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How to Enjoy Sensation Play

August 2, 2013

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photo via Flickr

The following is the kind of fun advice you’ll find in our new book, 150 SHADES OF PLAY: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink:

Sensation play might as well be called sensational play. After all, sex shouldn’t always be rub, climax, rinse, repeat. Add a little subtlety to your sexuality and you get sensuality, the driving force behind sensation play. It’s notoriously been the domain of sensitive ponytailed men and earnest granola chicks who own speculums, but it doesn’t have to be. No matter whether you have a sense of irony or not, experimenting with different textures and temperatures, both on and around your erogenous zones, wakes up your body to new experiences and surprises your nerves with the unexpected: the chill of an ice cube, the warmth of candle wax, the thud of a paddle, the pinch of a nipple clamp, the crack of a riding crop or whip, the tickle of feathers. Even better if your partner is blindfolded so they don’t get any visual clues before experiencing the sensation — you can then alternate sensations to really drive them nuts. Just make sure safety comes first when you’re dabbling with different sensations: Ice cubes should be used externally only, lest they tear delicate internal linings.

For more on sensation play, enjoying hot wax, spanking for the first time, and other kinky endeavors, pick up a copy 150 SHADES OF PLAY, on sale now at Amazon!



The 10 Archetypes of Sex

July 31, 2013

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Since we’ve been writing for the new community site ArchetypeMe, which tailors content and products to individual personalities, we had the pleasure of helping them out with their new ArcheGuide on Bedroom Tips. It’s a five-part series which gives specific sexual advice for each of the ten archetypes. (After all, Rebels aren’t the only ones who enjoy a roll between the sheets!) The first part, which just launched, covers “The Art of Seduction.” Below is our own quick summary of each type, with a link to each type’s tips for seducing — figure out which three types fit you best and then sign up on ArchetypeMe to get your kind of content. And then stay tuned for ArchetypeMe‘s next four parts on everything from bedroom accessories to romantic communication that make the most sense for you!

1. CreativeThey’re not necessarily up for anything, but they will try new and unique ways to spice things up. Think: dramatic mood lighting, hand-sewn lingerie, homemade massage lotion, fun with chocolate sauce, and DIY sex toys. Read about seduction tips for the Creative here.

2. Rebel: These types are up for anything. You name it, they’ve probably tried it. Don’t expect old-fashioned stereotypical gender roles to be played out in the bedroom. And know that they will discuss your co-minglings openly with their friends at brunch and on their blog. Read about seduction tips for the Rebel here.

2. AdvocateThey’ll join a self-love-a-thon for a cause, get naked in protest, and refuse to sleep with anyone who doesn’t support reproductive rights and sex education. Any bedside accessories will be organic, rechargeable, and/or made of recycled materials. These types are probably the most responsible when it comes to sex, since they don’t want to contribute to overpopulation. So you can expect two forms of birth control. Read about seduction tips for the Advocate here.

4. IntellectualDue to their vast anatomical knowledge, they can adeptly manipulate all the necessary spots — G-spot, A-spot, P-spot, PS-spot — so that orgasms are basically guaranteed, all the while reciting passages from Ovid’s Ars Amatoria in your ear…from memory…in the original Latin. Read about seduction tips for the Intellectual here.

5. AthleteThe sex is aerobic and sweaty. Sometimes it’s in the great outdoors (on a hike, at the beach). Sometimes it’s standing up (they have the upper- and lower-body strength to pull it off). Due to greater flexibility, they can experiment with trickier positions (e.g. the Bridge). They can go long, enjoying marathon sessions that would impress Sting. And, for obvious reasons, Athletes have the best bodies. Read about seduction tips for the Athlete here.

6. SpiritualThese types don’t have sex, they make love. There is lots of face holding, eye contact and soul melding. Male archetypes might sport sensitive ponytails. They all own at least one book on Tantric sex. In fact, we’d guess the majority have attended at least one Tantra workshop. Read about seduction tips for the Spiritual here.

7. Tastemaker: They believe that nudity is overrated and that having sex while leaving something on — especially couture lingerie or awesome shoes — adds a sense of urgency and passion to the whole affair. After sex, enjoy wrapping yourself up in the cashmere robe that is sure to be hanging in their bedroom. Read about seduction tips for the Tastemaker here.

