1. A little dab’ll do ya. They were talking about Brylcreem, but every time we hear this we remember it’s time to stock up on lube.
2. Let your fingers do the walking. We think we’ve probably co-opted this Yellow Pages slogan pretty much every time we’ve written about the importance of a little handwork during intercourse. Just look at how erotic their logo is (above) — it’s practically obscene!
3. Where’s the beef?. Yes, women — even elderly women — want and need quality sex.
4. Does she…or doesn’t she? Clairol my ass, they were totally talking about rimjobs.
5. Please don’t squeeze the Charmin. Again, we’re pretty sure we’ve referenced the Charmin Squeeze (TM) at least once a year when describing the perfect man handjob.
6. It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken. Is it just us, or do you imagine being spanked by Frank Perdue (R.I.P.) when you hear this one?
7. Reach out and touch someone. You know exactly what AT&T wanted you to do with all those unlimited nighttime and weekend minutes, don’t you? Just hope you remembered to put your phone on vibrate.
8. The Other White Meat. Yep, the National Pork Producers Council really wants you to shop for a strap-on dildo.
9. Taste them again, for the first time. It’s kind of ironic that the Kellogg’s Corn Flakes slogan makes us think of oral sex, given that Mr. Kellogg was a staunch anti-masturbationist who believed that bland foods–like his Corn Flakes–promoted abstinence.
10. Finger-lickin’ good. Oh come on. Make us work for this a little, would ya, Madison Ave.?
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