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6 Ways to Seduce Your Husband

November 27, 2013

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photo by Ezyan Y.

Let’s face it: seducing guys ain’t that hard. A little cleavage and some footsie is pretty much all it takes. But when you’re in a long-term committed relationship, the challenge is making your moves new and memorable. What follows are seven classic approaches to seduction that you can make your own with your hubby — and have fun doing it.

  1. The Detective: It’s the quintessential seduction technique: Show up on the doorstep or open the door in a trench coat, heels and not much else. It’s a bold move that takes nerve and confidence. But before you bust it out, just be sure they’ll be no surprises (like an impromptu guy’s poker night). And don’t feel obligated to wear the traditional lace garter-belt ensemble underneath. An oversized “Go Mets!” T-shirt, especially if he’s a fan, might work just as well. What’s sexier than a sense of humor?
  2. The Anais Nin: In an email, text or–get this–a handwritten lust note (yes, they still make nice pens), tell him what you want to do to him right now in great graphic detail, preferably sent to him when he’s in the middle of an important business meeting. This also works whispered in his ear in the middle of a crowded party, a movie theater, or a restaurant.
  3. The Centerfold: No need to have bleach blonde hair, fake boobs or access to an airbrush. A softly lit digital pic taken from a flattering angle will do the trick. Send him one on your camera phone, leave one in his briefcase, or slip one under his pillow, etc. When you take it yourself, you can art direct so as to leave something (including your identity) to the imagination. Note: Only for the committed partner you really, really trust…
  4. The Julie McCoy: Plan a guy date: take note of his likes (e.g. microbrews), hobbies (e.g. fly fishing), and interests (e.g. politics) and then plan a surprise date around them. For example, pack a picnic with a six pack of his favorite ale and have him teach you how to fish while you debate the merits of the electoral college system. From then on, he’ll be happy (okay, willing) to go shopping with you and hold your purse.
  5. The Mrs. Robinson: You take erotic control: make the first move, tell him what you’re going to do to him, have him lie back while you call the shots (you can even tie him up so he complies), you undress him, then yourself (or not)…guaranteed he’ll be putty in your hands (again, unless he’s one of those aforementioned meatheads).
  6. The Pretty Woman: For those in long-term relationships, creating the illusion of variety can help spice things up. Like Julia Roberts, don a blonde bobbed wig and some thigh-high boots (or whatever outfit or Halloween costume makes you look and feel like a new person) and have fun with a little light role-playing: “Hey there, stranger…”

***AN (updated) EM & LO ARCHIVE CLASSIC***



Top 10 Striptease Tips

November 26, 2013

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photo via Flickr

The traditional striptease is not for everyone: some consider it the ultimate display of female sexual power, reducing male viewers to quivering bowls of jelly, while others find it embarrassing or even demeaning. One thing’s for sure: many a man truly enjoys the visual, so an erotic dance can be a generous gift. This is not to suggest that the ladies don’t like to look too. Or that a striptease can’t be a joint effort or a male endeavor — we think it should be, and often. Therefore a woman should feel free to tell her fella, “You first” or “Now your turn!” But for the sake of simplicity, the following tips are written assuming the lady in the relationship wants to be the first to perform. By the way, don’t think you need the body of a model or stripper to dance suggestively for your partner. He’ll be focused on the show, not on your so-called imperfections.  You go-go girl!  (Just please don’t install a pole in your bedroom.)

