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When It’s Okay to Ask a Guy to Buy Tampons for You

November 18, 2014

4 Comments

Judd Apatow in the feminine hygiene aisle, via iwatchstuff.com

At what point in a relationship is it acceptable to ask a guy to go buy tampons from you? Our Wise Guys weigh in…

Straight Single Guy (Max): Ok. So there you are. Your girlfriend, who may already be SUPER cranky, has run out of tampons. At this point, I can dig the need to ‚Äúgo to the store‚ÄĚ and get a breath of fresh air, but who is stupid enough to tell their girlfriend NO when they‚Äôre in such a state? MAN UP and buy the girl her tampons. I understand that a lot of guys are grossed out by a girl‚Äôs period, but seriously, get over it. How can you be so opposed to a product that keeps your girlfriend‚Äôs sacred nether regions from looking like a viking battlefield? (That was a little extreme, but you know what I‚Äôm saying.) I myself am an advocate of just putting a towel or two on the bed. In fact, I’ve always found it frustrating when girls won’t have sex on their period because they’re too self conscious about the blood. Assuming you take measures to protect against the transmission of STDs, what’s the problem with a little vampire role playing?

Gay Committed Guy (Mark): If he won’t do that for you, let him figure out how to suck his own damn cock.

Straight Married Guy (Ben): He HAS to get you tampons if one of two criteria are met: 1) you’ve been a couple for three-and-a-half years* OR 2) you’ve gone through some traumatic experience together. If it’s case number one, then you are right to require him to get over himself and pick up tampons at the store. He can hide the tampons in beer and magazines, with a whole load of groceries if he likes ‚Äď coping mechanisms are fine. If he loves you at this point, he loves ALL of you, including your period. If it’s case number two and you’ve endured some kind of trauma together (getting in a bad car crash, terminating a pregnancy, being held hostage on a speeding bus that can’t go below 60 miles per hour or else it blows up)¬† ‚Äď even if it‚Äôs in your first month as a couple ‚Äď he should do anything you ask, no question, whenever you want, forever. Because after something like that, things get put in perspective real quick.

*Note from Em & Lo: For the record, dudes, we think 3.5 years is about 3 years too long to be feeling squeamish about buying tampons for someone you’ve been seeing seriously.

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Our ‚Äúwise guys‚ÄĚ are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Ben, a writer and artist living in Los Angeles who runs. Our Committed Gay Guy, Mark, is a writer and teacher in NYC and our Single Straight Guy, Max, is a recent college grad in New England .¬†To ask the guys your own question, click here.



Your Call: How Can I Compensate for a Skinny Penis?

November 17, 2014

5 Comments

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Hi,

My penis girth falls below the average range, as it measures 4 Р4.5 inches around. My length is average at 5.5 inches. I was wondering if you have any sex tips to make the most out of it when in bed?

As we know a bigger girth creates more chance of orgasm for women. Do you have any suggestions on how I can cause more friction when inside, so I can be felt?

I know for a lot of women this could be a deal breaker, and I’ll most likely always be broken up with, but instead of feeling sorry for myself, I am trying to learn how to accept it and get on with life.

Thank you!

Skinny Malinky

What advice do you have for Skinny Malinky? Leave your suggestions in the comments section below.

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5 Phrases Women Need to Say More

November 13, 2014

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by Ms Brenda Della Casa for YourTango  |  photo via Wikimedia Commons
Never walk away muttering to yourself again.

Anyone who has ever walked away from an exchange mumbling the things they “should have said” knows the crushing defeat that comes with not reaching deep into one’s vocabulary and putting together that one punchline phrase that would embolden a boundary, silence a bully or crush an inner critic. Thanks to many stumbles (and plenty of practice), I’ve found five phrases that never fail in those trickier situations that too often leave us at a loss for words.

1. “That’s not going to work for me.”
We’re all told that compromising is a good thing, and it is. UNLESS it’s your health or value system. Take, for example, the time I dated a guy who told me “we can just use condoms” when I demanded he have an STD test (uh, no), or the time I had to explain to my boss that missing my girlfriend‚Äôs wedding in order to help him catch up on work he should have done the week before was not going to happen. Now, if you’re like me and abhor confrontation, don’t fret. It’s a fallacy that one has to be pushy to push back. A gentle-yet-firm, “That’s not going to work for me” supported by a brief explanation and an alternative solution will usually do the trick. Those who respect you will respect your honesty and boundary-setting. Those who don’t? Why would you worry about them?

