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Dream Interpretation: I Had a Baby in the Middle of Menopause

February 27, 2014

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photo via flickr

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I’m in my forties and well past child bearing age as I’m going thru the menopause. In my dream I was with a male friend who died back in 2009. I was sat on his sofa when this baby boy popped out of me, I was looking down at him and could see the baby’s private parts and thought, “Oh, it’s a boy.” He was still attached to me. Aome minutes passed and the baby was still attached, then the male friend walked back in the room and seemed surprised to see me still sitting there. I told him to pass me the baby as he needed changing and the man gave me the baby and passed me some paper to clean the mud — yes, mud! — off the baby’s arm pits. I noticed the baby felt cold, so cuddled him and felt the blood trickle out of me. I thought, “Shouldn’t the placenta be coming out now?”

Lauri: Going through “the change” is a big big deal for many women and can affect so many parts of your life, so it is very common to have dreams that are not only symbolic of the change but are also helping you cope with it.

The male friend in your dream may seem random, but I assure you he is there for a reason. Ask yourself what else stands out about him. How did he make you feel about yourself? Is there a quality he possessed that could be helpful to you right now? He is someone that has recently passed, so he may represent this part of your life that is beginning to pass away.

The baby boy you give birth to is symbolic of this new post menopausal phase of life that is emerging. Many women who have gone through menopause, when it is all said and done, say it is refreshing and like a rebirth. The baby remains attached to you throughout the dream. That seems to suggest that you may still be emotionally and psychologically attached to your uterus and the idea of still being able to produce a baby. Losing that ability, even if you don’t want any more children, is still a difficult thing to part with.

And notice how the baby needs changing… that is because YOU are changing. Your body is, and so this dream is trying to help your mind catch up to the change. And I believe that is where the mud comes in. Dirt and mud in a dream often symbolize depression and negativity, that which dirties up an otherwise clean psyche. The mud is in the arm pits because you may feel that this change “stinks” and is “the pits,” so to speak.

But it seems you are beginning to clean up that attitude. At the end of the dream you are waiting for the placenta because in real life you are waiting for this change to be complete. The placenta coming out is the final phase of birth and I believe in this dream it means you are close to reaching the final phase of menopause, so hang in there. Just as giving birth is all about bringing a brand new life into the world, in a dream it is all about a brand new life for you!

Dreamer’s response: I’ve read your interpretation and it’s all true! I don’t want any more children, but do sometimes wish I could have another, and do hope for a end to this menopause — I’ve been going through it for nearly 10 years now and it drives me batty.

The male friend was quite stand-offish in my dream , like it was all matter of fact, he wasn’t happy but acted like it was normal to be giving birth on his sofa. When he walked back into the room he seemed almost disgusted that I was still there, and because the baby started crying he had picked him up and was rocking him to stop him crying and was fast losing his patience with the baby, so I told him to pass him to me as he needing changing — that’s when he passed me the paper bags for me to wash the mud off.

Your interpretation all makes sense: I want a new life, so to speak, and need to change , so this must be what the dream means.

My latest dream was once again about pregnancy , this time I did a pregnancy test and it was positive. I had a scan in the dream but the midwife said she couldn’t see the baby yet but that was early days and the baby would show itself when it wanted to. I asked if I needed another scan and she said, no, you will soon know if you’re pregnant or not. I walked away talking to my latest partner saying, I don’t know how I’m pregnant — I’m not having periods and you can’t have any kids.

Anyway, thank you very much for your feedback, I’d say you were spot on!

Visit Lauri’s brand new site, WhatYourDreamMeans.com, for even more dream interpretations! If you want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning, then check out her latest book, Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, which will give you the tools you need to become a dream expert, too. Check out all of Lauri’s books here.

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Dear Em & Lo: My “Friend” Tried to Get Frisky with Me

February 27, 2014

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photo via Flickr

Every week or so we answer queries from you, dear readers, about your love lives. You can submit your own question — anonymously! — via our contact form here.

Dear Em & Lo

I believed that I had met a wonderful man who became a friend. About a year ago, he was going through a very bad breakup with his girlfriend. We saw each other off and on as friends. He mentioned to me that he was getting “those needs met” by other women, and to be honest, I really did not care — that was his personal business. Granted, we were very attracted to each other, and we were affectionate towards each other — holding each other, kissing each other, and flirting. I expressed to him that I have boundaries that I will not cross.

Just recently we got together to hang out and have dinner. I told him that it was my treat because he had paid for the last two times. The dinner went great, and he took me home and in my driveway he leaned over and started to kiss me. It was fine until he started to get “Roman hands and Russian fingers.” I had to stop him, I told him that I could not just give my body like that (and in all places in my driveway!!). I said that my heart and my body are one, and besides, we did not have a close friendship, it was a distant one.

