photo via flickr

Our new book, 150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink, is on sale now. Here are five good reasons to check it out and get your kink on…

1. INCREASED TRUST
It takes a boatload of trust to let someone tie you up or clamp your nipples or spank you with a paddle or act out a fantasy together. You’re opening yourselves up to each other, both physically and emotionally — it’s like an X-rated version of that trust-falling game you used to play at camp! And the more you play together, the more you’ll trust each other, and the further you’ll be willing to go together, and the more you’ll trust each other, and the further you’ll go together… get the picture?

2. IT’S THE OPPOSITE OF A RUT
We know: duh. But while everyone knows that a sexual rut is a terrible thing to experience in a relationship, not everyone is willing to do something about it beyond trying a new position or buying a new set of underwear or offering a half-hearted back massage as “foreplay.” Kink is kind of the nuclear option for your rut — or the best way ever to ensure you never get into that rut in the first place.

3. YOU PLAY WITH POWER
Mind games in a relationship tend to be bad news — who wants to date a passive-aggressive fighter or a sulker or a silent nagger? But mind games in the bedroom? Now that’s hot. Boss each other around, screw with each other’s heads, tease each other, beg, wrestle, fight, and more… and then cuddle sweetly at the end of it all. It’s the best of both worlds.

4. YOU’RE DIFFERENT FOR EACH OTHER
We know that monogamy can be a slog sometimes — so why not give your partner a break and pretend to be someone else. Whether it’s a full-on role-playing scenario or just a wig or a new pair of boots, getting into character (and out of your own character) can give you the freedom to act differently… and it gives your partner freedom to think differently about the person they’re sleeping with. All that variety, and nobody gets cheated on!

5. COMMUNICATION. COMMUNICATION. COMMUNICATION.
So sexee, we know! Well, sure, “communication” may not sound like much when you’re trying to figure out who picks up the kids from school or whose turn it is to do laundry or why your mother-in-law treats you like that. But what about when you’re talking about who’s going to be the top and who’s going to be the bottom? What about when you’re deciding who’s going to hit the hardware store for some soft rope for bondage purposes? Or discussing just how far you’re each willing to go with a slapper and a blindfold? It’s a brand new way to get to know each other deeply and intimately — your desires and your no-go areas… and the stuff that just cracks you both up.

For more information about our new baby, 150 SHADES OF PLAY, visit 150ShadesOfPlay.com.

Tantra Feather Teaser and French Maid outfit by LELO

As we say in our new book, 150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink, “Being kinky might mean bringing props into the bedroom, it might mean acting out dark fantasies, it might even mean wearing something absolutely ridiculous — but then again, being kinky might just mean using a swear word or two when you’re makin’ lurve.” However you define it, we would like you to make 2013 a slightly kinkier year than 2012 (a task which should be pretty easy if you’ve never brought a prop or a dirty word to bed… slightly harder if you already have a gimp suit in the basement). Here are some kinky resolutions to nudge you in the right direction, whatever your starting point — our book 150 Shades of Play offers more details about how to accomplish all ten.

1. Share a Fantasy

Tell your partner about one thing that turns you on… and tell them during sex. Tell it like a story — a really dirty story. It could be a position you’d like to try, a toy you’d like to use on your partner, a fantasy you’d like to enact, something you’d like to wear, a sexy dream you keep having at night, or simply a story you’d like to tell together while you have sex. But remember, you don’t have to share all your fantasies — some are best (and hottest) when kept to yourself.

2. Switch Roles

If your partner normally initiates sex, then vow to be the one doing all the initiating for a month. If your partner always cuffs you, then cuff them for a change. If your partner does all the talking, speak up for a change. If your partner’s the bottom, hand over the whip. Etc.

3. Be Safe

Resolve to be safe when you kink it up — this might mean staying sober when you’re trying out nipple clamps, using velcro cuffs instead of the police-issue kind, using a safe word when you’re experimenting out of your kinky comfort zone, or simply checking in with each other after a particularly intense bout of roleplaying or spanking. There’s more — so much more! — about all the various safety aspects of kink in our new book, 150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink.

