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5 Reasons to Give Quickies a Try

May 21, 2013

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photo from Got a Minute? 60 Second Erotica

We believe that the quickie is one of the most underrated sex acts out there. Perhaps this is because everyone from Sting to porn producers to teen boys reciting baseball statistics in bed are convinced that going long is always better. Here are five reasons why, sometimes, less is more.

1. You Need Your Beauty Sleep
Research consistently shows that people would choose a good night’s sleep over sex. And sure, when you crawl into bed at midnight and, with a heavy heart, set your alarm for six a.m., then an hour or two of sensual tantric love-making doesn’t sound that appealing. But what about five or ten minutes of intense passion followed by a sleep-inducing orgasm? Now we’re talking.

2. Women Don’t Always Need As Much Time As You Think
We’ve all heard that women at least need thirty minutes of extended foreplay in order to truly enjoy sex. But then how come during masturbation, women climax, on average, in less than four minutes? (Guys take an average of two to three minutes to orgasm.) Teach your partner your secret self-love techniques and then see if you can set a personal best!

3. Quickies Are Hot
The pace of a quickie creates a sense of urgency and need, and this is (a) incredibly hot and (b) often missing from the kind of leisurely, routine sex that is common in long-term relationships. You get extra urgency points if you leave some clothes on and have your quickie in a hallway or bathroom, etc.

4. Quickie Erotica
Need help? Check out the book Got a Minute: 60-Second Erotica, edited by Alison Tyler. The super-short erotic stories will help get you in the mood fast. Erotica is not for everyone—if you’re like us, you might find yourself rolling your eyes at the cheesy plot twists or characterization—but quickie erotica will be over before you have time to critique it!

5. More Quickies = More Sex
We often hear from women in long-term relationships that if sex didn’t last so long—we’re talking ten minutes instead of close to an hour—they’d be up for more of it. And research backs this up: One study found that the most satisfying intercourse for couples lasts for anywhere between three and thirteen minutes. Plus, more sex—no matter what kind of sex it is—tends to make you feel good about your sex life, which leads to even more sex.

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This article originally appeared on



The 5 Most Important Things to Know About Spanking (Before You Try It)

May 16, 2013

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photo via Flickr

A little spanking session in the bedroom is a quick, easy, and affordable way to spice things up (look ma, nothing but hands!). But as with anything involving painful pleasure, there are always important safety issues — both physical and emotional — that you should familiarize yourself with first, before you go swatting away like gangbusters. Consider this the kinder, gentler way to spank:

1. Remove all bracelets and rings. The only prop you need is your bare palm. But if you want to accessorize, best to go with a made-for-kinky-play paddle, like the Naughty and Nice Plush Paddle at GoodVibes.com — something like this is easy to control the aim and force of (unlike whips and floggers, which are too dangerous for dabblers).

2. Make sure you have a willing participant. You can’t take someone over your knee and go to town without their consent first (no matter how naughty they’ve been, which apparently includes not buying the right coffee, see above). However, if you know each other well and fully trust each other and believe they’d truly enjoy it, you can try one very gentle little love pat on the bum during sex and gauge their reaction.

3. If you get their go-ahead from there, very gradually work your way up in spanking intensity, interspersing swats with soothing massages to spread the heat — all the while checking in with your partner as to their comfort and eagerness.

4. Only aim for the lower, fleshier halves of each cheek and the backs of the upper thighs  — avoid the lower back, tailbone, and back of the knees. Remember, you’re going for good pain (e.g. an intense back massage), not bad pain (e.g. getting a finger slammed in a car door, or listening to Celine Dion).

5. While a woman might like particular attention paid to the intersection of bum crack and crease, with the vibrations reverberating throughout the vulva, definitely steer clear of his family jewels!

This article originally appeared on

For more on spanking and other kinky endeavors, pick up a copy150 SHADES OF PLAY, on sale now at Amazon!