I thought he was single — he had not mentioned that he was in a relationship. It turned out that he was, and needless to say, I was madder than the left corner of hell! When I called him on it, he said that none of my business, and I “should not be jealous.” Well excuse me, it is my business, especially when he was trying to get to the “holy of holies.”

I realize that there are some women that “get down like that,” but I’m not one of them, and I told him this before. I liked him, and I wanted to give him space to deal with his breakup so we kept in touch with each other. I really did not expect this. It’s now been five months since I’ve seen him. I admit that I’m sad, because in time maybe we could have had something, but not now because I can’t trust him. Whatever he is doing to these other women, I know he will do to me. Why is it so hard for a good women to find a good man? And what is the deal with men??

– Crossed Boundaries

Dear C.B.,

What is the deal with men? What is the deal with women, more like it. Actually, what is the deal with people, period.

Newsflash: If you hold each other and kiss and flirt, you are not just friends.

Question: How could he know that your heart and body were one if you held him and flirted with him when you were barely friends, let alone dating?

Newsflash: Your boundaries are confusing to us, so they’re probably confusing to him, too.

Question: What were you waiting for with regards to this guy, exactly? For him to date a few other women before he noticed you were still there? For him to grow up? For him to get desperate? And if you were waiting, why were you making out with him?

Here’s the thing: If you want to meet a good man, then hang out with a good man. If you want a man to respect your boundaries, then choose boundaries that make sense, and convey them clearly. If you’re going to have fuzzy, confusing boundaries, then you need to pay extra special attention with regards to conveying them clearly. Also, if you want to be just friends with a man, then don’t kiss him or snuggle him or hold him — that’s just confusing to all parties involved. And if you want to date him, then make sure he knows this.

In short, vagueness leads to more vagueness. Fuzziness leads to more fuzziness… which may or may not involve Roman hands and Russian fingers in the driveway. If you want clarity and simplicity and goodness, then set those standards yourself, and kick anyone to the curb who doesn’t play by your rules.

Crossed women,

Em & Lo

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Top 5 Love Lessons from the Bachelor (Juan Pablo, Hometown Dates)

February 25, 2014

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photo courtesy of ABC/Guy D’Alema

  1. Dudes: No sleeveless tees over long-sleeved ones (even if they’re attached and it’s supposed to be a “look”). In fact, better yet: No sleeveless tees, period.
  2. If one of the parents of your date asks for either a private dance performance or a private dance lesson from you, quickly but tactfully get your date back by your side to immediately dilute the creepy factor (just as JP did with Andi’s mom).
  3. It’s 2014. You don’t need to ask anyone’s father’s permission to propose marriage. But if you insist on asking for a blessing (or the more confrontational “Would you welcome me into this family?”), then ask both parents, not just the dad. (This applies to any ladies considering proposing as well.)
  4. Renee’s mom said it best: “We can love our pets; but you need to be in love with the [person] you want to be with.” Make sure you don’t just have a “pet,” or that you are the “pet.”
  5. Don’t meet the child of your date unless you’re sure you see a future together. And certainly don’t meet the child of your date the day before you dump them!

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Dream Interpretation: I Kissed My Mentor & Now I Feel Awkward in Real Life

February 20, 2014

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photo via Flickr

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I am in a relationship. Despite that, I had a dream, about my mentor kissing me. He is a colleague and a mentor. I can’t decipher the meaning. It was pretty intimate and now I find it a little difficult to face him in office. Please help.

Lauri: Don’t you worry about this dream, young lady! It’s perfectly understandable that it would be difficult for you to look your mentor in the eye after such a steamy dream, but let me assure you that the meaning behind this dream is not what you think. In my practically billions of years of research on dreams, I have found that kissing in a dream can actually be connected to conversation in waking life. Just like kissing, it takes two mouths to converse. The deeper and more intimate the kiss in the dream, the deeper and more intimate the conversation was in waking life. The day before this dream do you recall having a meaningful conversation with your mentor. A conversation that perhaps brought you two to a deeper understanding of each other or that helped you to connect on a deeper level? All in all, this was a positive dream showing you that your communication is working well for you.

Visit Lauri’s brand new site, WhatYourDreamMeans.com, for even more dream interpretations! If you want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning, then check out her latest book, Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, which will give you the tools you need to become a dream expert, too. Check out all of Lauri’s books here.

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Your Call: Do Bigger Penises Lead to Different Orgasms for Women?

February 18, 2014

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photo via Flickr

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section.

Dear Em & Lo,

Are the G-Spot orgasm and vaginal orgasm the same thing?

Assuming they’re different: I have an average penis size of 6 inches in lenth and 5 inches girth — am I able to give a woman a G-Spot or vaginal orgasm?