4. Try Something That Makes You Uncomfortable

We don’t think that sex should consistently make you uncomfortable, but there are certainly benefits to stepping out of your comfort zone every now and then. Remember how Anastasia had “hard limits” and “soft limits” in Fifty Shades of Grey? (You can read more about these limits in 150 Shades of Play). Sure, Christian Grey was a bit pushy in encouraging her to test those limits, but he was right that she’d enjoy herself. Much better, though, to be your own pushy Mr. Grey. For example, perhaps the idea of talking dirty in bed makes you want to hide under a table and rock gently back and forth. In which case, we happen to think that February is an awesome month to overcome this phobia (whatever your particular angst, our book, 150 Shades of Play, can probably help you best it).

5. Try Something That Makes You Laugh

There’s a lot about kink that cracks us up — the gimps, the spanking skirts, the dungeon monitors, the leashes. But sometimes forcing yourself to get past your desire to laugh can lead to some pretty hot sex. And doing something “for a laugh” gives you permission to go for it — whether it’s having sex in a wig or  roleplaying nurse and patient or wrestling each other naked. The worst thing that can happen is that you’re laughing too much to have an orgasm… which isn’t the worst way to spend an evening. And the best? Let’s just say you’ll never look at a hospital gown in the same way again.

6. Learn a New Skill

Yes, we said “learn.” We know there are purists out there who think that the best sex occurs naturally, spontaneously, and without any props or planning. We say, dry spells occur pretty naturally, too. Besides, what’s so unsexy about putting a little effort and forethought into your sex life? 150 Shades of Play can teach you numerous new saucy skills, from tying bondage knots to spanking ’til it hurts so good.

7. Invest in One Decent New Prop

We don’t care what it is, we want you to spend money on at least one new kinky item for your bedroom this year — a tasseled suede whip, perhaps, or silky cuffs, or a vibrating couples’ ring. If you need an excuse, then get your partner something for Valentine’s Day.

8. Go D.I.Y.

Scope out your home for household items that can be repurposed for kinky ends — a wooden spoon is a cane, a spatula or icing spreader is a slapper, clothespins are clamps, a ping pong paddle is a butt paddle, a tie is a blindfold… as they say in the biz, you’re looking for something that’s “pervertible.” Get many more D.I.Y. ideas in 150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink.

9. Speak Up!

Say a little more in the bedroom. Or just say everything a little differently. Experiment with dirty talk (150 Shades of Play can teach you how), say what you really want, pick a safeword so you can pretend to say no, send dirtier texts, and leave scandalous voicemails.

10. Don’t (Always) Be Yourself

Monogamy can be a slog — do your partner a favor and be a little different in the bedroom every now and then. This might be as simple as just being a little pushier (or a little more compliant) than you usually are in the sack. Or it could be as complicated as donning an outfit and an accent and playing a role — especially for you former theater majors.

150 Shades of Grey: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink is on sale now!

The following is an excerpt from the “H” section of our new A-Z book, 150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink. Every bolded word below indicates an entry in our encyclopedia of sorts. The book is on sale now!

A hardware store is a one-stop shopping center for all your BDSM needs. Who needs specialty sex shops when you can find everything at your friendly neighborhood True Value at half the cost? Even Christian I-Fly-My-Own-Helicopter Grey does it, and he could afford freakin’ diamond-encrusted BDSM gear if he wanted. (And how convenient if your potential sub just happens to work at the hardware store — oh, the foreplay possibilities!)

Of course, you’ve got to have a bit of a D.I.Y.-streak, but if you’re willing to put in the extra elbow grease (or should we say Crisco?), you can completely decorate your dungeon or playroom with the following: welded-link chains with “quick links” to aid in adjusting chain lengths; two-by-fours, tubing, and rods of wood, metal, or plastic to create spreader bars; duct tape for bondage (over material only please, to avoid pulling off hair and skin); keyed locks (safer than combo locks which may take too long to undo in an emergency sitch); single- or double-ended snap hooks, snap shackles (or “panic snaps”), and carabiners for securing D-rings to other things; eyebolts (not flimsy screw eyes) to anchor chain ends; block and tackle devices for suspension; and miles of natural filament rope for bondage masterpieces.

But please, whatever you do, don’t buy cable ties as wrist and ankle restraints like kink “expert” Christian Grey does in the first book of Fifty Shades – not only is that bush league, it’s dangerous. If your hardware store doesn’t have the high quality and durable materials you’re looking for, try boating or outdoor adventure stores instead.

150 Shades of Grey: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink is on sale now! It contains more information on all the bolded terms above (plus so much more!).

