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Comment of the Week: How to Handle Your First Orgy

Wed, May 22, 2013

Comment of the Week, Confessions

photo via flickr

The wise and wonderful Figleaf had the following to say in response to our post, “Your Call: Should She and Her Boyf Go to An Orgy?”

I’m with M — assuming you can find some people who play that way then yeah, take it in stages.

And definitely make it clear to your partner that you’ll not only respect but back up his boundaries and that you expect him to do exactly the same for you.

Good reality check: If the orgy attendees are so amateur they don’t explain the house boundaries and ask about yours then you should politely excuse yourselves at the door and go back home. Because even if you didn’t get hurt someone else might, and you don’t really want to be there for that kind of shenanigans.

Another good guideline for declining: is there a beer keg? Is there an open bar? Is there other evidence that folks might get heavily under the influence? If so then go. Note: a glass of wine here and there is fine. Just be wary of heavy going. And if you or your partner are ordinarily partiers that’s fine too — later. But not at first, and really not till you know and trust the people who organize and attend the events.

Oh, finally, I mentioned at the top that you need to know and stand up for your partner’s boundaries as well as expecting him to know and stand up for yours. Part of this is because a reasonable number of women find they actually like the idea of an orgy once they get there and, um, relax their boundaries considerably. Meanwhile a reasonable number of men discover they’re not that comfortable, or not that comfortable that their partner is willing to go further than previously negotiated. Going in with the understanding that both partner’s boundaries are important is kind of a key. Save new ideas for next time.

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