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Dream Interpretation: Abusive Ex-Boyfriend Is Still In My Dreams

September 26, 2013

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Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I had a dream that my current boyfriend tried to attack me last night. I was involved in a previous relationship that was abusive and still have fears about it. I woke up crying and I scared my boyfriend to the point where he doesn’t wanna be bothered with me. I try to remember the dream, but something won’t really allow me to. Please help.

Lauri:¬†Unfortunately I hear about this sort of thing all too often, a woman who was in an abusive relationship continuing to have nightmares about it long after she got out. Sigh. Breaks my heart. It’s a traumatic thing to live in constant fear of being pummeled at a moment’s notice. It really wrecks your sense of self worth and your sense of security, and obliterates your peace of mind!

Even though you are out of the relationship, your psyche hasn’t calmed down and you still hold onto the fear and it is expressed through your dreams. Your dreams can’t move forward until you move forward, and that is going to take a little bit of work, mostly on your part — but it sure would be helpful if your current boyfriend gave you some support too. He doesn’t want to be bothered with you? What kind of bullshit is that? The biggest predictor of future behavior is past behavior. If this is how he reacts to your very understandable issue, I wouldn’t expect him to be terribly helpful to you in the future. Sheesh already!

Luckily, this is something you can make great strides in with or without Mr. Can’t-Be-Bothered. First of all, realize that you are giving yourself these dreams; they are a creation of your own subconscious, therefore you can change and even put a stop to them! Typically, writing down the dream and then re-writing the ending the way you would like it to play out can work wonders.

But since you aren’t able to remember the details of the dream, journaling at bedtime will work just as well. It is crucial you journal right before you turn out the light to go to sleep, because what is on your mind as you drift off will affect your dreams.

I would start by writing a letter to yourself, and in that letter you need to do a couple things. First, forgive yourself for being in the relationship as long as you were. A lot of women who have been in abusive relationships continue to figuratively beat themselves up for staying in the relationship way longer than they should have. That does not help. So write yourself a forgiveness letter.

Then, write yourself a love letter. Yes, a love letter. If that seems crazy and you can’t imagine doing it, just pick three things you like about yourself: one thing you like about your physical appearance, one thing you like about your personality, and one thing you’ve done that you’re kinda proud of. Then expand a little bit on these three things. This will help you to build yourself back up after your ex has torn you down. This will also help you let go of unnecessary emotional baggage such as contempt for yourself. Do this every night for a while. When you make it a habit of going to bed feeling good about yourself, your dreams can’t help but follow the pattern!

In addition, it wouldn’t hurt to take some martial arts or a self-defense class. May as well build up your physical strength while you are building back up your inner strength. Be consistent with the journaling, make yourself physically stronger, and you’ll be surprised what a powerful force you’ll become in your own life… and your dreams will become pretty freaking cool as well! Keep us posted, will you?

 
Want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning? Lauri’s latest book, Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, will give you the tools you need to become a Dream Expert too! Check out all of Lauri’s books here.

 

 

 

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Dream Interpretation: My Ex and My Current Boyfriend Are Interchangeable

September 19, 2013

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photo via Flickr

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I had a dream where my current boyfriend of six months, whom I just moved in with a few months ago, and my ex boyfriend (we were together and lived together for three years) interchangeably play the same role in my dream. One second in my dream it’s my current boyfriend, the next he is my ex. In the dream I am being rejected not in a harsh way but I am not wanted in my new home and my boyfriend has another non-sexual heterosexual male friend over. I am there to collect my belongings. I feel a sense of apprehension and a small amount of pain. I have been thinking of my ex but I am content in my current relationship. This has just left me a tad bit confused and curious as to how I am really feeling about my life right now. Seeing as though I never remember any of my dreams, this one definitely seems to have some significance.

Lauri:¬†Indeed this dream has quite a bit of significance and it seems to be showing you that you haven’t fully let go of your ex, or at least fully let go of any resentment, anger, and feelings of victimhood that the relationship may have caused.

According to your dream, by not fully letting go, you are essentially allowing your ex to reside with you and your current boyfriend. He is renting out space in your head! That ex must have really done a number on you. It’s very common when someone goes through a horrible break up to bring the pain into their next relationship, which is totally unfair to the new love interest. Be honest with yourself; is this what you are doing?

You should also ask yourself if perhaps your current boyfriend is cut from the same cloth as your ex. Do you keep falling for the same personality type? Is your current boyfriend starting to exhibit similarities in behavior and the way he treats you as your ex did? If so, your dream may be warning you that you are pretty much dating the same person. This is up to you to decipher. If your current boyfriend is becoming eerily similar to the ex then you need to realize that you don’t need to learn that lesson a second time and get out.

