photo via flickr

A recent survey by Pew Internet and the American Life Project found that one in three teens had shared a password (email, Facebook, etc.) with a friend or boyfriend or girlfriend. Apparently sharing your password is the new way to express intimacy, to prove to your partner that you have nothing to hide. Um, hello Facebook hacking! (Aside: Did you know that if you work at Facebook HQ and accidentally leave your FB account logged in when you leave your desk, some jokester colleague will update your status to say that you are pooping? Apparently it’s a company tradition.) Anyway. Maybe teens don’t have any credit card digits to lose just yet, but identify theft (or even just unauthorized identity borrowing) can suck in junior high too. We hope we don’t need to explain what a terrible idea this is.

But just in case we do — and we get it: exchanging letterman jackets and class rings is so last century — here are five better ways to express your intimacy, for the love-struck teen inside us all.

1. Get tested together for STDs. To clarify: forgoing the condom (before getting tested) doesn’t prove you have nothing to hide — it just makes you look like a dumb-ass.
2. Put your partner at the top of your speed dial list. You can even give them a special ring-tone.
3. Tag them in a cheeky status update on Facebook. Or proclaim your love @ them in a Tweet.
4. Get matching henna tattoos. Because matching permanent tattoos ranks right up there with sharing your password: 99% of you will come to regret it. Can you say “Wino Forever”?
5. Don’t have anything to hide! Don’t cheat, don’t lie, don’t talk trash behind someone’s back. If you’re honest to the core, you won’t need to prove it, because honesty speaks for itself.

• This post is a part of Sundance Channel’s SUNfiltered Blog
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photo via flickr

If we had to distill our entire body of sex advice into one word, it would probably be this: communicate. Before sex, during sex, after sex — speak up, people! It’s the only way to get what you need and want, and to make sure that your partner is getting what they need and want, too. But this doesn’t mean that all talk is good. Below is a list of the ten worst things to say during sex, a.k.a. how to kill a good buzz in one sentence or less.

1. “Who sings this song?” … We’re big fans of a soundtrack for sex, but the music should be ambiance only. Sure, everyone’s mind wanders during at times, but try to hold that thought and Google the song later. Same goes for singing along to a song during sex — just don’t.
2. “What?” … There’s nothing worse than whispering a sordid dirty nothing in your partner’s ear and having them say “What was that?” Some things just don’t bear repeating. Of course, it’s kind of an awkward moment when you know your partner just said something, and you have no idea if it was “Do you know how hot you make me?” or “Can I put this in your butt?” Try something a little more subtle than “Huh?” though, such as, “Say that again” in your huskiest voice.
3. “My ex did this awesome thing with my nipples–” … It’s okay to ask your partner to do something awesome that your ex once did. Just try and be a bit subtle about it. No names, genius. And no instructions so bossy and precise that it’s clear you’re trying to replicate a moment. Guide your partner there gently.
4. “No, not like that!” … Speaking of: When you’re directing your partner, speak in positives unless something really hurts or your partner just doesn’t get it. Tell them, specifically, what to do, rather than what not to do. Enthuse loudly when they get it right and guide them with your hands and body when they don’t.
5. “Deeper!” … Ladies, we hope we don’t need to explain why this is a terrible thing to say in bed. Say harder, say faster, say more, say fuck me…say anything else.
6. “Is that pee?” … Unless you’re both so drunk that you can’t see straight, chances are the lady ejaculated.
7. “This never happens”or “Huh, that usually works.” … Whether you’re a man with a flagging erection or a woman who’s not climaxing in her usual way, try not to imply that your partner — being the only variable in the equation — is the problem. You may not mean this, but they’ll probably hear it that way.
8. “Ew.” … Bodies are gross. They’re hairy, they get zits, they make impolite noises and smells — and we’re just talking about the ladies! This is a fact of life for all humans, except perhaps for those genetic freaks who can make a living as professional models — and even they are airbrushed! When you and another person get naked together, loosen up, start sweating, and do it like they do it on the Discovery Channel, you might see, hear, and smell some uncivilized things. Don’t make a big deal about it. Don’t point and laugh. And if you’re the culprit, don’t do a Dutch oven.
9. “I don’t mind.” … This is a terrible answer to the question, “What do you want to do tonight?” — at least in the early stages of dating — and it’s always a terrible answer to the question, “What do you want me to do to you?” Have an opinion, have a suggestion, or at least have an adjective at the ready (hard, fast, gentle, naughty, whatever).
10. “Did you come?” … If you have to ask…

