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Your Call: Do All Young Men Shave Their Chests Now?

May 5, 2014

7 Comments

photo via Flickr

We get a lot of questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to respond to a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your thoughts in the comments section. 

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Dear Em & Lo,

Are all men in their 20s (and maybe 30s) expected to shave/wax/remove their chest hair these days? Same goes for pubes? What percentage of the population does both these things?

– Fur-ious

Leave your response to Fur-ious in the comments below.

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5 Reasons to Wear Lingerie (Especially If You’re Not the Type)

May 2, 2014

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LELO’s Halter Camisole (on sale now for half off)

We are not ones to put more undue pressure on women (or men for that matter, though they could use some more time in high heels) to live up to some unrealistic ideal of style and beauty. If you’re comfortable in an old worn oversized cotton t-shirt, awesome! But if good sex is often about trying new things, pushing your boundaries, breaking taboos, making yourself blush, and avoiding habits and ruts, then switching things up every once in a while in the bedroom is essential. And dressing up for sex is a simple and easy way to do just that.

  1. Fantasy: Why do we watch big Hollywood blockbusters and read epic novels? Why do we watch porn and read erotica? To temporarily escape to other worlds that are more dramatic, more exciting, and sexier! Why do we dress up for Halloween? So we can pretend we’re someone we’re not for an evening. Lingerie and sexy sleepware can work the same way, especially if wearing it is not something you normally do. It’s the mildest, least embarrassing form of roleplaying there is.
  2. Modesty: Yes, you read that right. If you tend to be a little shy when it comes to being naked, or are insecure about a part of your body (even though you shouldn’t be!), then lingerie can actually embolden you by giving you a bit of cover or support. Remember, a lot of sexy stuff can happen without the lingerie ever coming off.
  3. Generosity: It’s nice to be a giving lover, to think about what your partner would enjoy and then give it to them (even if it’s not your number one favorite thing to do). We’re not saying you should ever do anything you don’t want to do, but something you think is merely silly might be the ultimate in sexy to your partner. Would it be so bad to make their day in that way every once in a while? And we’re not just talking to the ladies. A nice pair of boxer briefs instead of those baggy boxers (or whatever Ryan Gosling wears to bed) might be a nice change of pace.
  4. Confidence: Like any piece of clothing, if you find something that fits well, isflattering, feels good against your skin and thus makes you feel good, you’ll have more confidence in bed. And when you have more confidence in bed, you have a better time in bed — and so does your partner.
  5. Ceremony: By dressing up for sex, even if it’s just on special occasions, you honor the sex as a sacred event. You’re a goddess (or god) who deserves to be worshipped, body and soul. What you’re sharing is important and meaningful. By wearing something nice, you’re expressing your respect for the union at hand.

Check out LELO’s Sussurra Collection of silk intimate apparel, including exquisite kimono robes, delicate silk baby-dolls and even a French Maid Set. Everything in the collection is 50% off now! 

 



Dream Interpretation: I Delivered My Baby All By Myself

May 1, 2014

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photo via Flickr

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I had a  dream after two months of my marriage in which I saw myself giving birth to a baby without the help of anyone.  After I gave birth I called a medical practitioner to help me with the cleaning up. What does this mean?


Lauri:  It’s very possible this dream is a sign that you are ready to start a family. When our biological clock starts ticking, all our conscious mind and subconscious mind can think about is baby, baby, baby. Often the subconscious mind will start giving us hints in our dreams before our conscious mind catches up. This could be why you gave birth in the dream by yourself, because hubby may not be “with you” yet as far as the idea of starting a family, which is usually the case. For example, I was more than ready for a baby a good year before my hubby was. We gals have a bit more of a time limitation than men.

If you are absolutely not ready for children and this dream seemed to come completely from out of the blue, then the birth would be symbolic of something new that has recently developed in your life, something that requires a lot of attention and nurturing from you, like a new job, going back to school, a new business or project, etc. It would be something that is all of your own doing and your own responsibility in real life since you gave birth all by yourself in the dream. Hopefully it is NOT a sign that you are already feeling alone in your marriage. Oy!