  1. Rent 9 1/2 Weeks to learn from Kim Basinger’s striptease: the outfit, the moves, the music, the shy-cheeky-sexy attitude (just ignore the disturbing plot line).
  2. Dance to a song that you’ll both enjoy — you should feel sexy moving to it, but he shouldn’t be thinking, “I can’t believe she’s still into boy bands.”
  3. Wear a shirt with buttons: it automatically creates 10 extra moves! Play peek-a-boob with each side. Once it’s undone, turn your back on him and shimmy it off your shoulders before dropping it to the floor. Oh, and don’t wear tight pants or jeans. Because if you can look sexy while you take those off, then you can quit your day job. Instead, wear a pencil skirt that you can push down (while bending forward with your back or side to him) and then step out of. Throw clothes in his direction as you remove them.
  4. Practice removing your stockings ahead of time. For extra balance (and teasing), place your toes between his legs or on the arm of his chair while you push the stockings down.
  5. If you’ve got long hair, put it in a loose updo that you can pull out during your finale.
  6. Do it in heels and don’t take them off (except to remove stockings – and you could even put the heels back on once the stockings are off).
  7. Don’t forget the tease part of “striptease”: slow down! Fancy moves are less important than simply taking your time with each layer. So pull your skirt up or your underwear down a few inches before removing, push your bra straps off your shoulders before turning away to unclasp, and don’t get completely naked until the very end — and even then, tease him with a back view until he can’t take it anymore.
  8. Remember that a strip is in the hips: keep them moving. Some other good moves: Turn sideways and arch your back a little with hands on hips and elbows pressed back. Also, lean forward toward him, feet together, hands on knees, arms straight: he’ll enjoy the perspective. And put your arms up in the air and cross your wrists while you move your hips side to side, or trace a body part – thighs, stomach, opposite arm, hips, breasts – with your fingers. Then walk towards him (one foot all the way in front of the other, like you’re on a catwalk) and loop his tie or a piece of your clothing around his neck to pull him closer to your face or cleavage.
  9. Use your surroundings: The wall — lean your back against it and writhe, or slide down into a squat and up again (so long as you’re sure your thighs are strong enough to get you back up effortlessly). The door jam — span the gap with your arms and legs and move your hips. And a chair — straddle it backwards or sit in it sideways to remove each thigh-high stocking with pointed foot in the air.
  10. Maintain eye contact at all times. If your back is turned, glance over your shoulder. If you need a break, look down coyly then back up at him, like, “Who me? Strip?”

Okay, now it’s his turn. So tell us, how should a guy strip for his partner? Share your tips in the comments below.

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Top 10 Timely Halloween Costumes for Couples

October 20, 2013

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Lo and her guy a couple Halloweens ago

It’s only three weeks to Halloween, which means that if you plan on doing something more elaborate than throwing a sheet over your head and saying BOO! a lot, you better get your act together soon. So, with that in mind, here are our top ten ideas for timely Halloween costumes for couples. We make no promises that every costume below will kink up your sex life, but you’ll certainly have fun trying):

  1. Walt and Jesse from Breaking Bad, in their haz-mat suits and gas masks. (Definitely keep the masks on for sex!)
  2. So you prefer a little teasing and torture, BDSM-style? Then one of you is Jesse in handcuffs and the other is Todd, serving Jesse ice cream (it doesn’t have to be Americone Dream, but it can’t be vanilla, geddit?).
  3. Last Breaking Bad costume, we swear!: For retro appeal, one of you is Walter White in his grubby, baggy tighty-whities, and the other is a pregnant though emotionally underdeveloped Skylar.
  4. One of you is Justin Bieber in low-slung boxer-briefs, and the other is… Justin Bieber in low-slung boxer-briefs. You’re a selfie in action! Take the camera to bed with you, of course.
  5. If you plan to dress like Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke from the VMAs, we don’t want to know about it. Unless, of course, the guy in your couple dresses as Miley and the gal dresses like Robin (or you’re both gay). And most definitely bring that foam finger to bed later in the evening.
  6. Dress as a two-person humped camel, a la the Geico commercial. (We’re pretty sure you could get busy under there and no one would be the wiser. At the very least, some mutual diddling.)
  7. Dexter in black rubber protective gear + saran-wrapped victim = a fetish love affair just waiting to happen!
  8. Duck Dynasty Mr. & Mrs: It’s hardly the most original costume out there, but we’re pretty sure that Duck Dynasty-style sex is old-school down and dirty. You can leave your bandana on, as the song almost goes.
  9. Michael Douglas and Matt Damon from Behind the Candelabra: Go seventies, go tight white pants, go gaudy, go topless, go glitzy, go both ways and back again — and do it all for love, aw yeah.
  10. Close the shades and refuse to answer the door to any trick-or-treaters all night while you have hot monkey sex with your partner. Your costume? You’re a government shut-down!