If your current boyfriend is nothing like your ex, then your dream is showing you that you MUST let go of the resentment because there is not enough room in your life, or your home, for both your boyfriend and your anger. Three’s a crowd, dahling.

Want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning? Lauri’s latest book, Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, will give you the tools you need to become a Dream Expert too! Check out all of Lauri’s books here.

 

 

 

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Dream Interpretation: My Boyfriend Said No to a Threeway

September 12, 2013

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Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I had a dream last night that me and my boyfriend were having sex in a hotel room, and women kept on coming in and trying to get involved to have an FFM. I told my boyfriend that I didn’t mind if he really wanted to, but he kept on sending them away regardless of this, and he was even more annoyed when they tried to kiss me, etc. I don’t know why I had this dream and I’m really struggling to work out its meaning!

Lauri: Has this been a topic of discussion lately between the two of you? If so, your dream may be telling you that, deep down, you know this would not be a good idea for you two.

If you haven’t been discussing this option, and this dream seems to be coming from left field, I think I can help! First of all, the setting of the dream tells us that it is connected to a current issue in your life, or in your relationship, that is temporary, because we only stay in hotels for a temporary amount of time.

The way all these women kept coming in and trying to get involved tells us that there may be outside influences that are beginning to affect your relationship. What’s been going on lately that feels like an intrusion? Has someone been nosy? Or is there some sort of recent development that you are okay with but that your boyfriend is not?

The kissing makes me think this may have to do with either a conversation he does not want to have, or perhaps discussions you have been engaging in with others that he feels are wrong. What this boils down to is that your dream seems to be trying to show you that there is something you are okay with in real life that he is not and, once you figure out what it is, it may be best to move on from it rather than pushing the issue.

Want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning? Lauri’s latest book, Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, will give you the tools you need to become a Dream Expert too! Check out all of Lauri’s books here.

 

 

 

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Dream Interpretation: My Partner Sterilized Equipment to Kill Me

August 29, 2013

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Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I just had this awful dream that my partner was trying to kill me. It was a little odd at times as he was actually married to someone else in the dream, but I lived with him, and they both decided they were going to kill me. I kept trying to get upstairs to get my daughter to leave, but he was upstairs making everything sterile, all the instruments, it was horrid! I finally got my daughter in the car, then his wife — a random women in the dream — came chasing after me, hanging onto the car. It was so realistic I can smell bleach!

Lauri:  Dreaming that someone is trying to knock you off is fairly common. However, I really like the added element of the sterilizing bleach. Nice touch!

So, let’s figure this out. Odds are, your mate is not a homicidal maniac, so don’t worry. But he probably does want to “kill off” something about you or something in your life. Do you have a behavior or a habit he wants you to stop? Does he want you to lose weight? Is there anything going on in your life that he thinks needs to end? Or does he want to kill off who you are now and make you someone else… like his wife?

The bleach, and the fact that he is married in the dream, are both clues. The wife could mean that he is committed to this change that he wants to take place. The bleach might mean he wants to, or he wants you to “come clean” about something. Or perhaps he wants a fresh clean start in some way.

Whatever this change is, it is something you are resisting, which is why the dream was so horrid. It seems you don’t see it as a change but rather a death sentence! Might be a good time to discuss this with your mate, because he may be putting the pressure on a bit too much!

Want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning? Lauri’s latest book, Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, will give you the tools you need to become a Dream Expert too! Check out all of Lauri’s books here.

 

 

 

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Dream Interpretation: My Doctor Has a Penis AND a Vagina

August 23, 2013

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photo via Flickr

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I work at a hospital as a professional vampire. lol The other night I had a dream about a woman doctor — no one I knew or recognized. She and I were dating and she didn’t care who knew or saw. She was very hands on in the hospital with me. I’m pretty sure we did “stuff” because I knew she had a vagina and a penis. What could this mean?

Lauri:  Your dream reminds me of one I had just the other night where I was a unicorn and I was dating Kelly Clarkson! But enough about me.

Dating is an interesting dream element and it can usually be connected to “courting an idea” in waking life. Are you courting the idea of becoming a doctor? If not, then this doctor represents something else you desire or are interested in trying out. Doctors are healers and to the dreaming mind they represent our own ability to make a waking life situation better. Is there an issue, a behavior or a relationship you are trying to heal?

The fact that she happened to be an hermaphrodite is another clue as to what this dream is really about. Remember, the doctor represents some part of you and her sporting both genitalia is a sign that, whether you desire to be a doctor someday or wish to heal some waking life situation, it’s going to take your male assertive energy and your female nurturing energy to do so.

And if you happen to sprout a magical horn in your next dream, we’ll need to talk!

