photo by jinkazamah
Your bedroom should be a sacred space for rest, relaxation, and rolling in the hay. Any reminders of everyday stresses — CNN on the television, files you brought home from the office, stacks of unpaid bills, your cellphone — can fill your room with negative energy. If you look over your honey’s shoulder and see some work you need to finish or a K2 of laundry you need to do, your brain can all too easily wander over to that task, which will kill arousal. And then, next thing you know, you’re thinking “It’s not that I don’t love the sex, it’s just that I just have so much to do!” To fix that, spend an hour (okay, 20 minutes) tonight cleaning your closet (or at least shutting the doors to it), ditching the colossal pile of magazines next to your bed that you’ll never get around to reading, removing the worn clothes hanging over the back of that chair, and making the space a computer/TV-free zone. Light some candles, turn on some nice relaxing music, and put some soft, clean sheets on your bed.
photo by _StaR_DusT_
Do you want to feel that rush of first love again? Do you want to feel the tingle of a junior high crush? Do you want to “extend foreplay” like all the sexperts tell you to but you keep running out of things to do? Do you want to go on a date night but are just too freakin’ tired to plan anything on a Friday night? Then head to the movies tonight — anything R-rated or above so there are no whining kids in the audience — grab a seat in the back row, and make out like teenagers. Allow yourself to do anything you would have let yourself do back in early high school — when you weren’t sure you wanted to go “all the way” with your boyf/girlf, but the one thing you did know for sure was that you couldn’t keep your hands off them. Hold hands all the way home, stopping for ice cream and making out whenever there’s a red light. Finally, jump each other’s bones the moment you walk in the door, like the fully mature, going-all-the-way grownups that you are.
photo via bobster1985
Total nudity is not always a prerequisite for great sex: leftover clothes give the sex a sense of urgency and spontaneity, like you wanted each other so badly that there was simply no time to brush your teeth, disrobe, and get under the covers. Or like you’re doing it outside and you’ve got to stay partially clothed in case you have to make a quick getaway — except you’re not actually outside, so you don’t have to worry about frostbite and/or mosquitoes. But gentlemen? The socks don’t count.
photo by zaphodsotherhead
If we all followed the golden rule of reciprocity in bed, we think there’d be more sex, more orgasms, less bickering, fewer sex advice columnists (we’d be out of a job!), and possibly even world peace. Remember, if your partner tickles your back, it’s not just because they’re being nice — they want you to tickle their back, too. And anything tactile, whether it’s a back massage or a nipple tweak or oral sex, feels better when you don’t have to ask for it.
photo by hyku
One of the most common letters we get from men writing into our advice column — right after “How can I safely enlarge my penis?” — is “How can I convince my girlfriend to have a threeway?” Unfortunately, guys, nagging is never going to get her in the mood to invite her roommate into bed with you. Remember, all three parties have to be equally gung-ho for a threeway to work — not to mention totally secure, issue-free, and perhaps a little tipsy.
Instead of pouting, here’s a better idea: Why not try a little role-playing instead and have a pretend threeway tonight? Talking and fantasizing together about an intimate encounter with your hottie mail carrier or your local news anchor can be pretty steamy. Plus, in a fantasy threeway, no one gets an elbow in the eye — and there’s no awkward post-coital coffee talk, either.
And, hey, you never know — testing the waters like this just might get your partner in the mood for something a little more…fleshy.
photo by zmxncbv.com
As a woman, it’s hard not to hate your own boobs. You always want what you don’t have. And it only gets worse as you get older and your boobies start to head south (unless of course you just reach that zen state of not giving a shit anymore). One thing you can do (besides cosmetic surgery, which we wouldn’t recommend — but give it time and we might change our tune) is getting fitted for a decent bra at one of those higher-end bra specialty stores. Chances are you’re wearing the wrong size; even if you were once wearing the right size, you probably aren’t now because A) your bras have stretched out over time and B) your body is constantly changing due to weight fluctuations, pregnancy, breastfeeding, age. And the right size and style can make all the difference: not only will your sistas look perkier, but they can look bigger if that’s what you want or they can look smaller (and thus make you seem slimmer) if that’s what you prefer. Plus, your clothes will look better on and your bra will probably feel better on because it fits properly. Ultimately, you’ll feel better about your body, you’ll walk taller and straighter, and you’ll exude more confidence — all of which is sexy. Of course, once the bra comes off, you’re on your own.
photo by liz_noise
You’ve heard of the G-spot, the spongy tissue surrounding the urethra that can be stimulated via the front wall of the vagina (pleasurably for some, not so much for others). And we hope you’ve heard of the P-spot (a.k.a. the male G-spot, a.k.a. the prostate gland). But what about the PS-Spot? Well, just beneath a woman’s perineum (that short bridge of tissue between the vaginal opening and the anus) is a tightly packed tangle of blood vessels alternately known as the perineal sponge, the perineal body, or — you guessed it! — the PS-spot. Like other erectile tissue, this mass fills with blood upon arousal and can be sensitive to massage and pressure via the perineum, via the lower back wall of the vagina (opposite the G-spot), or via the anus. Just because every women’s magazine hasn’t written a million articles on it (like they have on the G-spot) doesn’t mean it’s not deserving of your love and attention. Who knows, it could be your magic button. So press it!
photo by net_efekt
It is officially not bad manners to close your eyes while receiving head if that helps you get to your happy place — especially for the ladies who may need a little help staying focused during cunnilingus. That said, it’s nice to occasionally take a peek to check in on your partner. After all, you don’t want your partner to get all insecure and think that your eyes are closed so you can pretend you’re being serviced by People’s Sexiest Man/Woman Alive. (Though, for the record, it’s okay to do that sometimes, too — however, if your mind is on someone else every time you get busy, you might want to ponder just how attracted you actually are to the real life person in your bed.) But whether your eyes are open or closed, please remember that a mid-sesh wink — at either end of the oral sex equation — is extremely hard to pull off with class.
photo by P. Baker
Yes, we’re talking about the good old-fashioned hickey — that simple little expression of unbridled passion that can immediately take you back to your first few heady times of making out (oh, to be young again!). Of course, the love bite should not be administered (or accepted) willy-nilly. Only the hidden hickey (breast, back, shoulder etc.) may be given at any time and without permission, assuming the person on the receiving end is a committed partner with a good sense of humor who’s thoroughly enjoying it. (If not, get permission first.) The half-hidden hickey (e.g. just behind the collar) may be administered with implicit permission to a trusted and trusting partner. The blatantly obvious hickey (neck!) may be planted only with explicit permission, since visible hickies can get people fired/excommunicated/pointed and laughed at. Remember, we’re not talking about breaking skin (always a no no). Just a gentle sucking that leaves a small mark that your partner can look at lovingly in their bathroom mirror and think of you when you’ve gone. A little naughty calling card.
photo by Aoife city womanchile
Next time you take a beautiful stranger back to your place for a one-night stand, use the opportunity to experiment with acts that you consider out of character. (And no, we don’t mean letting them tie you up — remember, kids: don’t stare at the sun, don’t run with scissors, and don’t let strangers or vengeful exes tie you up in bed.) If you normally let your partner take the reins in the bedroom, why not be bossy for a change? If you’ve always wanted to role-play but were worried your partner would laugh at you, tonight’s the night to embrace your inner superhero/farmhand/spanking professor. Or perhaps you just want to do it doggy-style (remember, “kinky” is a relative term). The most important thing is, whatever you do, your one-night won’t think it’s out of character — because you’ve only just met! One-night standers who fail to talk a little dirtier or get it on a little naughtier are missing out on half the fun.