2. “It’s OK for me to feel this way.”

I once spent an entire year feeling bad about a breakup. The first six months were spent crying over the loss of the relationship, and the next six months were spent punishing myself for the time I “wasted” crying. Uh, is there anything worse than feeling bad about feeling bad? Talk about a double-whammy. While it’s not always verbalized, the truth is strong people wallow, worry, cry, and get stressed, too. The good news is that there is often a breakthrough in those breakdown moments, and stress often leads to brainstorming new ideas as to how to deal with life as we know it. It’s when we are hiding under-the-covers and chasing our tail for a prolonged period of time that’s concerning (and if that is happening, reaching out for professional help is also a sign of strength).

3. “Do not speak to me like that.”
Newsflash: Bullies don’t just hang out by the jungle gym. They’re everywhere: online, in the supermarket parking lot, and sitting in powerful positions in the corner office. Worse, they’re bringing stress that far exceeds handing over your lunch money. I once had a boss who loved to belittle me. Whether it was my opting for heels over boots in winter or my latest “pedestrian” blog post, it felt as though she was taking notes to send to God to prove I was a total failure as a human being. I spent two years dreading her presence while trying to kill her with kindness, but nothing worked. Finally, after enjoying a full-blown panic attack in the company kitchen, I realized that it was time to take a stand.

Just as she began to dissect my outfit, I looked her square in the eye and found the courage to hit back with a powerful phrase that stopped her mid-sentence: “Do not speak to me like that.” The look of shock on her face was all I needed to know that I had just shifted our dynamic forever. I walked away and she never picked on me again. Since then, the phrase has worked no less than a dozen times to stop a drama before it starts. Bottom Line: Brutal bosses, passive aggressive colleagues, jealous¬†frenemies¬†and nagging neighbors who can’t say something nicely should not be allowed to say anything at all until they can do so like a human being.

4. “This is not about me.”
In my late twenties, I found myself in a relationship with an anomaly. I dated the only man on earth who was never at fault for anything, not even cheating on me. In fact, he did just about everything he could to convince me his sleeping with someone else was¬†my fault¬†for not supporting his career enough (say what?). His teflon-don approach to life and¬†love¬†was annoying to most of the outside world, but for me, it was utterly devastating. I wasted too much time trying to make sense of his nonsense instead of realizing that, while accountability is an essential component in all healthy¬†relationships¬†(including the one with yourself), sometimes you don’t need to take half of the blame‚ÄĒor any of it, for that matter. I finally accepted that his issues were his–and would remain his– regardless of who he was with and left. It was the best decision of my adult life. The next time you‚Äôre dealing with someone who refuses to compromise, communicate, or otherwise resists a respectful and healthy exchange, say, “This is not about me,” and remove yourself from the situation. They may not like it, but taking the words of someone who is struggling to find a lifeline in their current chaos would be a dire mistake.

5. “I am happy for you!‚ÄĚ
Listen closely:¬†Happiness¬†begets happiness. Sure, it’s a bit of a zinger when your best friend meets the love of her life while you’re still swiping right or your ¬†colleague drops twenty pounds while you’re struggling to get motivated. But understanding that someone else achieving their goals doesn’t mean there’s one less achievement available to you will make life a whole lot easier. The next time you find yourself with a desire to rain on someone’s parade (even internally), smile and tell them how thrilled you are for them and be inspired by their joy. They’ll not only appreciate your generous statement, they may even be more inclined to help you down your own path to happiness.

Brenda Della Casa is the Author of Cinderella Was a Liar, The Managing Editor of Preston Bailey, A Huffington Post Blogger and the Founder of BDC Life In Style. She is usually found in the gym hitting the speed bag to Eminem, having a wine-down with friends or writing with her beloved Chihuahua, Tony Che Montana, by her side.