This article also appeared on EdenFantasys.com

photo by nimAdestiny

The midnight New Year’s kiss is the stuff that Hollywood movie climaxes are made of. Help yours live up to the hype by following these 15 rules:

1. Even though it IS New Year’s, don’t expect a midnight kiss from your date. Remember, kissing is so intimate an act that not even Julia Robert’s hooker character in Pretty Woman would allow her johns to osculate her.
2. That said, there’s nothing wrong with being prepared. Right before you leave the house, brush your tongue as well as your teeth and put a tin of mints in your pocket for a post-drinking pre-midnight touch up (gum is tacky). Because bad breath makes every other tip on this list moot.
3. Oh, and moisturize – chapped lips are a bummer.
4. But go easy on the glam gloss. We know it’s a festive New Year’s party, but three coats of red lipstick or thick sticky goo make you about as kissable as a bulldog with gum disease.
5. Try to pick up on any signs that your date may not be into a midnight kiss (e.g. at 11:59pm they either excuse themselves to the bathroom, they are in the middle of an in-depth debate on Middle East politics with a group of nerds, or they make a plate with a big pile of spinach garlic dip). You can still try, just move slowly and give them a chance to turn you down. No swift “sucker punches.”
6. Don’t lick your lips when going in for the kiss, lest you look like the Big Bad Wolf sizing up his next meal.
7. Do not open your mouth so much wider than your partner’s that it appears as if you are trying to eat their head. Kissing is not a Mick Jagger impersonation contest, no matter what Maroon 5 says.
8. Use restraint when it comes to tongue (i.e. don’t think of this as “tonsil hockey”). Keep it romantic at midnight and save the passion for 2am.
9. No matter how much tongue you decide to use, keep it soft and flat, not pointy like an eel.
10. Keep your salivation in check – sloppiness does not equate passion.
11. Assuming you’re in the middle of a party, don’t let this become an extended public make-out session. If anyone yells “Get a room,” you’ve held the lip lock too long.
12. It’s an over-the-top holiday so an over-the-top move like a dip is acceptable (again, so long as it’s clear your date is into the kiss in the first place).
13. Grabbing someone’s face is romantic so long as you are not holding their head to keep them from pulling away.  Putting someone in a headlock so they cannot escape your kisser is not only rude, it is criminal.
14. Savor the smooching and save the boob groping and crotch grabbing for a little later.
15. If your kissee turns you down or pulls away quickly after just a peck, resist getting mad or pouty. Even if you are dying of humiliation or crying on the inside, maintain a cool and calm exterior. You can kill yourself later.

Happy New Year!

photo by Derek Purdy

Here are twenty totally do-able New Year’s resolutions to improve your love life in 2011. Learn them, live them, love them!

1. Ask for what you want.
2. Keep learning new things.
3. Let go of shame.
4. Be a stickler about safer sex.
5. Go for quality rather than quantity.
6. Don’t hold grudges in your relationship.
7. Believe in love (and lust) at first sight.
8. Think outside the box.
9. Consider the possibilities of household items (neckties, spatulas, etc).
10. Drop the routine.
11. Complain less.
12. Compliment more.
13. Do your Kegels (men too!).
14. Send (more) love texts.
15. Send (more) dirty texts (but no images!).
16. Invest in at least one high quality sex toy.
17. Reciprocate.
18. Make out like you did in high school.
19. Vow never to use Facebook, Twitter or texting as a means for breaking up.
20. Watch less TV.

This column also appeared in print in Metro

You may tie each other up every Monday and feel completely comfortable exploring each other’s less traveled orifices, or you may consider doggie style to be “experimental” — but when it comes to the holidays, we’re all just a bunch of overgrown kids hoping to survive extended time with the in-laws (or potential future in-laws). We interviewed therapist Dr. Terri Orbuch, author of the book Five Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great, who says she has found, in her long-term study of married couples, that when a husband or wife fails to get along with the in-laws, it’s predictive of marital unhappiness down the road. “On the flip side,” she says, “in the happiest marriages from my study, both spouses reported that they felt close to, or at least got along with, their in-laws.” We distilled Orbuch’s advice into 10 rules for making sure your relationship survives the onslaught of questionable family members this holiday season.

