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Your Call: My Husband Won’t Even Try to Give Me an Orgasm

Thu, Sep 6, 2012

Advice, Dear Em & Lo, Your Call

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below. 

Hi, I am 25 and been with my husband for 8 years and married for 1 1/2 (we also have a toddler). I have to say first that I enjoy/love pleasing him, I get off by seeing him pleased which I think is how it should be. I’m not a selfish person in bed for sure. But he is.

He wants sex right away, no foreplay what so ever, and when he’s done apparently we’re both done. I have told him many times you need to be patient and get me ready for you at least! And he does for the next couple times, but then it just stops. He rarely goes down on me and it’s so frustrating! I want to be touched everywhere and be caressed from head to toe, which I know is normal! But he doesn’t touch me. I dont understand how he doesn’t want to fully satisfy me.

After having sex yesterday he climaxed and layed down while I just layed there craving more. I called him selfish for not making me orgasm and he said well gosh you just feel so good! (so pretty much I made him climax fast so I get punished by not climaxing myself) and turned the other way and the snoring started.

So what do I do? I finish myself off alone while he’s in bed. I feel like a teenager. I know he is turned on by me,  I definitely know that. He has a high sex drive but in a very selfish way. I don’t know if he’s scared to touch me or not sure what to do…? I tell him if he’s not sure what to do I’ll guide him but it always goes straight to sex and that’s it. We have sex around 2 to 3 times a week. The actual sex is great but I feel so unsatisfied.

I have actually started to think I need to get satisfied elsewhere and that scares me since I am a married woman. I want to threaten him when I’m mad about this issue but I guess that is the wrong approach. I just wish he WANTED to do all of this naturally, I dont get it: after 8 years I can count the times I have received oral sex and the times he has really said this is about you tonight and made me orgasm several times. I kind of feel bad for myself, but then again did I do this to myself? Is it my fault for letting this go on so long? I feel I look good, I’m young and have a decent body and fix myself up daily, which he seems to love. But slowly, by him not going down on me and not being totally all over me, it’s making me get a bit insecure when I know I shouldn’t be. It’s hard when I see guys looking at me and hitting on me and I have this husband at home that is afraid to just make me climax! I mean is it really that hard?

– Frustrated & Forlorn

What should F&F do? Let her know in the comments below.




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48 Responses to “Your Call: My Husband Won’t Even Try to Give Me an Orgasm”

  1. Bex Says:

    It may be annoying to have to remind him, but stand your ground for more than a few times! If he isn’t willing to get you into it, don’t let him into it.

  2. Kelly Says:

    Take controll of your pleasure. He will get plenty and actually more if you make the love session last. My husband always kisses me, always gives me as many orgasms as I want. It took me telling him what I want and yes there are plenty of other men willing to step up for me. You get what you want it is only up to you!!!!

  3. Xenia Says:

    Sounds like you deserve better and if there was no child in the mix this would be a no-brainer (DMTFA). Remember that your bedroom is not a separate space to your relationship – if he lacks respect for your needs in the bedroom that means he lacks respect for you as a person in the relationship and that is not ok. Have a go at standing your ground as the other posters said for the sake of your child, but if he doesn’t change, it is up to you to sail on to greener shores. You’re still young and have not had a ton of experience, but let me tell you that there are men out there who will be willing to please you, and you would not be the only single mum on the planet either. And stop agreeing to being penetrated without foreplay, it is your body and you call the shots about when he sticks it!

  4. Tony Says:

    Your husband sounds like he’s being selfish and inconsiderate, and possibly much worse. I would echo Xenia’s comment in that if he doesn’t respect your sexual desires and needs, then I suspect that he may not respect and honor you in other areas as well. In short, his behavior is not consistent with what I would call a healthy and happy relationship.

    If things don’t change and you are staying with him because of your child, I would point out that you are modeling behavior for your toddler and they will want to emulate what they see. If you stay in a dysfunctional relationship, they will learn from that. Plus, unhealthy relationships will hinder your ability to be present for and parent your toddler because too much energy is going to go towards trying to solve a potentially unsolvable problem. So, don’t stay in a bad relationship “for the kids.”

    One option would be to see a reputable marriage counselor/therapist to explore why he acts the way he does. If your husband puts up resistance to exploring this issue (which it sounds like he already does, passively) or seeing someone to help the two of you figure this out, then you should stand your ground and tell him how important this is to you. That’s obviously much easier to say than to do, but it’s worth it. Don’t go down the road of not honoring yourself – it makes you miserable, and it doesn’t work anyway. If, despite that, he continues to refuse to try to solve this as a partner or talk with someone, then divorce may be the only reasonable option left.