The cleaning of the mess is an interesting element and may be connected to your need to straighten out a situation that got “messy” in real life or a need to organize yourself so you can better care for this new development.  Whatever the case, it seems to be a good dream pointing to new beginnings for you!

 

Visit Lauri’s brand new site, WhatYourDreamMeans.com, for even more dream interpretations! If you want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning, then check out her latest book, Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, which will give you the tools you need to become a dream expert, too. Check out all of Lauri’s books here.

 

 

 

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Dear Em & Lo: Can You Use a Sex Toy on Multiple People?

April 30, 2014

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LELO’s Smart Wand

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Dear Em & Lo,

I was wondering what women’s opinions of men and sex toys are? For example, if you had a boyfriend and you were having sex, what would you think if he pulled out a Rabbit or a Magic Wand from the drawer? That he didn’t use on himself, he just had it there to use with women during sex.

Thanks, I look forward to your reply.

– Bemused Magician

Dear Magic B,

We, as women, would think: WTF, where has THAT thing been?!? Oh, HELL no. And hopefully most of us would have the nerve to say so outright. It is NOT okay to use toys intended for naughty bits, especially those with mucous membranes (clitorises, vulvas, vaginas, penises, butts, mouths), on multiple partners: it’s not safe, hygienic, or classy. Would you want to use your girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend’s toothbrush? Ew. Even if you had a non-porous toy you could sterilize in boiling water, or you used condoms on all your toys with previous partners, most women still wouldn’t want your cold sex leftovers.

Which is not to say women aren’t into playing with toys with their partners in the bedroom. Many would be thrilled! Especially since some men feel threatened by phallic shaped things that can perform in ways their own penises can’t (namely, by vibrating). So good for you for being open to accessorizing! Just make sure that A) you’ve sussed out her comfort level with such things and she is indeed down before you whip anything out of your magician’s hat, and B) the item in question is brand-spaking new — we’re talking wrapped in cellophane, clearly never been opened, never been used.

The only things we can condone recycling — maybe — are restraints, blindfolds, massage candles, etc…the kinds of things that haven’t come in direct contact with naughty bits, body fluids or excessive skin. But even then, why not make the introduction of a toy into your relationship an event: talk about it together, go shopping for it together, unwrap it together, and then discover all its neat bells and whistles for the first time together — that’s a surprise you can both experience!

Presto,

Em & Lo

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10 Things That Feel Better Than Getting Revenge On An Ex

April 29, 2014

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The new movie The Other Woman, starring Cameron Diaz, Leslie Mann, and Kate Upton, features three women who join forces to get revenge on the guy who, it turns out, was sleeping with all three of them (and married to one of them). But while creative, collaborative revenge on an ex makes for catchy movie taglines — “The oddest friends are about to get even” — and meme-a-rific blog posts, it rarely feels as good in real life. Why? Because revenge keeps the focus clearly on your asshole ex. No matter how humiliating the situation, you are continuing to make him or her the star of your show.

The best kind of revenge is the kind that has nothing to do with your ex, and everything to do with you. Sure, if your ex happens to witness any of these acts of transformation, you will feel a sense of sweet justice, but that’s not your primary motivation. The whole point of these acts is to erase your ex from the picture and make you the star of your own life once again. Because, trust us, taking the high road in any one of these ten ways can feel just as good as selling your ex’s prized Mercedes or closet of Louboutins for a dollar at a tag sale:

1. Getting a Breakover

Nothing is more motivating on the treadmill than the revenge of looking hotter than ever post-breakup. Work out, eat right, learn how to lift weights, take up hot yoga, pluck your nose hair, do a hundred sit-ups before every shower… by the time you’ve done all this, you’ll have forgotten who you were trying to get revenge on in the first place. Hint: Listening to the Flashdance soundtrack may help.

2. Being a Better Person

Volunteer somewhere. Because nothing puts your own problems in perspective like helping out people who are even less fortunate than you are. You know, people who fought for their country and ended up in a wheelchair; people who are dying in a nursing home with no one to visit them; kids who have nowhere to go after school; people who can’t get a date to the soup kitchen. We won’t be so crass as to suggest you might meet someone new this way, but we know it crossed your mind. We won’t tell.