C Is for Cuffs

May 14, 2013

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Lelo’s Etherea Silk Cuffs (a black version is part of their Dare Me Pleasure Set)

The following is from our very own naughty, award-winning dictionary, 150 SHADES OF PLAY: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink. Bolded words signify individual entries that appear elsewhere in the A-to-Z section of the book. Anything with a tie icon indicates an activity or prop mentioned in the Fifty Shades series (symbolic of the famous woven tie Christian Grey uses to restrain Anastasia Steele). The idea being: look up something you’re interested in and, from there, make it a choose-your-own-adventure book by following any bolded words that pique your interest to their own dedicated entry. Or just start at A and don’t stop ‘til you get to Z—or ‘til you’re compelled to try something out with your partner, whichever comes first!:

C

 cuffs, ankle and wrist

If restraining someone by their wrists and ankles is the meat-and-potatoes of bondage, then made-for-play cuffs (sold at any sex toy store) are bondage’s Hungry-Man frozen dinners: quick, easy, and surprisingly satisfying. Bondage cuffs are way safer than handcuffs and provide instant gratification—unlike rope, with its pain-in-the-ass learning curve. Most cuffs are made of either leather or nylon (for kinky vegans, e.g. Super Cuffs) and are often lined with faux fur, etc. (for comfort even during marathon seshes). And before you complain that faux fur is “not me” or “so last season,” just try writhing around in a pair of police-issue handcuffs first. For real-world restraints that aren’t a pain in the wrist, check out the surprisingly attractive institutional cuffs at MedicalToys.com. And for something a little more in line with the high-end Fifty Shades aesthetic, check out LELO’s Etherea Silk Cuffs and Sutra Chainlink Cuffs.

Bondage cuffs feature either buckles or Velcro (the former gives a stronger hold, the latter a quicker release and a sexy sound) and are fairly wide (at least two to three inches) to ward off the nerve damage that is a risk of traditional handcuffs. Speaking of risks: As with any form of bondage, the bottom should speak up as soon as he or she notices any numbness or tingling, and the top should allow for at least one finger’s width between cuff and skin. And regular bondage cuffs should never be used for any kind of suspension — you need special equipment for that sort of advanced play (although you should never suspend someone from the wrists, no matter the gear). Bondage cuffs typically feature D-rings so that they can be tethered to each other, to bed posts, to chair legs, etc. And if you’re still sleeping on your college futon? Most sex toy shops sell “Under the Bed” tethers that serve as makeshift bedposts. Another option is to attach the ankle or wrist cuffs to a spreader bar. For more self-contained bondage, just attach wrist to wrist and ankle to ankle. You can even attach bound wrists to bound ankles (either in front or back) for an instant hogtie! See also bondage safety, collars, cuffs (grip), cuffs (rope), door jamb cuffs, and handcuffs.

For more on restraints and other kinky endeavors, pick up a copy 150 SHADES OF PLAY, on sale now at Amazon!



5 Easy Ways to Talk Dirtier Tonight

May 10, 2013

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Dirty talk can terrify even the most seasoned sexual adventurer—people are afraid of sounding stupid or afraid of like a pornstar… or perhaps they’re afraid of not sounding like a pornstar. But when you break it down, dirty talk is actually much simpler and more approachable than you might think. Here are five easy ways to try it out:

1. React to What’s Happening
If something feels good, say so. Start with moans and sighs (they count, too!), or a breathy repetition of your partner’s name, and work up to “Yes!” or “That feels good” or “I love it when you do that”—and eventually you can build up to “I love it when you [BLANK] with your [BLANK].”

2. Ditch Your Thesaurus
Speaking of the [BLANK]: As a general rule, the more words a term for the genitals contains, the more likely it is to induce giggles or a wince. On the other hand, you probably want to steer clear of terms that a gynecologist or urologist would use—penis, vulva, vagina, etc. (kind of a buzz kill!). You’re safest sticking to the casual basics for his junk, i.e. cock or dick. For her, if you’re comfortable with pussy, then go for it. Or, you could just work around specific terms and simply substitute “you” and “me” instead, e.g. “I want you inside me”; “You feel so good on top of me”; etc.

3. Compliment Your Partner
Compliment each other’s body parts, compliment the way a partner feels or looks or smells or sounds, tell them how sexy it is when they climax, tell them how turned on you get when they moan, and so on. In context, you’d be surprised how dirty this all sounds.