1. Make your partner a priority — and stand up for them. You can affect your parents’ behaviors and how they treat your spouse by treating your spouse with respect, dignity, and validation. If your parents love you, they want what is best for you. And the best thing for you is a happy spouse who wants to spend time with your family.
2. Set a time limit. Short visits may be the happiest ones.
3. Manage expectations. Don’t expect praise, warmth, and approval from your partner’s family. Realistic expectations reduce frustration.
4. Your mother-in-law is not your partner. Don’t let the anger you have toward your mother-in-law (or your partner’s drunk inappropriate uncle) be misplaced on your partner.
5. Learn to say when. You may need to accept the chill between you and your in-laws and simply learn to be decent and get along.
6. Maintain your relationship privacy. Meddling in-laws sometimes want to invade the privacy between you and your partner. Set clear boundaries regarding what you will tell your in-laws and parents, because they often make terribly biased and unhelpful relationship counselors.
7. Be a reporter. One of the best ways to keep conversations light is to ask questions and get your in-laws talking — about their work, childhood, interest in hedge trimming, etc. People love talking about themselves.
8. Deflect — or at least postpone — negativity. If your in-law criticizes you, your partner, or a member of your family, simply smile and reply with a neutral comment, such as, “Think so?” Later, after the holidays are over and you have more control over the setting, you can share that it hurt your feelings.
9. It’s the holidays, do you really need to make an issue out of whether or not you and your partner get to share a bedroom? Besides, who wants to have sex after overindulging in a massive, rich, holiday meal?
10. Take a walk with your partner. Everyone understands the need for a walk after a big meal. Get out of the house and take some deep breaths together to remind yourselves of who you’re dating/living with/married to (i.e. not each other’s parents!).

• This post is a part of Sundance Channel’s Naked Love Blog
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photo by w00kie

Feeling down in the dumps because you’re going to be single for Christmas and New Year’s?

You’re not alone. Well, sure, you’re alone in the sense that you don’t have a cutie to go ice-skating with while clad in matching striped scarves from the Gap. But you’re not alone alone. Despite the onslaught of trailers for overly sentimental flicks featuring inspirational sports teams/family reunions/elf costumes, all those extra Kay Jewelers commercials (that actually make us pine for the Coors twins), and the music about love and joy that’s piped into every pharmacy — despite all that, love is not, actually, all around. There’s war and infidelity and existential crises and depression and recession and people in those pharmacies fighting and pushing to get to the front of the line with their gift wrap, emergency box of tampons, and prescription meds. It only feels like love’s all around because single people don’t spend as much money on holiday gifts and activities, so as far as Madison Avenue is concerned, you’re persona non grata. You might as well be an elf. So you and the other single people start hibernating — drinking Coors in dive bars, most likely — which makes you feel even more alone.

During this season, you might find yourself lingering in the self-help aisle at your local bookshop, fingering titles like If I’m So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single? and Healing Your Aloneness: Finding Love and Wholeness Through Your Inner Child. (We wish we could say we made those titles up.) This extended holiday season is a romance pressure cooker guaranteed to make you feel like the kind of loser who might actually buy one of these books. … Read the rest of this entry »

It’s that time of year again! When we struggle to find great, unique, interesting, compelling, and, yes, practical gifts for our loved ones, especially our romantically loved ones. Slippers are great, but sex toys are better. As long as you make quality, beauty and safety your main priorities, you can’t go wrong with a pleasure object (unless you’re in a relationship with a religious neo-con, i.e. one of the few ones who don’t have a secret gimp suit hidden under their bed). Here are ten of our favorites — pick the one that’s right for your sexy Santa or your own nicely naughty wish list:

1. Lelo’s Insignia line — Talk about geek love. This is the first line of vibrating toys that allows you or your partner to control the sensations wirelessly with just the tilt of a hand using iPhone and Wii technology. Choose between an egg, a love ring, or a couple’s massager — all are waterproof, non-porous and phthalate free.

2. Jimmyjane Iconic Collection – This company took the best, most popular vibrators that ever existed, made them out of hygienic, non-porous, phthalate-free material (unlike all their knockoffs) and gave them all a cool design touch by making them all white. They’ve got all the great sex toy bases covered: there’s a love ring, a bullet, a wand, a rabbit, a pocket rocket, to name a few — all of which are super affordable for such a high-end brand! If you or someone you love has a subscription to I.D. magazine and uses a Herman Miller chair at work, then this set will make a great indulgent treat.

3. Holiday Duckie Ball — The vibrating duckie is a classic: waterproof, powerful, discreet and non-threatening. You can make it even more adorable — and thus less likely to offend — by opting for the Santa-suited duckie in the ornament ball. The little yellow vibe made of PVC, which keeps the price down, but at least it’s phthalate-free PVC! (There’s also a gold duckie holiday ball, too.)