3. Getting Busy

Start a blog, take up a new hobby (preferably one where you’ll meet new people, like joining a running club), read a Russian novel, write a Great American Novel, paint your room, learn how to take really good photographs, sort out your closet and host a clothing swap, learn chess with a friend, teach yourself Mandarin—basically, keep yourself busy with something that will make you feel good about yourself afterwards. (Meaning, watching Friends re-runs doesn’t count.)

4. Buying a New Sex Toy

Splurge on a high-end sex toy for you or your next partner and put the sex you had with your ex to shame.

5. Cutting the Cord

Disconnect with your ex on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and any other ways you continue to be weirdly “social” with each other. Maybe one day you can be friends again, but for now, if you’re even considering creative forms of revenge, going cold turkey is your best bet. Trust us, a complete lack of information about your new life will be more frustrating to your ex than a hundred pictures proving how “happy” you now are and how quickly you’ve “moved on.”

6. Getting Rich

This is a metaphor, people. Sure, you could buy a lottery ticket or sell your pristine collection of vintage action dolls on eBay. But what we really mean is, be successful. Finally get your own dance-studio business off the ground. Go for that promotion. Insist on a raise. Revamp your resume. All that creative energy you were thinking of applying toward a meme-a-rific revenge strategy? Apply it to your career, instead. Think: What Would Beyoncé Do? (W.W.B.D.)

7. Reading a Saucy Sex Manual

The best sex of your life is yet to come! Don’t just mutter this like a mantra, though, or tape the saying to your bathroom mirror to help dry your tears in the morning: Instead, actually make it happen by learning a few new tricks and tips to apply to your next relationship.

8. Marking the Occasion

We get that you want to mark this occasion — you want to do something to prove to the world that you’ve moved on. But your ex shouldn’t be invited to this party! And that’s exactly what you’re doing when you try to mark the occasion with revenge. Moving on should be all about you. So get a tattoo, whether permanent or henna. Have a breakup party with all your friends. Get a new haircut or hair color. Change up your style. Create a new email sig file. Whatever works for you!

9. Having a Rebound Fling

Never underestimate the benefits of distracting yourself with the joys of being single so that you won’t be tempted to indulge in any late-night revenge-planning. Try masturbation, online dating (if only to get a few nice emails from strangers in your inbox), or flirting therapy (it’s like smiling — forcing yourself to do it will make you feel better). You don’t even need to have actual rebound sex with someone, though a rebound make-out sesh may just make you feel happier than a room without a roof.

10. Telling Us All About It

We’re guessing your friends, family, and distant acquaintances are all sick of hearing you talk about what went wrong in your relationship by now. So why not tell us instead? We’re putting together a collection of stories about failed relationships, and we’d love to hear yours! You can send it to us here, via our contact form. Think of it as a chance to put it all down for posterity, or to help others avoid the same pitfalls. Or, if you prefer, think of it simply as venting to two complete strangers who promise to take your side.

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Your Call: How Do I Subtly Find Out My Friend’s Penis Size?

April 28, 2014

6 Comments

We get a lot of questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to respond to a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your thoughts in the comments section. 

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE* Advice Service!

 

Dear Em & Lo,

How do you get your friend to tell you the size of his, er, meat, when he’s straight and you’re not? Thank you.

– Meat Eater

How do you think Meat Eater should approach this delicate matter of size? In case it affects your reply, we’re assuming this guy wants to know as a simple matter of comparison, i.e. to find out whether he’s above or below average. Either way, you can leave your advice in the comments section below.

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Dear Em & Lo: How Great Should First-Time Sex with a New Partner Be?

April 24, 2014

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photo via Flickr

Dear Em and Lo,

I was married for 20 years and now I am not.  I’m not crying in my soup (is that the term?). I’ve learned a lot about what makes for a crappy relationship and bad sex. And I have gained a sense of humor, sexual confidence and a pretty good idea about what makes for great sex and good relationships. I’m ready to give it all a go. I’ve dated a couple of guys since becoming single six months ago (the relationship was over long before it was over, so the grieving has been done). Recently, I met a guy that I have come to REALLY like. We’ve both expressed to each other in many ways, including some pretty suggestive and fun flirting, that we are really into getting to know each other even better.

