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Is “I Love You, But…” Always a Dealbreaker?

Wed, Apr 9, 2014

Advice, Dear Em & Lo

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Dear Em & Lo,

What do I do when a guy says he loves me, but he won’t commit to being my boyfriend? Does he really love me?

– Miss Interpreted

Dear M.I.,

Here’s your short answer: Run away! No, he doesn’t really love you!

Here’s your long answer: Run away!¬†Run away!¬†Run away!¬†Run away!¬†Run away!¬†Run away!¬†Run away!¬†Run away!¬†Run away!¬†Run away!¬†No, he doesn’t really love you!¬†No, he doesn’t really love you!¬†No, he doesn’t really love you!¬†No, he doesn’t really love you!¬†No, he doesn’t really love you!¬†No, he doesn’t really love you!¬†No, he doesn’t really love you!¬†No, he doesn’t really love you!¬†No, he doesn’t really love you!¬†No, he doesn’t really love you!

Okay, seriously, we can think of maybe a handful of reasons why somebody may really actually honestly love you but be unable to commit to being your boyfriend:

1. He’s already taken. In which case, like, we said: Run away!

2. He loves you like a sister. In which case: Run away! Because you’ll never get out of the sister zone.

3. He’s gay and loves you like a beard. (Er, do we even need to say it?)

4. He’s in the C.I.A.

5. He’s in jail.

More likely, however, that he just wants to screw your brains out, and he thinks that the sex will be better — or at least, more available to him — if he tells you he loves you. Love is complicated, sure, but it’s not that complicated.

Love ya!

Em & Lo

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3 Responses to “Is “I Love You, But…” Always a Dealbreaker?”

  1. Nikki Says:

    When I read this, I thought surely Em and Lo couldn’t have written it. Please tell me your tongues are lodged firmly in cheek. It is definitely possible to love someone but be unable to commit to them. As to what you should do? Just get on with your life, find someone else. But I’m not sure you need to flee the guy like a burning building unless you know you are incapable of moving on otherwise.

  2. emandlo Says:

    Nikki, we didn’t intend “run away” to be literal, as in, put on your finger-toe shoes and make sure to stretch first! Rather, we said *run* away to imply emphasis — emphasis that we felt this particular reader needed. In our experience, when someone like this writes to us, they’re looking for an excuse to stick it out in a relationship that is clearly a dead-end. We went out on a limb and guessed that this particular reader might well be the kind of person who couldn’t extricate themselves unless charged to do so in a very urgent manner. But, hey, walking away calmly, and stopping to collect all personal belongings first, is also an option. :)

  3. Nikki Says:

    You are the experts, after all. :)


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