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This article originally appeared on YourTango: 5 Phrases Every Smart Woman Needs In Her Vocabulary, STAT



Dream Interpretation: I Married a Stranger

November 13, 2014

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Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I had a dream that I was marrying a complete stranger. In my dream I was preparing to walk down the aisle but I forgot my shoes. As I was putting on my shoes I looked up to see the groom and realized I didn’t know who he was. As I walked to him I noticed my legs getting weak, I had to get help from one of my aunts to walk down the aisle. When I got closer to the groom my father, who has been dead for 7yrs, was there to give me away. There wasn’t a ceremony, my mom just had us sign some paperwork and then we were married. I felt nothing for this man. We didn’t even kiss. The whole time all I could think about was one of my close guys friends and wishing he was here. I’ll admit I’ve always loved him but we were only friends. After the reception I keep wondering if my friend was mad at me for getting married. So I decided on my wedding day I didn’t want to be married to my husband anymore.

Lauri:¬†You have had the classic “mystery groom” dream that so many women before you have had and so many women after you will have. It is such a common dream because we, of the fairer sex, often struggle with utilizing our balls, to put it lightly. That’s what the unknown groom is in your dream… your metaphoric ballsy self. He is unfamiliar to you because you may not feel comfortable utilizing this side of yourself or you may not even recognize this part of you. But in the dream you are about to be united with it in marital bliss! What this means is that, at the time of this dream, you were considering making a commitment to this side of yourself.

You have a couple other symbols in here that point to a need to be more assertive.
Your lack of shoes = not feeling sure footed or not feeling comfortable “putting your foot down” and your weak legs = not feeling strong enough to stand up for yourself or not feeling strong enough to move forward with a decision.

I can’t help but have this sinking suspicion that your struggle to man up is connected to your feelings for your friend. Have you been thinking about telling him your true feelings? That would certainly take some balls. I understand your hesitation. At the end of your dream you made a decision that you did not want to be married anymore, which likely means in real life you decided not to pursue a romantic relationship with your friend. You may have chosen the best course of action. I can’t say for sure though. Maybe people can give you their thoughts in the comments. But just remember, if you have decided not to pursue a relationship with this friend, don’t allow your feelings for him to crowd out any other romantic possibilities for you.

 

Visit Lauri’s site,¬†WhatYourDreamMeans.com, for even more dream interpretations! If you want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning, then check out her latest book,¬†Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, which will give you the tools you need to become a dream expert, too.¬†Check out all of Lauri’s books here.

 

 

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Comment of the Week: Revenge Will Make You Feel Worse

November 12, 2014

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photo via Flickr

This week, Tony had some very sage advice about whether or not to get revenge on a cheating lover:

I’m in the camp of “skipping revenge.” ¬†When I’ve felt vengeful and lashed out, I feel worse afterwards instead of better. ¬†You’re giving extra time and effort towards someone who isn’t worth it. ¬†Confronting him, telling him how you feel, and being clear that he isn’t worth any more of your time may be cathartic and would be fine, I’d think. ¬†I certainly wouldn’t egg his car or hook up with his friends out of revenge. ¬†Plus, by hooking up with his friends, you’re using (and potentially hurting) them as well as getting into relationships that you may not want to get into. ¬†If they’re his friends and he’s a cheater . . . do you really want to be with them?

The other girl sounds quite immature, frankly. ¬†How you treat your enemies says a great deal about your character. ¬†Also keep in mind that however she treats him may be how she treats you in the future if she feels hurt or slighted by you. ¬†If she’s willing to act out towards one enemy, she’s probably willing to act that way towards ALL of her enemies. ¬†Enough said.

Lastly – you mentioned that this is the third guy who has cheated on you. ¬†I do not want to engage in any victim blaming, but I would take a long, hard look at how and why you pick the guys you do. ¬†This sounds like a pattern, and if you want to change the pattern you need to be self-aware, identify what’s going on, and change it. ¬†I say this as a man who was in an abusive marriage and went to years of therapy afterwards. ¬†One of the most empowering and liberating things that I have ever done is to compassionately look at why I made the choices I did that led to that marriage, because it gives me much more confidence that I won’t repeat my own pattern. ¬†Again, this is not meant to blame you at all, but to encourage you to understand your past and claim your own power so that you can have a better future.