8. CaregiverThese are the givers in bed. They are way more concerned about your pleasure than their own — sometimes to a fault. If you’re in a relationship with one, they’ll rarely refuse your advances, even if they have a headache. Caregivers are, by far, the best cuddlers and back ticklers. Read about seduction tips for the Caregiver here.

9. Visionary: The Visionary is the first of your friends to attend a play party; the sub who will try topping for once because what’s good for the goose is good for the gander; and the guy who’ll be the first to take the male birth control pill when it finally comes out.  Read about seduction tips for the Visionary here.

10. Royal/ExecutiveThese are the people who know what they want and how to get it…in bed. With any kinky play, they will be the dominant. The sheets will be high thread-count and any sex toys will be high end (Swarovski-encrusted vibe, anyone?). The encounters will either be quickies crammed in to fit their busy schedules, or spontaneous weekend-long romps in Paris. Read about seduction tips for the Royal here.

 



How to Make Your Sexual Fantasy Come True

July 30, 2013

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photo via flickr

Last week we published two excerpts from Tracey Cox’s new book Dare: What Happens When Fantasies Come True, which is available now on Amazon for your Kindle. (Tracey’s Dare product range is also available at LoveHoney.) The first excerpt explained how fantasizing can improve your relationship, and the second was the hilarious/cringe-inducing/enlightening/still kind of hot tale about what happened when one woman made her mile-high fantasy come true. Today, Tracey offers up some advice about making your own sexual fantasy come true.

EM & LO: When you were researching women’s fantasies for this book, what was the most common fantasy that you kept seeing?

TRACEY COX: Sleeping with another woman was by far the most common. And it’s one of the fantasies that had a higher success rate when women take it through to reality. People assume women sleep with other women because it’s something men want them to do, but it’s something a lot of women are open to anyway.

What is the most common fantasy that women would actually want to come true?

TC: Experimenting with another woman, followed closely by sleeping with a stranger. That was another strong theme. It’s a myth that it’s only men who want variety and new flesh. Women do, too. What stops us is we’re more inclined to think things through — and if the relationship is good, lots of women decide the risk of following through and cheating outweighs the benefits. The desire is there though. Definitely!

What are some of the pros and cons about making a fantasy come true?

TC: Any fantasy that involves another body in the bed and a couple who love each other tends to be fraught with danger, because everyone thinks they can separate sex from love and won’t feel jealous or possessive. But when faced with reality, it all goes out the window. Fantasies that don’t involve other people work quite well for couples though. Role-play, tie up, spanking, sex in public — stuff like that works a treat.

What are some tips you can share about making a fantasy come true?

TC: Talk it through — every possible scenario and detail needs to be covered. Have a safe word and always remember your relationship is more important than the experience. Sometimes just knowing your partner would give it a try is exciting enough, and role-playing it is as far as you decide to go.

Dare: What Happens When Fantasies Come True by Tracey Cox is on sale now! And her toys are available at LoveHoney

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We Joined the Mile-High Club…And Got Caught

July 26, 2013

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Earlier this week we published an excerpt from Tracey Cox’s awesome new book, Dare: What Happens When Fantasies Come True, which is available now on Amazon for your Kindle. The excerpt explains how and why fantasizing can improve your sex life. Today, in a second excerpt from the book, a British woman named Madison (you’ll notice some fun U.K. slang!) who is 24 and works in sales, shares her ultimate fantasy… and what happened when she tried to make it come true!

THE FANTASY

I’m traveling with a work colleague who I have always lusted after. We’re both single and we travel together a lot for business. We get on really well but I’ve never been able to tell if he fancies me or just likes me as a friend. The night before our flight, we were up late schmoozing clients, so we’re both a bit hungover and in silly moods. He looks even hotter than usual because he hasn’t shaved and I love the stubble – his jaw line is square and the stubble just accentuates it. He’s got long, dark eyelashes and gorgeous blue eyes, and every time we work together half of me works while the other fantasizes about the two of us getting it on. We both line up to board the plane and are delighted to find we’ve been bumped up from Business to First-Class. It’s an eight-hour flight and we’re both looking forward to having a glass of wine and then passing out on the flat beds. We settle in, chat a bit, then both start watching movies while enjoying our wine.