    If he is unwilling and/or unable to change, there are definitely kind, considerate men out there who would love to fulfill your desires and see them as equal to their own rather than acting as your husband has.

    If it helps, I just got out of a very unhealthy marriage, and as frightening as that was, now that I’m on my own I am far happier and healthier (and a far better parent) than I would have been had I stayed. I have found that the fear of divorce is much worse than the process itself.

    Good luck!

  5. Ben Says:

    Here’s what you do next time he finishes early and lies bed not offering to help you out. Go grab a vibrator and finish yourself off in front of him. If he says anything, simply reply “hey someone’s got to finish the job.” Maybe he’ll man up and help you out or he’ll slink off like a POS. Either way you’ll know what you’re dealing with and you will be the one in charge.

    There’s no better sight or feeling in the world than seeing a woman lying quivering on the bed, exhausted, unable to speak from a mind blowing orgasm.

  6. Joe Nyendwa Says:

    Your husband might need some counseling of some sought…And pliz don’t divorce him.Sit him down once more and talk about this.There is a solution to that and i believe he isn’t the only one experiencing that.What if you divorce him and the next man is even worse? Are you going to leave him as well?Then at the end of the day,how many men are you going to end up with? Don’t mes sup your life because of a single problem that you and your husband can solve..above all seek the face of God,make sure you pray about it..with God nothing is impossible.

  7. misspiggy Says:

    Why are you agreeing to being penetrated when you’re not ready, as Xenia says? You should be able to say ‘not yet’, and ‘yes, I’m ready now’. If the problem is that he comes too quickly, he could jerk off before you have sex so that he’s ready to go again with you, and hopefully last longer. But if it’s just simple selfishness, why would you put up with it for 8 years?

  8. B Says:

    Ben, it’s nice to know there are guys like you out there who enjoy giving women orgasms. My ex was a very selfish lover, very much like the letter writer’s husband, and I rarely orgasmed. Thanks for giving me hope, and good luck to the letter writer in having a more satisfying sex life.

  9. figleaf Says:


    This is kind of an instant-classic situation for risk-free polyamory isn’t it? You can tell him you love him a lot, you want to be with him forever, and you trust him so much that you think you should have an open relationship.

    What makes it risk free is that a) you’re giving him permission to have other partners while you have other partners but b) given his, um, proclivities there’s exactly zero chance anyone will take him up on it. Or maybe more accurately, who will take up with him long enough for their relationship to threaten yours.

    On a more serious note, I’m always reluctant to speak of hetero sex in terms of transactions or even one-for-one reciprocity because there’s already so much baggage about men having to “buy” sex and/or women “giving” men sex in exchange for something else. So I’m going to point out instead that there are still matters of maturity, concern for one’s partner, and plain old inconsideration. All of which your partner appears to be missing.

    Since interpersonal shame doesn’t work (um, does shame one’s partner ever work? The way one wants?) I’d recommend trying on social shame.

    Ask him if all his friends know about his problem? Suggest that you might start asking around for advice about his problem with premature ejaculation (conveniently definable as coming before you’re satisfied.) Tell him it’s ok if he’s really oriented towards people or things other than adult women but it would be nice to know because otherwise the way he jack-rabbits with you is tough on your self esteem.

    Yeah, it’s risky, but the point is to move the problem off of you and put it on to him. Where it belongs. The point of the suggestions is to imply (probably correctly, by the way) that it’s not your problem he needs to worry about (since he doesn’t) but instead that you’re worried about his problem.

    Good luck.


  10. hannah Says:

    Yeah, if there was no child involved, I’d say DUMP HIM… I mean that is bad. Very seriously bad. And it’s not as if you haven’t tried to tell him. Most men would be mortified if someone told them they sucked in bed, and they’d make really sure they never did it again. But then again most men care way too much about making women orgasm. If he doesn’t care at all, well, then I wouldn’t even see the point of having sex with him at all.

