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Your Call: My Boyfriend Puts Too Much Pressure On My Orgasm

September 3, 2013

7 Comments

photo via Wiki Commons

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

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*PRIVATE* Advice Service!

 

Dear Em & Lo,

I’m having trouble having an orgasm with my BF. I am on medication (Welbutrin 300 mg, and Zoloft 25 mg). Could that be causing my problem? I mean, I’ll use toys for hours and nothing happens. Sometimes I’ll get very wet but other times I just dry up. Sex is pretty new to me. I became active at 27, I’m currently going on 29. I don’t know what it is. I came a lot one time — he used a cucumber on me and I came for the first time. I wasn’t on my medication that time, though.

He expects this to happen all the time now with intercourse. I mean, is my vagina used to the cucumber and I’m not being pleasured enough by my BF? It feels good when we’re having sex, but his goal every time is to make me orgasm. He gets frustrated and doesn’t feel like he’s good enough. I love having sex with him, but he just makes me feel like I HAVE to orgasm every time, and he gets upset when I don’t. It’s just so much pressure, plus I have a hard time trying to concentrate on my own.

I don’t know what to do! Sometimes he doesn’t want to have sex with me because he can’t make it happen. I am not his first, he’s had many women before me, and apparently I’m the only one he’s had trouble accomplishing this with. I’m pretty fed up with it. I don’t want this to be the reason we have sex. What should i do? What can I do? I’m so fed up, I don’t even have the patience to concentrate while I’m trying to masturbate myself. He’s even starting to make me feel like it’s something I have to do.

Before I was with my BF, I thought masturbation was wrong, and I wasn’t interested in it. Truthfully, I’m not really into it now. I feel stupid when I do it. Is there any hope for me? I just want to feel good and make my BF happy. What should I do?

– Veggie Booty

What should Veggie Booty do? Leave your advice in the comments section below.

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Your Call: Why Does My BF Look at Naked Pics of Celebs?

August 19, 2013

5 Comments

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE* Advice Service!

 

Dear Em & Lo,

I’m 25 and my BF is 24. Our sex life dwindled just like every other live-in couple, from once-twice day to once in ten-fifteen days. Whatever. My problem is he searches for porn videos and naked pics of almost each and every good-looking celebrity (actor/singer/sports personalities/anyone really!) he sees on TV.

It’s gotten to such a point that I feel uncomfortable even watching movies with him without feeling that the next thing he’ll do is go online and start his business. Is this normal? Do all men do this? I don’t mind him looking up porn videos of porn stars (that’s their job, duh) but almost everyone he sees on TV? Isn’t that a bit immature and obsessive? Am I overreacting?

– Dating a Googleholic

What should D.A.G. do? Leave your advice in the comments section below.

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Dear Em & Lo: Why Did My Boyfriend Cheat Down?

August 14, 2013

3 Comments


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Dear Em & Lo,

My a-hole live-in boyfriend cheated on me for more than a year before I found out and dumped him. I found out because I was suspicious and snooped on his laptop while he was out and found hundreds of emails between them. I also found photographs of her in these emails. I read the emails from her and she doesn’t seem very funny or all that smart, and she’s way less attractive than me, too. I’m not a vain person, but I definitely have a better body than she does. I always figured that if he cheated on me, it’d be for someone way hotter and younger, or better than me in some way, someone who offered something I can’t. WTF?

– Too Good for this Sh*t

Dear T.G.F.T.S.,

Who knows why your boyfriend cheated on you with this woman? Maybe she makes a mean blueberry cheesecake, maybe she just luuuurves giving blowjobs, maybe she’s rich, maybe she saves baby birds when they fall out of trees, maybe she’s going to put your boyfriend in her next movie, maybe she’s a good drinking buddy, maybe she doesn’t ask too many questions about where he spends the night, maybe she makes him feel hot and funny and smart… or maybe she’s just not you. Maybe she was just there.

