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Your Call: Why Does My BF Look at Naked Pics of Celebs?

Mon, Aug 19, 2013

Advice, Dear Em & Lo, Your Call

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

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Dear Em & Lo,

I’m 25 and my BF is 24. Our sex life dwindled just like every other live-in couple, from once-twice day to once in ten-fifteen days. Whatever. My problem is he searches for porn videos and naked pics of almost each and every good-looking celebrity (actor/singer/sports personalities/anyone really!) he sees on TV.

It’s gotten to such a point that I feel uncomfortable even watching movies with him without feeling that the next thing he’ll do is go online and start his business. Is this normal? Do all men do this? I don’t mind him looking up porn videos of porn stars (that’s their job, duh) but almost everyone he sees on TV? Isn’t that a bit immature and obsessive? Am I overreacting?

– Dating a Googleholic

What should D.A.G. do? Leave your advice in the comments section below.

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5 Responses to “Your Call: Why Does My BF Look at Naked Pics of Celebs?”

  1. Johnny Says:

    I can’t speak for all men, but yes. Outliers aside, pretty much all men do this.

    Some of us, however, feel a sense of sexual responsibility when it comes to satisfying our partners. I would never let my real-life sex life slide like that, nor would my gal tolerate it if I did.

  2. Johnny Says:

    I only answered one part of your question.

    No, looking at naked celebrities isn’t “immature”. That’s a nasty word often used to shame men for normal masculine behavior, just like “slut” is a nasty word used to shame women for normal, natural behavior. Men of all ages desire a look at the nude female form, so I don’t think it’s fair to imply that his behavior is somehow emotionally or psychologically under-developed.

    Second, no, you are not over-reacting. He is neglecting you sexually, and that’s a major relationship foul. You’re right to be pissed.

  3. hannah Says:

    I am not exactly ok with that kind of behavior, and I think there are lots of women who agree. But maybe this is more invasive for you than just porn, since these are people you are going to see all the time, in movies, billboards, and on tv. So rather than just turning a blind eye to his porn use, you basically have it pushed in your face all the time. It’s just one step less removed, just like how you’d be more upset about him watching videos of a female friend having sex than a total stranger. The less removed it is, the more threatening it feels.

    I dunno what you can do. I don’t entirely agree that this is totally innocent, but then again, it is way better than cheating! Maybe he would be open to a discussion, though, about how this is affecting you. You should be able to cuddle up with a movie together, without you feeling threatened by the lady on the screen, and so maybe there are a couple people who could be off limits.

  4. Mateo Says:

    My advice is not to confront him about the porn, because if you make him feel guilty about it, he’ll just do it behind your back. He isn’t going to stop. The desire to look at naked people and people having sex is hard-wired into most men’s brains. If you don’t like the kind of porn he looks at, you’re probably in the same boat as the majority of women. And believe me, what he’s looking at is mild compared to what some ordinary, respectable men load in their browsers when in private. So my advice, focus on the major relationship issue here: dwindling sex life. Again, don’t be accusatory when you talk to him about it. Use “I feel” expressions, such as “I feel like we aren’t as connected sexually as we used to be. How do you feel about it?” and suggest things like “I’d realy like it if we could have sex more frequently. What do you think about that?” Ask him for suggestions. Present the issue as a problem that needs solving and see how he responds. In your mind, tell yourself you’re going to give the relationship a month to improve and then reevaluate. You don’t want to waste time with someone with whom you’re already having major sexual problems.

  5. Tony Says:

    I’m curious as to what your relationship is like. Is it a supportive and caring relationship where you feel respected and appreciated, and your boyfriend also looks at porn, or not?

    “Our sex life dwindled just like every other live-in couple, from once-twice day to once in ten-fifteen days. Whatever.” – this makes me wonder if there are other, more relationship-fundamental, problems besides his porn predilection.

    If your relationship is doing well, then I wouldn’t worry nearly as much as if your relationship wasn’t doing well.


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