    But keep in mind that training people is just like training a puppy… You need to be 1) absolutely consistent and clear, 2) overflowing with praise for good behavior, and 3) you should never ever reward bad behavior. Never. Just think if you pulled a slot machine 100 times, and then on the 101st time, you won… well next time, you’d be willing to pull it 102 times. You can’t just get good behavior once or twice and then let him slip back into bad habits. Either you get the foreplay you need, or there is no sex. PERIOD!!! You don’t have to be mean, but just say, You know, I’m not really ready yet, but maybe if you tried X, Y, or Z for a while, I might be able to have intercourse after that.

  11. Dave W Says:

    Oh boy, like hannah said, this is very bad. I can picture the threat of violence, as well as him forcing himself on you.

    If there’s a chance of repairing this, I’d say that conditions need to be set and then absolutely ENFORCED. He’s gotten used to 8 years of you voicing concerns and then disregarding them, without consequences. Don’t let him accuse you of being petty and selfish if you deny him sex. There are plenty of examples of people being immature and using sex as a bargaining chip – that is not the case here. His egregious behavior regarding sex is a huge turnoff, ’nuff said.

    It might be necessary for the two of you to see a counselor. Perhaps if he doesn’t take you seriously, he might listen to the opinion of a (male)counselor.

    If nothing gets through to him, I hope you gather the strength to leave him, for reasons others have already stated.

    Oh, and BTW, please don’t cheat on him. Taking the high road will serve you much, much better. You deserve peace of mind for the time when someone actually does please every inch of you.

  12. Tess Says:

    Let’s see… You have been together for 8 years and you are only 25… so you have been together since you were 16 years old. I am going to guess/hope that he was also a teenager when you got together. Is it possible that neither of you have much (or any) experience with anyone else? And even if he has slept with someone else, it was teenage sex which is almost universally dreadful in retrospect.

    And if this pattern is all that he knows, then you can’t expect him to just get it. To him, all of a sudden the rules about sex have changed, and oh yea he is also now a HORRIBLE lover. Which has to ding a person’s self worth and likely he is too freaked out or embarrassed to learn to be better.

    “I tell him if he’s not sure what to do I’ll guide him but it always goes straight to sex and that’s it.” —This is what needs to change.

    1) Do not tell him that he can ask for pointers. Instead, give him feedback while he is doing something. Examples: “Please touch me (here)” or “bite my (location)” or even “To the Left!” If he gets off track, then redirect him with another suggestion.

    2) Why, oh why are your letting someone put his penis in you when you aren’t ready? This one is on you. You need to stop doing this. If he tries to slip it in, tell him “not yet” and mean it. Don’t give in to “I can’t wait any longer” and if he ignores you, tell him he is walking that fine rape line and he doesn’t get to ignore your “no” so he also doesn’t get to ignore your “not yet”.

    3) Your husband needs to be retrained where sex is concerned because this isn’t working. You can talk all you want, but it is your actions that have any hope of changing things. And if he STILL doesn’t get it, then at least try couple’s therapy before cheating or divorce or even an open relationship.

  13. Dave W Says:

    Your first two paragraphs bring up an interesting point. But don’t you think that long term couples who first got together in high school – and who respect each other – get significantly better at sex during their relationship?

  14. Alexandra Says:

    You wanna know what I would do? Right when he’s about to come, if your strong enough push him off or try to roll away from him, and start fucking yourself hard, crazy and sexy, When he looks at you in shock, tell him “Sorry, bebe you just felt so good.” let’s see how he likes it!!

  15. Houston Says:

    Go (alone) to a counselor and talk through with them about the best way to have this converation w your husband. Because while we can bolster your confidence about being in the right for requiring change from him, a Real Person is better equipped to help you develop the assertiveness you need.

    That’s really what comes through to me: you know what you want, you know his behavior is selfish and unhealthy, you know it’s not good for you to be treated this way, and yet… Standing up for yourself is difficult for you to do. Understanding why this is, and fixing whatever’s causing that lack of assertiveness, is going to help you not just with this issue, but in your life generally.

  16. Cesta Says:

    Relationships ebb and flow. Thats just part of being in a committed relationship.
    Divorce is NOT an option- and this issue is certainly not divorce worthy, as I’m sure u know.
    Fantasizing about other people is normal, but clearly you want your man. Don’t stray…
    Getting married changes a lot but having a child changes everything!!!
    Sexually, I’m sure your husband still thinks twice before taking you.
    The mother/newborn child leaves most men feeling like the 3rd wheel. You were the vessel securing his infants survival in the womb and if you breast fed- out of the womb too.
    The dynamic has changed. You can fix it.

    Noone likes to be shamed.

