All posts by Em Taylor

“Airplane!” Is 35. Shirley You Can’t Be Serious?

There are certain movies I watched over and over as a child — movies that still take me back to that magical time when I see them today. Their magic inspired me so much that I considered working in the film industry at one point. I’ve heard that services like Friends in Film were a great online resource for budding filmmakers who want to get their foot in the door. Making those magical, quotable moments, must be so satisfying. I know the movies I have seen so many times, I can quote them verbatim — and not just the famous quotes. I’m talking every. Single. Line. Sound of Music, of course, and Mary Poppins, and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang…and, yes, Airplane! (In case you forgot, the exclamation mark isn’t mine, it’s part of the official title.) Airplane! is not exactly wholesome family viewing, but it was a family favorite in my household, and I can’t freakin’ believe it is THIRTY-FIVE YEARS OLD this month. Here are 35 little known facts about the movie to celebrate this awesome movie’s birthday.

1. Many of the Lines Are Lifted Directly From a Real Airplane Disaster Movie

Airplane! came about because the filmmakers used to set their VCR to record stuff all night, looking for material, and one night they happened upon the one-hundred-percent serious sky disaster flick Zero Hour! Character names, plot lines (including the bad food), and entire chunks of dialogue are taken directly from the 1957 film. Oh, yeah, and the exclamation point, too. (They bought the rights to Zero Hour!, so it’s okay, really.)

2. It Would Have Been Okay Anyway

Later, the filmmakers learned the legal definition of “parody” and realized they didn’t need to buy the rights after all.

3. Seriously, We’re Talking Word for Word

In Zero Hour! a stewardess says, completely seriously, “The life of everyone on board depends upon just one thing: finding someone back there who can not only fly this plane, but who didn’t have fish for dinner.” Sound familiar?

4. Airplane! Is Responsible for the Farrelly Brothers

The Farrelly brothers (of There’s Something About Mary fame) credit the Airplane! writers/directors David Zucker, Jim Abrahams, and Jerry Zucker (a.k.a ZAZ) for making them who they are today. “I’ll tell you right now,” Peter Farrelly told The New York Times. “If the Zuckers didn’t exist, there would be no Farrelly brothers.” Depending on your feelings toward the Farrelly brothers, you can blame or bless Airplane! for this. Farrelly also once likened watching Airplane! as a young man to the awe-inspiring experience of seeing Led Zeppelin in concert.

5. The Filmmakers Don’t Actually Speak Jive

The film’s Shaft-inspired “jive” dialogue was all written on set by the two actors, Al White and Norm Gibbs.

6. The Filmmakers and Their Families All Have Cameos

The woman trying to apply makeup in the film is David and Jerry Zucker’s actual mother, Charlotte. The Zucker brothers appear as the ground crew at the beginning of the film (they’re the ones that direct the plane into the window of the terminal). And Jim Abrahams is the second religious zealot who’s pushed aside by Rex Kramer upon his arrival in the Chicago Airport terminal.

7. David Zucker Was “Classmate Most Likely to Make Airplane!

When David Zucker was at school in Milwaukee in the 1960s, one of his teachers said, when he was messing around in class: “Zucker, I know one day I’ll be paying good money to see you make me laugh, but right now, get your ass back in that chair and crack that book!'”

8. Not Everyone’s Career Took Off After Airplane!

In 2002, Airplane! star Julie Hagerty was nominated for the worst supporting actress Razzie for Freddy Got Fingered. (We know: Ew.)

9. We Bet There Are Some Really Good Jokes on the Cutting Room Floor

The first draft of Airplane! had fake commercials throughout it, because the filmmakers didn’t realize at first that the original Zero Hour! film actually had a decent plot.

10. Airplane! Was Almost a Black and White Movie

The filmmakers originally wanted to shoot the movie on a prop plane, and in black and white, but Paramount insisted on color and a big plane. The punchline, according to David Zucker, is this: “If you watch the movie, the sound is that of a piston engine. It’s subtle, but-” Actually: “No, it’s not,” interrupts his brother Jerry.

11. It Was Shot Like a B-Movie But Made A-List Bucks

Airplane! was the fourth highest-grossing movie of 1980 in the US, and the highest-grossing comedy in history until Ghostbusters.

