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Your Call: Do Bigger Penises Lead to Different Orgasms for Women?

Tue, Feb 18, 2014

Advice, Dear Em & Lo, Your Call

photo via Flickr

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section.

Dear Em & Lo,

Are the G-Spot orgasm and vaginal orgasm the same thing?

Assuming they’re different: I have an average penis size of 6 inches in lenth and 5 inches girth — am I able to give a woman a G-Spot or vaginal orgasm?

I have read about women saying only above average penises (8 inches mentioned the most) can reach certain spots in the vagina to produce these orgasms. I wouldn’t say I am insecure about myself or my size, but I would just like to know if this is true.

And let’s face it: Even if it is true, there isn’t much I can do to get to 8 inches anyway is there! I would just concentrate on trying to please through the clitoris instead.

– Average Joe

What advice or insight do you have to share with Average Joe about G-spot vs. vaginal orgasms and penis size? Leave your comments in the feedback section below.


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9 Responses to “Your Call: Do Bigger Penises Lead to Different Orgasms for Women?”

  1. Nikki Says:

    The G spot is responsible for the so-called “vaginal” orgasm. I reject the clitoral/vaginal orgasm distinction for a number of reasons(origins in Freud and the belief that one is superior to the other, the fact that the G spot is probably just the internal part of the clitoris, etc).

    In any case, the G spot is not buried way deep in the vagina, so whoever is telling you you need an 8 inch penis to reach it is full of it. Indeed, trying to probe deep into a woman’s vagina is likely to lead to less pleasure not more, as you’re likely to come into contact with her cervix (this does not lead to orgasm, trust me).
    All women are different, but the G spot is generally located somewhere along the front wall of the vagina, within the first couple of inches of the vaginal opening. You can often find it with your fingers using a “come here” motion. Since the G spot is literally within reach, your “average” size is more than sufficient to stimulate it. It’s just a matter of finding a position that works for you and your partner of the moment because, again, everyone is different.

    Finally, here are a couple of other things you should note. First, the majority of women require some kind of external clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. So regardless of your penis size, you’re going to have to give the little man in the boat some love if you want to get most of your partners off. Second, not all women enjoy G spot stimulation, so you’ll need to communicate with your partner about her specific preferences. Third, a man’s insecurity about his penis can be a huge turn off, so don’t sweat it. For many, I dare say most, women, penis size is irrelevant. What matters is chemistry, communication, and how attentive your partner is to your pleasure. If you’ve got these things down, you have nothing to worry about.

  2. PB Says:


    While most women do not find cervical stimulation enjoyable, some actually do.

    Some women like the sensation of being “filled” so the bigger the better until its too big (concept of diminishing returns).

    While length might not impact g spot stimulation, girth certainly will. Though length might make certain positions more or less enjoyable.

    Size isn’t completely irrelevant, and specific size preferences are going to vary among women, though like you said chemistry is probably the most important factor.

  3. Nikki Says:

    Duly noted on the cervix issue – I was poking a little fun at myself. I’ve been jabbed in the cervix a few times, and each time it resulted in shutting the whole thing down. I am curious as to whether cervical stimulation itself has led to actual orgasm, as opposed to more enhanced pleasure.
    And I didn’t say size was irrelevant – I said that in my experience, that’s the case for many women, but definitely not all.
    Appreciate the correction. :)

  4. Elissa Says:

    Read “She Comes First” by Ian Kerner. It will tell you everything you need to know about female orgasms.

  5. Average Joe Says:

    Thanks for your help everyone :)

    I was just curious to see if there was a difference. I will give She Comes First a read.


    Why did u put average in brackets :s haha

  6. Average+Joe Says:

    Speech marks should I say haha xD

  7. tony Says:

    There is 3 stimulation points- clit, gspot and A spot. The penis is able to go deeper than cervix by going around. It takes the right angle and a woman knowing how to also adjust herself to accommodate a huge cock without her cervix not being hit. Google A spot, it is deep inside past cervix and takes a larger cock to reach it. Most females nvr will feel an A spot orgasm but those who do are the huge cock lovers. Most women are stimulated from the feeling of being filled up and mental mindset of seeing something so big n see as the dominate alpha male

  8. Gigi Says:

    I thought all orgasms came from g spot and clitorus until I dated a guy with about 8.5″ penis. He was also talented which can’t be understated, but the areas he was able to stimulate were totally new to me and it completely blew my mind. With ADEQUATE arousal the cervix actually retreats out of the way (tenting) and most of the sensation is like a gentle bumping in the fornix area. You can’t do it unless you’re warmed up because hitting the cervix can be painful, in fact I used to hate deep penetration before I had a partner who was good at foreplay. it really only works after seriously effective foreplay when the vagina is “tented” (google it). It’s frustrating tht women and their partners aren’t told about cervical orgasms, be cause they literally take things to a different level, most women don’t even know about it. I’ve only experienced this with an 8″ man, but I hope it’s possible for more people!

  9. MrAverage Says:

    Size again, eh?! This might be a rather long-winded response (and also not directly on target as it includes info about the clitoral orgasm) but I hope it helps anyway.