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How to Get Over a Breakup…with Breaking Bad

September 30, 2013

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In honor of the last episode ever of Breaking Bad (sniffle), we’ve reconnoitered our classic “How to Get Over a Breakup” article so Breaking Bad fans the world over can better deal with the loss of their loved one and try to fill the void left behind by the series ending. 

Come here, Baby Blue, and let us give you a big hug. It’s going to be alright. Really. However bad it is, someone else has lived through worse before you — okay, maybe not worse, but nearly as bad (think: The Sopranos, SATC) – and they didn’t lose their job or their marbles in the process. Sure, it might have been touch-and-go at first, but eventually they started watching TV again. Some of them even fell in love with a new show (think: Homeland, House of Cards). It’s the cycle of life! Remember, the end of a relationship with an excellent television show doesn’t make TV unwatchable, it just makes you feel that way for a while — unless, of course, you throw out your Panasonic and cancel your Netflix account. Our patented 8-step process below will keep you out of the john and in the human race.

  1. Numb the pain…for approximately seven days (two weeks max, in extreme circumstances). Everyone needs time to hit the wall. So give yourself permission to talk about nothing but BB at your next cocktail party, debate your friends on Facebook about the merits of the finale, try to convince the few people you know who haven’t watched BB to get on the freaking bus already. Don’t feel guilty for fantasizing about Jessie calling you “Bitch” or Walter White in his tighty-whities. We do, however, insist on you stopping short of trying meth to self-medicate.
  2. Cut the cord. Once you’ve spent a week or two on step 1, do something Walter White was never able to do: let things go and move on. As tempting as it may be to rewatch all 62 episodes to relive a fraction of the excitement you felt the first time around or try to catch hidden meanings you missed before, this is not the time to concern yourself with BB. In fact, as with crystal meth, going cold turkey is often best.
  3. Think negatively about BB, especially if it helps you manage step 2. Avoid looking back on your relationship with blue-colored glasses or beating yourself up about what ingenious subtleties you missed. Read Emily Nussbaum’s party-pooper New Yorker analysis of the finale as many times as you have to to feel better.
  4. Git ‘er done. After you’ve broken down, it’s time to rebuild yourself. You have it in you: start that political blog, dust off your bicycle, take that fiction writing class — after all, think of all the time you’ve wasted not only watching BB, but obsessively reading critics takes on it and posting your own amateur analysis/predictions in various comments sections. Haven’t you always wanted to write the next great teleplay? Never got around to taking that woodworking class because of all the time you wasted Tweeting things like “Can’t figure out which Walter White to be for Halloween: gas mask, pork pie hat, or on the lam”? Do it now!
  5. Give back to the community. Nothing like volunteering at the local rehab clinic to put your heartache in perspective.
  6. Give yourself a “breakover.” Get back at BB by shaving off that goatee, giving up fried chicken, stopping ironically calling all your friends “bitch”….
  7. Go on the rebound. We know you’re not here yet, but don’t underestimate the benefits of distracting yourself with other cinematic flings so that you won’t be tempted to indulge in any late-night re-screenings of the last three episodes of BB. Instead, try just the first episode of a whole slew of highly regarded series. You can go young: House of Cards, Orange Is the New Black, American Horror Story. Or play around with some classics you might have missed: Six Feet Under, Battlestar Galactica, Twin Peaks. You don’t even have to fully commit to another show right now, though by the time you’ve gotten to this step you might feel differently about a palette-cleansing half-hour comedy (i.e. “sorbet show”) like Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
  8. Think positively. This is not the death of quality television. This is the beginning. Say it again: This is the beginning! Now sing it: “I will survive!” Because you will survive. And you will watch again. Hey, maybe you should even turn your television on. Remember, channel surfing is your chance to one day find even better cinematography and even truer character development. BB was just a stepping stone on your way to self-improvement, personal growth, and true happiness with the next great pop culture-phenomenon. Take comfort in the fact that, with every passing day, as the pain subsides, you’re that much closer to your density (chemistry reference intended). We mean, your destiny.