4. Metal Worx — Stainless steel is a natural, hygienic, easy to clean material. Plus, it just looks super cool and shiny (thank you, hand polishing!). Even the most homophobic, tool-loving, man’s man would have a hard time turning down the Teazer probe — especially if you gave it to him under the mistletoe.

5. Lelo’s Intima Collection — If your partner has a secret kinky side but also a fashion sense that won’t abide pleather and chunky silver chains, you can give them a kinder, gentler BDSM experience with Lelo’s elegant and sensual wrist ties, blindfolds and feather teasers. The deep red color of these bedroom accessories is perfect for the holidays.

6. Tenga – Forget the Fleshlight. Let’s class it up this Christmas for the porn connoisseur in your life and opt for “onacups” (onanism cups) with a sense of design and style. You can even get a cute little Tenga hole warmer to stick in their stocking.

7. Smartballs Kit — Have a friend who is going to have a baby? Or just had one? Help get her pelvic floor (back) in shape with a Smartballs kit from Fun Factory, the smiley-happy toy manufacturer. Smartballs help tone vaginal muscles to make childbirth easier, get the pelvic floor back in shape after delivery, improve her orgasms, and increase sensation for her baby-daddy. Much better coming from you than her partner. You can choose a red Teneo Uno and a green Teneo Duo for the holidays!

8. Garden of Edo Organic Collection — If you’re going to pamper your Pookie (we’re talking about a loved one, not a body part here) with a collection of massage oils and bath salts, make it thrice as nice by opting for a brand that’s certified organic and erotically inclined.

9. Kimono Condoms — Safer sex is always in season. And condoms are the perfect “stockings” to stuff in your friend or lover’s stocking! Kimono Microthins are the thinnest condom available in the US — 20 percent thinner than normal condoms! They’re natural latex rubber and animal-product-free.

10. Candy Cane — This one won’t give your sweet-toothed sweetheart a cavity. Or any other ailments, for that matter, since tempered glass is one of the safest materials out there when it comes to toys: it’s non-porous and phthalate-free. Hide it in a Holiday Hide a Gift Pillow so you can play Secret Santa when you two cozy up by the fire.

photo via flickr

Before Facebook, MySpace, Google, et al, the “one who got away” (OWGA) was rarely more than a passing daydream — or a handy bit of masturbation material.

Sure, someone might have eagerly looked forward to their ten-year high school reunion and they might have spent a little longer picking out an outfit before hitting the mall over the holidays while home visiting parents — but the idea of actually pursuing an OWGA did not exist. And then people got all connected and starting emailing their OWGAs, flirting over IM, suggesting coffee, sexting, cheating on their spouses, leaving their spouses for a grass-is-greener fantasy …

The OWGA, in essence, represents regret. Actually, perhaps that’s a little harsh. Rather, the OWGA is the embodiment of “What if?” Dreaming of OWGAs is what happens when someone finds themselves single and/or unhappy (or just a little bored) and starts to rifle through their mental Rolodex. They wonder how their life would have been different if they’d asked out X instead of Y. They wonder, “Maybe I already met my OWGA and was just too stupid to realize it at the time.” They think, “I should have just slept with my OWGA back then and then I’d know what I was or wasn’t missing.” And now, thanks to the power of the Internet, they also think, “I wonder if they’re still on the market?”

So is it a good thing that people can now reach out and, er, touch their OWGA? We’re torn. So we decided to create a pros and cons list to help us make up our minds.

• On the one hand… it’s kind of awesome when you are the OWGA that someone else tracks down. Totally flattering.
• But on the other… it does make you think, “Why the hell didn’t they hit on me back then, when I was single and lonely and hating high school?” And the answer is, you weren’t an OWGA back then, that’s why. The urge to merge only really hit them when you transformed, over the years, into a first-class OWGA. Take it as a compliment: we like to think that the truly solid citizens among us all become OWGAs eventually, while the superficial bitchy Heathers of the world fade into obscurity.

• On the one hand… if you’ve never quite been able to shake the idea that you married the wrong person, it can be an incredible relief to discover that your OWGA is a total fuck-up/Republican/drunk.
• But on the other… there goes some awesome masturbation material.

• On the one hand… maybe you did marry the wrong person, and maybe you should be with your OWGA.
• But on the other… what if they’re married? With kids. Way to go, home-wrecker.

• On the one hand… being in touch with your OWGA can beef up a lackluster masturbation routine.
• But on the other… it’s a slippery slope. Sure, your partner might be cool with your fantasy life, but would they really want you IM-ing with your fantasy?