I have read about women saying only above average penises (8 inches mentioned the most) can reach certain spots in the vagina to produce these orgasms. I wouldn’t say I am insecure about myself or my size, but I would just like to know if this is true.

And let’s face it: Even if it is true, there isn’t much I can do to get to 8 inches anyway is there! I would just concentrate on trying to please through the clitoris instead.

– Average Joe

What advice or insight do you have to share with Average Joe about G-spot vs. vaginal orgasms and penis size? Leave your comments in the feedback section below.

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Top 5 Love Lessons from The Bachelor (Juan Pablo, Ep 7)

February 18, 2014

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photo courtesy of ABC/Michael Fullana

  1. If you’re looking for an “intellectual connection” with a potential mate (like Sharleen), don’t go on “The Bachelor.”
  2. If your date makes you wish you were a little dumber (like JP makes Sharleen wish she were), then that is a clear sign this relationship should be kept squarely in the booty call zone — a marriage of intellectual equals just ain’t in the cards. After all, the ideal relationships exist when both parties think the other one is by far the smarter of the two. (By the way, Sharleen, nice subtle dig on the brain capacity of all the other ladies vying for JP’s affections — zing!)
  3. If you’re going to check out someone’s rack, be subtle about it (see Juan Pablo at the very end his date with Sharleen — at minute 26 on TiVo — for what NOT to do).
  4. Calling someone your “boyfriend” doesn’t make it so (Nilki).
  5. If you dump someone, don’t let them make you feel better about it. You can outwardly feel bad about it, but don’t play the hurt victim who needs to be taken care of and told how wonderful you are by the person you just dumped (Chelsea). This is a time to be gentle with their feelings, buoy their spirits with compliments, be self-deprecating about what a jerk you are — don’t let the dumpee take on that role (even though it makes them seem — and probably feel — like a much better person than you). We originally wrote this rule with Chelsea (as the dumpee) in mind, but suppose it could apply to Sharleen (as the dumper) too.

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Dear Em & Lo: My Boyfriend Doesn’t Want to Go On Dates Anymore

February 12, 2014

4 Comments

If only all couch potatoes looked like this

Dear Em & Lo,

I have been married and divorced and only just started to date again. Been with this guy for 8 months now. No problems with him lying, cheating, etc. Started off great. Going out, spending time with each other. But of recent months the spending time with each other has dwindled. Barely go to cinema, clubs, or any kind of outings. He still drops and picks me up from work, takes me to classes, is still very affectionate and introduces me as his girlfriend. But we go do errands together and that’s that!

He seems to think that with all those things I just mentioned, there is enough time spent with me. During the week he’s tired from work, which I get. But every weekend he goes fishing with his buddies in the morning and at nights he goes and plays poker.

I don’t mind him having his friends. But if I ask to go movies or somewhere his response is, “I’m busy,” or he has a problem with a place. Ask him for alternatives and his answer is always “home.” I feel like I am 50 yrs old — and  I have “been there done that,” so it’s not necessary anymore. What should I do?

– Homebody

Dear Homebody,

Like you said, you’ve been there, done that. Which means that you know this kind of situation only gets worse as the years go on. If he’s like this after eight months — that’s barely out of the honeymoon phase! — then imagine what it’s going to be like after eight years. Unless you step in.

This guy seems to have misunderstood the whole idea of “being yourself” around a long-term, serious partner. Sure, one of the best parts of monogamy is not having to put on a show and impress someone 24-7… but that doesn’t mean you get to treat your partner like a pet (albeit a beloved pet).

Explain to your partner that you need at least one date a week (or however often you can live with). Explain that errands do not count, nor does your daily commute. And staying home only counts if you guys make it special in some way — eating Chinese take-out off the best china, trying out a new couples’ sex toy together, etc. (For the record, you should also make an effort to make “home dates” special, too.) Explain that being comfortable with each other is only one part of a long-term relationship — and compromise is another. If he’s not familiar with the term “compromise,” then offer him up this example: Sometimes Saturday nights mean poker with the guys, and sometimes they mean a date.

We’d recommend avoiding the slightly sarcastic, condescending tone we’re using here (sorry, occupational hazard). Your guy sounds like he has the potential to be one of the good ones, and thus he deserves a chance to get things right. After all, he’s affectionate, he drives you to and from work, he doesn’t lie or cheat, and he’s clearly not commitment-shy. In fact, he’s the opposite of a commitment-phobe — he leap-frogged directly to the kind of relationship you end up in after decades of marriage together!

If your boyfriend listens and changes his behavior accordingly, then make sure he receives positive reinforcement for this. (And we don’t necessarily mean oral sex! We just mean, he should be able to see how actually dating your partner improves a relationship.) And if he doesn’t? Then we guess he’s going to have a lot more time to play poker in his future. After all, you’ve got some movies to catch up on… with someone else.