12. Look Closely to See B-Movie Props

In the scene where the husband turns on the air for his sick wife, you see in the background a man wearing a large beard, which was supposed to fly off in the wind. Unfortunately, the glue they used wouldn’t let the beard come loose, and the man can be seen moving his face back and forth and scrunching his face to try to help it come off.

13. We Would Totally Read Modern Sperm Magazine

The magazine Captain Oveur is reading in the airport is called Modern Sperm, from the “whacking material” section.

14. Those Announcers Are Totally Legit

For the argument between announcers concerning the white and red zones at the airport, the producers hired the same voice artists who had made the real-world announcements at Los Angeles International Airport. At the real airport, the white zone is for loading and unloading of passengers only, and there’s no stopping in the red zone (except for transit buses). The two announcers were also married to each other in real life.

15. Good Luck Finding This Movie on a Real Plane

Air Mexico was the only airline to purchase Airplane! as an in-flight movie.

16. Fart Machines Are Funny

Leslie Nielsen used to bring hand fart machines to the set. A doctor friend of his made them, and he sold them to the entire cast and crew for seven bucks a piece. The camera operator, the sound guy, everyone had one, and was constantly setting them off. It got to the point where the filmmakers would say, “All right, we’re going pass the basket around now, and you guys are all going to have to turn these things in, because we’re going do a take now, and if I hear one sound…”

17. Fart Machines Are Even Funnier When an Old, Slightly Senile Person Uses Them

According to Ross Harris (who played the kid Joey): “The funny thing is, when we did the commentary and interviews and stuff for the anniversary DVD, Leslie was still carrying his fart machine around. It was the last couple of years of his life, and I think he was starting to get a bit senile, but he was still carrying that thing around. And, you know, you’d think that it would’ve become kind of a tired joke, or even a little bit sad, but I’ll tell you, when you combined that thing with the old age or senility or whatever, he really caught people off guard. So, yeah, he was blasting that thing off even then, and people were, like, “Oh, my God: He’s still at it!”

18. It’s Funny to Quote Airplane! But It’s Even Funnier to Misquote It

In the US version of The Office, someone asks Michael Scott (Steve Carell), “Oh honey, surely you don’t want that.” He replies, “I surely do, and don’t call me honey.”

19. That Shirley Line Has Won Funny Awards

The dialog between Stryker and Rumack (“Surely you can’t be serious”; “I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley”) was voted as the #79 movie quote out of 100 by the American Film Institute.

20. Bruce Jenner Was Almost in Airplane!

David Letterman screen-tested for the role of Ted Striker. Bill Murray, Barry Manilow, Bruce Jenner (!), and Chevy Chase were also considered for the role. These were all Paramount’s suggestions, but the filmmakers got their way in the end. “The key to the whole Airplane! concept,” Jim Abrahams explains, “and to our shared sense of humor was to do everything straight, so we did.” Jerry Zucker adds, “I remember when Leslie’s name came up, he just said, “Leslie Nielsen? Leslie Nielsen is the guy you cast the night before!”

21. That’s Right: People Didn’t Used to Think Leslie Nielsen Was Funny

Airplane! was Leslie Nielsen’s first proper comedic role. (Yeah, who knew he was even a serious actor once, right?)

22. But Even Leslie Nielsen Didn’t Get Everything Right

Nielsen didn’t like the line about the shit hitting the fan when he first read the script. “People aren’t going to laugh at that,” he said.

23. Don’t Blame the Filmmakers for Airplane II

The original filmmakers, ZAZ, turned down the chance to make Airplane II because they’d run out of airplane jokes. Wow, integrity in Hollywood, surely you can’t be serious?

24. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar Really Likes Oriental Rugs

When the filmmakers offered Kareem Abdul-Jabbar $30,000 for his role, the agent asked for $35,000 because, he claimed, Kareem wanted to buy an art rug that cost that much. The filmmakers thought this was a pretty creative line, and with the interest into alternative and oriental rugs especially sheep skin rugs and cowhide rugs, they did not think this peculiar. But then, a few weeks later, they saw an article in Time magazine with a picture of Kareem standing in front of a $35,000 oriental rug.

25. Does Pete Rose Like Rugs?

Because Kareem’s role was originally written for Pete Rose.

