Your Call: My Husband Won’t Even Try to Give Me an Orgasm

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below. 

Hi, I am 25 and been with my husband for 8 years and married for 1 1/2 (we also have a toddler). I have to say first that I enjoy/love pleasing him, I get off by seeing him pleased which I think is how it should be. I’m not a selfish person in bed for sure. But he is.

He wants sex right away, no foreplay what so ever, and when he’s done apparently we’re both done. I have told him many times you need to be patient and get me ready for you at least! And he does for the next couple times, but then it just stops. He rarely goes down on me and it’s so frustrating! I want to be touched everywhere and be caressed from head to toe, which I know is normal! But he doesn’t touch me. I dont understand how he doesn’t want to fully satisfy me.

After having sex yesterday he climaxed and layed down while I just layed there craving more. I called him selfish for not making me orgasm and he said well gosh you just feel so good! (so pretty much I made him climax fast so I get punished by not climaxing myself) and turned the other way and the snoring started.

So what do I do? I finish myself off alone while he’s in bed. I feel like a teenager. I know he is turned on by me,  I definitely know that. He has a high sex drive but in a very selfish way. I don’t know if he’s scared to touch me or not sure what to do…? I tell him if he’s not sure what to do I’ll guide him but it always goes straight to sex and that’s it. We have sex around 2 to 3 times a week. The actual sex is great but I feel so unsatisfied.

I have actually started to think I need to get satisfied elsewhere and that scares me since I am a married woman. I want to threaten him when I’m mad about this issue but I guess that is the wrong approach. I just wish he WANTED to do all of this naturally, I dont get it: after 8 years I can count the times I have received oral sex and the times he has really said this is about you tonight and made me orgasm several times. I kind of feel bad for myself, but then again did I do this to myself? Is it my fault for letting this go on so long? I feel I look good, I’m young and have a decent body and fix myself up daily, which he seems to love. But slowly, by him not going down on me and not being totally all over me, it’s making me get a bit insecure when I know I shouldn’t be. It’s hard when I see guys looking at me and hitting on me and I have this husband at home that is afraid to just make me climax! I mean is it really that hard?

— Frustrated & Forlorn

What should F&F do? Let her know in the comments below.




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51 Comments on "Your Call: My Husband Won’t Even Try to Give Me an Orgasm"

7 months 4 days ago

Big auto corrected from BJ. He goes limp stimulating me, and instead of getting me off, asks for a BJ so he xan get hard and then finish. And then the sad cycle of apologising and me trying to not deflate his ego…

just have to do it myself
7 months 4 days ago

How do you finish yourself? When my husband does this to me i am so frustrated i can’t finish myself. I get so angry i really have to control myself to not yell at him.

Then he apologizes and says he wishes he could do better but he never takes the steps to try to make it better. Its like he assumes any day now i am magically going to enjoy the 3 minutes of getting pumped so much that eventually that is all i need to orgasm.

When i tell him “you need to get me off orally first” then i get a few minutes of him pleasuring me, followed by him going limp and needing a big so he can get hard again and pump me for 3 minutes.

Then he wonders why i have lost interest?

7 months 6 days ago

Going through the same thing with my boyfriend of 6 years. Our sex life has been fabulous and satisfying but for the last 2 month…. since I’ve moved into his home. All he wants is oral sex. I will oblige thinking I too will be satisfied by oral or other. However lately he will reach orgasm and then he rolls over soon to be snoring. Knowing he is sound asleep I head to the shower with my vibrator… im getting sick and tried of the plastic and not having his touch. No children involved and I need to feel a man’s desire for me. I read the previous comments and taking my options in.

8 months 7 days ago

I am sad to see so many of us in the same boat . I do feel that a man should automatically be willing to give of himself in the bedroom , and that he should take pleasure in the knowledge that he is making his woman happy….sex is a sacred act, taking the man you love into your body , it’s as close as you can get without donating an organ to each other . When my bf and I started making love I was thrilled with his slow and sensuous style , my ex had never understood that I need it slow to climax. After three years , I am still incredibly attracted to him, don’t want to cheat bc I only want him, love his body and moves but growing ever more angry at his lack of concern for my pleasure . He had never given oral before me so I asked that he try it bc I refuse to do without. To his credit he researched online for techniques and brought his own sensual style to the table , and I expected it to be kind of bad while he learned but it was the best oral I have ever had . So what’s the problem right ? For one he rarely does it, if I ask he will but I want him to want to taste me. My ex once came giving me oral and while I was slightly frustrated it was mostly a huge ego boost. I felt like I was important enough and so sexy that my pleasure sparked his….I would like to have that feeling with the man I love today. I often give him oral,no need to ask me, I love giving him pleasure . ..I touch his dick and stroke it and I would happily explore his body with touch, taste, everything , for hours. I want the same from him. We have sex daily and he has the habit now of putting my hand on his dick as we lay in bed watching tv, and then hopping up on me, a few kisses and then a few minutes of sex while he watches tv out of the corner of his eye. I feel like an unattractive , unloved, piece of meat. He is basically jerking off with my vagina. So why do I allow it? I have low self esteem I guess , I feel afraid to ask for what I want because if he rejects me I will be completely devastated. I have told him how I feel and he replied with , if you don’t like it , there’s the door . So with that comment he made me feel that I don’t matter at all n he could give a shit if I stay or go. I don’t believe he really feels that way , I think he reads into my comments that I’m dissatisfied incorrectly , thinking I am insulting him or his body or his ability . ..I’m not, at all. I adore him. He is as insecure as I am , but in a different way . So it’s two people basically just settling for nothing bc I am afraid of demanding respect and love and perhaps he is afraid trying to give me the love I crave , afraid that he will give all of himself in the bedroom and I will still be unhappy . And then there is nothing left , n he will have failed . But the fact is , the only failure is not trying . Bc I would never be disappointed in him if he was simply focused on pleasing me. The willingness to care and show it intimately is all I need to be turned on. If he’s touching my skin , then it’s already perfect . If he’s interested in what I like , I’m going to be amazed. I have a high sex drive too, I’m already turned on…I truly believe it’s the knowledge of his indifference and my feelings of insecurity in the face of this that prevent my climax . I have to find a way to tell him he is great while telling him that he has no chance of failure , and that I need him to love me better, without being emasculating, insulting , insensitive or overbearing . ..talking to men is like speaking swahili. But overall for all of us sex ally frustrated females we have to believe that we are worthy of love and respect . That’s the hardest part of the whole thing . ..

c ingram
9 months 9 days ago

I felt like I had wrote that myself. I’m actually crying for you. I’m in the same boat.