Here’s the thing: people who cheat break the rules. That’s the nature of cheating: Cheaters get some kind of thrill out of breaking the rules and getting one over on their partner. Instead of putting on their big girl pants and breaking up with someone, they decide to have their cake and eat it, too. So what makes you think that this kind of person would follow any sort of rule or code when it comes to cheating?

We’re sorry your boyfriend cheated on you, but we think it’s time you took the high road. Yes, you’re “too good for this shit” when it comes to being two-timed — nobody deserves that. But you might want to take a closer look at the way you’re judging this woman, the way you’re judging your ex’s taste in women, and the way you judge what makes someone an ideal partner. Just because you’re the prettiest, smartest, funniest woman in the room, doesn’t mean you always win. Move on and find someone new who deserves you. And, hey, don’t discount the short, ugly guys, mmmkay?

Too Old for this Sh*t,

Em & Lo

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Dear Em & Lo: My Fiance Won’t Let Me Use a Vibrator During Sex

August 7, 2013

0 Comments

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Dear Em & Lo,

I am 24 years old and am recently engaged to my boyfriend of 2 years. We have been very open with our sexual problems but one I just can’t see to get him to understand is that I can’t have an orgasm with just sex. I have to use a vibrator to get off. This has been a problem with every relationship I’ve ever had. It doesn’t matter what we do, how we do it, or if I quit using the vibrator all together, all I’m left with is frustration and I go back to the tried and true.

It’s been bogging us down so much lately that I’m worried that it will become a core problem in our marriage. I love the act of sex and I really want to enjoy it WITH him, rather than wait til he’s finished and finish myself or do it beforehand. What can I do?

– Vibe Tired

Dear Vibe Tired,

You’re wondering whether this will become a core problem in your marriage? Hell yeah, it will! You say that you’ve been very open about your sex problems and it’s all going well except for this one thing… But orgasms aren’t just one little thing. They’re pretty much the main thing!

But more important even than orgasms are these things: Empathy. Respect. Compromise. Your fiancé is seriously lacking in all three.

You cannot marry this man until you’ve sorted out this problem. He needs to understand that most women can’t climax from intercourse alone. Most women need some help, be it from a hand or a toy. Maybe give your fiancé a guided tour of your vulva sometime, and point out exactly how far the clitoris is from the vaginal opening?

Tell your fiancé that you love him and are attracted to him and you want to climax with him. Tell him that there is only one way for this to happen. Tell him you are simply not down with having your orgasm on your own, like some maid on Downton Abbey eating in the servants’ quarters.  Sure, maybe after a few years of marriage, you will find another way to climax — or maybe you won’t, who knows? The important thing is, your fiancé doesn’t get to decide how, when, and where you have an orgasm. What decade does he think he’s in, anyway?

You need to say these things calmly and clearly. (Maybe skip that last part about what decade he’s in unless you’re spoiling for a fight!) Suggest that your boyfriend hold the vibrator so he feels part of the equation. Maybe you guys could try a finger toy that he actually wears, or a small pebble-like vibrator (we love the Lily by LELO) that fits neatly between your bodies. Or perhaps a vibrating love ring for his number one guy? Make sure you splurge on a vibrator that is well-designed and quiet, so the buzzing isn’t a buzz kill.

And if he still says no? Then break out the big guns and say that this is the deal breaker for you. If he won’t put a love ring on it, then you won’t put a ring on it.

Sex Writers for Orgasm Equality,

Em & Lo

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Is Cuckolding a Real Trend, Or Just Another Internet Meme?

August 5, 2013

8 Comments

photo via flickr

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your thoughts in the comments section. 

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE* Advice Service!

 

Dear Em & Lo,

A lot of erotica & porn is devoted to cuckolding (either interracial or less racially oriented). Observers claim that many women are happily liberating their “inner slut” by freely exploring their sexuality, mostly via fuck-buddy-style sex with partners outside their primary relationship (boyfriend or spouse), & often with BF or husband’s permission, encouragement or participation.

Is all this supposed increase in women being free to “fuck around like men do” just another internet meme or popular theme in porn — or is such a phenomenon truly occurring to any significant degree? The blogs (tumblr & elsewhere) that flaunt amateur pics & video are quite numerous, so I wonder if this might in fact be a growing subculture, in the US & Europe. Any insight you can offer?

