1. Lady Gaga’s 26 costume changes into smaller and smaller outfits, ending in a Little Mermaid-inspired seashell/thong number. She’s just fucking with us at this point, right?
2. Miley Cyrus’s self-demotion to porny arm candy during her Blurred Lines “duet” with Robin Thicke (or was it the simulated rimming during “We Can’t Stop?).
3. Kevin Hart’s improvised — and painfully unfunny — stand-up bits, amounting to nothing more than drooling over Lady Gaga’s butt cheeks (twice!) and calling *NSYNC fat and farty.
4. A$AP Rocky’s shameless plug for his new album in the middle of a serious statement about gay rights.
5. Katy Perry’s “ring girls” in string bikinis. Why not subvert the whole macho boxing genre with scantily clad ring boys?
1. Lady Gaga’s unitard-clad, average-physiqued backup dancers.¬†She’s just fucking with us at this point, right?
2. Taylor Swift caught on camera saying “Shut the fuck up” while One Direction presented the Best Female Pop Video nominees.
3. Justin Timberlake’s classy & graceful greatest hits medley performance in honor of his Vanguard award (which he accepted with class & grace).
4. Macklemore & Ryan Lewis’s Best Social Message Video win for “Same Love.”
5. Can’t believe we’re saying this: Kanye “Jesus” West’s subdued performance of “Blood to the Leaves,” which was simply¬†his black-out silhouette in front of a nature still. Refreshing!
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