If you want to feel like it’s the very first time, then it’s important to keep sex surprising and try new things regularly. You can’t get lazy. So give the following steps a try every now and then. You might feel silly being “experimental,” but the occasional awkward moment is a small price to pay for unexpected pleasure. Worst-case scenario, you’ll crack yourselves up and won’t be able to carry on. Nothing wrong with that — sex should be funny every now and then.
1. Boss each other around in bed. You don’t have to break out the whips and chains to enjoy a little power play in the bedroom. Simply being bossy or being bossed around can be as sexy as handcuffs — and there’s no chafing! Instead of breaking out the rope, flip a coin to decide who has to lie still and hold onto the headboard. And then next time, switch places. Forcing a certain power structure gives you a break from all of the negotiating and stepping around boundaries that is so common in long-term relationships. Those things are great for a steady partnership, but in bed they can get a little dull.
2. Have sex away from the home. You don’t always have to experiment with a new activity to shake things up — simply taking an old favorite on the road can make it feel brand new. But don’t feel like you have to splurge on a week’s vacation at a five-star hotel — the point is not to do it in luxury, but to relocate to a place where long-term couples don’t tend to do it. Pitch a tent in your backyard or, if you live in a four-story walk-up, create a living room fort. Do it in the tiny guest bathroom at a crowded party (just make sure there’s not a long line before attempting that one). Find a friend in need of a house-sitter (just stay off their sheets). Do it in a cab, do it in your car, do it in the shower…With most of these places, it’s physically impossible to do it the same old way you would in bed. But if you’re particularly attached to your own four-poster, then just do it there on your lunch break.
3. Try a “69” with the woman on top, at least once. Some people find that mutual oral sex takes too much coordination and concentration, so they give it up for good. But 69 is a great way to extend foreplay naturally — and if one of you tends to get revved up faster than the other, then the other partner can tease and take little breaks so that you keep pace with each other. Having the woman on top lets her set the pace — because, in our experience, she’s usually the partner who needs more time. If your bodies just don’t fit together this way — or if you simply want to try something else new — then lie on your sides with your heads at opposite ends and exchange mutual stimulation with your hands instead.
4. Tell yourself or your partner a story during sex. Is there something you always thought you might like, but aren’t quite brave enough to try yet? Is there something that’s sexy in your mind’s eye though you’d never want to actually participate in it? Create the scenario in your head — or for your partner — during sex. And don’t worry, there’s zero evidence suggesting that if you think it or say it out loud, you’re actually going to do it! Fantasies are no-holds-barred. (Which means, by the way, that it’s not cheating on your partner to occasionally think of someone else while you do it.) So pick your favorite fantasy and next time you’re having sex, let your mind — or your mouth — wander there. By the way, if you’re feeling shy about sharing, consider this: saying a fantasy out loud makes it feel extra taboo and therefore hotter — and your partner may even be able to add a few sexy plot twists. Plus, once you’ve made it a joint fantasy, you can shop for accessories! Ever noticed how randy everyone gets at Halloween parties? It’s all about the wigs. In fact, a shared fantasy is one of the best ways to incorporate outfits into your sex life — it gives you a good reason to be dressed like that, and makes you feel less silly.
5. Include a quality sex toy in your budget. Next time you’re about to treat yourself to dinner and a movie, ask yourself if you could make do with a home-cooked meal and a Netflix for the sake of your sex life. A night on the town can easily cost more than a decent sex toy. And we’re not talking about silk teddies. We mean, something that buzzes or constrains or spanks — something to help you discover a new sensation in bed. Oh, and while you’re out shopping, upgrade your condoms: Base your purchases on pleasure as well as function, since they’re not all created equal. Consider size, thinness, material, and shape to get the best fit for your partner and you.