In First-Class, there are about a zillion films to choose from and I end up watching an old movie: 8 Mile starring Eminem and Brittany Murphy. There’s an incredibly hot sex scene in it that’s explicit and looks really real, like they’re really having sex, not just acting for the cameras. The combination of the hangover (I’m always up for sex the day after drinking), the wine, the sexy luxury of being in First and my hot colleague sitting next to me, makes me feel really turned on. I surreptitiously play the same sex scene over and over, rewinding and replaying. My colleague is blissfully unaware of my high state of excitement because I’ve angled the screen so he can’t see what I’m watching. (Well, that’s what I think, anyway!) Eventually, I get to the point where I’m desperate for release and it just so happens, I have a small bullet vibrator in my hand luggage. I discreetly get it out of my bag, pocket it and get up out of my seat, smiling at my friend and pointing to the loo to explain where I’m going. He looks at me intently and we lock eyes. I flush. For a moment, it feels like he’s reading my mind and knows exactly what I’m going to the loo to do . . . Read the rest of this entry »



How Fantasizing Can Improve Your Sex Life

July 23, 2013

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Tracey Cox author photo by Daniel Annett

The fabulous and funny Tracey Cox from the U.K. is one of our favorite sex writers out there. We’re thrilled to present the following excerpt from her new book, Dare: What Happens When Fantasies Come True, which is available now on Amazon for your Kindle. Tracey’s Dare product range is also available at LoveHoney. Check back in on Friday for a hilarious (and educational!) example from the book about what happened when a real couple tried to make the woman’s mile-high fantasy come true.

Why Do We Fantasize?

Think of your fantasies as a vibrator for the mind. There are a finite number of possible physical combinations of what we can do with our bodies, but our minds are limitless. Your imagination is the single, most potent engine driving sexual desire. Tap into your imagination and you’ve turned on nature’s built-in aphrodisiac. Fantasies are what keep sex fizzy when your sex life – or your partner – goes temporarily pear-shaped. They’re what can make sex with someone we’ve slept with hundreds of times seem not only remotely appealing but exciting. One of the quickest
ways to arouse yourself is to fantasize. Even better, fantasies are a form of foreplay we can access in an instant – anywhere, any time – because we carry them with us always.

Some fantasies are fleeting. Others start off small then develop over time into rich, complex formats. Often they’ll start the same or feature the same characters but have different endings, designed to suit the mood we’re in. They generally last as long as it takes us to orgasm and we become adept at timing them so the climax happens when we do. Just like sexual positions, most of us have three or four favorite fantasies we return to time and time again.

Our fantasies tend not to change in theme terribly much, though women’s tend to be more involved than men’s are. Women read more, are generally more imaginative and need more varied stimulation to arouse them. Our fantasies almost always have a plot. There is scene setting, character development, a narrative arc . . . Men go for instant action. They fast forward straight to the naughty bits – often sliding straight into bits in graphic detail. They’ll often have one simple image rather than a ‘video’ – usually of someone they could pull in real life.

This is why amateur porn sites and live webcams with ‘normal’ looking girls are so popular with men. They like to think they’ve got a chance of the sex actually happening. Women, on the other hand, have no problems picturing Bradley Cooper frothing at the mouth for the chance to slide a hand up our skirts. It’s one of the few times we allow our egos to run rampant and our self-esteem to soar! Read the rest of this entry »



Top 5 Tips for Taking Saucy Pics Together

July 19, 2013

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photo via She Hit Pause Studios

Shooting naked photos together can be embarrassing and even terrifying, but it can also be an incredibly sexy and intimate experience. Plus, no matter how you feel about your shape, we’re pretty sure that in thirty years you’ll wish you had that body — and you’ll be glad you captured it for posterity!

1. Only shoot naked pics with someone you trust completely — if you wouldn’t invite them home for the holidays, can you really trust them with naked evidence? You can double-down on privacy by keeping your face out of the shot and/or shooting with mini instant camera (no negatives and no instant ability to “forward”). If you must send your partner a saucy pic of yourself, be sure to use an app like SnapChat that only displays the pic for a few seconds before self-combusting.

2. Full nudity is overrated — sometimes the sexier images happen when you leave a little to the imagination… leave on an item of clothing, or artfully drape a sheet, or coyly place an arm or hand in the way of the camera.

3. Penthouse-style spread-eagle poses are overrated too — and there’s nothing worse than someone striking that pose when they don’t feel entirely comfortable naked in front of the camera (chances are, that’s you sunshine!). Go for candid, action shots instead — the action can be as innocent as laughing or blowing a kiss or something, er, racier.