4. Ask Questions
“Do you want me to [BLANK]?” “Do you like that?” “How does that feel?” “What do you want me to do with my [BLANK]?” “Does that feel good?” “What do you want me to do next?” “What would turn you on?” “What do you want to do to me?”

5. Give Directions
“Touch me here.” “Kiss me there.” “Take off your clothes.” “I want you to come.” “Close your eyes.” “Turn over.” “Leave that on.” “Put your hand here.” “Don’t move.” “Don’t stop.” “Please don’t stop.”

Whatever you say, make your voice a little lower and softer or huskier than your regular voice. This will probably come naturally—kind of like how your voice automatically gets higher when you talk to a baby—and the more you do it, the more naturally it will come. Now get out there and verbalize!

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This article originally appeared on



B Is for Blindfold

May 7, 2013

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LELO’s Intima Silk Blindfold

The following is from our very own naughty dictionary, 150 SHADES OF PLAY: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink. Bolded words signify individual entries that appear elsewhere in the A-to-Z section of the book. Anything with a tie icon indicates an activity or prop mentioned in the Fifty Shades series (symbolic of the famous woven tie Christian Grey uses to restrain Anastasia Steele). The idea being: look up something you’re interested in and, from there, make it a choose-your-own-adventure book by following any bolded words that pique your interest to their own dedicated entry. Or just start at A and don’t stop ‘til you get to Z—or ‘til you’re compelled to try something out with your partner, whichever comes first!:

B

 blindfolds

The only kink accessory guaranteed to make it past judgmental cleaning ladies, visiting parents, and airport security (hell, the airline might even give you a blindfold for free if it’s an overnight flight!). It’s also a must-have for beginners: If you’re having trouble embracing your inner kinkster, making your partner don a blindfold will make everything seem less, well, silly.

Not sure that a latex catsuit is “you”? Then blindfold your partner and make them guess what you’re wearing with their hands. Afraid that your paddle action is lackluster and limp-wristed? Keep your victim in the dark while you work on your swing. Does eye contact keep taking you out of the moment whenever you try to role-play? It’s much easier to stay in character (and avoid the giggles) if only one of you can see. Basically, when your partner wears a blindfold, your inhibitions are lowered, much like having sex on tequila—but without the raging hangover or diminished hand-eye coordination (and five minutes with this book should tell you that many of the activities described herein require advanced hand-eye coordination…sloppy cock and ball torture, anyone?).

And when you wear the blindfold? It’s a legitimate excuse to just lie back, relax and be attended to—simply enjoying the heightened sense of touch that results from another one of your senses (in this case sight) being restricted. See also sensory deprivation.

For more on sensory deprivation and other kinky endeavors, pick up a copy 150 SHADES OF PLAY, on sale now at Amazon!



5 Things Everyone Should Know About Sex

May 1, 2013

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photo via flickr

1. A well-designed sex toy can make a fabulous gift.
Birthdays, Mother’s Day, Just Because Day, whenever. Well, perhaps not if you’ve been on just a date or two — but if you’re in the kind of serious long-term relationship where you’ve met each other’s parents and explored each other’s orifices, then giving your partner a sex toy is a pretty awesome way to stand out from the crowd. Sex toy packaging and design has improved immeasurably over the past few years, and classy gift sets look sensual and romantic, like the Adore Me kit by LELO, which comes with a red lipstick vibe, a red silk blindfold, red silk and suede wrist restraints, and a satin storage pouch.

2. Mind games in the bedroom can be the best thing that ever happened to your relationship.
Don’t mess with each other’s heads when it comes to calling when you say you will or showing up on time for a romantic candlelit dinner. But do mess with each other in bed: Play games, tease the hell out of each other, tickle fight, wrestle, take charge, give up control, talk really dirty, choose a safeword and then fight each other off… whatever strikes your fancy. Just be sure to spoon when it’s all over.

3. It’s not nerdy or needy or unsexy to want to learn more about sex.
It doesn’t mean you’re in a rut, either. It just means you don’t want to lie back and think of England in the same position for the remaining decades of your sex life. Check out a book like 150 Shades of Play (by, er, yours truly) for tutorials on everything from bondage knots to dirty talk. We guarantee it’ll be a night to remember (without spending a month’s paycheck at the French Laundry).