26. The Producers Have Deep Respect for Mamie Eisenhower

In the scene with Johnny and Steve McCroskey, McCroskey says, “Get me someone who won’t crack under pressure.” Johnny responds, “How about Mister Rogers?” If you look carefully you’ll see that this line was dubbed in after. Airplane! was shot in August 1979, and Stephen Stucker (Johnny) actually said, “How about Mamie Eisenhower?” The former First Lady died a few months later, and the producers corrected it by dubbing in “Mister Rogers” out of respect for the Eisenhower family.

27. The Filmmakers Have Deep Respect for Ethel Merman

They wrote Ethel Merman’s part especially for her. According to Jerry Zucker: “I guess it still would’ve worked with others, but it was really all about Ethel Merman. Anyone else would’ve paled.” This was Ethel Merman’s final film before her death on February 15, 1984 at the age of 76.

28. Ethel Merman Had Deep Respect for Her Hairdresser

Ethel Merman insisted on bringing her own hairdresser to set, and she could only be on set after noon, as it took all morning to set her hair.

29. Other Countries Speak Jive, Sort Of

In the German version of Airplane!, the conversation between the two black passengers was dubbed in heavy Bavarian dialect (with subtitles in standard German). In the Italian version, the talk was dubbed in Neapolitan dialect.

30. Cocks Are Dirtier Than Cockpits

When Captain Oveur asks Joey if he’s ever seen the inside of a cockpit before, it’s not the original line, which was ultimately deemed to be too risqué. The line the filmmakers originally wrote was: “Have you ever seen a grown man’s cock?”

31. We Don’t Think Norway Is a Funny Country

In Norway, the title of this movie is “Help! We’re flying” (“Hjelp, vi flyr”). It was one of many unrelated comedy movies around that period of time that, for some reason, got the prefix “Help!”

32. We Would Like to See This Version, Too

Sigourney Weaver auditioned for the role of Elaine Dickinson, but she didn’t want to say the line, “Sit on your face and wriggle.”

33. 9-Year-Old Boys Don’t Get Pedophile Jokes But 10-Year-old Boys Do

Ross Harris was nine years old when he played the role of Joey, and he didn’t get the jokes about Turkish prisons. By the time the movie came out, he was ten, and he thought it was really funny.

34. It Ain’t Over ‘Til the Credits Have Stopped Rolling

The gags continue all the way through the closing credits, e.g. they credit “Guy in Charge of Lots of Things,” and put “So there!” at the end of the copyright notice.

35. I Once Quoted Airplane! In My Online Personal Ad

The headline of my personal ad on Nerve.com was “I Speak Jive.” Fortunately some dude found this funny, and that dude is now my husband. Unfortunately IMDB has yet to recognize this anecdote as movie-related trivia.

Want more Hollywood inside scoop?
25 Things You Didn’t Know About Pretty Woman

How to Organize Your Ex Out of Your Life

The two of us basically share a brain when it comes to this blog, and we are one hundred percent united on all the important issues in life, love, and dating: safe sex, orgasms for everyone, the superiority of flat-front pants, etc. But every now and then we have to resort to the first-person singular for a post — not necessarily because we disagree, but because one of us has a particular interest that the other just doesn’t quite get. Which is why today’s installment, about the joy of tidying up, comes from Em. Lo can certainly appreciate a tidy, well-organized house, but for her, there’s no joy in this process. Em, on the other hand…

For people like me — i.e. people who relish the idea of spending an entire weekend organizing their house — the arrival of Marie Kondo’s new book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, was kind of like hearing about a brand new religion… one that promises eternal life and free ice cream. The book, which is a massive bestseller in Kondo’s native Japan (where she’s a bona fide celebrity) as well as throughout Europe, and is fast becoming one in the U.S., takes an approach to home organization that is both drastic and zen. Also, kind of quirky. (How often have you thanked your socks for the hard work they do?!)

The basic gist of the KonMari Method is this: If you try to organize everything you currently own, you will fail, time and time again. Instead, you have to purge and then organize. And when purging, you should get rid of any object in your house that fails to “spark joy.” Oh yeah, and you’re supposed to thank these objects for the service they provided you before finding them a new home, too! (The Salvation Army, a friend, the trash, whatever.) The moment I heard about this philosophy, I knew I had my resolution for 2015: Purge my house of all items that fail to bring me joy.  All sweaters that itch, all spoons that are both too big and too small, all paperwork, all superfluous kitchen equipment.