So here’s the question: How great should the sex be the first time if I want this guy to stick around? Do I pull out all the stops? Should I plan on maybe just one of the little ideas we’ve flirted around? What about role-playing and/or dress-up the first time? I kind of wonder if I should steer things in the direction of just pure romance the first time, or is jumping right into what is fun for me — and apparently him too — a good idea? I feel pretty comfortable with my decision to not introduce any toys or gadgets the first time. But what if he suggests or comes up with one? Should I say that I’d prefer au natural at first and promise we’ll get to the toys on another occasion? Or, should I let him show me how creative he is and what he likes to do?

I might not have these questions if our circumstances were different but here’s the deal: His wife died, after a long illness, ten months ago. He was happy with her. He has dated a little but I’m pretty sure no or not much sex. I’m desperate for some great sex and a great connection. He’s really hot for me but has mentioned he wants to take things slowly, which, even though I’m itchin’, I think is a good idea. Still, I don’t want him to be disappointed once we finally do get around to it. I’d love to know what you think about this.

– (Almost) Back in the Saddle

Dear ABITS,

Okay, let’s get one thing straight before we go any further: This man is not going to be disappointed! You’re full of sexual confidence and excited to have fun in bed, you guys have great chemistry, and he probably hasn’t had sex in a loooooong time. Just plain old vanilla sex is going to melt him like butta! Chances are, in fact, he’s more nervous than you are (especially if he hasn’t had some good online friends regularly encouraging him like you have). So take a deep breath and just try to enjoy the fact that you’re about to have sex with your new crush. It’s been a loooooong time since you had sex with someone new, and half the fun of this is the anticipation!

As to what you should do in bed the first time, there are no hard and fast rules, it really all depends on what you’re both comfortable with. You don’t want to act like someone you’re not in bed, just to please or impress your partner. If what really gets you off is whips and chains, you don’t want to keep that a secret from your partner for an entire year — just in case that’s not their cup of tea at all. If, on the other hand, you enjoy role-playing about as much as a root canal, there’s no point in pretending you love it in the beginning, just to be agreeable — because then you’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of sweaty latex nurse outfits. It’s better to find out if you’re sexually compatible before getting in too deep.

That said, being willing to try some new things earlier rather than later can set the right tone for a relationship: it establishes the fact that you’re always going to be willing to experiment, at least a little. If you wait until you’re in a rut to break out the blindfold and switch positions, it’s likely to feel a lot more awkward and out of place. So we’re thrilled to hear that the two of you have already talked about role-playing and dress-up! We see great things for the two of you in bed.

But there’s a difference between first-time sex and early-relationship sex. We tend to think that first-time sex — assuming it’s the beginning of a beautiful relationship and not a one-night stand — doesn’t really need any accessorizing. (Except for condoms, and perhaps some lube, which is always welcome.) First-time sex with a new partner is serious sensory-overload. For example, this will probably be your first view of each other’s O-faces! You don’t need to bend over backwards in some Kama Sutra position because the basics still feel brand new and exciting. Plus, you’ll probably both be nervous, which isn’t really conducive to pulling off complicated bondage knots or the wheelbarrow position or nurturing your inner saucy librarian/naughty farmhand. There’s also something to be said for having at least a little experience in bed with each other before making sex technical or theatrical. The better you know each other, the more likely you are to know when it’s the right time to whip out the spanking paddle.

That all said, we don’t think you should necessarily rule out anything. Go with the flow and if something feels right and good and sexy in the moment, then do it! If he suggests a toy (though we doubt he will, given that he’s nervous and wants to take things slowly) and you think that sounds like a fantastic idea, then buzz away (just make sure you put a condom on that too if it’s not fresh out of the box!). But even if you don’t break out any toys, your new-found sexual confidence will still come into play whenever you have sex. It takes a lot of confidence just to ask for what you want in bed — and that might be being led around like a pony, or it might just be a certain manual technique that really does it for you.

