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Comment of the Week: BDSM Is More About Trust Than Ropes & Chains

Thu, Oct 10, 2013

Comment of the Week, Confessions

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Reader sex_is_weird_thats_all said the following in response to our post, “Wise Guys: Do Men Have Rape Fantasies, Too?”

Despite the people who end up in the news, there is usually in any metropolitan area a very legit BDSM community. I have a group of friends that includes a sizable chunk of people who are into that sort of thing. In my experience these people are excellent communicators, emphasizing trust and safety above all. I really have been blown away by just how much class they demonstrate. They are careful about who they let in (no one who is unbalanced/nuts). Start researching it online and you will know when you find what I am talking about… one thing to remember is that BDSM does not always involve ropes and chains, sometimes it is just “realistic costumes” (i.e. like a ski mask and heavy clothes for a “male rapist”). The wikipedia article is excellent BTW, relatively thorough:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BDSM

One thing that I hear a LOT from people who are in that classy/safe BDSM community is that everything in what they do is trust, trust, trust. Not just on the part of someone who is tied up or being “ravished/raped,” but talking before and afterwards about what they like and don’t like. They usually get together in groups and do what they call a “scene” which is acting out some kind of fantasy that always has a “safe word” to stop the scene. There is usually a host who knows and verifies the background of everyone there. Despite a scene being private they usually have someone who is designated to keep tabs on everything making sure that the “safe word” stays sacrosanct.

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