    Maybe showing him what you want by taking the lead. Change up your lovemaking routine. Really learn the art of giving a great blow-job, incorporate some new foreplay techniques. Make him orgasm then if he falls asleep, allow him a cat nap then wake him up with another blow job. Im betting he will last longer!
    If you go completely nympho on him be cognizant that he might get a bit overwhelmed/scared but with time I’m sure y’all wil come together in orgasmic bliss! The best thing I’ve incorporated into my marital bed has been cocoanut oil- it makes blow jobs and any kind of foreplay easier and much more enjoyable.

  17. Jodi Says:

    Your post describes my marriage perfectly and I feel for you as I feel for my situation also. I am 27 and have been married for five years and my husband is also a very selfish lover. He sticks it in whenever he wants and never attempts to satisfy me.
    I find some of the responses interesting but also obviously not from people in the same situation. The suggestion of finishing yourself of with a vibrator was a good suggestion when I first heard it, however made no difference. My husband sleeps next to me while I get myself off. Actually it was when I told him of my dissatisfaction in our sex life that he presented me with a whopping big vibrator to help me out (thanks babe right?)
    I honestly can’t offer any advice because in my experience it doesn’t get better. The only reason I haven’t gotten my rocks off elsewhere is because I respect myself too much to go sleeping around.
    I’m sorry were both going through this. It really sux.

  18. Rick Says:

    I can’t say I’m an expert at anything, but I have been fortunate enough to have had some great lovers.For the record some of them had never had an orgasm or so they said and with me had not just one but several.I’ve always felt that it was a real mans responsibility to make love to his partner and nice guys finish last. If I were the lady we’re talking about I believe its past time to wake up her partner.She has at times but then lets him go right back to slam bam thank ya mam.Yes, I said lets him. He obviously knows what to do hes just too lazy.Tell him to shape up or ship out.If you’re not ion control of your lovemaking and he doesn’t at least acknowledge that then your bed partner is guilty of date rape.

  19. lonely1 Says:

    I feel for you! Im in the exact same spot. Its heartbreaking! I have major depression, resentment, bitterness and anger because of it. And because I would never cheat, my husband just has to deal with it and its especially sad that he prefers to see me this way rather than just give me what I need. I guess we just have to deal with this for the rest of our lives! We made a vow! Good luck to you say your prayers!

  20. Janine Says:

    He is a man, and your husband. He is entitled to fuck you and other women till he climaxes. My husband doesn’t letme masturbate, as my body belongs to him.

  21. Shruti Says:

    Hi, My case is even worse than you, No oral sex whatsoever, and once he finishes it’s done, also he comes into me before even i am ready. And that too might happen say once a week or fortnight.
    I have no idea what to do, we love each other a lot. Just this part leaves me angry and frustrated. We are both just 25, have been together for 5 years now and married for 8 months.

  22. Andrea Says:

    I am experiencing the same thing with my husband of only 5 months but relationship for 3 years. It’s very frustrating.

  23. Wink Says:

    Wow.. the advice in most of these comments is horrible. Male here, married 14 years.

    There needs to be a sit-down, face to face conversation about this. But, this does NOT need to happen during any kind of sexual situation. And it doesn’t need to be confrontational, you need to express how much you love and appreciate him and then throw in the the “but” and tell him exactly what you need and why.

    I have a high sex drive, my wife doesn’t, and just in the last 5 years, she’s learned how to move/use her body so that she climaxes when we’re having sex. I make 90% of intercourse about making her cum.

  24. Regrets Says:

    My advice is simple: Get out now. I was in a similar situation. Kept thinking things would change but they never did. He obviously had issues that prevented him from having sex with me. We had absolutely no intimacy, no affection and I cried too many nights. One night he even pushed me away so he could sleep. But I stayed because I had no support or anyone to turn to for help. After a feeble attempt at having sex a few years later I became pregnant. Of course after that it was too late to leave. 25 years later I am still with him because I didn’t have the strength to leave. Do it now while you are young, have no children, or before you buy a house. It will be much easier to walk away but you have to do it. Believe me when I say people don’t change. Your life will never get any better. I just spent the last 8 years (!!) with zero sex, no affection, no hugs, nothing. Find someone who wants to love you, it may take time but that person is out there. Don’t end up like me – miserable, fat and 50. I have no chance anymore and menopause is just around the corner so please don’t waste your life.