On a final note, we know we said that the anticipation is half the fun of first-time sex, but we also want to caution you not to go in with overly high expectations. While sex with a brand new partner is rarely dull or boring, it can sometimes feel awkward or clumsy — and for a woman, it’s not always particularly orgasmic. Sometimes it takes a guy a while to find his way around a new partner’s body, or it takes her a while to become comfortable and relaxed enough with him to climax. (Or it takes her a while to become comfortable and relaxed enough with him to explain how exactly he can get her to climax.) In other words, don’t sweat it if the Earth doesn’t move the first time around. It doesn’t mean you’re destined to have bad sex together and it definitely doesn’t mean you’re not meant to be together. Just think of it as having something to look forward to.

Have fun storming the castle!

Em & Lo

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Dear Em & Lo: How Can I Find a Man to Love My Enlarged Labia?

April 23, 2014

2 Comments

photo via flickr

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Dear Em & Lo,

I was reading a little about my problem on this website: I have an enlarged labia, which I’ve heard referred to as beef curtains, roast beef, etc. I felt better after reading some of the comments men and women alike posted, but it doesn’t really alleviate my insecurities. It’s such a problem that I can’t have a relationship, and I refuse guys to the point where they think I’m frigid.

I really want to be with someone and be able to have sex without stressing on it so much that it ruins the whole experience. I am in recovery, and the only way I’ve ever been able to have sex is by getting so wasted that I wouldn’t care — and then being too ashamed to continue correspondence.

I feel like this is ruining my life and my confidence. I’m 23 and I feel like none of the guys in my generation would understand, considering the things I hear my male friends say. If it weren’t for this problem, I’ve been told I would be a great catch. I can’t afford surgery — if I could, I would get it in a heartbeat!

What can I do? Or where can I find a guy that will like me anyways? Do they make chat rooms or meetings for this sorta thing?! I feel like if I found a guy who liked that sorta thing and knew up front, it might not be so bad.

– Blushing Flower

Dear B.F.,

The first thing you should do is read our post, “10 Reasons Your ‘Ugly Vagina’ Is Normal and Gorgeous.” 

The second thing you should do is read it again.

The third thing you should do is print it out and keep it on your nightstand.

Okay? Okay! Now, onto your letter. You know what they say about silver linings? Well, here are two for you:

1) How awesome that you no longer allow yourself to get wasted in order to have sex! No more morning-after regret and humiliation, no more sleeping with a toxic ex or unsuitable suitor, no more being too drunk to insist on a condom. Instead, you are being forced into having mindful, conscious, sober sex. If it makes you feel better, we think a lot more people would be freaked out about their naked bodies if they had sober sex more often. It’s a scary freakin’ thing to get naked with someone — especially someone you don’t know very well. Which is why we think you should take things very slowly with any new partners. Date slowly. Enjoy kissing and making out. Build up to nudity slowly. Build up to sex even more slowly. If a guy can’t handle the wait, then he’s not worth sticking around for anyway. And here’s a handy bonus: The more patient a guy is about waiting for sex with you, the less likely he is to be one of those douches who make roast beef curtain jokes.

2) How awesome that you’re too broke to get labiaplasty! Seriously, there will come a day when you will be so grateful that you couldn’t afford the surgery you so desperately want right now. We promise you that this day will come! You will find a guy who will love you for who you are, labia included, and you’ll realize you don’t give a hoot what anyone else thinks about your lips. You might even think, “Em & Lo were so right, surgery would have been a terrible idea!” (Don’t believe us? Read why here, point #3.)

Are you still thinking your labia are unsightly? Then go back and read our list again! Please. And remember, the loud-mouth idiot guys who make those jokes are in the minority — they just seem like the majority because they’re so loud and annoying. That’s the thing about douches and Tea Partiers — they manage to convince you they speak for everyone just by yelling (we bet there’s a rather large Venn diagram overlap between labia joking douches and Tea Partiers, actually) . And probably half those douches are just joining in with the labia jokes to seem “cool.” In fact, we bet most of your guy friends have already slept with women who have larger than average labia — and we bet not one of them ran for the door when they saw those labia.