Nobody’s Homebodies,

Em & Lo

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10 Yoga Skills That Will Boost Your Sex Life

February 11, 2014

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photo via flickr

Alexandra Joy is the author of the new book The Woman’s Secret: A Novella with Lessons, which uses storytelling to demonstrate how Eastern teachings can transform every aspect of your life. Today on EMandLO.com, she shares 10 ways that yoga can add value to your sexual experiences:

When I mention to people that I find yoga to be invaluable in my personal life, they typically react with raised eyebrows and knowing Cheshire Cat grins. Yes, yes, I know what they’re picturing: The complex, acrobatic sexual positions found in the Kama Sutra. They automatically assume I must be a circus-trained contortionist! In fact, yoga classes can radically improve your sex life in numerous ways, bringing you better, longer, and more frequently occurring orgasms. Here are my top ten favorite ways that yoga skills can boost your sex life:

1. Focus
Yogic practices can help you stop thinking about your morning meeting with your client, the designer dress you plan to buy at the end of the month, or where to head on your next vacation. Give your complete attention to the sensual moments at hand. Enjoyment is all about presence!

2. Love and Acceptance of Your Body
People devoted to yoga know that we are all perfect in our own ways. This sort of attitude significantly boosts self-esteem. And nothing is sexier in bed than someone comfortable with his or her naked body. (And nothing is more likely to block a woman’s orgasm than feeling bad about the way she looks naked.)

3. Stamina
Physical resilience is developed through static yoga positions. Your muscles become stronger and more elastic. Moreover, you learn to relax and find comfort staying still in the most inconvenient positions. It’s the best possible training for a sex marathon!

4. Stress Relief
The goal of yoga is to keep calm under the onslaught of problems and disasters of the external world. Yoga reduces your stress levels, which puts you in the right mindset for sex.

5. Strong Intimate Muscles
This one is especially important for the ladies. You can’t even imagine how much your life will change if you master one single yoga technique called Mula Bandha! You will learn to control your pelvic muscles, and will be able to squeeze them so tightly that both you and your partner will experience mind-blowing pleasure during intercourse. (There’s much more detail about this in my book.) Read the rest of this entry »



Top 5 Love Lessons from The Bachelor (Juan Pablo, Ep 6)

February 11, 2014

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screenshot from ABC’s The Bachelor

  1. Everyone has their patented move (e.g. gently curling your date’s hair behind their ear). Just make sure your move doesn’t become an automatic, robotic gesture when a) you’ve run out of things to say, b) you’re not interested in the words coming out of your date’s mouth, and/or c) you’ve taken a paternalistic view of your dates and are treating them like children whose hairdos — indeed whose whole beings! — need to be tamed.
  2. We said it once, we’ll say it again: If you’re going to explicitly lay down ground rules and set up boundaries about the way you date — which we are all for (yay, open and honest communication!) — then you’ve got to follow and respect them consistently. Don’t break the rules when it’s convenient for you. For example: there is NO moral difference (at least from where we’re watching) between getting all hot and heavy in your bathing suits in the ocean and getting all hot and heavy in your bathing suits in a waterfall. Same diff.
  3. If you’re going to dump someone, do it before a major event, like a holiday (Xmas, New Year’s, Valentine’s Day) or a 22nd birthday. Don’t wait until right after, and certainly don’t do it on the day of!
  4. Using the sad story of your abandonment issues (perhaps created by an alcoholic, absentee father, let’s say) as a thinly veiled plea for another date will always backfire.
  5. Don’t steal other people’s partners (or their column ideas: a week and a half after @BachelorTV liked our Tweet about one of our Top 5 Love Lesson columns, they penned their own 5 — count ‘em, five! — tips gleaned from watching called “Love Advice from the Bachelor,” including our tip about being honest about your desires. Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, but payment would feel pretty good too).

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Your Call: I Was Bitchy, Now He Won’t See Me

February 10, 2014

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photo via flickr

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section.

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
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Dear Em and Lo,

Dear Em & Lo,

I’ve been seeing this guy for more than a year. We used to get along perfectly, share laughs, get crazy. Of course I had my down moments here and there: I was a little bit depressed and I have a tendency to wallow. Anyway, now my hyper-sensitivity has turned into anger and irritation. If he’s late for our date, I ruin the date by pointing out how not nice it is to be late. I love the guy, I think he’s nice, but now the fact that I’m a yeller creeps him out and turns him off completely. And then he started not being nice to me.  Now he’s refusing to see me, saying I’m stressing out. I don’t know what to do. Should I continue to try to see him? Or is it too late and I’ve already lost him? If he ends up sticking around, will it only be because he hasn’t found anyone else worth leaving me for?  I’m desperate …

– Untamed Shrew

What should U.S. do? Leave your advice in the comments section below.

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