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Comment(s) of the Week: Be Smart About Respect

Wed, Aug 6, 2014

Comment of the Week, Confessions

It’s a tie between two responses to our Your Call post¬†Is Intellectual Inequality a Deal Breaker?¬†– both of which are great advice for any relationship. First, Dannie said:¬†

This is a question that ultimately only you can answer, because only you know your priorities. ¬†Is intelligence the most important thing to you? ¬†On the flip side, can you handle her mistakes with grace, rather than condescension? ¬†Also keep in mind that intelligence is not as quantifiable as we tend to think it is. ¬†What is she better than you at doing? ¬†I’m willing to bet that there are still a few things that she can teach you, even if she repeatedly uses the wrong “your/you’re.” ¬†The bottom line is, can you focus on those aspects of her, or will they be lost in your frustration? ¬†Keep in mind that you’re not perfect, either, and you might be able to be a great team. ¬†If you prioritize her ability to Sudoku in under a minute, however, then she deserves to be with someone who will appreciate her completely, not someone who will resent or even look down on her year after year.

Then Ralphie said:

My wife and I are “intellectual equals.” ¬†We both have many letters that follow our names. ¬†She will still occasionally make “cringe worthy comments” that cause me to raise my eyebrows. ¬†You can believe me when I say that I too have made my share of “cringe worthy comments.” ¬†Unless she has some type of disability, I’d be hesitant to question whether she is as “smart” as you. ¬†Maybe she has not acquired as many facts, or has not thought through issues/problems as much or as quickly as you, but that probably is not a question as to how smart she is. ¬†The real question is whether the differences in your intellectual curiosity (and possibly educational background) is a deal breaker. ¬†People of different backgrounds come together all of the time. ¬†You need to decide whether the differences between the two of you is enough to be a deal breaker.

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