Trust us: You are a great catch! Labia included! Some women actually learn to love their enlarged labia… they find them incredibly sensitive and helpful in stimulating the clitoris, for example. You may not think this is possible, but we can guarantee there is a guy out there who is going to fall in love with you… and with your labia, too.

Please don’t try to find a guy who loves big labia and then hopes he loves you — that’s ass-backwards, and guaranteed to fail. Here’s why: It’s so much harder to find love than it is to find a guy who expresses some kind of labia preference. Imagine trying to pick a guy based on pictures of his penis alone?! The chances of you actually connecting with a guy whose penis picture you liked is miniscule. Human beings fall in love with brains and faces and personalities and, yes, sometimes body type and bank balance — but genitals alone? Hardly. Those are just part of the, er, package.

Anyway. What we’re trying to say is: You’re normal! Your guy friends are assholes and wrong! You shouldn’t date any of them! But you should date other guys — now, often, lots, slowly. And when you get naked, don’t apologize for a thing, because you’re normal and you’re gorgeous and any halfway decent man who is lucky enough to see you naked will think the same thing.

Mwah!

Em & Lo

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What the Pets In Your Online Dating Photo Mean

April 22, 2014

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Scientific research about whether you should include a pet in your online dating profile pic is, not surprisingly, rather flimsy. So we decided to put together our own report on featuring pets. The following guide explains the message conveyed by different kinds of pet in your online dating pic. Depending on the image you want to present, consider posing with your pet, cropping your pet from the pic, or borrowing a pet from a friend.

 

Man with Dog (Regular Size)

“I’m rugged and manly but can be tender and caring with the right woman. Every woman except the right woman, however, comes second to my dog.”

 

Man with Dog (Miniature)

“I like pink shirts, skincare products, and cunnilingus. And yes, I’m perfectly secure in my manhood, thanks.”

 

Woman with Dog (Regular Size)

“I take five minutes to get ready in the morning and I’ll never order a salad (dressing on the side) when we go out to eat. And no players, please: The only games I like are those I play with my dog.”

 

Woman with Dog (Miniature)

“I take more than an hour to get ready in the morning and I’ll order a salad (dressing on the side) even when you insist the restaurant serves the best steak in town. Also: be prepared for mind games.”

 

Man with Cat

“I honestly don’t give a shit what you think about my cat. Also, go ahead and bring your vibrator to bed — it’s all good. I’ll probably write a poem about it, if that’s cool with you.”

 

Woman with Cat

“My bed is strewn with my stuffed animal collection. And, ew, please don’t put your finger there. Like, gross!”

 

Man with Horse

“I’m rich as fuck.”

 

Woman with Horse

“Are you rich enough to be my man?”

 

Man with Rabbit

“I love to spoon. No, seriously, I love to spoon.”

 

Woman with Rabbit

“Will you hold me?”

 

Man with Bird

“I’m a control freak with a jealous streak.”

 

Woman with Bird

“I don’t like to make noise in bed. Would you please keep it down?”

 

Man with Snake

“I have an enormous penis.”

 

Woman with Snake

“I like kinky sex and big penises.”

 

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The 10 Types of Sex Dreams

April 17, 2014

1 Comment

available on Amazon

Freud, Schmroid. If you’re looking for a good book on the interpretation of dreams, check out the one by our very own Lauri Loewenberg, dream interpreter extraordinaire! Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams, Change Your Life (published by St. Martin’s Press) features hundreds of real dream interpretations and a comprehensive dream symbol dictionary to help you understand and make the most of your nocturnal visions, especially the sexy ones. There’s an entire chapter dedicated to sex dreams, which Lauri says are often “not about a physical union you want, but rather a psychological union you need!” There are 10 kinds of sex dreams; below are 5 of them; check out Dream On It for the other five archetypes (The Friend, The Same Gender, Oral Sex, Family Members, and Masturbation):