We just did an interview with Cosmopolitan about our new book, 150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink, and they turned it into a nifty little 10-step program for introducing BDSM into the bedroom:

1. Talk Dirty to Him

“Bringing up S&M with your partner can be shocking and awkward. A great way to test a fantasy is to incorporate it into dirty talk. Whisper in your partner’s ear, ‘What would you think if I did this to you? I would find it so sexy.’”

2. Safety First

“Physically and emotionally, kink can be heavy, so it’s great for long-term couples who already have built up trust. Still, if there’s going to be bondage and a little struggle, have a safeword other than ‘no.’ It can be ‘red,’ ‘banana’—something you normally wouldn’t say during sex.”

3. Cuff Love

“We’re all about working up to things gently. Padded, velcro handcuffs are familiar and easy to use. They’re a way to establish if you might like to move on to more kinky things, like rope ties.”

READ STEPS 4 THROUGH 10 ON COSMOPOLITAN.COM

photo via flickr

The following is an excerpt from the “H” section of our new A-Z book, 150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink. Every bolded word below indicates an entry in our encyclopedia of sorts. The book is on sale now!

Ear plugs aren’t just for construction workers and insomniacs, and noise-canceling headphones aren’t just for prissy cubicle workers. Controlling your partner’s soundtrack (or lack of one) takes sensory deprivation to a whole new level, especially when combined with a blindfold. If white noise is too nerdy for you, make a booty mix on your MP3 player and have your partner listen to it through headphones — Christian Grey was fond of the kind of classical music serial killers like to do their scalping to (all of which is available on “Fifty Shades of Grey: The Classical Album”).

Headphones and earplugs deprive your partner of aural clues and distractions, insulating them from sounds like your breathing, the smack of a paddle hitting their skin, the dog barking, etc. They can only speak when spoken to, and they can only be spoken to when you choose to lean in real close and lift their headphones. This all helps your partner focus — exactly what that prissy cubicle worker is going for, too, except the object of focus in this case is not what’s happening on a spreadsheet but, rather, what’s happening on a bed sheet.

150 Shades of Grey: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink is on sale now!

photo via flickr

The following is an excerpt from the “S”section of our new A-Z book, 150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink. Every bolded word below indicates an entry in our encyclopedia of sorts. The book is on sale now!

Spanking is hand-to-tush contact, which many consider more intimate and less scary than any other type of flagellation. It’s Christian Grey’s calling card. Spanking is definitely safer for newbies, since you have much more control over (and better aim with) your own hand. Spanking can be a seasoning (a few spanks during a particularly passionate bout of intercourse to add some kinky flavor), an appetizer (spanking as foreplay before more orgasm-focused activities, like the first vaginal balls scene in Fifty Shades of Grey), or it can be a meal in and of itself (a session in which the spanking is the goal — the main course, if you will — that takes half an hour to serve and enjoy).

If you’re hungry for more than just a sprinkle of seasoning, then follow the rules of any first-time flagellation: Have the spankee lie across your lap, kneel on a bed, stretch out stomach-down, or bend over something they can put their full weight on for comfort; start slowly and build up intensity gradually with your bottom’s permission, varying your pressure and strokes; and contain your spanking to the lower, fleshier halves of each cheek and the backs of the upper thighs (even if you’re just having a spanking snack during sex, this area should be your target) — avoid the lower back, tailbone, and back of the knees at all costs.

Specific considerations for spanking include the following:

1. Remove all bracelets and rings.
2. Start with a butt massage.
3. Follow each blow with a short massage, too, to spread out the pain and keep things nice ‘n’ warm (at least during your first few sessions together).
4. A woman might like particular attention paid at the intersection of ass crack and crease, with the vibrations reverberating throughout the vulva, but definitely steer clear of the guy’s family jewels.
5. Remember that, because of your close proximity to your partner, spanking is especially great for pleasantly diddling their lemonade area while whacking the steps of their fudge factory ‘round the corner.

A.k.a. fanny dusting. See also floggers, paddles, slappers, and arnica cream.

150 Shades of Grey: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink is on sale now!

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• How Do I Get My Guy to Spank Me?
• Why Do Men Like to Spank In Bed?
• He’s Kinky, She’s Vanilla, Is the Relationship Doomed?
• My Wife Asked Me To Slap Her
• I’m Vanilla By Day, Kinky By Night

photo via flickr

We don’t often read the “Modern Love” column in the New York Times Sunday Styles section these days — when you’ve been in the biz as long as we have, it’s easy to get cynical and feel like you’ve heard every story about love and sex there is to tell. But  this past week’s column, “Finding the Courage to Reveal a Fetish,” leaped out at us. Sure, every publication under the sun (not to mention your mother-in-law’s book group) is discussing kinky sex in the wake of Fifty Shades. A light spanking here, a pair of fuzzy handcuffs there — it’s practically de rigeur.