Who knows which side wins? And actually, it won’t matter for much longer anyway. Because we are the last generation with the privilege of losing touch with people. The current generation grew up on Facebook. They’ll never lose touch with anyone! So that misguided haircut — not to mention all those ill-advised one-night stands — will stay with them forever. The OWGA is a dying breed, and — call us hopeless romantics — we’ll miss them. Or, at least, the idea of them.

This article also appeared on EdenFantasys.com

photo via flickr

Is masturbating to porn cheating? Readers are always asking us this question, and the masturbator in question is pretty much always a man. Sometimes his female partner writes to us, asking if she’s right to feel cheated on. Other times the man himself writes to us, asking why his partner can’t understand how benign his porn masturbation habit really is.

For better or worse, we have a feeling that this problem is going to be less of an issue in coming years — because most of the women who are concerned about their partner’s porn habit didn’t come of age in an era when pornstar memoirs topped the bestseller lists and prepubescent girls wore fitted tees adorned with the Playboy Bunny logo. In other words, women who have not yet learned that porn is not a mistress, it’s just a business.

But for now, it remains a huge stumbling block for many couples. While we can sympathize with our sisters on this one, we’re afraid we can’t side with them. After all, very few sexually active women can say they’ve never entertained a sexual fantasy involving someone (or something) other than their partner — and we certainly can’t sic the thought police on those who have. What’s “appropriate” is so subjective when it comes to sexual fantasy, and lines are difficult to draw. There’s one’s imagination. And then there’s erotica. How about erotica with illustrations? Or sex manuals with photographs? What happens when you swap those photos for videos? And where does a website that offers sex toys and sex-related articles fit into the picture? We may like some of the above and abhor the rest, but who are we to say where the line gets drawn?

Now, this is not to say that every man should have carte blanche to ogle any kind of porn whenever and however he wants when he’s in a relationship with a woman with strong opinions on the matter. Each relationship is different, and each man’s relationship to porn is different. And there’s a huge difference — at least, most women would see a huge difference — between rubbing one out to a Playboy centerfold and getting off on gang-rape porn. There’s a huge difference between the occasional porn-supported wank and a true addiction that negatively affects his real sex life, his job, his ability to bathe and call his mama regularly.

But if both of the relationships — the one between the man and woman and the one between the man and his smut collection — are healthy, balanced, and mature, then we don’t see what the problem is. So long as a man is not prioritizing porn over sex with his One True Love, and so long as it’s not affecting the amount of sex he’s having with her — BFD. And most (well-balanced) men we know only indulge in porn when their partner is out of town or out on a ladies’ night, so it’s not like most women are ever going to walk in on their man wanking to a Web site.

That all said, sometimes a man’s porn habit does affect his partner, and it can really damage the way she views sex with him. We don’t think any man should have to sacrifice his masturbation habit (in the same way we don’t believe a woman should have to give up her favorite vibrator once she’s in a relationship), but we don’t want any woman’s sexual confidence to suffer, either. So here are five tips to help women understand men’s relationship to porn. Ladies, read on with an open mind — and gentlemen, feel free to quote us liberally when explaining your habit to your partner:

1. Have you ever ogled a movie star on screen? Men’s “appreciation” of the women of porn is no different: just a fleeting fantasy. We’re not going to say that Hollywood and the porn industry don’t have underlying negative effects on collective body image issues or expectations about sex and love, but most intelligent people can differentiate between fantasy and reality. When it comes to porn, men don’t wish you looked like any of the women they wank to — part of the appeal is that they DON’T look like you do and most of the time they don’t look like anyone they’d take home to meet their mama. (Sorry, pornstars, no offense, we’re just trying to help out some ladies in distress here.)
2. It is possible to be an ethical consumer of porn, so feel free to ask your man to be one. This means being confident that everything on screen is consensual, of-age, and safe, and that no actual women were harmed in the making of the film. Seriously, most animals in Hollywood movies are treated better than your average pornstar, so make sure he’s being a conscientious consumer (female-produced porn is often a safe bet). This may well be enough to ease your mind, you’ll find.
3. Consider this: For most men, masturbation is basically just about scratching an itch. And most men need a little visual stimulation in order to scratch that itch.
4. Try the whole “walk a mile in his shoes” theory: You masturbate next time you’re apart from each other, either alone or on the phone with your partner. You can practice by masturbating in front of each other first. We’re pretty sure you won’t feel like you just cheated on your partner, even if you think of Bradley Cooper while you do it.
5. Would you perhaps feel better if you were part of your partner’s porn collection? Offer to pose for a few saucy photographs that he could peruse next time you’re out of town — or just at the supermarket. Or make your own home porno together — you could always shoot from the head down if you’re feeling shy.

