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Your Call: My Husband Won’t Even Try to Give Me an Orgasm

Thu, Sep 6, 2012

Advice, Dear Em & Lo, Your Call

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below. 

Hi, I am 25 and been with my husband for 8 years and married for 1 1/2 (we also have a toddler). I have to say first that I enjoy/love pleasing him, I get off by seeing him pleased which I think is how it should be. I’m not a selfish person in bed for sure. But he is.

He wants sex right away, no foreplay what so ever, and when he’s done apparently we’re both done. I have told him many times you need to be patient and get me ready for you at least! And he does for the next couple times, but then it just stops. He rarely goes down on me and it’s so frustrating! I want to be touched everywhere and be caressed from head to toe, which I know is normal! But he doesn’t touch me.¬†I dont understand how he doesn’t want to fully satisfy me.

After having sex yesterday he climaxed and layed down while I just layed there craving more. I called him selfish for not making me orgasm and he said well gosh you just feel so good! (so pretty much I made him climax fast so I get punished by not climaxing myself) and turned the other way and the snoring started.

So what do I do? I finish myself off alone while he’s in bed. I feel like a teenager. I know he is turned on by me, ¬†I definitely know that. He has a high sex drive but in a very selfish way. I don’t know if he’s scared to touch me or not sure what to do…? I tell him if he’s not sure what to do I’ll guide him but it always goes straight to sex and that’s it. We have sex around 2 to 3 times a week. The actual sex is great but I feel so unsatisfied.

I have actually started to think I need to get satisfied elsewhere and that scares me since I am a married woman. I want to threaten him when I’m mad about this issue but I guess that is the wrong approach. I just wish he WANTED to do all of this naturally, I dont get it: after 8 years I can count the times I have received oral sex and the times he has really said this is about you tonight and made me orgasm several times. I kind of feel bad for myself, but then again did I do this to myself? Is it my fault for letting this go on so long? I feel I look good, I’m young and have a decent body and fix myself up daily, which he seems to love. But slowly, by him not going down on me and not being totally all over me, it’s making me get a bit insecure when I know I shouldn’t be. It’s hard when I see guys looking at me and hitting on me and I have this husband at home that is afraid to just make me climax! I mean is it really that hard?

– Frustrated & Forlorn

What should F&F do? Let her know in the comments below.



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57 Responses to “Your Call: My Husband Won’t Even Try to Give Me an Orgasm”

  1. just+have+to+do+it+myself Says:

    Big auto corrected from BJ. He goes limp stimulating me, and instead of getting me off, asks for a BJ so he xan get hard and then finish. And then the sad cycle of apologising and me trying to not deflate his ego…

  2. prf Says:

    Hi! Please give me. ur opinions! So im in a very simular, im 35 married for 3 yrs been together 14 yrs. 3 kids, one with special needs. I belive he is cheating on me, all signs are pointing that way. He refuses sex from me. He makes up excusses, crazy ones. He blams kids , butits an excusses. He does not pplease me one bit. Just like u no for play no touching, kissing. Its me doing all the work.he gets pleased. I have been telling him for years i need forplay, ect. It will work maybe once. Thats it we go month with out sex. I have bought male enhancepills,laugurae and lotoins but he still refuses sex. Ok last night its been two whole months with no sex, he trys and goes limp. Is he cheating? He did admit it in the summer.but said he.lied to get me mad.what to do!

  3. brandi Says:

    I was in the same boat as most of you. Met ex husband at 19 and he was 31. Sex was always bad, he never lasted over a minute once in our entire relationship, never kissed me before, during or after sex. Never touched my body or vagina once. I was usually fully dressed during the rare sex act. Forget oral sex, I always gave it to him, even just to get him off sometimes, never once did he return the favor. He mumbled something about it not “doing anything for him” and making him flaccid the one time he tried it. It became a chore for me as I am a very sexual person, I was taught that sexuality was extremely bad, I remember being told by my mother as a teen she would “break my neck” if she ever found out I kissed someone. My ex loved porn though, nasty things too, ass to mouth and women performing rim jobs on men where his favorites. He definitely loved porn (pixels as I call it) definitely more than real women. He even broke several of our computers and had his identity stolen quite a few times from porn viruses. Sex ended up being a chore for me as I always initiated it and ended up unsatisfied. Trying to talk to him about it was unproductive. He blamed me for his inability to last more than a minute stating it “has never happened with any other woman before”. He even blamed me for not or gaming in a minute claiming one woman had SEVEN orgasm to his one! (Lol)Feelings of resentment, depression, and unwanted are bound to set in (unhealthy relationships) After it became a chore it just felt wrong and weird and gross like he was my brother or uncle or something. 6 years was enough and I divorced him. Now my life and sex life is better and my new husband is a great man.
    I hope this inspires some of you. We only live once, don’t waste your life, time, energy, or looks on a selfish pos stereotypical man

  4. G Says:

    We are in our 50′s and I have to admit that sex sucks at this age. He wants it when he wants it and when he is done it is over. I might as well not even be there in the room. Sex might happen once a week, maybe once a month. He lasts for maybe 30 seconds and it is over. He does not give a thought to me ever getting an orgasm. He just says that it is my fault for making it feel too good. Way to shift blame ya jerk. At this point I am no better than his own hand and he cares about me about the same as a sock.

    My advice is to just go have an affair when this happens, it is a lot easier than arguing about it since then he won’t want you because then it becomes a chore.

  5. lynn Says:

    Just wanted to say I am in the same boat. I have just accepted that there is something wrong with me, and I am only here for his pleasure only. Let me add I had this same problem in my last marriage and it ended up being a sexless marriage. So really it is me. Good luck.

  6. christinechristineallmand@gmail.com Says:


    I firmly believe it is not my “fault” I’m struggling with wishing my husband wanted to caress body from head to toe. I want him to be hungry for ME…but in the 12 years we’ve been married and 3 years we dated. ..i can count on one hand the amount of time I felt intimately cherished by him. Our usual m.o. is I give him a bj with no kissing or foreplay before hand…. he touches my breasts while I’m down there (for his pleasure, not mine). He climaxes, I swallow (sometimes) and then we are done. Th at happened tonight. This morning, he woke me at 630pm by grabbing my breast, took off my panties and entered me from behind laying on our sides. I was dry and it hurt. He finished and got up to dress for work. THAT IS A HUGE PRO LET FOR ME. where does my pleasure factor in? Where is the intimacy?

  7. Julie Says:

    My advice is hold off giving a bj until he gives you the attention you deserve. Im going to try this as well. Ive only been married 2 years, still get lots of hugs and kisses but the sex is really dwindling down to once a week and it consists of 10-15 minutes of him getting off either by me giving him a bj or a handjob, then he’s done which means we are both done. Rarely do I get penetrated (once a month) and even RARER does he go down. I get that luxury about twice a year. He is 55, Im 36. Age shouldnt be a factor considering he was hot and heavy for me the first year we were married. Ive asked him and he ignores the subject. Im dying inside wondering what Ive done wrong not to deserve sexual attention from my husband. Im very much in love with and attracted to him but I find myself unsatisfied and longing for him hours after he’s already climaxed and sleeping.

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