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7 Ways to Fight the “Mommy Problem” from Within Your Relationship

November 12, 2014

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photo via Wikimedia Commons

We loved Heather Havrilesky’s “Mommy Problem” article in the Times this past weekend, about how “the culture demands that every mother be all in, all the time.” And we’re not alone, clearly: We’ve lost count of the number of our friends who have given it the “yep” response in their Facebook feed. Responding in Jezebel, Tracy Moore writes:

It’s still strangely odd to me when someone says, “What’re you up to lately, just being a mom?” Yup, JUST BEING A MOM. Just MOMMING IT UP. As if people can’t reconcile that being a person is a complex interrelated set of roles that are on and off at any given moment and often overlap, and that this is true for everyone ALL THE TIME, not just women! It’s almost always said to me by men, by the way, who are almost never pigeonholed in this way. They are men, and people, who happen to be dads at various moments when they are actually doing dad stuff.

We wish we could change this culture in one single blog post. We wish we could change men’s attitudes in one single blog post. We wish we could fix the Mommy Problem in one single blog post. But in the absence of a Feminist Fairy Godmother to grant us all these wishes, we’d like to offer this advice instead: While we wait for the culture to change (and do everything we can to change it, of course, along the way), here are seven small ways you can fight the Mommy Problem in your own relationship and help erase the contradictory caricature of ideal mothers as “sexy but sexless,” as Havrilesky writes. After all, moms are sexual creatures, too.

1. Insist on Coparenting

At least whenever possible. Nurturing, cuddling, tickling, boo-boo Band-Aiding, dinner-making, homework-helping, party-planning, cleaning — these are all parental responsibilities that can and should be shared by fathers. (Similarly, mothers should feel free to mow the lawn.) Of course, some delineation is necessary and often enjoyable, but living as if mothers possess something in their DNA that makes them uniquely — i.e.¬†solely — qualified for caretaking is dangerous retro Mad Men b.s. Coparenting will help you feel less like you’ve given up your entire identity for your kids, while enriching your partner’s experience with and connection to the kids (not to mention setting a good example for them of what gender equality is all about). Plus, a dad who can change a diaper in 20 seconds flat is HOT!

2. Don’t Let Your Partner Call You “Mommy”

When you two are talking with the kids, that’s totally fine. But when it’s just the two of you having an adult conversation, or even when the two of you are having a one-on-one conversation in front of the kids, call each other by your names. “Let’s thank Mommy for this awesome dinner” is okay. “Hey Mommy, where’d you put the car keys” is not. After all, you are a multidimensional person, and not actually the mother of your partner. (However, if you as a couple would like to use “Mommy” or “Daddy” in a kinky way in the bedroom, that’s totally up to you! We won’t judge.)

3. Make Dates with Your Partner

It’s an oldie but a goodie. With so much on your plates as parents, it’s easy to put the kids to bed and then crash on the couch together, night after night, in front of mindless TV for an hour or two to unwind. And we’re not suggesting you deny yourself this simple pleasure entirely. But you have to give yourselves the opportunity — regularly — to remember why you had kids together in the first place, why you fell in love in the first place: because you enjoyed their company and wanted to have sex with them for the rest of your life! Going out just the two of you, reminiscing about the past, not talking about potty training and after school activities, can help you reconnect to this truth. And we’re not talking about going to the same restaurant and ordering the same dish every Tuesday at 8pm — these dates, at least occasionally, need to be new and novel for both of you, in order to help maintain the spark.

4. Get a Lock for Your Bedroom Door

You don’t have to keep it locked all night, if that freaks out you, or your kids, but at least latch the door for fifteen (or so) minutes while you’re getting busy. It’s good for your kids to know that you as parents need and deserve, not necessarily sex, but quality alone time, at least when they’re old enough to be self-sufficient for the length of a quickie. Play music, or a white noise machine, to help drown out any noise from the other side of the door.

5. Have Morning Sex

Set your alarm ten minutes early for a reason other than your offspring. It’s a good way to do something for yourself before you and/or your partner pack lunches and backpacks and drive the kids to school. It’s kind of like wearing really raunchy underwear and not telling anyone.

6. Play with Power Roles in the Bedroom

Be the boss in the bedroom, and then let your partner be the boss the next day. Be demanding, and then be meek. Ask for exactly what you want and need… without saying please. Say please and beg a lot. Then realize that you can shrug off these roles as easily as a pair of underwear.