But this article in the Times delves deeper, emotionally, than anything we’ve read recently: It’s about a woman who has an honest-to-god spanking fetish, and what happens when she falls in love with someone who doesn’t really get it. She explains: “While there is a strong erotic element to my kink, sex is merely a side dish to the more absorbing entree of the spanking itself.” More importantly, though, the article is about someone who has an honest-to-god spanking fetish — and zero baggage to “explain” it away. She wasn’t abused as a child or spanked by a Catholic school teacher; her mother didn’t let johns use her as a human ashtray, a la Christian Grey. She’s just a woman who thinks a little differently about sex and spanking. Which is how we’ve always preferred to think of kink: it’s not deviant or wrong or immoral or “fucked up” or nuts, it’s just different. And when you compare that to the alternative — missionary once a week under the covers with the lights off — who wouldn’t want to get a little kinky?

The article is also about what to do when someone you love is kinky (or when you’re kinky and someone you love is vanilla… and you can’t just whisk them away on your private jet or buy them a new car to win them over). Because while it would be nice if every spanking devotee found a soulmate who was equally into red cheeks, life isn’t always so neat and tidy (though, thanks to the internet, it’s getting increasingly easier to do this!). And not everyone is going to fall in love with a Red Room of Pain the way that Ana did in Fifty Shades.

In the end, the author of this piece told her fiancé in writing:

I’m a writer, so I wrote it down. And as I translated my feelings and memories into these words, I took control of a desire that has controlled me for most of my life. I felt comfortable, confident — even celebratory.

For about three days. Then ancient insecurities, as they always do, crept back.

“Coming out of the closet” isn’t the right expression. We’re not in closets that can be left in a single step as the door clicks shut behind. “Coming out of the house” might be better. Or “coming out of the labyrinth.”

In our different ways, we all just want honesty and intimacy, right? We’re looking for the people who will love us, even when it’s difficult. Or uncomfortable. Or painful.

I always share my writing with David, and this time would be no different.

“This is hard to show you,” I said as I slid my laptop across the bed. “Also, I’m worried that my paragraph structure is confusing.”

As he read each page, I felt the clicks of a dozen doors closing behind me.

“I love you,” David said when he finished. “You’re so brave. And there is nothing wrong with your paragraph structure.”

Click.

This is not the end of the story, of course — far from it, in fact — but it’s a pretty hopeful beginning.

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• Top 10 Spanking Tips
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• He’s Kinky, She’s Vanilla, Is the Relationship Doomed?
• My Wife Asked Me To Slap Her
• I’m Vanilla By Day, Kinky By Night
• A Guide to the Toys in Fifty Shades of Grey

photo via Flickr

Most people don’t talk about booty calls. That’s part of their appeal: “We don’t have to endlessly com-mu-ni-cate because we’re not in a serious relationship.” People rely on a tacit understanding when it comes to casual sex with their friends and neighbors, and especially their exes. But it’s silly to assume that everyone “understands” the exact same set of personal guidelines. The implicit, unlegislated booty call is a complicated procedure, due to varying agendas, the likelihood of miscommunication, and the chance of emotional intimacy. The smart people know that without rules, there are expectations, and those, by definition, make things messy. Even if you don’t think you have any expectations, that in itself is an expectation: That you not expect anything of me, that you not sleep over, that you not get mad if I don’t text you back. So let’s once and for all manage those expectations with The 25 Rules of the Modern Booty Caller:

Read the rest of this entry »

photo via flickr

Our contributor is a college student who wishes to remain anonymous. She has some sage advice to impart on the topic of three ways…

When people give warnings about threeways, it’s usually directed at couples who are bringing in a third party. Threeways are not a relationship-building exercise, they tell you. Are you sure your relationship can handle this? they ask. The reality is rarely as hot as the fantasy, they intone. Do you both want this equally? And this is all good, solid advice — I know this because I have had a threeway as one half of a couple.

But what people don’t often tell you is that it’s not easy being the third wheel, either. I’ve been there, too, and I can report that there are just as many potential pitfalls when you’re the single one — in fact, sometimes it can be even harder.