– Cuckold-Curious

Leave your thoughts for C.C. in the comments section below!

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Dear Em & Lo: My Love-Hate Relationship with Doggy-Style

July 24, 2013

0 Comments


photo via Flickr

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Dear Em & Lo,

I’ve always found “doggy style” sex to be naughty and hot visually. A lot of my fantasies include my boyfriend and I having sex in this position. However, when we actually try “from behind” tactics, I feel like I have to pee. I think this might be an indication that G-spot stimulation is a bad idea for me, but I would really like to find a from-behind position that is both comfortable and hot.

Your loyal reader,
Lassie

 

Dear Lassie,

Actually, G-spot stimulation done right WILL make you feel like you have to pee…

Read the rest of this entry »



Your Call: Would You Date Someone 30 Years Older?

July 22, 2013

8 Comments

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE* Advice Service!

 

This week’s question from a reader is very simple: Would you date someone 30 years your senior?

Let us know what you think in the comments section below. And, of course, don’t forget to tell us how old YOU are, and whether you’re male or female. In this case, we think both are pretty pertinent!

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Dear Em & Lo: My Boyfriend Always Chooses Masturbation Over Me

July 17, 2013

4 Comments

photo via flickr
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Dear Em & Lo,

I have been dating my man for over 6 years. For the past 4 yrs, our intercourse has gone from 2x/wk to once every 2 months. He explained to me it’s because he’s tired, he wants to keep it ‘tight,’ I’m coming on 2 strong or that he’s just not in the mood. I’ve honestly tried everything: massages, constant BJs, initiating sex, toys, dress up, talking, etc. I clean the house, prepare 3 meals, never complain, ask for miminal help, pay for 2/3 expenses and still find time to want to please him every way I can.

Yet, he still prefers masturbation over sex with me and I’ve caught him cheating on me with a hooker when I was 5 wks preg with his child. He claims he loves me, I feel like he does, but I am really confused as to why I feel like he’s using me for everything but sex unless it’s the last resort for something ‘new’ (I say new b/c that’s how it feels since he can go months without sex with me).

I don’t think I am unattractive and I can confess I have a great body after childbirth, but I feel like I am ready to cheat on his ass if he doesn’t put out. We’ve already talked out this but he hasn’t budged from his position and still we don’t have sex often. He masturbates in the bathroom every night and yet I am here looking good and ready 2 go.

Should I be concerned about him preferring masturbating even when I can play along however he chooses? Should I go ahead and find my satisfaction elsewhere cuz I’m starting to feel like I don’t give a flying fuck anymore even tho that’s just pussy talking horny.

I feel at a loss even more b/c we’re supposed 2 be married soon but I don’t want 2 marry some1 who has sex with me once a fucken month IF I AM LUCKY. We are like best friends, I don’t get why he won’t just fuck me crazy. Goodness.

– Girlfriend of the Year

Dear Girlfriend of the Year,

You’re confused?! WE are confused. We are confused how you could possibly be confused by this situation. We’re confused that you would even ask us if you should be “concerned.”

If this man is like a best friend to you, then we hate to imagine how your enemies treat you. And if you honestly believe that this is how a man in love acts, then we think you need to raise your standards a little.

You’ve tried everything. You’ve tried more than everything. You’ve given him more chances than any man deserves, you’ve made dinner, and you’ve made your case clear. There’s only one thing left to do: Get the hell out of dodge!

We know it’s complicated when you share a child with someone, but that’s no excuse to get yourself in even deeper with such an asshole. Do you really think your child deserves to grow up in a house with a father who cheated on you with a prostitute while you were pregnant? That right there should have been game over.

Trust us, it’s not “horny pussy” talking, it’s your entire body that is screaming, ENOUGH ALREADY.

Please, for the love of all that is good in this world — for the love of your child, if nothing else — do not cheat on him. Do not stoop to his level. Do not double-down on this shitty situation. Just. Get. Out.