Dreamer responds: Thanks for letting me have some insight on my dream. I was thinking that because¬†I’m kinda struggling with whether I like men or women or both, that is why she had both parts to her…? ¬†I agree about the part where you said it’s going to take your male assertive energy and your female nurturing energy to do so. I have been kinda telling my self I don’t want a relationship and acting like a guy when it comes to my relationships but in reality I do want one and that’s when the girl part comes into play. I do look up to doctors and really admire them but I don’t want to be one. Thanks so much for your help. I’m sure I will have plenty more weird dreams for you in the future.

Want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning? Lauri’s latest book, Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, will give you the tools you need to become a Dream Expert too! Check out all of Lauri’s books here.

 

 

 

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Dream Interpretation: My Boyfriend Turned Into a Baby

August 15, 2013

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Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I’ve had many dreams lately about my boyfriend being a child. In this last one, we were at a baseball game, and he was an adult. But as the game went on I would look over at him and he was getting younger and younger. Finally he was a baby and a man walked by selling peanuts. My boyfriend starting crying because he wanted some peanuts so I picked him up and started to leave. As we were leaving everyone was telling me how cute of a couple we were, so my aggravation left me. I gave him a kiss and the dream ended.

Lauri: ¬†Has your boyfriend been acting childishly lately, by either being playful or perhaps by being a brat? I think it’s very telling that he pulled a Benjamin Button on you as the baseball game progressed. It tells me that there may be some head games happening and you are finding it to be more and more juvenile as time goes on… perhaps even to the point that it’s nuts, hence the peanuts.

And it seems that being the more mature one in the relationship, or at least at the time of this dream, you were ready to move on from the drama — not necessarily the relationship, but rather an issue — but his adorableness may have roped you back in.

Hopefully these recent dreams are merely illustrating and helping you to better understand a one-time issue within this relationship. However, if they continue then you may need to — as they say — put on your big girl panties and do what is necessary for your sanity!
Want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning? Lauri’s latest book, Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, will give you the tools you need to become a Dream Expert too! Check out all of Lauri’s books here.

 

 

 

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Dream Interpretation: My Dreams Are Always Lesbian (But I’m Not)

August 8, 2013

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photo via flickr

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. This week, a reader asks Lauri:

My dream is usually about people who don’t really exist but it’s always lesbian-related — why is that, if I’m not a lesbian? And the dreams never get into having sex, it’s just a tease — why is that?

Lauri: ¬†It is common to have people in your dream that don’t exist in real life. These people are actually parts of yourself. The dreaming mind will give form to all the different parts of you so that you can gain a better, deeper perspective of yourself and your life.

I believe the unknown women in your dream represents parts of you that desire, hence the lesbian activity.¬† But you’ve not obtained this yet, hence the teasing and no sex. Are you “flirting” with the idea of changing careers for example? What do you want to change about yourself or bring into your life that you don’t yet have? In what way do you want your identity or sense of self to change?

The fact that these are females in your dream as opposed to males may mean that you the part of you that you desire to become most likely involves female energy such as a nurturing or creative role. That’s what these females are and they keep teasing you in the dream in order to keep you enticed in real life so that you will continue to pursue and finally, ahem, nail what it is you desire.

Want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning? Lauri’s latest book, Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, will give you the tools you need to become a Dream Expert too! Check out all of Lauri’s books here.

 

 

 

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Dream Interpretation: I Watched My Boyfriend Sleep

August 1, 2013

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photo via flickr

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I went in to wake my boyfriend up and there was a little boy lying in bed right next to him. The little boy was about 5 or so. I just stood there and watched for a minute. They both were having a dream I could tell because both of them were moving their mouth & eyes were fluttering a lot. When I looked at the boy his were doing the exact same thing. I woke my boyfriend up & told him, “It’s funny when y’all sleep & dream you make the same expressions.”

It’s weird because I don’t usually see faces in my dreams and both of them I did. We were at my grandparents home except it was decorated differently, more modern. My boyfriend handed me a letter in a sealed envelope but I never got to read it.

Lauri: This dream is probably telling you quite a bit about your relationship! The five-year-old boy just may represent the child-like part of your boyfriend… whether that is a good thing or not, I suppose, is up to you. This is why they were doing the exact same thing, because they are the exact same person.

It is very interesting that they were both dreaming. Is there anything lately that your boyfriend has said or is attempting to do that you feel is not realistic; something that might cause you to say, “Yeah! Keep dreaming!”?¬†This also took place at your grandparents home. This could mean that something in the relationship is starting to get old.

The envelope you never got to open and read is very important. This points to a communication issue within the relationship. It seems you are not really getting your boyfriend lately. I think the sealed envelope suggests that you may not be “open” to what your boyfriend has been trying to get across to you.