Until I tried it, I thought being the single person — the guest star of the evening! — would mean having all the fun with none of the pressure or tension of wondering what might happen to your relationship. All the tangled bedsheets, none of the nagging insecurities! And at first, this was true. My single lady threesome days proceeded similarly to the San Francisco summer of 1969: the first few experiences and couples were all love, sunshine, and plenty of orgasms to go around. By the end of the summer, though, everything good about swapping favors with couples had turned bad.

The final couple of the summer was my worst experience to date. They asked me to be their number three because they trusted me. And, perhaps, because they knew I was experienced in threesomes, too — I wasn’t some newbie who was going to try and mess with their relationship or commit some threeway faux-pas. But all the trust and experience in the world is no match for a couple who just isn’t ready for a threeway. Despite our best attempts to outline rules and regulations beforehand, the night ended in a storm of arguments between the couple.  And if you think it sucks being a couple in that situation, imagine being the lonely third stuck on the bed watching the entire thing unfold.

When I first arrived at the couple’s house, they poured me a glass of white wine as we sat on their bedroom floor, all of us eager and a bit nervous. We discussed their previously concocted rules and what everyone’s comfort levels were on various sexual acts. Additionally, I suggested that we choose a safe word in case things went in a direction someone was uncomfortable with — that way we could redirect the threeway without having to disrupt the lively libidinous mood of the night.

The more we talked, the more we learned about each other. Sounds like we were on the right track, right? Unfortunately, the guy had failed to tell his partner just how many times he and I had been together previously. It was years ago, and it was never as a couple — his girlfriend knew this, but she didn’t know exactly how often. Awkward time to find out that your partner wasn’t completely honest with you! (I’d assumed she was fully in the know.) We also discussed how he had cheated on every one of his partners, except her. Again, not exactly the best way to make your partner feel secure and safe as she prepares to engage in a threeway.

Not surprisingly, there was a lot of tension in the room. For some reason, though, we all agreed that it was a good idea to go ahead with the threeway anyway. Once you’ve got that far, I guess it’s hard to turn back. And for most of the night, we had a great time. But as the evening wore on, the man became jealous of his partner and me getting intimate together. Rather than pull the plug on the evening, he let his jealousy grow until he couldn’t stand it any longer — and then he launched into a massive argument with her. In a slightly drunken stupor, they staggered to the bathroom, fighting all the way, and slammed the door shut behind them. Meanwhile, I was left in the dark, somewhat dehydrated, lying on another couple’s sex stained bed and listening to them yell at each other through a closed door. Not exactly my favorite way to spend an evening. I gathered my things as I tried to put together how this night took such a dramatic turn for the worst.

Here’s what I came up with — consider it some much-needed advice for the pinch-hitter in a threeway (though most of this advice applies to anyone considering a threeway). Do not proceed without the following:

1. Communicate. The couple needs to tell you exactly what is and is not acceptable — preferably at a time before the night of the threesome. This is because (a) this talk is necessary but not always sexy foreplay talk; and (b) this talk may make any one of you rethink the threeway — and some time lag will give you each a chance to change your mind. Some recommended topics to cover: Will the guest be able to have intercourse with either partner? Can there be two-way kisses or only three-way kisses? What positions do you want to try that involve three people? How are we handling safer sex? Similarly, the guest should also communicate boundaries. Think of it as a consultation to make sure everyone is on the same page.

2. Know thyself. Really knowing yourself and where your boundaries lie is key. For example, the guy in this threeway had no idea that he would be jealous of his girlfriend kissing another woman. As a guest, are you prepared for what your role will be? What if the couple treats you as a human sex toy, for example? What if they only want to kiss each other?

3. Have (and use, if necessary) a safeword. Of course, you can’t always know in advance how something will make you feel. Hence the need for a safe word – and the need to actually use it!

4. STOP at any time. You can pull the plug after the initial communication session, you can run a mile when they open the door to you, or you can yell the safe word right after everyone gets naked. Don’t ever keep going just because it seems like it would be “awkward” to stop. It’s way more awkward to keep going with a threeway you know one or all of you will regret later. And don’t feel bad ditching a couple if you sense they’re not ready for a threeway — you’re doing them and their relationship a favor.