This is probably too drastic for most people, but while contemplating my year of purging ahead (with, yes, glee), it occurred to me that Kondo’s approach would be an excellent way to move on from an ex. She has an evangelical fervor when she talks about the benefits of the KonMari Method. Her clients, she claims, experience life-changing benefits from a de-cluttered, well-organized house: They start businesses, they divorce neglectful spouses, they lose weight, they reconnect with partners, they get promotions. As Kondo writes, “When you put your house in order, you put your affairs and your past in order, too. As a result, you can see quite clearly what you need in life and what you don’t, and what you should and shouldn’t do. … Not only will you never be messy again, but you’ll also get a new start on life.” Which sounds like an excellent post-breakup remedy to me.

So if you’re stuck in a post-breakup rut and finding yourself unable to move on, start with The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. Go through your clothes, your books, your makeup, your apocalyptic stock of Q-tips, your photographs, your tchotchkes, your office supplies, your kitchen equipment. “Joy” may be a strong emotion to apply to these objects when you’re in a depressive funk, so here’s a better way of thinking about it in your state of mind: Discard anything that makes you feel even worse. Especially anything that reminds you of your ex. And for those items that remind you of your ex, go ahead and get quirky, Kondo-style: Thank these objects for how they served you during your relationship, and then let them go. Optional soundtrack: Idina Menzel belting out “Let It Go.” (According to this Times writer, Lucinda Williams or George Jones may also work.) Hint: Kondo says you can’t simply assess objects as a group, i.e. “All my clothes/books/tools bring me joy.” No, you have to assess each item individually. This slow, methodical process will be therapeutic in and of itself, you’ll find.

Once you have reduced the contents of your home to only those objects that don’t depress you further, organize the shit out of them. Learn to fold a shirt using the KonMari method. Don’t stack anything in drawers: Every item in a drawer should be visible when you open it. Hang clothes by color. Don’t force books onto a shelf, damaging their spines; purge until there is open space on your shelves. This way, you are open to new acquisitions that will bring you joy.

And yes, that’s a metaphor for your love life.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

Do It Tonight! Okay, So Maybe You Can Leave Your Socks On.

socks_bedphoto by eyeliam

Just a week ago we told you to leave something on in bed every now and then — just not your socks. But we feel it is our duty to report that scientists have found that keeping your socks on makes it easier for both men and women to have an orgasm. But wait! This is not a carte blanche to prance around the bedroom in nothing but your argyles. Here’s the deal: During a sex study a few years back, participants — both male and female — reported that they found it easier to climax when they were allowed to keep their socks on because the lab where they were doing it was chilly. In other words, socks don’t have some mystical orgasmic power — maintaining a comfortable body temperature does. And we can think of about a hundred ways to stay warm that are hotter — as it were — than leaving your business socks on: Cuddle up under a blanket, share a sleeping bag, do it in front of a log fire, focus on positions with the most skin-to-skin contact. And if you’re too broke — or too green — to crank up the heat in winter, then we think there could be something kind of sexy and endearing about getting down in nothing but a woolly hat and scarf.

Do It Tonight! Make Out at the Movies

kiss_bwphoto by _StaR_DusT_

Do you want to feel that rush of first love again? Do you want to feel the tingle of a junior high crush? Do you want to “extend foreplay” like all the sexperts tell you to but you keep running out of things to do? Do you want to go on a date night but are just too freakin’ tired to plan anything on a Friday night? Then head to the movies tonight — anything R-rated or above so there are no whining kids in the audience — grab a seat in the back row, and make out like teenagers. Allow yourself to do anything you would have let yourself do back in early high school — when you weren’t sure you wanted to go “all the way” with your boyf/girlf, but the one thing you did know for sure was that you couldn’t keep your hands off them. Hold hands all the way home, stopping for ice cream and making out whenever there’s a red light. Finally, jump each other’s bones the moment you walk in the door, like the fully mature, going-all-the-way grownups that you are.

Dear Em & Lo: My Girlfriend Always Cries After Sex

eye_cryingphoto by -stamina-

Dear Em & Lo,

I’ve been in a serious, committed relationship with a gorgeous woman for almost a year. We first met as friends and then somehow found ourselves being more than friends after 9 months or so. During that time, we learned much about what makes the other tick. We have found our personalities, including our sexual appetites and interests, to be very compatible. We communicate well and have been very good about helping each other understand one another. Our lives together have been great including the sex (frequent with lots of O’s).

