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Wise Guys: How to Make Fireworks in the Bedroom

Wed, Jul 3, 2013

Advice, Wise Guys


photo by foxypar4

Advice from three of EM & LO‘s guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “Seeing as it’s Independence Day this week, what’s your number 1 tip for making fireworks in the bedroom?”

Straight Single Guy (Tyler Barnett):¬†Pop champagne! Sex is all about letting go of inhibitions and nothing helps you tap into those deep, dark dirty desires like a bit of bubbly. Put your finger where? Lick my what? Call me who? Booze has been called social lube for centuries, and that stays true straight into the bedroom‚Ķor kitchen‚Ķor your neighbors’ garage. So celebrate your independence by tapping into a bottle of bubbly and let your crazy ass fantasies come to life. God bless America.

Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook):¬†Sex. It might seem like a foregone conclusion to you swinging singles or young lovers, but to married couples sex is the exception rather than the rule. While that sounds depressing, the lowered expectations this situations brings means that all you have to do to blow your partner’s mind is to show up, take off your clothes and do it. If you’ve spent years dragging your carcass across a desert, even a single drop of water is going to taste like champagne.

Straight Married Guy (Fred): My number one tip is:  Start hours before you get to the bedroom.  A flirty look across the picnic table, a lightly fondled butt as you brush past on your way to the outdoor bar, a whispered saucy comment near the barbecue. Each of these things will light figurative sparklers in your romantic relationship and make your grand finale later that much louder and brighter.

Gay Single Guy (Justin Huang):¬†Here is my best tip: maintain eye contact. Why? Because eye contact during sex is hot and underrated, doggie-style be damned. Just as importantly, eyes do not lie — they are a great gauge to determine whether you’re doing the right thing. Not everyone is incredibly vocal about their hot spots or favorite techniques (I am an exception to this: my left nipple should be your best friend). So if you’re not sure what you should be focusing on, focus on their eyes. When they glaze over, try something else. When they widen, keep going. And when they roll back in their head… fireworks.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

Our ‚Äúwise guys‚ÄĚ are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is James Glazebrook, a British writer/illustrator working in Berlin with his photographer wife on their cool blog, √úberlin; our Gay Guy is Justin Huang, an LA-based freelance film editor, producer, certified personal trainer and the voice of IAmYellowPeril.com; and our Single Straight Guy is Tyler Barnett of Tyler Barnett PR in LA. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

***AN EM & LO ARCHIVE CLASSIC***

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7 Responses to “Wise Guys: How to Make Fireworks in the Bedroom”

  1. Andy Says:

    Why the hell is a gay guy giving this advice?

  2. Eithne88 Says:

    ^ Why not? Exactly what does one’s orientation have to do with giving advice?

    FYI, one of your partners might have learned how to give the best fellatio from one of her gay friends..

  3. Haley Says:

    Look, gays have every right to say what they wanna say when they wanna say it. Most girls are friends with at least one gay guy, and they’re relly awesome. They’re smart too, and fun to be around. And also just because they’re gay doesn’t mean they don’t have a say in anything.

  4. Kyle Says:

    Straight Married Guy also seems to be coming from way out in left field and just repeating a sitcom stereotype. All the studies I’ve seen suggest that married couples are having way more sex than unmarried individuals. Maybe he isn’t very representative of the group he’s supposed to represent.

  5. alice Says:

    Gay guys right. And I ask my gay friend all the time how to please my man in bed. Why? He’s a guy but likes guys and knows them better. So yeah don’t be a jerk

  6. Jade Says:

    The gay single guy gave the best answer all the others were blah!

  7. Ace Card Says:

    I think Fred hit the nail on the haid. A big part of good sex is not what you do in bed but what you do out of bed before getting it on! It’s all about the set up! You have to get your partner all primed up and excited hours even days before the actual sex. That’s what get’s the fireworks going!


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