5. Make sure you trust each other. Everyone knows that the couple must trust each other, duh. But the guest also needs to trust that the couple has come to the right decision in having a threesome. If you think one of the partners is not emotionally stable enough for it, then you must politely decline the invitation. If you don’t trust one of the partner’s intentions for the threesome, or you think they might overstep their boundaries, then don’t do it. All three of you need to want the best for each other, and to understand the sexual dynamic you each desire. After all, as the guest you are not just there to heat up that couple’s relationship — there needs to be something in it for you, too!

6. Know your responsibilities. The couple is putting their relationship in a vulnerable position when they decide to share their other half with someone outside of the relationship. This means that the guest has a responsibility to stay aware of their boundaries and intently listen to what each partner wants and desires. Similarly, the couple has a responsibility to one another in maintaining trust by keeping in check with their partner to ensure that nothing has gone too far.

7. Don’t get drunk. Consume alcohol responsibly and in moderation. Sure, some liquid confidence may seem like a good idea, but if you feel like you need alcohol to go through with a threesome, you probably should not be having a threesome. A glass of wine to settle the nerves and get in the mood is totally acceptable, but anything beyond that can lead you into the dangerous territory of disrespect, non-consensual sex, and — like my experience — heated arguments.

8. Debrief afterwards. Maybe meet for coffee the next week to check in and see how everyone is doing. This is especially helpful for the single person, because they will be reassured that the couple is still solid in their relationship. Overall, everyone can feel more comfortable and have closure over the experience. Plus, then you won’t live in fear of bumping into each other in the supermarket and having to debrief there!

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• Top 10 Tangled Love Triangles in Film
• Wise Guys: What’s the Big Deal with Threeways?
• What Do You Think About a Girl with Two Guys?
• Top 10 Most Overrated Sex Acts

The Nea by Lelo fits all our criteria below

There are countless toys out there to choose from — unfortunately, not all of them will get you to your happy place effectively, or even safely. The sex toy industry is littered with manufacturers and distributors who are more interested in quantity than quality. Fortunately that’s changing, as consumers become more educated and demanding. So keep these 7 important rules in mind when shopping for a battery-operated friend:

1. Say no to novelties. A toy labeled “for novelty use only” means “don’t actually use it on your body!” So unless you’re just shopping for bachelorette party decorations, don’t buy these “gag gifts.”
2. Avoid toys made of cheap jelly rubber: they often have a strong odor, feel sticky, and are impossible to clean thoroughly (because their pores can harbor bacteria). The odor is caused by an outseeping of gasses from plastic softeners called phthalates, which studies have shown to be bad for both the environment and your body.
3. Choose non-porous, phthalate-free materials which can be sterilized, such as high-grade metals like steel and aluminum; seamless acrylic or glass; and, our favorite, 100% silicone – it’s hypoallergenic, boilable (as long as it doesn’t have any electric parts), dishwasher-safe (if your roommates don’t mind), and odorless. For example, all of Lelo’s pleasure objects are  made from body-safe silicone.
4. Read the fine print. Try to invest in toys that state what they’re made of, and include care and cleaning instructions. Unfortunately many don’t (usually a bad sign), so ask or email a sales rep for this info. Lelo actually offers their own Antibacterial Toy Cleaning Spray, so you know they take this stuff (and your health and safety) seriously! (Lelo also offers a 1-year warranty on all pleasure objects — now that’s the kind of fine print we like!)
5. Be selective about stores. Of course, you want to shop at retailers that actually have an educated sales staff who can answer such questions. These are usually smaller outfits with a kinder, gentler, more inclusive approach to sales (i.e. their marketing materials don’t exclusively feature porn stars), like GoodVibrations.com.
6. Remember, you get what you pay for. A high price tag doesn’t always guarantee high quality. But anything with a price tag so low that it seems too good to be true, probably is. It’s worth investing a little in your sexual health and satisfaction. Don’t worry, we’re not talking about a second mortgage here — for example, Lelo’s rechargeable Mia lipstick vibe is $64, i.e. not much more than dinner and a movie. And it’s the kind of date that keeps on giving…
7. Don’t forget that lubes are toys, too! If you invest in only one bedside accessory this year, then make it a high-quality, man-made, water-based or silicone lubricant! It’s affordable, easy to use, and can improve almost any sexual activity for anyone, male or female. Lube can make things more comfortable for much longer for her, it can help prevent condom breakage, and a few drops on the inside of a condom can also enhance sensation for him. Lelo’s Personal Moisturizer is specially formulated with a dual purpose: “for enhancing the enjoyment and comfort of sensual activities, or for application as a moisturizer to your intimate areas.”

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