 

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8 Short Poems Hot Enough to Sext Tonight

September 26, 2013

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photo via flickr

U.K.’s Education Secretary Michael Gove got teased mercilessly all over the Internets for his recent suggestion that teenagers should text amorous poetry to each other instead of nude pics. There’s an even an app for it! The Love Book app lets teens record poetry and then text the recording to the object of their desire. “It [the app] will allow children to make sense of their own feelings in a way that is more graceful, expressive and beautiful [than sexting],” Gove said. ”Technology does not have to mean that expression becomes clumsier.”

Fun as it would be to jump on the mockery bandwagon, we’re going to take his suggestion and run with it. Because you, dear EMandLO.com readers, are not sixteen-year-old horn dogs. You understand that there is a time for raunchy photos, and there’s also a time for even raunchier words. So here are eight scorching poems (or excerpts from poems) that you might want to sext to your hot cross bunny tonight…

1.

These are the lips, powerful rudders
pushing through groves of kelp,
the girl’s terrible, unsweetened taste
of the whole ocean, its fathoms: this is that taste

– Adrienne Rich, from “That Mouth”

2.

Lady, i will touch you with my mind.
Touch you and touch and touch
until you give
me suddenly a smile, shyly obscene
(lady i will
touch you with my mind.) Touch
you, that is all,
lightly and you utterly will become
with infinite care
the poem which i do not write

– e.e. cummings, “lady i will touch you”

3.

Love-looks, love-perturbations and risings,

Poise on the hips, leaping, reclining, embracing, arm-curving and tightening,

The skin, the sunburnt shade, freckles, hair,
The curious sympathy one feels when feeling with the hand the naked meat of the body,
The circling rivers the breath, and breathing it in and out,
The beauty of the waist, and thence of the hips, and thence downward toward the knees,
The thin red jellies within you or within me, the bones and the marrow in the bones,

O I say now these are the soul!

– Walt Whitman, from “I Sing the Body Electric”

4.

They do not snatch, they do not tear;
their massive blood
moves as the moon-tides, near, more near
till they touch in flood.

– D.H. Lawrence, from “The Elephant Is Slow to Mate”

5.

please master drive me thy vehicle, body of love drops, sweat fuck
body of tenderness, Give me your dog
fuck faster
please master make me go moan on the table
Go moan O please master do fuck me like that
in your rhythm thrill-plunge & pull-back-bounce & push down

– Allen Ginsberg, from “Please Master”

6.

Did you miss me?
Come and kiss me.
Never mind my bruises,
Hug me, kiss me, suck my juices
Squeez’d from goblin fruits for you,
Goblin pulp and goblin dew.
Eat me, drink me, love me.

– Christina Rossetti, from “The Goblin Market”

7.

Now let us sport us while we may,
And now, like amorous birds of prey,
Rather at once our time devour
Than languish in his slow-chapt power.
Let us roll all our strength and all
Our sweetness up into one ball,
And tear our pleasures with rough strife
Through the iron gates of life.

– Andrew Marvel, from “To His Coy Mistress”

8.

Roses are nice,
Violets are fine,
I’ll be the six,
If you be the nine.

– Various, from “The Internet”

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What Is the C-Spot?

September 24, 2013

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This is the final part of our series on Top Body “Spots” that any self-respecting, shall we say, “anatomy enthusiast” should be familiar with. Even if this is old news to you, it’s always a good idea to brush up

The C-Spot

a.k.a. The Clitoris, a.k.a. the female penis

Yes, some people actually call the clitoris the C-spot, but if you ask us, that seems to be pushing it (no pun intended). There’s no shame in that word — own it!

Contrary to popular belief, the clitoris is more than just that little nubbin you see or feel protruding near the top of the labia – that’s just the tip of the iceberg. No, the clitoris is actually a complex organ of nerve-rich erectile tissue (just like the penis) extending throughout the genital area. We’re talking four inches long (one inch shy of the average penis, but proportional to her body size) in the shape of a wishbone. During arousal, this tissue becomes engorged and erect, just like the penis – it’s just more difficult to notice in women because most of the erection occurs internally. Another difference in erections: a woman’s has a much better chance of lasting long after orgasm, hence her ability to achieve subsequent orgasms more easily than a man.