4. Lube is not a crutch.
In fact, we happen to think it’s one of the best damn investments you can make in your sex life. Go for a decent water-based lubricant like Liquid Silk.

5. Lovers share their fantasies… but not all of them.
Sharing a fantasy with your partner is an awesome way to show them how much you trust them (you trust them to keep your secret, to not laugh, etc.) — it’s like an X-rated version of that trust-falling game. Plus it tells your partner how much they turn you on. Try sharing a fantasy during sex, whispering it low like dirty talk—and then ask your partner to do the same. Just remember to save a few fantasies for yourself—we all need those!

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

This article originally appeared on



4 Easy Ways to Enjoy Sensation Play

April 23, 2013

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Lelo’s Tantra Feather Teaser

Sensation play might as well be called sensational play. After all, sex shouldn’t always be rub, climax, rinse, repeat. Add a little subtlety to your sexuality and you get sensuality, the driving force behind “sensation play.” It’s notoriously been the domain of sensitive ponytailed men and earnest granola chicks who own speculums, but it doesn’t have to be. No matter whether you have a sense of irony or not, experimenting with different textures and temperatures, both on and around your erogenous zones, wakes up your body to new experiences and surprises your nerves with the unexpected. So here are five easy ways to try it out in the bedroom:

1. Ice Cubes. One of the cheapest, most readily available sex toys there is. Perfect to perk up lazy erogenous zones on a hot summer day. But remember, safety first: you don’t want anything to go numb or turn blue. And be sure to use the cubes externally only, lest they tear delicate internal linings. For sillier sex, get this Pecker Ice Cube Tray.

2. Candle Wax. Why should goths have all the fun? First be sure to use a soy candle or a made-for-play massage oil candle. (Absolutely no scented, colored or beeswax candles — they burn way too hot!) Blow the candle out before dripping the wax; test the wax on the back of your hand first; once the wax hits your partner’s skin, rub it in to disperse the heat; do not drip the wax on your partner’s face or delicate mucous membranes (you know, those areas where STDs and infection get passed the most). But if you’d like clean up a little easier, go for a nice massage candle where the wax turns into massage oil.

3. Feathers. Sometimes the lightest touches can elicit the most intense tingles. A single feather, a feather tickler with a handle, or even a feather boa work well. (We must insist that if you use a feather duster, it must be brand new and never used for actual cleaning. Faux fur is probably a better substitute. ) For a dramatic contrast of sensations, combine it will the delightful sting of a little spank on (only) the plumpest part of your partner’s bottom.

4. Blindfolds. It’s not the sensation of fabric against your eyes that’s important here; it’s the fact that limiting one sense (sight) can heighten another (touch). When you don’t know what’s coming, the feeling when you actually get it is that much more intense. Proper blindfolds are nice, but if you don’t have one handy, a soft scarf will do (just tie it on the side so they don’t have to lie on the knot). Combine with some headphones to drown out your sense of sound, and you’ll multiply that intensity. Hey, it worked for Anastasia Steele!

For more on sensation play, first-time spanking, and other kinky endeavors, pick up a copy of 150 SHADES OF PLAY, on sale now at Amazon!

This article originally appeared on



Top 10 Things You Never Want to Hear After a First Kiss

April 17, 2013

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10. No way, you had spinach for lunch too?!

9. I think I swallowed your filling.

8. Thanks, I’d been meaning to floss.

7. Care for a mint?

Read the rest of this entry »



5 Ways to Rekindle the Flame

April 9, 2013

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photo via flickr

True love and deep intimacy aren’t a guarantee of hot sex. In fact, being in long-term love might be the reason your sex life is dull! After all, it’s hard to get excited when you know all your partner’s moves, when you know they’re not going anywhere, when you know every bad bathroom habit they have. Where’s the danger, the mystery, the suspension of disbelief? So here are five ways to recreate some erotic tension in your relationship without sacrificing all that good love and stability.

