I learned how erect penises are “supposed” to look from a very rough sketch in a “sex education” book I stumbled across.
My penis didn’t look like that. At all! At ALL!
I realized then and there that I was a deformed freak! Unlike the image, which stuck straight out like a spar on a sailboat my penis curved up. And up! Mine had veins. And the tube of the urethra wasn’t buried inside the penis, it ran along the underside.
I was so freaked out, for so long, that no woman could ever stand the horror that was my penis.
So freaked out that when my first partner asked if she could touch it, I broke down and confessed my shame. She was sorrowful as I, but said she loved me anyway and wanted to “try” touching it anyway.
I said okay. But only in the dark. And when the time came I was so anxious… terrified!… that I nearly cried.
She touched it, and didn’t run screaming from the room.
Neither of us had ever seen a real erection. Except mine.
It wasn’t till I became partners with a woman who’d had sex with other men that…
I was actually perfectly normal.
Just like your labia are perfectly normal.
I’ll go one step further: I’m a straight male so my penis just… doesn’t seem terribly attractive to me. Normal or not. Sounds like you’re a straight woman, right? And so it’s unlikely you’re really set up to appreciate your own vulva either.
Even if your partner didn’t love you, adore you, lust after you, and care madly and passionately about you, he’d still probably have a favorable bias towards your party-colored labia that… you may never share. And for this reason too you’re not the best person to judge whether you’re a “freak” or not. Any more than poor teenaged me was the best judge of my own parts.
Last point: As I (eventually) found out, it’s way better to get it over with and find out, than fearing to the point of tears for years on end. And as with me, you’re almost certainly going to find out that, as Em & Lo say above, you’re perfectly normal.