4. You don’t need to be Annie Leibovitz, but it’s worth taking a few tips from the pros: Avoid overhead lighting (it highlights imperfections) and flash (it looks amateur) — try instead daylight from a window, low-wattage bulbs in lamps, or candlelight. Also, never shoot your subject from below (so unflattering!). Remember that a tripod lets you both be in the shot. Finally, a little blurriness can make a pic look more arty and less porny (e.g. your bodies are both completely still except for a blurry hand or mouth in a certain place…).

5. You don’t need to be Gisele, but it’s worth taking a few tips from the pros: Don’t slouch, do tauten your muscles. When standing, pose at an angle rather than straight on, and do something with your arms.

 

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This article originally appeared on



5 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Orgasms

July 18, 2013

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At least half the advice questions we receive from readers are about orgasms, and we’ve been dishing about orgasms for almost fifteen years, but even we are constantly learning new things about how orgasms work. Here are five orgasm tidbits you probably don’t know…

1. Men Fake, Too
Sure, women fake orgasms sometimes — we knew that even before Meg Ryan showed us how. In fact, nearly 60% of women have faked an orgasm at least once. But they’re not the only ones! Research shows that 19% of men have faked an orgasm, too. (We’re guessing that in most of those situations, the man was too drunk to finish and his partner was too drunk to notice him squirreling away an empty condom.)

2. She Sometimes Comes First
Speaking of male vs female orgasms: Men aren’t the only ones who sometimes climax sooner than they’d like. Sure, it’s primarily a male concern, but we’ve heard from multiple women who wish they could stretch out the period before their climax more. We know it sounds like those women who complain about being too skinny, but for some women, it’s a real problem!

3. Orgasm Science Is Full of Good News
How cool is this: The vagus nerve, which is involved in the orgasm, bypasses the spinal cord. As researchers (including G-spot goddess Dr. Beverly Whipple) have recently discovered, this means that paraplegics can still climax, despite having little or no sensation or movement below the waist.

4. Monogamy Is Good for the Orgasm Gap
Here’s good news for all you fans of long-term monogamy: As a relationship progresses, the orgasm gap between men and women closes. In casual hookups, or at the very beginning of a sexual relationship, women climax only 32% as often as their male partners. But in serious relationships, women climax about 80% as often as men, aw yeah. (No wonder we hear from so many men who tell us that they can’t keep up with their girlfriend or wife’s libido — once a woman figures out how to climax with her partner, she wants sex more than ever!)

5. Kegels Are for Everyone
Doing kegel exercises on a regular basis can lead to more intense orgasms for women and men. (Men who kegel can also get stronger erections and more staying power, FYI.) The basic regimen, for both men and women, is squeeze, hold, release, repeat. Here is a detailed how-to guide on kegels for him, and here is a detailed how-to guide on kegels for her.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

This article originally appeared on ArchetypeMe.com



Tantric Oral Sex OR How to Become a Human Vibrator

July 10, 2013

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While we were thrilled our latest book 150 SHADES OF PLAY: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink won the silver medal in the sex & relationships category at the Independent Publishers Book Awards this year, we’ll admit we were a little disappointed it wasn’t the gold. That honor went to Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson for their Great Sex Made Simple: Tantric Tips to Deepen Intimacy & Heighten Pleasure. To prove to ourselves that we’re not sore losers (damn you, Tantra!), we asked the couple for an excerpt from their book. They kindly delivered, and now you’ll never be able to take a yoga class with a straight face again!

Become a Human Vibrator

Hummer is one term we left out during our discussion of oral sex related slang. Unlike many of the others, it doesn’t carry a negative implication. Although we haven’t been able to ascertain the origin of the term, we’d like to believe it relates to this technique and refers to a particularly effective way of performing oral sex, a way of turning your mouth into a vibrator. It seems that the term hummer is usually applied to fellatio, but it’s just as valid for cunnilingus, stimulating the clitoris and vulva with the mouth and tongue; in fact, the method we prefer is easier to practice during cunnilingus. For fellatio, intention is more important than pronunciation.

Being vocal during sex is a powerful aphrodisiac. It is also very valuable to make sounds while going down on your lover, and by making sounds, we don’t mean faking orgasmic moans. In general terms, it is best to find sounds that are a genuine expression of your enjoyment. It can be easy to be so focused on giving pleasure that you neglect what can be a powerfully erotic enhancer.