It might be time to listen without thinking about what you are going to say while he is still talking. I think we’re all guilty of that from time to time. Sometimes writing each other a letter or an email is a good way to get a much needed conversation going. This way you can get all your thoughts in order. You have time to be thoughtful and careful about what you want to say AND in return neither of you can interrupt the other. Give it a try. Your dreaming mind seems to think it would be a good idea!

Want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning? Lauri’s latest book, Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, will give you the tools you need to become a Dream Expert too! Check out all of Lauri’s books here.

 

 

 

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Dream Interpretation: I Rip Off My Wedding Dress

July 25, 2013

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photo via flickr

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. This week, a reader asks Lauri:

Last night I had a dream where I walked into a venue with a stranger (whom I have never met) to get married. I felt apathetic and neutral about him and getting married. As we walked in, there were several brides who were also waiting to get married to their significant others.

My “fianc√©” greeted his mother and introduced me, as this was the first time meeting. I remember trying really hard to seem lovely and she gave me an uneasy, judgmental response. I then introduced her to my mother who gave the woman an even more uneasy, stuck-up judgmental response where the “mother in law” became extremely angry and upset refusing to go through with the wedding. My stranger “fianc√©” rushed by her side to calm her down leaving me with feelings of regret.

I ripped off my wedding dress to where I was naked from the waist up, using my tulle fabric I had ripped to cover my breasts and I followed my brothers out of the venue crying on the walk home. Can you please help me decipher what this dream means?

Lauri: ¬†Dreaming of a wedding — unless you are in the planning stages of one — is really more about a commitment you have made in waking life to something, someone or even to yourself. The apathy you feel in the dream suggests that you were feeling apathetic towards something in real life you were obligated to do. And just as you were trying to seem lovely to the mother in law in the dream, you were probably trying to make the best of this obligation in real life…or were at least trying to act as if you cared about it.

Ripping your wedding dress off from the waist up reflects your desire to get your disdain for this commitment or obligation “off your chest.” Also, the ripping of the fabric symbolizes how “torn” you were at the time of this dream as to whether stick to this commitment or not.

The judgmental attitudes of the two mothers suggests you were very concerned about how others may view you if you were to go through with the commitment or obligation. The entirety of the dream, I believe, is a strong message you were sending yourself that this simply is not for you.

Want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning? Lauri’s latest book, Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, will give you the tools you need to become a Dream Expert too! Check out all of Lauri’s books here.

 

 

 

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Dream Interpretation: I Sprouted Five Penises!

July 18, 2013

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image of South Korea’s Penis Park via Tripologist

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. This week, a reader asks Lauri:

All right, this is extremely strange and I woke up very relieved that it wasn’t real. In my dream I grew a penis. I was shocked, as I am a woman. I started to get very scared and wore different girdles and things to hide it. Then my body started sprouting more of them! I eventually ended up showing a few people, including my best friend, my mom and my ex-boyfriend. I was panicking. I still had a vagina, but also by this time 4 large penises and 1 sort of mediocre penis but no testicles to speak of. I went on the internet in my dream to see if I could find a pro-bono surgeon to remove them! I remember telling myself in my dream, “You are a woman! You’ve had a child! You get your period!” I woke up very glad to just have… me down there. Does this dream mean something?

Lauri: ¬†If you’re a regular reader of this column, you’ll see that gender-bending in dreams is more common than you might think. When we sprout or lose genitalia in a dream, it’s important to know that it’s not so much about our “junk,” but more about the masculine or feminine energy that junk represents.

Male genitalia often represents assertive energy. “Grow a pair” or “man up” are things we tend to say when we encourage others to behave in a more aggressive or assertive manner. “Pussy whipped” or “he’s such a pussy,” etc., are the (not very nice) ways we refer to someone who is being passive or submissive.

This picture language that we use while awake is exactly the way our dreams work… except our dreams bring that picture language to life! Now, as far as your dream is concerned, it seems you are certainly “manning up” in your real life. And since you sprouted several penises, it could be that there are several areas of your life where you are discovering your ability to “stand firm”… ahem, and be assertive.

It’s interesting, however, that you are trying to hide them and even research a surgeon to remove them. This indicates that you are not comfortable having to take on a more aggressive or forceful role. We gals certainly “have the balls” to handle our issues, but fear using this power because we don’t want to be labeled the B word. Is this what you are going through? Don’t be afraid to be a ball buster, when the time is right. It’s all about finding the right balance of feminine, nurturing energy and male assertive energy. This goes for both genders. Yin and Yang, positive and negative… wasted and sober, everything in moderation and balance!

Want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning? Lauri’s latest book, Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, will give you the tools you need to become a Dream Expert too! Check out all of Lauri’s books here.

 

 

 

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