Here’s how she’s stumped me during sex: a couple of times after she has orgasmed strongly during vaginal intercourse, she’s then bursts into tears. As a guy, I’m a bit freaked (did I do something?) but she tells me that it feels chemically triggered. We take the time to settle back into the groove (she doesn’t want to stop) and then continue almost as if nothing has happened. Do you have any idea what could be going on?

–Tears in Heaven

Dear T.i.H.,

Wow, let us count the ways that your life is totally awesome:

  • You fell in love with a good friend. Meaning, you like each other’s company (almost) as much as you like each other’s genitals.
  • Okay, so you’re great friends, but you don’t just like playing Scrabble together; you also have awesome, orgasmic, communicative sex.
  • You really listen to each other.
  • Basically, you’re so freakin’ happy you make Pollyanna seem like a downer.

Oh, and one more:

  • Your girlfriend feels so close to you, and her orgasms feel so intense with you, that sometimes, after she has one, she cries.

Which is totally normal, by the way. The orgasm is a sudden release of this intense hormone build-up in your body — a few blissful seconds (or more) of rhythmic muscle contractions which let all that pent-up sexual energy flow back into the universe, like a whistling teapot from Xanadu. (Aw yeah.)
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Do It Tonight! Leave Something On. Just Not Your Socks.

seventies_kiss_riverphoto via bobster1985

Total nudity is not always a prerequisite for great sex: leftover clothes give the sex a sense of urgency and spontaneity, like you wanted each other so badly that there was simply no time to brush your teeth, disrobe, and get under the covers. Or like you’re doing it outside and you’ve got to stay partially clothed in case you have to make a quick getaway — except you’re not actually outside, so you don’t have to worry about frostbite and/or mosquitoes. But gentlemen? The socks don’t count.

25 Things You Probably Didn’t Need to Know About Em & Lo

Unless you’ve been living under a rock you’ve probably noticed that everyone and their mother is posting those “25 Things About Me” lists to their Facebook profiles. Yes, they’re an exercise in vanity, but we’re having a vain moment, so we thought we’d (over)share.

1. We met 10 years ago this month. It was BFF at first sight.

2. We agree on just about everything related to sex and love — except for baby talk. Em thinks it’s gross and weird in or out of the bedroom; Lo thinks that what you say when no one else is listening is your own damn business.

3. We’re probably the most prudish sex writers you’ll ever meet.

4. That said, we sometimes forget how inured we’ve become to certain topics and have been known to discuss, say, rimming, a little too loudly on public transportation.

5. We did used to disagree on one other thing: Em once believed that you could assume exclusivity in a relationship after a certain period of time; Lo eventually convinced her that until you’ve had the monogamy talk, you can’t assume shit.

6. We’ve only had one fight. But we can’t tell the story because we still disagree on exactly what went down. (Em: It was a gentle shove. Lo: It was a slap.)

7. A guy in a bar once asked Em if she would check out his penis and tell him if he was above or below average size. When she ran away as he unzipped, he followed her, yelling, “But you’re a professional!”

8. For most of the past decade we’ve lived minutes apart, but we rarely work in the same place. We send approximately 100 IMs a day to each other and have invented our own totally dorky IM shorthand.

9. Our other halves are great friends with each other and will be the first to tell you that we don’t always practice what we preach.

10. Our basements are sex toy graveyards, full of piles and piles of free sex toys that we’ve received over the years, gathering dust. (Because, come on, how many vibrators does a gal really need in rotation at any one time?)

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Do It Tonight! Practice Reciprocity

back_massagephoto by zaphodsotherhead

If we all followed the golden rule of reciprocity in bed, we think there’d be more sex, more orgasms, less bickering, fewer sex advice columnists (we’d be out of a job!), and possibly even world peace. Remember, if your partner tickles your back, it’s not just because they’re being nice — they want you to tickle their back, too. And anything tactile, whether it’s a back massage or a nipple tweak or oral sex, feels better when you don’t have to ask for it.

Valentine's Blog Snog (02-13-09)

dogs_spooningphoto by Zevotron

A weekly roundup of sex- and love-related posts from some of our favorite blogs.

