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Why Do Men Masturbate When They’re Having Regular Sex?

Wed, Jun 18, 2014

Advice, Wise Guys


photo via flickr

Wise Guys is a regular column offering advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Why do men masturbate in relationships, even when the sex is good and regular?”

Straight Married Guy (Ben): Every guy has a regular masturbation frequency (RMF) that is more or less unchangeable (though over the long-term, factors which usually have nothing to do with sex — like age or stress — can influence it). Take however many orgasms a guy’s already having with his partner and multiply it by his RMF — that’s how much a guy will masturbate. For example, a friend tells you his RMF is 1.3, so if he’s had a total of 3 orgasms with his partner in the past week, you multiply that by 1.3 to get the number of times he’ll want to masturbate that week (about 4). Now, some guys are high (RMF=2 or more) and others are low (RMF=1 or less!). But even if he has a really low RMF, like .25, that still means he’ll want to masturbate once after he’s had sex five times with his partner that week. So don’t focus on whether or not he’s masturbating: it’s a given. Instead, engage him on what he’s doing while he’s masturbating — what he’s looking at, or imagining, or fantasizing about. That’s where you’ll learn about your guy.

Gay Committed Guy (Mark): Perhaps the most obvious answer would be “Why shouldn’t they?” (As long as it’s not interfering with the sex — “Sorry, honey, I’ve already come three times today.”)¬† No, wait, the most obvious answer is, “Because they’re men.”¬† I’m sure, when it’s all over with, that people don’t look back on their lives, regardless of gender, and wish they’d had fewer orgasms.¬† Also, if it’s meant to be a monogamous relationship, better he should have the extra fun with himself than with some third (or fourth, etc.) party(-ies).

Straight Single Guy (Max): While it’s hard to believe, I think that most men view masturbation (which we’re addicted to, by the way) as completely separate from our sex lives. When you’re living the solo sex life, you’ve got your fantasies as well as hormones to answer to. The only solution is masturbation. Many turn to pornography. It’s sad. I understand then, that it must be confusing to women when we continue to masturbate, even while having great and consistent sex, after you’ve saved us from our lonely and always wanting existence.

Unfortunately, no matter how much we may love our lady friend and the sex that we have with her, it’s incredibly hard to fulfill our voyeuristic and most fantastic desires. We don’t want to cheat (most of us) and yet we have thoughts of other girls, other places and impossible situations. Thus, we masturbate. It’s the eternal answer to everything that plagues men. Don’t take it as an insult to your skills in bed, because trust me: You don’t want to do the things that we’re thinking about when masturbating.

 

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Our ‚Äúwise guys‚ÄĚ are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Ben, a writer and artist living in Los Angeles who runs AdultParlorGames.com. Our Committed Gay Guy, Mark, is a writer and teacher in NYC and our Single Straight Guy, Max, is a recent college grad in New England — both asked us to file them under “shy.” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

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6 Responses to “Why Do Men Masturbate When They’re Having Regular Sex?”

  1. Nikki Says:

    I am baffled by the number of straight women who ask this question about straight men. What they should be asking is, why do so many women only masturbate (if at all) when the sex is NOT good and regular (i.e., why do so many women view masturbation only as a substitute for sex, rather than a means of self pleasure)?

  2. emandlo Says:

    We love you, Nikki!

  3. Nikki Says:

    Aw, shucks. I love you guys too.

  4. Michael Says:

    I have to say that as a guy, what’s been stated in the article or views above is mostly or very much true.
    You can be having the most mind-blowing sex as a guy and be very attracted to the woman you’re involved or having sex with, but you still masturbate.
    Sometimes or maybe frequently you may be fantasising about the woman you’re sleeping with, but just as frequently you may be fantasising about an ex partner or someone you’ve never been intimate with.
    It’s probably just the way men are wired.
    Who knows!

  5. Johnny Says:

    As a teen and in my 20′s I did it because I had the sex drive of a bonobo. Now I’ve had to dial the whacking off way back if I want to keep my lady satisfied.

  6. blurkel Says:

    Define “regular”!

    once a month might seem regular to some, but most men are capable of more frequent sex and desire it. When one’s partner can’t or won’t deliver. and going outside isn’t what he desires, then what other course is he left with?

    Any woman whose man masturbates despite her “regular” sex isn’t taking care of business.


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