We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: monogamy can be a long, hard slog sometimes, and if we could only cut each other a little slack in the fantasy department, we reckon there’d be a lot less infidelity in this world.

This article also appeared on EdenFantasys.com

photo via Flickr

We’ve said it before, we’ll say it again: Sex is not intercourse. So stop using the two words interchangeably! When we as a society do this over and over again, it gets into the collective unconscious and starts limiting how we imagine the possibilities of pleasure, especially for women. A majority of women (that’s more women than not!) don’t climax from intercourse, so why rush to get there when you can spend time on more rewarding acts? But make no mistake: it’s not like you gentlemen out there can’t enjoy the variety that comes from taking intercourse off its pedestal–hey, if the destination is orgasm, how could anyone complain about the journey there? (Indeed, how could anyone NOT call that “sex”?!) Here, some how-to tips for 5 sexual activities guaranteed to improve both of your non-intercourse sex lives.

1. Talking
Whispering dirty nothings to each other is one of the best forms of foreplay out there–it can really get the mental side of things stirring, which is so important for gals. Now, if you’re cringing and blushing and thinking, “Oh no, please don’t make me talk dirty!”: relax. Bedroom banter doesn’t have to sound like porno dialogue. Tell each other what you’re about to do, just before you do it. Sounds innocent enough, but just you wait…and once you’ve got that part down, you can start telling each other over dinner what you’d like to do later. #1 Must-Do Tip: Feeling tongue-tied? Then buy an erotica anthology (check out the selection at RachelKramerBussel.com) and read it aloud to each other in bed. For more specifics on what to actually say, read our post dedicated to the topic.

2. Kissing
Remember your first few kisses? The sensation was so novel it literally made you weak in the knees! Get that feeling back by making a make-out session an end in itself. Rather than rushing through the motions to get to “better” things, focus on every lick and pucker, in fact, perfect them. Remember: Two tongues at a time is overrated. Gentle lip-biting is hot; gentle tongue-biting is not. #1 Must-Do Tip: Just like any form of sex, kissing doesn’t always have to be romantic and lovey-dovey–try pulling your partner’s hair instead of stroking it during a kiss sometime. For more specifics on how NOT to kiss, read our post dedicated to the topic…

3. Massage
We’ve all heard the statistic that 90 percent of backrubs lead to sex…well, a half-hearted squeeze of the shoulder blades during a commercial break of So You Think You Can Dance isn’t going to get anyone in the mood. But a full-body, well-oiled, dimly lit massage that lasts at least 20 minutes–with no immediate expectation of reciprocation–is the best damn thing you can do for your nerve endings. Plus it gives whoever is on the receiving end an excuse to start moaning. The giver should save the naughty bits for last: by then, they’ll be good and ready for any kind of attention. #1 Must-Do Tip: Both of you should be fully naked to amp up the teasing potential of the massage–just remember, the receiver can’t touch back until the full 20 minutes are up.

4. Handjobs
Hand work gets a bad rap. This is probably because back when you were first experimenting with sex, you poked around with clumsy fingers, never thinking to use lube (on both of you), take your time, and educate each other on what you really liked. But hands and fingers are so much better than mouths, penises and vaginas are at dexterously manipulating genitals–which is why for many women handwork is the only way they can climax. So stop fighting it, and start enjoying it! #1 Must-Do Tip: Teen hand jobs weren’t all bad–re-create a bit of that puppy lust by putting your hands down each other’s pants next time you’re at the movies (though good manners would dictate that you make sure you’re at a drive-in).

5. Oral Sex
Okay, so maybe your tongue isn’t the most dexterous of organs, but it has a few other things in its favor (being naturally lubed, for one). Plus, getting up close and personal with your partner’s genitals like this is a pretty heady (heh) experience–one that can feel even more intimate than the old in-n-out. And like handwork, oral for many women is the key that unlocks the door to their orgasms (while intercourse just knocks on it). #1 Must-Do Tip: While we don’t necessarily think that a 69 is the Shangri-La some people claim it to be, we will say this: the head of your partner’s penis and the head of your clitoris (i.e. the bean) are homologous organs, which means that you can play do-as-I-do with your tongues to show each other exactly how you like to be pleasured down there.