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Dream Interpretation: Abusive Ex-Boyfriend Is Still In My Dreams

Thu, Sep 26, 2013

Advice, Dream Interpretation

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I had a dream that my current boyfriend tried to attack me last night. I was involved in a previous relationship that was abusive and still have fears about it. I woke up crying and I scared my boyfriend to the point where he doesn’t wanna be bothered with me. I try to remember the dream, but something won’t really allow me to. Please help.

Lauri:¬†Unfortunately I hear about this sort of thing all too often, a woman who was in an abusive relationship continuing to have nightmares about it long after she got out. Sigh. Breaks my heart. It’s a traumatic thing to live in constant fear of being pummeled at a moment’s notice. It really wrecks your sense of self worth and your sense of security, and obliterates your peace of mind!

Even though you are out of the relationship, your psyche hasn’t calmed down and you still hold onto the fear and it is expressed through your dreams. Your dreams can’t move forward until you move forward, and that is going to take a little bit of work, mostly on your part — but it sure would be helpful if your current boyfriend gave you some support too. He doesn’t want to be bothered with you? What kind of bullshit is that? The biggest predictor of future behavior is past behavior. If this is how he reacts to your very understandable issue, I wouldn’t expect him to be terribly helpful to you in the future. Sheesh already!

Luckily, this is something you can make great strides in with or without Mr. Can’t-Be-Bothered. First of all, realize that you are giving yourself these dreams; they are a creation of your own subconscious, therefore you can change and even put a stop to them! Typically, writing down the dream and then re-writing the ending the way you would like it to play out can work wonders.

But since you aren’t able to remember the details of the dream, journaling at bedtime will work just as well. It is crucial you journal right before you turn out the light to go to sleep, because what is on your mind as you drift off will affect your dreams.

I would start by writing a letter to yourself, and in that letter you need to do a couple things. First, forgive yourself for being in the relationship as long as you were. A lot of women who have been in abusive relationships continue to figuratively beat themselves up for staying in the relationship way longer than they should have. That does not help. So write yourself a forgiveness letter.

Then, write yourself a love letter. Yes, a love letter. If that seems crazy and you can’t imagine doing it, just pick three things you like about yourself: one thing you like about your physical appearance, one thing you like about your personality, and one thing you’ve done that you’re kinda proud of. Then expand a little bit on these three things. This will help you to build yourself back up after your ex has torn you down. This will also help you let go of unnecessary emotional baggage such as contempt for yourself. Do this every night for a while. When you make it a habit of going to bed feeling good about yourself, your dreams can’t help but follow the pattern!

In addition, it wouldn’t hurt to take some martial arts or a self-defense class. May as well build up your physical strength while you are building back up your inner strength. Be consistent with the journaling, make yourself physically stronger, and you’ll be surprised what a powerful force you’ll become in your own life… and your dreams will become pretty freaking cool as well! Keep us posted, will you?

Want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning? Lauri’s latest book, Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, will give you the tools you need to become a Dream Expert too! Check out all of Lauri’s books here.






3 Responses to “Dream Interpretation: Abusive Ex-Boyfriend Is Still In My Dreams”

  1. f Says:

    I’m not the LW, but I really appreciated your kindness here.

  2. robin redman Says:

    I’ve dreampt about my abusive ex boyfriend. But he was as sweet as pie…but I was still scared and runnin away in my dream. I kept tellin him hes not winning this but I am. I didn’t wake up scared….but more on victory feelings. I see through men n their shit….sorta like my 3rd eye is totally open. Yet I can’t completely open up to men…even nice ones. Because I feel they are going to hurt me mentally. I don’t trust any men even the ones that I feel would or could treat me well. My heart can love….but I’m scared!!! So I remain single…..its lonely….yes….but No ones hurting me or my feelings. Am I crazy….do I need help? I feel I got this……just not my time for love n relationships….I guess. :) lol.

  3. Jessica McGraw Says:

    My abusive ex abuses me in my dreams and I’m afraid i don’t know what to do he was in prison for aggravated sexual assault to a minor but he recently got out of prison and at night i see a car in the alley way in front of my house with the brights on and i know it’s him i don’t know how he found out where i live probably his cousins told him since they live in the same town as i do when he was in prison i had dreams about him but i knew that they were just dreams now the dreams are oh so real since he is out of prison and I have tried to tell my boyfriend now of how i feel that I’m afraid and my boyfriend is not sympathetic of my feelings he just keeps saying that i must see him as a pussy and he said that if my ex came that my boyfriend would kill him but my boyfriend doesn’t get it I’m afraid because i know what my ex is capable of when i was still with my ex he told me if i ever went on with my life that he would kill me and a little bit before my ex went to jail he opened the trunk of his car because my ex wanted to show me something guess what i saw guns and i playing stupid asked him what they were for but in the back of my mind i knew. My ex told me that the guns were for me if i ever left him and he was supposed to get his income tax check and i didn’t know he had gotten it until i saw the guns and i had kids by him and they were babies and! He would hit them.well back to my dreams he just comes up to me and hurts my basically what he use to do when we were together and all it does is like a resegel haunting it’s what he did to me in the past but in the dreams i can feel the pain as if it’s really happening and it hurts and sometimes i even get bruses it’s weard and scary and it’s as if I’m relieving what happened how can i make it stop please help me I’m afraid it didn’t get this bad until i knew he my ex got out of prison I’m even afraid to go out of my house unless i know my parents or my boyfriend is outside i keep looking over my shoulder when ever i go to the store alone and and i always have my cellphone with me.i know he after me i can feel it and see it i feel somebody’s watching me from a far and when i was at a store i could have sowren that i saw my ex and when i backed up to look again i didn’t see him any more like as if he left i looked all over the store and couldn’t find him and he was standing near my son a i asked my son if he saw him because by this time i thought i was seeing things and my son said he saw him and that my ex was trying to talk to my son.and my son said that my ex asked him hwo his mother was an my son is mine and my boyfriends kid and my knows not to talk talk to strangers so my son ignored him not only because he wes thought that but because my son is speach delayed so my ex probably wouldn’t be able too understand him anyway lol think god because it could have ended differently then how it did oh my son is is fixing to turn 7years old and my daughter is fixing to be 9 mine and my boyfriend kids.and my older kids my son is 12 and my daughter is 13 years old mine my ex’s kids:

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