  1. The Mystery Lover – This is the most common of all sex dreams. Many of us wonder if this dream is actually a glimpse of our soul mate who might be out there somewhere waiting for us.  Alas, t’is not so.  But what is so is that the unknown, faceless man or woman that often appears in our dreams does indeed hold significance….Our dreams have a cool way of showing us the different parts of our personality in the form of a person so we can gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and what makes us tick. That being said, the mystery lover in your dreams is the embodiment, the personification of the qualities we tend to associate with that gender….Throughout life we struggle to incorporate the right balance of each [gender] into our personalities and behavior.  A man wants to be caring and understanding, yet he doesn’t want to be a sissy.  A woman wants to assert herself, yet she doesn’t want to be labeled the B word!  Our mystery lover dreams are guiding us towards that perfect balance of firm and gentle, bold and caring, yin and yang.
  2. Cheating — These dreams can be infuriating, worrisome and the cause of many a slap across the face first thing in the morning.  In fact, in a recent survey I conducted with over 5000 participants, the cheating dream came in as the #1 most common dream! As upsetting as these dreams can be, the good news is that they rarely indicate that your mate is getting his or her pleasures elsewhere.  They do suggest, however, that something rather than someone is taking the time and attention from your mate that you feel you deserve.
…[If] you are the one straying in your dreams you need to ask yourself what you may be doing that is taking your attention away from your mate.  The guilt you feel in the dream is a tell tale sign that, deep down, you are aware that this may not be sitting well with your significant other….Once you can pinpoint what it is your mate is “cheating on you” with, or what you may be guilty of giving too much time to, it’s time to compromise.  Offer to give up or cut back on something your mate isn’t a big fan of if he or she promises to cut back on the activity that is causing you to feel left out. If you both stick to the compromise, you’ll find that the dreams will stop.
  3. The Ex — Past lovers are very popular characters in our naughty dreams. Even though it may be light years since you were with this person, he or she STILL continues to appear in your dreams, bringing those old feelings back to the surface that leave you wondering if you still may be holding a flame.  

Most often, the ex we dream about the most is our first love.  Strangely enough, we continue to dream of our first loves, even if we’ve moved on into a happy marriage.  Don’t worry, it’s not that you want the ex back, it’s that you want what he or she represents back: excitement, bubbles, passion!  You are likely to get these dreams when you are in a dry spell or when your marriage or current relationship gets a little too routine and humdrum, as all relationships do from time to time.  Your dream is using your ex to remind you of the passion that is still alive inside of you.  These dreams are actually good for you and are alerting you to the fact that the passion department doesn’t want to become a thing of the past.
  4. The Co-Worker – This dream can make work a very uncomfortable place to be. Unless your co-worker causes your heart to skip a beat and your mind to wander into naughty, naughty land, then your sex dream(s) about him or her are nothing to cause you concern.  However, understanding the dream is well worth your while because odds are, that dream is actually trying to help you improve yourself at work.  Your dreaming mind may be telling you that you need to “come together” on some level with your co-worker, for the sake of work, that you need to have a meeting of the minds in order to make co-existing and co-working more efficient.  

But what if you don’t really have much to do with a particular co-worker during the day but you find yourself knocking boots at night?  All you need to do is ask yourself what stands out about that person.  Is he really good with computers?  Does the boss seem to favor her?   Maybe he’s easy going and doesn’t seem to have a care in the world.  There is very likely a quality he or she possesses that your dreaming mind feels you would do well to take on as your own.
  5. The Boss – Shagging your employer at night can sure make it difficult to come into work the next day.  If this is the case with you, remember, sex dreams are not necessarily about the person but rather about what he or she represents.  In the case of your boss it is most likely power, authority, management skills, decision making, et cetera that you need to merge into your own life.
 Do you need to take on the role of boss at home and better manage those unruly kids?  Are you facing a tough decision?  Do you need to fire or get rid of a certain element, person or behavior in your life?  Or perhaps you simply need to merge with your boss psychologically in order to deal with a client or project. Whatever the case may be, your boss dream is telling you that it’s time to take charge! Being decisive and authoritative would suit you well now.

For more on the 5 sex dreams above and to discover the meaning behind the other 5 most common sex dreams — The Friend, The Same Gender, Oral Sex, Family Members, and Masturbation – check out Lauri’s book Dream On It, available everywhere! Check out all of Lauri’s books here.