  • This Valentine’s Day, why not let your guy be the inside spoon for a change? He might not admit it, but we bet he’d love it. Just ask YourTango‘s Tom Miller, who’s man enough to say he wants to be on the inside, dammit.
  • The only kind of breaking up you should be doing this weekend is with your toxic sex toys. The greenies at Grist.org break it down for you in their catchy musical video, “Breaking Up with My Blowup Doll.”
  • Breakupgirl.net wants you to email a candy heart-o-gram to your sweetie. No chalky after-taste!
  • Are you as sick as we are of all those stupid “How to survive Valentine’s Day if you’re single” articles? Come on, it’s not like it’s cancer. Or as our friends at The Frisky put it: “Valentine’s Day sucks for single people.  Yeah, that’s what your disgustingly cute couple friends think, but they’ve got their heads too far up each others’ butts that night to look around and see how many people are out, single and ready to mingle!” Here’s their guide to getting laid on V-Day.
  • If your plans for V-Day booty include getting it on in the dorm shower, then College Candy has all the how-to’s you need. And god bless them for telling you to wear flip-flops to avoid a nasty fungal infection. Now there’s advice after our own (germophobic) hearts.
  • A big Valentine’s smooch to Nerve Scanner for reminding us of all the smokin’ hot women size 10 and — gasp! — up.
  • Finally, here’s a Valentine’s date night tip for ya: Don’t take your feminist girlfriend to dinner at Arby’s. In fact, we think it’s safe to say: Don’t take any girlfriend to dinner at Arby’s.
Confession: I'm an Oversharer (and I Just Had Sex!)

underwear_washing_linephoto by bansal98

Our contributor Kristine deGuzman, a junior at UC Berkeley, has a confession to make:

I’ve shared almost everything about my sex life with my friends — they know, for example, that I discovered masturbation when I was 8 and alone with my parents’ hand-held massager. And that I am prone to squirt during sex. I’m guessing they would tell you that I don’t know how much information constitutes T.M.I.

You say over-sharing, I say, what’s the big deal? I just don’t get why so many of my peers treat their sex lives like their bowel movements — something we all know is going on but don’t feel comfortable enough to discuss with company. I especially don’t see the point of trying to hide your sex life when you’re in college, because if you’re seeing someone in college, it’s almost a given that you’re getting into each other’s pants.

Most people I’ve come across either giggle or act a bit awkward when I cross that T.M.I. line, though I have discovered that with a little push, a good number of people dive right over with me. Let’s take a girl I know from back home. We went through 13 years of private Catholic school together and she’s always been known to be a prude. I saw her over Winter Break, and over coffee, she managed to let slip that she recently started having sex. This is pretty much how our conversation went:

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Screw the Chocolates, Get Me a Jimmyjane

jimmyjane_form6_vibrator2

Are you betting that your boyfriend is going to remember Valentine’s Day on Saturday morning and get you a last-minute, heart-shaped box of very unfair-trade chocolates from the mall? Then we recommend “accidentally” leaving this blog entry open on his laptop to steer him in the right direction. Or are you betting that your girlfriend is expecting a last-minute, heart-shaped box of very unfair-trade chocolates from the mall? Then get thee to JimmyJane or GoodVibes stat and order her a pretty-in-pink Jimmyjane Form 6 vibrator — there’s plenty of time for it to arrive by V-Day if you order today. Oh, and if there’s no partner in the picture? Then why not treat yourself to one and spend the entire Valentine’s Day having some quality me time. Its rechargeable battery lasts for two hours, and we bet you can’t say that about the loser who dumped you the week before V-Day.

Admittedly, this vibrator is a bit of a splurge at $185. But what the hell else are cheesy Hallmark holidays for if not to show your genitals that you care enough to send the very best? Here’s what you get for your money…

  • From the packaging to the design of the toy to the instruction manual to the recharging station-slash-travel case, the entire thing is 100% classy. So even if your girlfriend isn’t the type to keep a butt plug in her nightstand, it’s not likely to offend her. Forget the Rabbit; this is the kind of vibrator the “Sex & the City” gals would have used, had it been out back then.
  • Oh yeah, did we mention it comes with an instruction manual? You’ll notice that cheap knock-off toys don’t, because unlike the Form 6, they’re not actually meant to be used for your pleasure. They’re not even meant to go near your body.
  • Speaking of your body, the Form 6 is made of phthalate-free medical-grade silicone and metal. Meaning, it does a body good without doing a body bad.
  • You can completely submerge the Form 6 in the bathtub, making it one of the only vibrators in the world that is both rechargeable and truly waterproof. (To really knock it out of the park on V-Day, why not draw your GF a bubble bath, light some candles, pour her a glass of wine, and then give her the Jimmyjane?)
  • It’s pretty quiet for the strength vibe it provides, which means it won’t spoil the mood if you use it together, and it won’t get the whole apartment building gossiping if you use it alone.
  • It’s got six different vibration modes, six speeds, and five intensity levels — kind of like those massage chairs you sit in for a pedicure, except, you know, orgasmic.
  • It’s silky smooth all over with no edges, no corners, and no defined top or bottom — so you get to decide what bit goes where.
  • It doesn’t look like a penis, it doesn’t look like a rabbit, it doesn’t have a smiley face, and it’s not “disguised” as a lipstick. In other words, this is a vibrator for grownups.