When the person giving oral sex makes humming sounds, the vibrations are transmitted directly into the body of the receiver. These vibrations influence both the receiver, who feels them in the genitals, and the giver, who feels them in the skull. This technique is in some ways similar to using a vibrator, but a human being is producing the sounds and vibrations, and that human being is intent on sharing pleasure. Thus, the effect can be considerably more subtle and complex.

These vibrations may not be as intense as mechanically generated ones, but an energetic exchange is taking place, something that can lead to a very different kind of experience. Not only is the giver focused on giving pleasure, the receiver’s response and the cues it provides through several sensory avenues create a feedback loop that will, ideally, take you both into very high states of arousal.

We have discussed chanting Om and given you a direct experience of its power in the context of exploring the sense of hearing (Part 5, Chapter 29.) Chanting this syllable during oral sex has a similar but directly sexual impact. If you are performing fellatio, you probably won’t be able (and shouldn’t try) to make the ‘O’ sound, so just focus on the ‘mmm’, while repeating the ‘O’ part of the mantra mentally.

We’d like to examine in more detail the significance of this seemingly meaningless syllable about which so much has been said and written. The symbol for Om predates writtenSanskrit, and the syllable is often referred to as the primordial sound – the vibration that emerged at the birth of the universe and that persists as the pulse of creation. Tantric sexual rituals involve reenacting this ongoing process of creation. The symbol itself is suggestive of sexual union.

The part of the symbol that resembles the number three evokes the yoni, or feminine aspect, while the curvy line that also resembles a tail, symbolizes the lingam or masculine aspect. By chanting the syllable, you are symbolically uniting your own inner masculine and feminine aspects, in addition to producing the physiological impacts we discussed in the section on hearing.

Om is actually comprised of three distinct sounds compressed into one syllable, and it is sometimes transliterated AUM (Ah – Oo – Mm). The first two sounds combine to produce the ‘O’. These three letters have profound symbolic significance. They represent past, present, and future, and thus evoke the timeless states that can be experienced during lovemaking.

They also symbolize the Hindu trinity: Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva – who represent respectively generation, operation and destruction, GOD (although we prefer to say generation, operation and transformation.) From this perspective, God need not be imagined as an anthropomorphic being but instead as the process of existence. This kind of theism strikes us as being far more sensible than believing that God is a creator who is not a part of creation. Om also symbolizes the life cycle, which is of course dependent on sexuality. At a minimum, these are useful metaphors, and even if the metaphors don’t work for you, the physiological effects of chanting the syllable are real.

Remember that, when chanting Om, you should divide it up so that the ‘O’ sound comprises the first third of the chant and the ‘mmm’ the second two thirds. We have already discussed how chanting in this manner affects the pituitary gland and resonates through the skull. We should add that it also vibrates the oral G-spot. The crescent and dot that appear above the symbol indicate the extended ‘mmm’ sound. The dot is called anuswara, which also means little heaven in Sanskrit. By chanting Om correctly, you are creating a heaven in your own cranium; chanting it during oral sex, will take both of you there.

Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson are a devoted married couple who have been teaching Tantra together since 1999. Their work has been featured in Redbook, Cosmopolitan, and The Village Voice. Michaels is a graduate of NYU School of Law, a member of the Bar in New York State,  and holds master’s degrees from NYU and Yale. Johnson is a professional operatic soprano, who tours throughout the US, Europe, and South America. They are the authors of Tantra for Erotic Empowerment, which was a ForeWord Book of the Year Finalist, and The Essence of Tantric Sexuality. They live in New York City. Visit them online at TantraPM.com.

From Great Sex Made Simple by Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson. © 2012 by Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson. Used by permission from Llewellyn Worldwide, Ltd., www. Llewellyn.com.

 



6 Rules for Outdoor Sex

July 2, 2013

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photo via Flickr

Now that the weather’s turning warmer, many people are overcome by two urges: to get outside and to get it on — two great tastes that taste great together! And so the season of outdoor sex has begun — is there anything more all-American worth celebrating this July 4th? But it’s not all fun and games like naked Slip n’ Slide — there are some practicalities to consider before you answer the call of the wild: Read the rest of this entry »



How a Couple’s Massager Works…On Your Honeymoon!

June 12, 2013

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The following is the inspirational “Lover’s Guide” that comes with the new Bridal Pleasure Set from Lelo, which reminds us all how special sex can be, married or not:

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