  25. AP Says:

    It’s so sad to know that here are so many women out there experiencing the same issues I am. I’ve been with my husband almost five years, married less than six months. Sex is very one sided and it’s obvious he doesn’t care if I reach orgasm. There is little foreplay if any, French kissing maybe a few times a year if I’m lucky and oral; well I can count on one hand how many times that has happened in five years….

    I’m an attractive woman with a very healthy sex drive. At least once every day would be great if it was up to me, but that’s just not the case.

    This is a very painful situation to be in. It makes you depressed, feel insecure, unwanted and unattractive. I just like one of the other women that commented, can literally use my vibrator right next to him in bed and he will roll over and snore. No interest whatsoever!

    We are going go counseling to help us communicate better. Sex hasn’t come up yet, but I think next session I’m bringing this out in the open. I’ve tried to talk with him about it, but he’s always got an excuse. I say excuse because the most common thing I hear is ” Well, you just ruined it! I was really in the mood and planning on tonight, but you just had to say something. Forget it now”
    I’m getting to the point where I’m getting bitter and angry and I’m not really good
    at biting my tongue.

  26. ngozi Says:

    Im also goin thru the same thing,,,im 25 and have never had that nice feeling of sex or an orgasm,,my husband dsnt even care as long as he is good thats it,,,,im almost at a point of giving up and tell myself i will neva enjoy sex ever and it hurts,,,so you are not alone,,,,i would really want to have an orgasm but im scared if i confront him about my issue he will stop even having the bad sex with me:(

  27. troubledmairrage Says:

    my husband and I have been married a year and together for 2 years. never have I believed he doesn’t love me 100 percent. he used to make me orgasm when we first got together. but for the past 8 months it has been non stop just him… I have gotten to the point I simply don’t want sex anymore.sad because I actually have a high sex drive. but he cums once no foreplay and inqm etc wanting. he has no reason for this lacking response.. “I thought you didn’t want to orgasm…….” even though each time it happens I complain. idk it leaves me depressed and hurt. I don’t believe in divorce but I feel like I deserve more. it got to the point he said, ” well I guess I will have to work on it more” which he never does. am I wrong to feel this should be something a man doesn’t need to work on? shouldn’t this be natural? I hope I am not being selfish. I just can’t bring myself to any sort of orgasm till he cums and when he beats me I am left wanting to cum but can’t at all… I guess I am ruined.

  28. Tiff Says:

    I’m so sorry to hear about this absolutely horrible matter in your realationship , I’m also experiencing the same problem , I’m not married but I do have a child involved and I say to myself everyday that if there wasn’t a child involved I’d be gone a long time ago . My boyfriend only has sex with me 5 times a month which makes this even more of a battle for me , I too often think about sleeping with some one else but I feel like I would be disrespecting my family by doing so , so I just get myself off but since we are going through the same thing I understand that , that is not ENOUGH you want the one who you love and care about to make you orgasm . My boyfriend is so selfish I’m lost and do not know what to do which is why I’m here, and only the ones who are in this situation knows what it’s like some is saying its not means to divorce or cheat but listen if your STUCK with a selfish lover for life it really starts to eat at the person you are it hurts and makes you feel very confused , just hang in there that’s what I’m trying to do but it’s really wearing on me….. It really is . I’m sorry I don’t have exact advice because its really up to him , then when and if he does do it you want it to be genuine not forced. Sorry for your struggle hope things get better, quickly !!!.

  29. jess Says:

    I had a boyfriend just like that. I just went on top the next couple of times. And right before he was gonna finish. I’d just get off him and go to sleep.

  30. Miss Lissa Says:

    I can understand that saying no is hard when being a giving person and from going so long without. He’s touching, giving some attention and one’s hold out hope. Yes, he’s being very selfish and lazy and he is disrespecting by taking but not giving. He know he wouldn’t like it if you did the same to him and you have told him this but he doesn’t care and he wont care unless he feel threatened but as soon as the threat passes he will go back to his selfish ways and then you have a choice of living with it or living without him. If it were me, I would tell him that you can’t go any longer living this way and that you need a divorce so that you can respectfully remarry someone that will respect your needs because cheating on him to meet your sexually needs is disrespectful to both you and him. Tell him that you and him love each other but you are not compatible File for divorce because unless he is under this threat he will not change a thing. If he cares he will repair the marriage to get you back but if he doesn’t then you will at least still be young enough to remarry a man that will be happy to please and respect your needs. This may sound harsh but again spending 8 years without is harsh. You’ve given him 8 years to change, you’ve talked to him till you are blue in the face and he flat out doesn’t care about the way he’s making you feel. Do this because this is the only way you can take charge and put him on the spot to save the marriage.

