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Your Weekly Horoscopes: One-Word Edition

Mon, Mar 17, 2014

Horoscopes

grandcentral_ceiling_421photo by Simply Schmoopie

Each week, we at¬†EMandLO.com¬†predict the course of your love life for the week with our own version of¬†irreverent horoscopes¬†‚ÄĒ ignore our advice at your own peril! (Hyperbole intended for dramatic effect.)¬†This week, it’s one-word advice, because brevity is the soul of wit.

aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
Moderate. (Def. #1: To lessen the violence, severity, or extremeness of. NOT Def #2: To preside over.)

taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
Investigate.

gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
Enjoy!

cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
Socialize.

leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
Submit.

virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
Wait.

libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)
Forgive.

scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd)
Converse.

sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st)
Radiate.

capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
Testify.

aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)
Dominate.

pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th)
Discern.

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