- Dating don’ts: Showing up shirtless. Showing up in an animal mascot suit. Showing up in earnest.
- Don’t ever, EVER, let your Dad touch your date more than you’ve touched your date.
- Similarly: If you ever want to have sex again, do NOT, under any circumstances, get a nasal adjustment on national television.
- No need to throw away a perfectly good ring for sentimental reasons: eBay exists for a reason.
- It’s officially inevitable: women always fall for the wrong men and let the right ones go.
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