  31. Kyle Says:

    lol,Whats your phone Number?

  32. Scarlett Says:

    I have a similar situation, but maybe not as bad, although my husband’s selfish behaviour is throughout our marriage, not just in the bedroom. Sometimes he is a great lover! He will perform oral sex maybe 2x a month (we have sex minimum 4x a week), but most of the times, it straight to penetration and once he cums, he’s done. I try to get him to “help” as I finish myself off, like kiss my body or my breasts, but he does it in a disinterested way or giggles or just plain doesn’t do anything. I have often finished myself off in the bathroom, but then I feel like a loser, unwanted and unloved.

    When I come first, I keep having sex with him! I let him finish; why can’t he have the same courtesy for me? Last night I actually took his hand and made him caress my body, then I made him kiss me, even though he was not reciprocating at first… it was going great, but then the inevitable, he came and then when I asked him to keep using his hands he said “I can’t, my hand is sore,” which is just one of the many excuses he says right after he comes. Other excuses are, I’m tired, I’m sorry (and just lays there), he laughs and make me feel awkward, or he will do something like kiss my nipples but in a way like he’s kissing his sister. I would take ANY form of genuine affection while I finish. I was sooo close too, which made it even worse. He asked me after if I was mad and I just said goodnight and went to bed.

    I definitely feel undesirable. I feel like he doesn’t care about me, or love me. I’m considering just pleasing myself all the time when he’s not around so I don’t have to care about sex with him.

    We’ve been together for 8 yrs, have two children and have been through some tough times. I’m afraid that if I stop before he cums to prove a point, that he will go elsewhere for sex. Maybe that would set me free as I would have an excuse to leave him. I know this is a very harsh thought but I’m trying to think of all angles.

    Can anyone comment at what happened when they stopped before the man could come and how their man handled it. Did it do any good or cause more damage? I’ve tried talking with my husband but he doesn’t like any form of confrontation, which makes life difficult.

    GOOD LUCK WRITER! I hope you figure out how to get what you want without losing what is important to you.

  33. Scarlett Says:

    Kyle, you’re funny!

  34. Emma Says:

    This may not be what you want to hear, but I don’t see the problem. Until the 1960s or maybe 70s, the female orgasm was barely known about, and women enjoyed making love to their husbands without the need for clitoral stimulation. In recent years the media has encouraged us to expect a kind of pleasure that does not happen normally from intercourse, without the man masturbating his wife, which the Bible tells us is immoral.

    Even if you disagree with what I’ve written, you have a child to consider.

  35. David Says:

    Wow. All this makes me feel terrible for my wife. We met in college and we were both virgins, I was and she claimed so. I was really bad at sex and she never gave me direction. Wham bam thank you mam. The worse thing I know now is she is multi orgasmic and we are having the time of our lives. Back then she claimed she orgasmed every time and that she never masterbated, lies she still won’t admit. But she made me feel like Gods gift so I had no reason to change for the next 20 years!!!! 20 years of hell for her with a four and a half inch premature ejaculating dick head, me. If it hadn’t been for the internet I wouldn’t know where her clit is today. I feel so bad and guilty and apologize all the time for which she says it’s ok and she always had fun. Now the tables have turned and despite lasting for thirty minutes or more she prefers the big vibraters I brought to the bedroom. I’ll go down on her while thrusting the vibrater until the batteries give out and then change them and keep going. I get a ten second BJ and after two or three hours she want me to finish so she doesn’t feel bad. Ouch. Sweet revenge. But I luv her so and I luv every minute and can’t wait till the next time I can hold her. By the way we are in our early fifties