7. Treat Yourself to a Decent Vibrator

We get it — sometimes after a day of being groped by kids, the last thing you want is to roll around in bed with your partner. But there are other ways to find a grownup kind of release, remember. Take five minutes of me time with your favorite LELO pleasure object¬†while the kids are watching a show. Because one of the best things about vibrators is that they allow you to be completely selfish for once!

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Your Call: Is Revenge a Dish Best Served Cold or Not at All?

November 10, 2014

4 Comments


photo via Flickr

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE* Advice Service!

 

Hi Em & Lo,

Love your article “10 Things That Feel Better Than Getting Revenge on an Ex.” Although I completely agree with your points, I just found out my ex was cheating on me. The other girl he was seeing found me on Facebook and we’ve been talking. On one hand, I don’t want to give this jerk any more of my time or energy. But on the other, this other girl is insisting on revenge (making gay dating profiles, egging his car, hooking up with his friends… high school stuff). I know we’re better than this, but this is the third time I’ve been cheated on. He looked me the eyes and told me he would treat me right. That I could trust him… So I can’t help but want revenge this time. I’m sick of being the bigger person, even though I know it’s the right thing to do. I just can’t seem to walk away from this and move on.

He doesn’t know we know about each other and I think he at least deserves to know he didn’t get away with this. But what do you suggest, Em & Lo? And if it’s to be the bigger person… how did you guys find the willpower?

Thank you for hearing me out :) ,

– A Woman Scorned

What should A.W.S. do? Leave your advice in the comments below…

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Dear Em & Lo: In Defense of Cheating on My Husband

November 7, 2014

5 Comments

Dear Em & Lo,

I’ve read your books and love your website, but I notice you are against any infidelity and look down on those who have affairs, but you’re okay with swinging and group sex and anal sex probes and bisexuals and all kinds of things that normal folks (who occasionally stray) find disgusting. I guess my point is, how can you judge like that?¬† You judge cheaters but support skank!¬† You know your sex drive better than I do, obviously, but let’s say your husband could no longer perform in bed due to E.D.¬† You don’t honestly expect me to believe you would go without sex or rely on a sex toy for the rest of your life, do you?¬† I think that’s B.S.

What I’d like you both to know is that we’re not bad people.¬† We’re your softball coaches and school teachers.¬† I feed my neighbor’s son peanut butter and jelly on a Tuesday afternoon and have sex with her husband on Thursday night because she hasn’t let him touch her since she had the baby — THREE YEARS AGO!¬† We’re not trailer trash from the Jerry Springer show. We’re real people, ignored by our spouses.¬† We’re not evil. Give us a break, okay? After all, it’s not like you two are devout Church-going types either, ya know? You preach about free, uncommitted sex with both the opposite sex and the same sex (as long as a condom is involved) and hey, that’s fine.¬† Just don’t judge the rest of us. There are reasons for the things we do.¬† We don’t spread disease through our little suburban neighborhoods or anything like that.

– Straying Dog

Dear S.D.,

Here’s what we do judge:

  1. Lying to your husband (except when he asks if his penis is too small).
  2. Lying to your neighbor (except when she asks if her new haircut makes her look like Blossom).
  3. Lying to anyone, for that matter. And yes, faking orgasms is lying.
  4. Sex without barrier protection (i.e. condoms) — unless you’re committed to one another, have been tested together, have agreed to incur the risks of forgoing barrier protection, and are using another form of birth control (unless of course you’re both trying to get pregnant together).
  5. Sexism.
  6. Homophobia.
  7. Anti-choice people who want to take away our reproductive rights, comprehensive sex education, and access to birth control.
  8. Um, we can’t think of much else that we do judge. Pleated khakis on men, maybe?

And here’s what we don’t judge (as long as it’s done safely and consensually, of course):

  1. Homosexuality.
  2. Bisexuality.
  3. Swinging.
  4. Group sex.
  5. Open relationships.
  6. Casual safe sex (so long as both parties understand and accept its casual nature).
  7. Anal play.
  8. Sex toys, including anal sex probes.
  9. Kink.
  10. Roleplaying.
  11. Spanking.
  12. Bondage.
  13. Booty calls.
  14. Dirty talk.
  15. Phone sex.
  16. Text sex.
  17. Pony play (okay, sometimes we judge pony play…hey, we’re only human).
  18. Strap-on sex.
  19. Celibacy.
  20. Solo sex.
  21. Latex.
  22. Watersports.
  23. Legal prostitution.