1. Find ways to admire each other.
Admiration is something that happens early in a relationship, as you are learning each other’s talents and qualities. And to truly admire someone or something, you usually have to step back a little—imagine trying to appreciate a painting when your nose is an inch from the canvas. So the next time you’re out with friends, take a seat at the opposite end of the table from your partner and sneak glances at the way he or she makes your friends laugh. Break out a board game with friends and get competitive together. Or hit a karaoke bar and admire your partner’s awesome rockstar voice (or just that they don’t care how silly they look).

2. Give each other space.
Encourage your partner to go on boys’/girls’ nights out — and make sure you do the same. Join a book club without your partner, or sign up for a boot camp workout group. Go on a weekend away with your siblings or old college buddies. Sure, we all know that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but time apart has an even more magical effect on your genitals.

3. Get out of your comfort zone in bed.
You probably feel incredibly comfortable in bed with your partner, which is awesome in its own way (yay for reliable orgasms!), but sometimes what you want to feel is a little discomfort. Push each other’s limits in the bedroom so that you’re exploring new territory together — this creates a kind of erotic distance as you discover the way that your partner reacts to something new. For example, try a new kind of toy, share a new kind of fantasy, experiment with roleplaying, experiment with orifices… basically, do something that makes you both a little nervous. Remember, you can stop at any time!

4. Be adrenaline junkies together.
An adrenaline rush feels a lot like desire, both emotionally and physiologically. Getting high (on life) together can have a spill-over effect into your sex life — that brief brush with danger, no matter how manufactured, can increase erotic tension. Speed is the simplest way to get a natural high: Go biking together, go downhill skiing, learn to surf. Or just go out dancing somewhere that plays really loud fast music! Another way to get an adrenaline rush is to conquer a fear — whether that’s giving a toast at a party, acting in a local play, or just riding a rollercoaster together.

5. Learn a new route to each other’s orgasm.
Forget everything you know about your partner’s orgasm and teach yourself a new way to get them to their happy place. It may be frustrating initially, but the rewards are fantastic! So if you always rely on a certain position or hand technique or toy to push you over the edge, try anything but that one thing. It’s kind of like that game Taboo, except instead of avoiding certain words, you’re avoiding favorite sexual habits.

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This article originally appeared on ArchetypeMe.com



L Is for Love Ring

April 5, 2013

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The Oden 2 by LELO

The following is from our very own naughty dictionary, 150 SHADES OF PLAY: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink. Bolded words signify individual entries that appear elsewhere in the A-to-Z section of the book. Anything with a tie icon  indicates an activity or prop mentioned in the Fifty Shades series (symbolic of the famous woven tie Christian Grey uses to restrain Anastasia Steele). The idea being: look up something you’re interested in and, from there, make it a choose-your-own-adventure book by following any bolded words that pique your interest to their own dedicated entry. Or just start at A and don’t stop ‘til you get to Z — or ‘til you’re compelled to try something out with your partner, whichever comes first!:

L

love rings

A kinder, gentler cock ring intended for couples, often made of soft, giving material (ideally body-safe silicone) with a protrusion (usually one that vibrates) at the top of the ring which lines up with a woman’s clitoris when the man wears it during heterosexual intercourse. Perfect for newbies who may find the leather or metal jobbies a little too hardcore for their tastes. Depending on the model, the stretchy ring will either fit around his penis and behind his balls so that they all sit in front of the accessory, or it will just fit around the base of his shaft, like a little belt. Their intended effect is harder, longer-lasting, and more sensitive erections. Of course, penises are as unique as snowflakes, like Grandma always said, so some men will find that the ring really affects their sensitivity, causing them to climax even sooner, thus overriding the longer-lasting benefit. Others won’t notice much difference at all—but, still, it’s always nice to accessorize. LELO has some tasteful (and waterproof!) rechargeable couples rings: the Tor 2 and the Oden 2 (pictured on the back cover of this book). These sensual rings don’t require the kind of safety reviews the more pain-inducing instruments do, but it wouldn’t hurt you (no pun intended) to read the rules outlined in the cock rings and cock and ball torture entries anyway.

For more on vibrators, BDSM, and other kinky endeavors, pick up a copy 150 SHADES OF PLAY, on sale now at Amazon!

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