeps getting longer-
    Pumping Irony.

  9. Dannie Says:

    It’s not a flower,
    not delicate, but sometimes,
    a rabbit hums by.

  10. Dannie Says:

    Landlord said no pets;
    Changed his mind when he caught me
    With my pet rabbit.

  11. Danika Says:

    Textbooks are too dry
    When I am so wet down there
    Books close; zippers drop

  12. Dave W Says:

    It’s all in the wrist
    Louder, then muted, and back
    My honeypot flows

  13. Dave W Says:

    Today in SOHO
    A “model bomb” exploded
    I had to wank it

  14. Dave W Says:

    Deep in my spank bank
    I remember Ramona
    This won’t take too long

  15. Amanda J Says:

    Loving, buzzing vibe.
    In and out, faster, harder.
    Pleasure explosion.

  16. Amanda J Says:

    Designer sex toys
    Or bargain table bullets
    You make me happy.

  17. Amanda J Says:

    James Deen on TV
    Won’t you be inside of me?
    Hey, I can pretend.

  18. Gerard Says:

    Lonely heart weeping
    Fingers start to wonder down
    Heart skipped a beat

  19. Amanda J Says:

    Inside and outside,
    From the front or from behind.
    Climax is devine.

  20. Miss Kay Says:

    A thank you to self-love:

    Shagging, knocking boots
    Bumpin’ uglies; Thanks for not
    making me explain

  21. Miss Kay Says:

    Ravage fantasies
    Threesomes, sultry strangers; With
    you a girl can dream

  22. Johnny Says:

    A crush from my job
    Surprises me in my dreams
    Well, I’m awake now…

  23. Dannie Says:

    They say: “Good girls don’t.”
    But if they only knew me…
    I’m good. Very good.

  24. Dannie Says:

    Don’t need permission,
    Just some spare minutes and an

  25. Don Says:

    Fire burning hot,
    claims I will go to hell
    I’ll still touch

  26. Dave W Says:

    Damn you, yoga pants!
    Each sidewalk a candy store
    My wiener is chafed

  27. Danica Waites Says:

    Utterly composed written content , thanks for selective information ….

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