Want to know even more? Check out the Form 6 product page at Jimmyjane.com. Want to find out for yourself? Then get shopping at Jimmyjane or

Poll: Love Me, Love My Bacne?

If you can’t see the poll, click here to take it.

Wise Guys: What's a Good Valentine's Day Present for a Guy?

vintage_valentine_cardvintage card via howieluvzus

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: What’s a good Valentine’s Day present for a guy? And please don’t say BJ. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Gay Married Guy (Jon Ross): I just have to say a BJ. I can’t help it. We know you want roses, you know we want a blowjob. It might be obvious, but traditions should be honored and on Valentine’s day both flowers and fellatio should be in the picture to ensure an enjoyable evening for both parties. Moving beyond that, what I would truly love from my beloved are two tickets — one for me and one for him. Tickets to what, you ask? Well, whatever your man is into — is he a sports nut? Spring for tickets to opening day. Does he love Monster Truck shows? Time to shell out for Gravedigger. Does he like a fabulous Broadway show? Then you may want to investigate what kinds of bars he’s been hanging out at late at night. . .uh, no get him orchestra seats to the hottest new production! Especially if you are in a new relationship, this gives both of you the opportunity to share something he loves together. And maybe you’ll come away with a new appreciation for whatever it is he loves. Still, whatever you do, don’t forget the blowjob!

Straight Married Guy (Jamie): I’m a big believer that Valentine’s Day shouldn’t be such a “gifty” holiday. It should really be about showing your partner that you appreciate them. A long, slow (topless, perhaps) massage is hard to beat. If your guy isn’t the touchy-feely type, but has a little metrosexual in him, find a place that offers a Delux shave experience like The Art Of Shaving here in New York. They offer The Royal Shave for $55 which includes a pre-shave facial massage, hot towel treatment, full shave, and an after-shave mask, and moisturizing balm. I’ve had it and it’s awesome!

Straight Single Guy (Pete): I think classes are a good gift. Maybe take a cooking class together, or buy a guitar lesson or a kickboxing lesson for him…something he’s always wanted to do. Another option is to plan some kind of a day that’s a few different surprise plans. It doesn’t have to be anything expensive — just something he’ll find fun rather than a chore. Maybe it’s cheap seats at an MMA or boxing match, or even just a guy movie. You know, something to make up for that time you made him come into the shoe store with you (you could even check out Attack The Back and get him some gear to start MMA training himself, and go with him to his first few sessions). Learning different techniques and their differences (such as the d’arce choke vs anaconda) could help out with a better physique but also provide a lot of mental strength as MMA training would usually do.

Honestly, if a girl came to a sporting event with me, had a few beers, and maybe even had (or pretended to have) a good time, I’d be smitten. Of course, the one way to ensure that it’s the best Valentine’s Day ever for a guy: a blowjob, followed by sleep.

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Married Guy is Jon Ross; the other two are feeling a little shy. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

How to Have a Pretend Threeway

One of the most common letters we get from straight men writing into our advice column — right after “How can I safely enlarge my penis?” — is “How can I convince my girlfriend to have a threeway?” Unfortunately, guys, nagging is never going to get her in the mood to invite her roommate into bed with you. Remember, all three parties have to be equally gung-ho for a threeway to work — not to mention totally secure, issue-free, and ideally bi.

Instead of pouting, here’s a better idea: Why not try a little role-playing instead and have a pretend threeway tonight? Talking and fantasizing together about an intimate encounter with your hottie mail carrier or your local news anchor can be pretty steamy. Plus, in a fantasy threeway, no one gets an elbow in the eye — and there’s no awkward post-coital coffee talk, either.

And, hey, you never know — testing the waters like this just might get your partner in the mood for something a little more…fleshy.