Below are the various parts of the clitoris — study up because there will be a quiz!

clitoral head, tip, or glans: The little “handle” of the wishbone which protrudes externally at the junction where the top of the labia connect – what most people usually think of when they think “clitoris”. Some clitoral heads extend out like an erect nipple, while shyer ones hide under the hood. (The more aroused she becomes, the more retracted the clitoral head may become as the ligament supporting it tightens with sexual tension.) One of the best ways to arouse the entire clitoris is to provide stimulation to this head/tip, not only because it’s external, but because it has more nerve endings than any other part of the body, male or female. (See clittage, p TK.)

clitoral hood: The female equivalent of foreskin: the clitoral shaft runs under it and the clitoral head sticks out of it. The hood is created by the junction of the outer edges of the inner lips meeting above the clitoral head.

clitoral shaft: You can often feel the short (i.e. less than an inch long) shaft of the clitoris underneath the hood as it burrows into the genitalia, first in the direction of the pubic mound, before it turns sharply back downward and splits into two long wishbone legs.

clitoral legs: The two slim prongs of the clitoral wishbone which run underneath the labia and flank either side of the urethra, the urethral sponge, and the vagina. Like the clitoral head and shaft, the legs are made of erectile tissue which stiffens during arousal.

clitoral bulbs: In addition to the wishbone, there are two eggplant-shaped bulbs that run along the inside of the clitoral legs, beneath the inner labia and around the sides of the urethra, the urethral sponge, and the vagina. This erectile tissue also becomes engorged during arousal, puffing up even more than the legs, and causing the inner labia to balloon.

Further Reading on the Clitoris from EMandLO.com:



Sex After Miscarriage & Stillbirth

September 19, 2013

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Reconceiving Loss is a new online resource for people coping with losing a pregnancy or an infant. There are articles on health and wellbeing, yoga and meditation suggestions, and opportunities for healing through creative expression (e.g. writing, photography, even playlist compilation). One of their contributors, clinical psychologist Dr. Julie Bindeman, recently wrote about sex after loss for the site, which we’re reposting here with permission. Be sure to check out Reconceiving Loss and recommend it to any friends who may be in need. Miscarriage and stillbirth happen more than most realize — addressing this reality openly is good step forward.

 

Re-conceiving Intimacy

by Dr. Julie Bindeman, Psy-D

 

Among the many losses couples face when they lose a pregnancy or an infant is the feeling of being sexually safe. Prior to a loss, sex and expressions of love occurred naturally and spontaneously.  Intimacy is no exception to a “before” and “after” designation as so many other things become post loss.

Primary to sex and intimacy being such a loaded arena is that this particular act is directly causal in bearing children.  Even the nursery rhyme specifies the order: “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage.”  For some, having sex after a loss is petrifying as it might create a pregnancy, which might end up in another loss.  In a lot of instances, a woman’s body might not feel comfortable to share due to surgery, childbirth, or her self-perception of what her body looks like. Many baby-loss moms feel as if their bodies have betrayed them by not being able to hold onto the pregnancy, thus they punish themselves by not seeking out anything that might feel good to that body.

Grief is a winding road, so for some, sex feels too normal, and not “right” for a grieving couple to engage in.  Ironically, for others, sex is the language that the couple is able to speak to one another, especially if talking about the loss is too painful. The gulf that can be expanded for a grieving couple can seem unbridgeable and exponential, so the very concept of sexual relations again can appear to be almost foreign.

How do couples bridge that gap? How do they enjoy one another again?  The answer, to most things in grief, is slowly and with time. How much time depends on the individuals in a couple as there is no set amount.  For many women, sex and arousal is not a switch that can be turned on and off.  Rather, it has to be nurtured. This can be done by starting slow. Talking. Dating. Recommitting to one another as a couple. Build intimacy from there.  Hormones can play a part in emotions in addition to the grief feelings, so if both decide to try for lovemaking, use lubricant, go slow (again), and communicate.