Need we go on? We didn’t think so. You’re right — you totally nailed us. So long as sex is consensual, legal, honest, and fully condom-ed, we probably wouldn’t judge it. But if you’re married and sleeping with your neighbor’s husband and the respective spouses don’t know about it or don’t condone it — then hells yes, we judge you! You think anal probes are skank? Well, we think that cheating on your husband — and not only that, but doing it with someone else’s husband, to boot — is 100% pure skank.

We know we sound naive when we say this. We know we’re idealists. And we admit we have no idea what it’s like to want to stay in a crumbling marriage for the kids (or for the mortgage). We have no idea what it’s like to be ignored in a marriage — or in the bedroom. And we have no idea what it’s like to be married to an inoperative penis.

We can think of only a few very special circumstances where unsanctioned cheating might be justifiable, or at least understandable: For example, a husband suffers from E.D. and it threatens his masculinity to the point where he just completely shuts off from anything sexual and doesn’t deal with it at all it in order to keep it together psychologically, while his wife, who loves him and wants to be with him and doesn’t want to break his heart, decides to get a little no-emotional-strings-attached-sex on the side to satisfy her needs. Maybe we could understand that.

Or maybe not. We’re inclined to believe that in the majority of cases of cheating, there’s a lot of rationalizing that’s done on the part of the cheater for two major reasons. First, because it allows people the opportunity for drama and excitement in their lives (doing the new & novel thing, doing the forbidden thing, the taboo thing, the wrong thing always does). But that drama and excitement comes at the expense of the trust and feelings and dignity of the people they made a promise to, the people they’re supposed to truly love: their spouses. Second, it’s simply the easier way out.

Sure, it sucks if your husband gets E.D., but isn’t that the whole point of “in sickness and in health”? Also, who said that sex has to be all about intercourse? Last we heard, cunnilingus didn’t involve the penis. Same goes for handwork…and sex toys. The same goes for most of the stuff in our don’t-judge list, too. We’re sorry, but we just don’t think that faulty mechanics void your marriage vows (assuming, of course, that your marriage vows included sexual fidelity).

And sure, it sucks if your husband or wife ignores you, but since when did cheating solve that? Last we heard, good old-fashioned communication was a much better tool to fix that kind of problem. Or marriage counseling. Or divorce.

If your partner just plain doesn’t want sex anymore and you do — and you’ve tried everything you can possibly think of to remedy the situation, including reading all our books and seeing a sex or marriage therapist together — then ask their permission to have an affair. (Yep, that’s right, if they give their permission, it’s not skanky — it’s just good, clean fun.) If your partner says no, then you have two options: (1) Leave them. (2) Suck it up and deal with a sexless marriage (and learn to appreciate the art of masturbation). And those are your only two options. If sex is soooooooooo important to you that you think it justifies cheating, then it should be important enough to you to get a divorce. And if your marriage is soooooooooo important to you that you can’t possibly consider a divorce, then guess what? You’re going to have to sacrifice the sex part.

If you choose option one and leave your partner OR you get permission for extra-curricular nookie from your partner, do not, under any circumstances, have an affair with someone else’s spouse (especially not your friends’ and neighbors’ spouses!). We’re all in this monogamy biz together, and it’s our civic responsibility to keep each other honest and faithful. We don’t care if you’re not spreading STDs (though you can never be 100% sure about that if people are sleeping around) — you’re still spreading lying, disrespect, and some seriously bad karma.

We know that a sanctioned affair isn’t really the “done” thing yet. But you know what? It should be! Slowly, more and more people are catching on. And we’re going to keep on preaching our honesty message until the rest of you cheaters get on board.

And that’s the gospel according to Em & Lo.

From our high horse,

Em & Lo

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Dream Interpretation: Pregnant and Husband Cheated On Me

November 6, 2014

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Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I’ve been having many dreams that my husband left me for another girl while I am pregnant, and I’ve been waking up with tears. I keep on dreaming this, like 5-6 times already. I’ve been trying to look up the meaning of it — I don’t know why I keep on dreaming that. I hope I find an answer and I hope it won’t mean anything.