    This is about my wife – it may not fit with everyone else’s experience as everyone is different but there’s absolutely no doubt in my mind – having heard everything my wife has to say on the matter – that size matters and it doesn’t. Let me explain that apparent contradiction.

    Her ex was an acquaintance of mine – we played on the same soccer team. He was hung, everybody joked about it, although not huge (my wife measured him, 8×6). He took my wife’s virginity & they had a two-year relationship before he dumped her (his loss) and my wife & I got together.

    The size difference, which my wife joked about in the beginning (such as saying my 1-inch cock looks like a cocktail sausage when soft – in fairness, it does) didn’t bother me because although I’m only 5 inches erect (and 5 inches girth, which is average), I give her regular orgasms & I assumed all female orgasms were the same.

    But a couple of things she said always bothered me. When we first had sex, she said she couldn’t feel me (the words she uttered weren’t exactly the ball-crushing ‘Are you in yet?’ but close enough). Also, she said she liked sex fast, hard & deep as she was a vaginal orgasmer. Well, over the years due to discussions with male and female friends and Internet browsing, I realised I give my wife loads of clitoral orgasms but nothing else.

    My insecurity grew to the point that I started to pester her about how I compared to her ex (crazy, I know, but I reckoned I was mature enough to deal with the truth, and I couldn’t bear not knowing).

    She assured me I was ‘fine’ and she had ‘no problems’ with my size. Call me over sensitive but I felt damned with faint praise. I continued to pester her until she finally relented, saying ‘OK you want the truth – yes he was much bigger and yes, bigger is definitely better.’

    Why, I asked her? ‘I felt him, every move he made inside me, there was stretching, an amazing feeling of fullness, the constant in-out pressure on my labia and friction on my vaginal walls.’ She feels none of those sensations with me. Also because he was long, he hit a nerve (the vagus nerve, i think) at the back of her vagina (cervix, anterior fornix?) which sent tingling down her spine and into her lower abdomen everytime he thrusted.

    OK, so actual sex felt a lot more pleasurable! But what about orgasm? Did size all equal out then? No, again. The orgasms he gave her were very different from the ones I give her. The ones she had with him were basically an extension of the tingling she’d felt at the back of her vagina. That became a ‘tingling explosion’ that worked up her body from inside up her spine. The tingling persisted for up to fifteen minutes after sex. She didn’t always orgasm with him but said the orgasms were more intense, pleasurable, long-lasting and deep.

    The orgasms I have with her are based around the vagina and are short, sharp, superficial explosions that are over in seconds – classic clitoral, from what I’ve discovered. There’s a massive difference between vaginal and clitoral, apparently! Well, I asked!

    Worse, she said that feeling at the ‘disposal’ of a really big cock – ie that the guy had the ability to hurt her with it – made her feel more feminine, and for her to regard him as more masculine.

    For a while I wasn’t able to handle the truth. I knew her ex, he was a great guy, but I found myself hating him through penis envy, which is very immature but essentially very human.

    Anyway, after a while I tried to compensate for my lack of size by getting bigger dildos & vibrators etc, and asking my wife to do kegels.

    Yet my wife expressed no interest in anything large, which perplexed me. Also, she saw the ben wa balls I got her as a pain to use, and only uses them when I ask her. Does she wish I had a bigger penis? Yes, she admits, it would be nice, but more because of my insecurity than because of any lack of pleasure I give her, before adding that she could live blissfully without ever having those sensations again because she loves me & has actually come to enjoy clitoral orgasms immensely, especially when I use a vibrator.

    No matter how hard I’ve tried to transpose my insecurities about size onto her, she resists, saying it’s so much more about the whole package, and that for her size is a small (excuse the pun) part of that equation. I believe her, despite the fact that women are perpetual liars when it comes to size, except when they’re with their girlfriends & small guys get ridiculed & sniggered over (my wife confirms that and so do a few close platonic girlfriends and gay friends).

    When my wife met me she said the last thing she was thinking, despite her previous experience, was whether my penis was a decent size. This is mostly a guy thing – thinking most women think that way, when they really don’t.

    Rather, she was thinking about how well suited we were emotionally and intellectually. She says she & most of her friends would list the following priorities when considering a man as a long term mate: face first, then personality, followed by body (particularly height in relation to her, shape & buttocks), intelligence, hygiene, then penis size.

    Any disappointment she felt at eventually discovering my size, she says, was far outweighed by my other attributes, although she did admit a penis under about 4 inches would push the limits of what she was happy to accept.

    My take from all that is: there are certainly women who will choose men based on penis size and reject those who don’t measure up – they are the true size queens. But they’re by no means the majority of women – although my wife’s best friend is an avowed size queen, so they’re definitely not a statistically insignificant minority, either.

    In fact, even when a woman has sampled the pleasures of a big cock, such as my wife, they are happy to settle for less size, even far less size, if the man ticks other boxes & if she loves him.

    I know many will read this & think: this is 101 of life, who doesn’t know it! But there are many insecure men – and not just those with below-average penises – who think many if not most women would reject a man because of his size.

    The truth, as I’ve discovered through first-hand experience, is very different. Not even thoroughly enjoying the pleasures of a big cock is enough to turn some women into size queens, if my wife is an example.

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