  36. Ana Says:

    Hi. I read all this comments and I cannot stand away from it. I am very sorry, sad and upset to hear how may girls suffering from that bad treatment from thers guys. I was one of them also, but I can’t stand it any more, because I was getting seriously ill from stress and dissapoitment, that I get in to serious depression.. anyway I am more than fine now, happy, healthy, feeling beautifull and needed again, and how it happend? it is simple answer. because I left my husband, selfish egoistic guy, who even was laughing in my face when I was so in pain trying to talk to him about my sexual needs. he was arogant, telling me that our poor sex life its all my fault, I am so pushy, I always want to much, I stress him and he can’ t have sex with me.. I thought I will get mad.. He stop even kissing me.. it all begun after we have child.. before childbirth we been together for two years and our sexual life was ok, but nothing crazy. I noticed that he don’t really like going down on me, making love was always wery quick, and often I was lefted without orgasm. the worst happend after our dauther was born.. he completely cut me off from sex.. he stop even kissing me, and during 5 years we make love twice.. and every time it was something like 5 minutes. I had enought, I take child and leave him. I will never come back, never again even try to leave with someone who completely don’t care…

  37. sango Says:

    4 years of marriage, 6 years of being with him and I have only ONCE experienced an orgasm. That too, it came and went in a flash because he stopped doing what he did to get me there. I feel sad for all of us women who feel sad and undesireable because our husbands dont care to take care of our needs. My husband even gets into the shower as soon as we are done,because he feels its too messy to just lie beside me and cuddle. This makes me feel even more undesireable..dirty, even. Group hug, ladies :-(

  38. Ashli Says:

    If you have talked about it and he still doesn’t care, leave him. He’s not interested, what more proof do you need..not to sound to harsh, but I have learned over the years- that actions speak louder than words. I went through something similar. Being denied when I made any sort of advancements. Sex was on his terms. When I didn’t cum, I would have to finish myself off with a vibrator. He would even act annoyed with the sound because it disturbed his sleep. He was uninterested in me and ended up cheating. You can only be treated the way you accept to be treated. If you aren’t happy then do something about it. File for divorce, he will claim to want to change, but most likely wont. Judging by the post, you already have the answer you need hun. Don’t waste any more time.

  39. Mary Says:

    Take care of your orgasm yourself. Buy a silver bullet egg and a regular insertable toy and get your orgasm by yourself. It feels way better than any man. Hint use a soft seated office chair lol

  40. Corey Says:

    Well seeing as I’m a guy myself,idk how much help I’d b.However I was in a relationship for nearly 5 years n She would rarely ever engage on her own terms.Now I know I wasn’t doin anything wrong,as I m 8in by 2,(not Lyin or bragging),n would like to think I’m pretty adept.I’m starts to think I’ll never run into any1 with a sex drive like mine.Anyways,get itself out of it like ASHLI said,I know wat it’s like to b sexually miserable for years

  41. naray Says:

    Going thru the exact same thing. I feel like I have ti beef for him to touch me and idle what to do so if anyone had any tips and how I can punish him for treating me like I don’t turn him on or i don’t need more assurance that he is attracted to me. Please help.

  42. alfredo Says:

    Be the one who is in control. Play your game. Tease him all day and all night by flashing him … show him your cleavage, your legs, touch him in sexy way every now and then … drive him crazy … make him want you so bad … but tell him you have your plan and he is gonna wait … turn him on but keep control over him and make him please you by hand , by tongue , be playful … whatever .. bring him to the edge of his orgasm then back off , do it many times until you decide that is enough … just once he has somewhat satisfied you, LET (!) him finally climax .. you know what I mean …

  43. bishop Says:

    i was marriied for 30 yrs. very sexual active, i would do anythink to give her pleasue, but i was lucky to get sex 1ce a yesr or maybe 2 or 3 times a year, only if i fought it she gave me a bone i lived in a sexless marriege, when i told her i want a divorce, she told me you get it i”ll sighn the papers, if wanted to please her with oral sex, she told i was dirty, i wish i met a woman like you, i would be there please you, till you have all the orgasm you want, by the way ihad 2 children.

  44. Kendred Lamar Says:

    Thanks to all you idiots, this poor woman has the bright idea that she should fathom the possiblity of cheating/leaving her husband. Hey morons….it’s for better or worse, not convenient. There are professionals that will help with these kind of situations. If he felt that she was lacking in other areas (i.e mental, spiritual, financial), he would be wrong for seeking outside options instead of looking to rectify options with her. Everybody has a reason, & even if that reason doesn’t make sense to you right then, get over yourself & stop looking for the easy solution all the damn time! Marriage takes more work than the advice of pheasants like the ‘shrooms that are on here telling this woman to stand her ground & not look into real life alternatives like counseling or even the MAIN REASON in why the wedding should’ve been priority one & that’s GOD!! I genuinely can’t stand miserable people & you all should be ashamed of yourselves for these ridiculous comments!! Let me guess…you wouldn’t give your life for your spouse’s either…douche-bags!!!! Grow up!!!!!!!

