Your Call (Oooh, This Is a Good One!): Should I Tell Her He’s Cheating on Her?


We get a lot of advice questions coming in at, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Dear Em & Lo,

I’m having a moral crisis.  I met someone on craigslist a few months ago.  The nature of the relationship was that we both wanted a FWB situation.  The sex was fantastic!  I eventually got curious about this man, looked him up, and discovered he had a girlfriend.  I promptly ended our lusty relationship (my sister’s boyfriend cheated on her – she was devastated).  Now all I can think about is telling the girlfriend what a cheating d-bag her boyfriend is.  My rationale: I would want to know if it were me!  Should I do this?  Or stay out of it?

— The Messenger

What should The Messenger do? Let her know in the comments below. 


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25 Comments on "Your Call (Oooh, This Is a Good One!): Should I Tell Her He’s Cheating on Her?"

1 year 10 months ago

If the shoe were on the other foot! If my gal was cheating on me, I WOULD want to know. I would not want to know who he was, but I would want to know.

2 years 7 days ago

I am in a serious relationship, and I have to say I would appreciate the woman telling me if my boyfriend was cheating on me.
We need to stick together and stand by each other. He made it your business when he chose to include you in his life when he was with someone else. All of this its too messy etc you don’t know her, well so what im pretty sure no one would want to waste their time with a cheating liar. Tell her so she can find a nice boyfriend.

He is also putting her health at risk, if she is in a serious relationship she wont be getting checked regularly, he could catch something nasty and give it to her.

2 years 8 days ago

I think you only have an obligation to expose someone if its an immediate family member such as a brother in law or something of that nature.. If its a friend.. Try to broach the subject with the friend. .then ask.. IF I KNEW SO AND SO was having an affair with someone else.. WOULD YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU>? IF yes. .then say BRACE YOURSELF.. and do it.. Dont do it with everyone.. just very close people and know it may very well end your friendships… its so sensitive..

2 years 6 months ago

Messenger, I am a crime show fanatic. I can tell you that NOTHING good comes out of a cheating situation. Since you don’t know the woman, I would NOT tell because it can backfire.

You are going under the assumption that the woman will “thank you.” That is NOT necessarily the case. You have to understand that some women blame the other woman, even if it is the man’s fault. Some women do NOT want to know their men are cheating because it is easier to turn a blind eye. You have done your part by quitting the relationship, let Karma do the rest.

2 years 6 months ago

You’re being selfish. You want him to feel the pain and embarrassment that you now feel from this incedent. You have no obligation to ruin a persons life because you are “pretending” to base it off of morals. You’re not the relationship police because you were lied to. You are mad at him, you want to get back at him and you think this is the way to do it. Do you think his lady and you are going to hang out for drink and pick up guys after this? I’m telling you right now, I would NOT want to know if my woman is cheating on me. I get checked regularly and I would find out she was if I caught something. Stop thinking of yourselfs. Most of you that replied to the post are woman, but how many of you are in long term loving relationships? If you are, ask yourself “how would I feel if my spouse was cheating on me”? Now, do you really want to know? I trust my partner even though we have a long distance relationship. It gets really hard at times, but we’ve been happy in our relationship. I don’t want the happiness to disappear because someone else thought they knew what was in my best interest.

Posted via iPhone. Please excuse typos.

1 month 16 days ago

I think your just afraid to be alone. And to say that you wouldn’t want to know is pretty sad. Your better than that and deserves someone who loves you. Imagine so money knows, they don’t tell you, the affair goes on for awhile, than one day you come home and she says it’s over I’m moving out right now. That would hurt more in my opinion.