Lauri:¬†Fear not! It is sooooo common to dream hubby cheats while we are pregnant, and it rarely means he actually is. There are a few reasons for this dream. One may be that you are not feeling your usually sexy self right now. You may be feeling nauseous, emotional, worried, etc. and, depending on where you are in your pregnancy, you may feel you look more like a whale than a woman. These feelings can cause serious concern that hubby doesn’t find you attractive anymore, especially if you yourself aren’t feeling it, and this will manifest in your dreams. But trust me, most men just love it when their woman is pregnant. It is a testament to his own manhood after all!

In addition, with you being “in a delicate way,” there are probably several activities the two of you used to do together that you can no longer do: drinking, partying, sports, etc. Subconsciously, you may be feeling that your pregnancy is getting in the middle of your marriage. And it can get in the middle of it, if you let it. Rather than looking at it as taking away from certain aspects of the marriage, look at it as adding a certain magic to it, because a pregnancy truly is a magical and wonderful thing! Fall in love with your pregnant body. Be confident with it. This will radiate off of you and your husband will be SO TURNED ON! Change your attitude and you will change your dreams.

 

Visit Lauri’s site,¬†WhatYourDreamMeans.com, for even more dream interpretations! If you want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning, then check out her latest book,¬†Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, which will give you the tools you need to become a dream expert, too.¬†Check out all of Lauri’s books here.

 

 

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The Real Reason Why Guys Love Blowjobs So Much

November 4, 2014

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photo via flickr

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: What’s the big deal about blowjobs — seriously, what makes them so special?

Gay Single Guy (Daniel): On the physical level, it’s simple: they feel fucking amazing. They provide physical sensations so desirable that a straight man would let a queer guy suck him off, either for the right amount of money or with the lights out. It’s that real. But aside from that, I recently asked some straight female friends whether or not they actually enjoy giving head, or do they really just do it because they know the guy will like it. Unanimously they said the latter, and that’s why blowjobs are indeed quite special. For many women (and certainly not all), blowjobs aren’t about the immediate satisfaction of their physical wants, but rather, the pleasure gained from satisfying someone else’s desires. There is an element of selflessness. A woman might even think giving blowjobs is downright nasty, but might continue to blow her man because she gets off on getting her man off. Some guys know this and thus know just how lucky they are for getting one.

Straight Single Guy (Mark): My first reaction is an overwhelming, “What isn’t the big deal about blowjobs?!”¬† But there’s more than just the primal, physical, when-they’re-good-they’re-freaking-amazing aspect. Of course there’s the stereotype that the appeal of BJs is about some sort of control or domination/submissiveness, but I think there are deeper factors involved, like trust and acceptance, that truly make them so great. Oral sex — in both directions, by the way — can in many ways be even more intimate than the regular ol’ in-n-out.

We don’t always acknowledge the more emotional aspects of oral, but — even if partly subconsciously — those elements probably get closer to the heart of what makes this expression of affection so special.¬† To be face-to-face and naughty-bits-to-naughty-bits is one thing.¬† But for your partner to be so into you that s/he would go downtown and get up-close-and-personal to provide pleasure exclusively to you (okay, there are those of us who derive almost as much from giving as receiving, but that’s another story)…well, I think that’s a pretty gosh darn “big deal”!

Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): Blowjobs used to be really, really stigmatized and therefore really, really rare. Even for couples in long-term relationships.¬† In a few states in the U.S. it might still legally be sodomy, even for heterosexuals, and in the past it’s been strongly associated with “latent” homosexuality, porn, and prostitution — and strongly not associated with “good girls.”¬† Something else contributing to the stigma:¬† blowjobs break the gender rule that sex is something for men to do and women receive. And all those insults with the word “suck” in them?¬† Some of those used to be taken deadly seriously.

Nowadays, not so much. But add up the little bits of historical taboo, the little bit of gender-bending for both men and women, and the fact that blowjobs feel very good and… well, that’s enough to make them seem pretty special.¬† Which, incidentally, I think they ought to be.¬† Special. Instead of, oh, say, obligatory.¬† Not least because when they start feeling obligatory, men’s partners start wondering, well, what makes them so special?

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