  45. Mary Says:

    I am in exactly same situation, been married over 6 years, there is no child though. I was madly in love with him. he never gave me orgasm though. i feel I fell out of love. Should I tell him how I feel? I told him many time before but he buried his hand in sand.

  46. Sandy Says:

    I have the same problem and am trying to decide which of the following to do:

    - send him some info on the female orgasm. He knows how to make me come, he’s just damn lazy.

    - Tell him unless he is prepared to give me an orgasm, he shouldn’t approach me for sex.

    - Next time once he’s inside me and I know that I’m not going to come, because on the rare occasion it happens, I come first, then I should push him off

    It’s very frustrating and is causing me to loose self esteem. I’ve not had such a selfish lover all my life. Sods law that I married this one.

    I start remembering my ex boyfriends who always went down on me and I came every single time. For me the sex is just rubbish.

    I’ve also thought about suggesting we get a vibrator he can use on me. Somehow, I think that will go down like alead balloon. Though it might make him think how much the lack of orgasm is affecting me.

    I’m worried I’ll tell him to shove off when he approaches next time. When he does finger me, it’s irritating. Poor use of his hands without actually pushing his fingers in. Iresort self pleasure as he refuses to satisfy me. It’s making me feel so low and upset.

  47. c ingram Says:

    I felt like I had wrote that myself. I’m actually crying for you. I’m in the same boat.

  48. notgivingup Says:

    I am sad to see so many of us in the same boat . I do feel that a man should automatically be willing to give of himself in the bedroom , and that he should take pleasure in the knowledge that he is making his woman happy….sex is a sacred act, taking the man you love into your body , it’s as close as you can get without donating an organ to each other . When my bf and I started making love I was thrilled with his slow and sensuous style , my ex had never understood that I need it slow to climax. After three years , I am still incredibly attracted to him, don’t want to cheat bc I only want him, love his body and moves but growing ever more angry at his lack of concern for my pleasure . He had never given oral before me so I asked that he try it bc I refuse to do without. To his credit he researched online for techniques and brought his own sensual style to the table , and I expected it to be kind of bad while he learned but it was the best oral I have ever had . So what’s the problem right ? For one he rarely does it, if I ask he will but I want him to want to taste me. My ex once came giving me oral and while I was slightly frustrated it was mostly a huge ego boost. I felt like I was important enough and so sexy that my pleasure sparked his….I would like to have that feeling with the man I love today. I often give him oral,no need to ask me, I love giving him pleasure . ..I touch his dick and stroke it and I would happily explore his body with touch, taste, everything , for hours. I want the same from him. We have sex daily and he has the habit now of putting my hand on his dick as we lay in bed watching tv, and then hopping up on me, a few kisses and then a few minutes of sex while he watches tv out of the corner of his eye. I feel like an unattractive , unloved, piece of meat. He is basically jerking off with my vagina. So why do I allow it? I have low self esteem I guess , I feel afraid to ask for what I want because if he rejects me I will be completely devastated. I have told him how I feel and he replied with , if you don’t like it , there’s the door . So with that comment he made me feel that I don’t matter at all n he could give a shit if I stay or go. I don’t believe he really feels that way , I think he reads into my comments that I’m dissatisfied incorrectly , thinking I am insulting him or his body or his ability . ..I’m not, at all. I adore him. He is as insecure as I am , but in a different way . So it’s two people basically just settling for nothing bc I am afraid of demanding respect and love and perhaps he is afraid trying to give me the love I crave , afraid that he will give all of himself in the bedroom and I will still be unhappy . And then there is nothing left , n he will have failed . But the fact is , the only failure is not trying . Bc I would never be disappointed in him if he was simply focused on pleasing me. The willingness to care and show it intimately is all I need to be turned on. If he’s touching my skin , then it’s already perfect . If he’s interested in what I like , I’m going to be amazed. I have a high sex drive too, I’m already turned on…I truly believe it’s the knowledge of his indifference and my feelings of insecurity in the face of this that prevent my climax . I have to find a way to tell him he is great while telling him that he has no chance of failure , and that I need him to love me better, without being emasculating, insulting , insensitive or overbearing . ..talking to men is like speaking swahili. But overall for all of us sex ally frustrated females we have to believe that we are worthy of love and respect . That’s the hardest part of the whole thing . ..

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