Eventually, sex for enjoyment might shift to sex for baby making. The idea of “trying again” is also scary as it can feel as if you stop caring about the baby that you lost, or that you are “over it”. Know that you are not forgetting your baby if you enjoy yourself. You are not forgetting your baby by trying to expand your family.  Many families wonder when they should start to try again. A basic rule of thumb is that when the fear of loss is outweighed by desire to have a child.

 

Reconceiving Loss is a resource center for coping with pregnancy and infant loss. 

 



What Is the U-Spot?

September 17, 2013

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This is part of our continuing series on Top Body “Spots” that any self-respecting, shall we say, “anatomy enthusiast” should be familiar with. Even if this is old news to you, it’s always a good idea to brush up:

The U-Spot

a.k.a. urethral spot

This is the external area surrounding the urethral opening on a woman. Like the area right around the penis’s urethral opening, this nerve-rich spot is sensitive to touch and may be an undiscovered erogenous zone for her, because you are indirectly stimulating one end of the urethral sponge (similarly, with G-spot probing, you are stimulating one side of the urethral sponge). Stimulation of the U-spot is often a happy accident of nearby clitoral head and vaginal orifice stimulation. Upon arousal, it may protrude a bit and take on the appearance of an acorn top (like the external tip of a penis).

 

Further Reading on body spots from EMandLO.com:

 



How to Tell a Vanilla Partner About Your Kink

September 13, 2013

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We frequently hear from readers who are struggling with an imbalance of kink in their relationship — one partner is vanilla while the other is decidedly chocolate-swirl-fudge. So we asked Richard Wagner, a.k.a. Dr. Dick (seriously), the author of the new book The Gospel of Kink: A Modern Guide To Asking For What You Want And Getting What You Ask For, if he could share some advice that might help such couples. Here’s what he had to say:

Guess What, Honey?
I’m A Kinky Old Sod!

by Richard Wagner, Ph.D., ACS

So you’ve met the person of your dreams, only you haven’t got around to telling your new honey your dirty little secret. The sweet thing hasn’t a clue that you’re itchin’ for some big time bondage. Or you’d sell your soul to be dominated like the scum that you are. Or you’re salivating over that dildo you have tucked away in the attic, the one that could be mistaken for a floor lamp. Or you’re craving to be spanked till your shameless ass glows in the dark. Or you want to hump his/her feet like a dog and gobble up his/her toe jam. Or you have this nasty little thing about spike heels, frilly knickers and jungle red lipstick.

Never fear, Dr. Dick has heard it all a million times before. Some sorry pervert’s got it bad for white bread.

Dear Dr. Dick, Help! I’m in love with the sweetest guy/gal in the word, but our sex life is all vanilla all the time. I’m bored shitless! I know how to liven things up, you see I have this fetish (you fill in the blank) but I don’t know how to tell him/her about it and I’m afraid s/he’ll freak if s/he finds out. What’s a perv to do?

Introducing your partner to your personal world of kink is tricky; the whole little love match could blow up in your face. But a life of pretense and sexual boredom isn’t the way to go either. Why not just stand tall like the disgusting pervert you are and brazenly proclaim your fetish to little Mary Sunshine. After all, unless your boyfriend or gal-pal is as dumb as a post s/he’s already figured out that your mutual sex life limps. Besides, there’s nothing more satisfying than corrupting an innocent. Who knows, s/he may have secrets of his/her own.

Here’s what I suggest. Read the rest of this entry »



What Is the PS-Spot?

September 10, 2013

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This is part of our continuing series on Top Body “Spots” that any self-respecting, shall we say, “anatomy enthusiast” should be familiar with. Even if this is old news to you, it’s always a good idea to brush up:

The PS-Spot

a.k.a. perineum & the perineal sponge

Not to be confused with the P-Spot in men, this area in women includes the perineum (the short bridge of tissue between the vaginal opening and the anus) and the tissue beneath the perineum, which is a tightly packed tangle of blood vessels alternately known as the perineal sponge, perineal body, or PS-spot. Like other erectile tissue, this mass fills with blood upon arousal and can be sensitive to massage and pressure via the perineum, the lower back wall of the vagina (opposite the G-spot), or the anus.

Further Reading on the PS-Spot from EMandLO.com: