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Top 5 Love Lessons from The Bachelor (Juan Pablo, Ep 5)

Tue, Feb 4, 2014

Advice, Pop Culture, TV


screenshot from ABC’s The Bachelor

  1. Your date being interested in hearing about your career is not “AMAZING!”, it does not make him an extraordinary human being with mystical qualities that make him the perfect guy for you. Asking you about your job and him actually listening to the answer should be the bare minimum for any date. It’s not proof that you should immediately marry him, it’s just the foundation for possibly agreeing to a second date.
  2. Headbands (the kind that go across your forehead) = don’t.
  3. If you’re going to explicitly lay down ground rules and set up boundaries about the way you date — which we are all for (yay, open and honest communication!) — then you’ve got to follow and respect them consistently. Don’t break the rules when it’s convenient for you, while expecting your partners to follow them 24/7 to the letter. And while we’re at it, don’t paternalistically decide what’s best for your date, when you hypocritically turn around and do the opposite: your date is an adult, she can make her own decisions (like deciding when and where and with whom she’s ready to make out).
  4. If you do something on a date willingly and wholeheartedly that you later regret, don’t blame your date. You can gently admit that you think it might not have been a good idea to do whatever you did, that you think it was a mistake on your part, but remember that it takes two to tango: you could have used better judgment in the moment. Don’t make the other person feel like a predator, the lone gunman, a skanky ho, when in fact you couldn’t get your swimsuit on and your tongue out quickly enough.
  5. When you’ve hurt someone’s feelings and they are crying, please don’t tell them to stop crying. Especially not over and over and over again. Even though they may be acting like a child, they are not a child, so don’t talk to them like one (again with the paternalism). You must acknowledge their feelings and accept that this is the way they are expressing themselves. It may not be the way you express yourself, it may not make you feel comfortable, but you’ve made your water bed and now you’ve got to lie in it.

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