On your side,

Em & Lo

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Your Call: How Do I Mentally Unblock My Orgasm?

July 9, 2013

6 Comments

photo via flickr

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE* Advice Service!

Dear Em & Lo,

I was a virgin when I met my husband, and eight years into the marriage, the sex has gotten twenty times better. However, no matter how hard he tries or lasts, I seem to self-sabotage my orgasm. I get to a nine and then get tired, panic, or just lazy. I want my orgasm but I can’t seem to let go and turn myself off to allow it. My mind will do either all three things above — or worse, just get distracted by a thought about work, etc. It’s like mentally I’m blocked, or somehow trained to not allow an orgasm. How can I unblock and orgasm?

– This One Wants to Go to Eleven

What words of wisdom do you have for Eleven? Leave your advice in the comments section below.

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Dear Em & Lo: I Like My Co-Worker More Than My Boyfriend

June 26, 2013

3 Comments

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Dear Em & Lo,

I have a bf of 6 years, but I am crushing on my coworker who is very different than my man.

I have been with my now bf on and off for maybe 6 years. I love him, but we don’t get to see each other very often. Probably like once or twice a month because of distance and different schedules. We’ve been good for now though and I think our relationship is more solid than it was before. He is really cute, sexy, nice, funny, and charming. He knows everything about me and gets me. I can be myself around him.

Now I have a problem. I am starting to like my coworker. We’ve only been working with each other for less than 1 year. He’s completely different than my man and is less attractive, shorter, and skinnier but I don’t care. I dunno if this is because we work together so I get attracted to him since I see him a lot. But I see qualities in him that my bf lacks, such as being more gentle and sensitive. I don’t think he could harm a fly. My bf is smart too, but my coworker is extremely brilliant and I find that to be such a turn on! I think he’s more mature than my man too since it appears he thinks more before he speaks.

I don’t know if these feelings are here because I’m also a bit nervous since my man and I have had a rollercoaster relationship before, breaking up and getting back together more than 3 times. And each time we broke up it’s for the same reason and then I hate myself for getting back together with him.

But I don’t want to gamble on my current relationship for this feeling. And the person of interest is a coworker so I can’t even act on it since we work closely. And I feel like sometimes he’s flirty with me too and he always checks up on me at work to make sure I’m doing okay and I think it’s so thoughtful and sweet. My coworker knows I have a bf and he is very shy and I know he would never act on it because I know he thinks it’s messed up to try to get a girl that already has a bf. My coworker always makes fun of me too so I think he may have a slight attraction? He makes fun of me more so than he jokes about other people we work with.

I’ve only seriously dated my current guy right now too so I don’t know if I’m supposed to be dating around more. I’m 24. My bf and and my coworker are also 24. My gut is telling me that no matter how much I love my current bf, it will probably not work out in the future because of our pattern of fights. But another part of me is saying I need to be happy with what I have since he is really great and gets along with my friends and I think his family adores me.

My biggest question is what do I do? I don’t want to ruin what I have and I know my bf would be so upset it would ruin our relationship forever. I don’t want to ruin something that may not even have potential. Please help.

– Bird in the Hand

Dear Bird in the Hand,

You’re twenty-four! Does that answer your question? Because it should.

But clearly it doesn’t, because you wrote this letter to us, so we’ll say it a little more clearly. You’re twenty-four! We happen to think that even ninety-four is too young to settle for someone just because they get on with your family and friends, but twenty-four is definitely way too young to be thinking like this.

Whether or not you end up dating your co-worker — and you seemed to have answered your own question in this regard: it’s just not appropriate in your particular office environment — we think you need to let yourself be, well, twenty-four. You’ve got so much time to figure out what you want in a relationship, and it’s way easier to do this when you’re not attached to someone.

We’ll say it again: You’re twenty-four! You should be having a blast, flirting up a storm, and dating anyone who takes your fancy. If you fall head over heels, feel free to get all mushy and hand-hold-y and serious, but until then — and it doesn’t sound like you’re there yet — have some fun, dammit!

– Two Birds

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