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Straight Guys: How to Respond to Being Hit On by a Woman

August 1, 2014

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photo via Flickr

A note to straight men: We’re constantly hearing you guys complain that you still have to do almost all of the pick-up leg-work. But then when a woman does attempt to hit on you in a bar, a lot of you turn around and call her “desperate” — even in 2014! (Er, who made off with¬†your¬†self-esteem, anyway?)

Admittedly, you don’t get hit on nearly as often as straight gals do, so you don’t have nearly as much practice at (politely) rejecting an unwelcome advance. Which means that when a brave lady¬†does¬†attempt to buy you a drink or engage you in conversation, you have a tendency to be awkward and weird about it. But what’s so “desperate” about knowing what you want and going for it? She shouldn’t be made to feel like she fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down just because she asked you to dance. It’s not like she’s asking you to bear her children. You never know, she may actually just want to use you for sex. So be nice to the women trying to even the playing field!

Oh, and ladies? Keep asking! And try not to take it personally if a guy is a douche when you ask him how he likes his eggs in the morning. He’s just had less practice than you.

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Dream Interpretation: I’m Having Gay Dreams About My Best Buds

July 31, 2014

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Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I have been having these exotic sex dreams about my best guy friends, and I do not know what they mean. My guy friends are not unattractive. These dreams been going on for a while and sometimes O wonder what do they really mean. I am a straight guy, but having gay dreams.

Lauri:¬†You are also very brave and I commend you for owning up to your “guy on guy” dreams. Lots of straight guys have them but are too embarrassed to discuss them.

Of all our dreams, the sex dream seems to be the most polarizing: either we are absolutely delighted when we wake up, still bathing in the glow of the amazing experience with our dream partner — or we wake up horrified, disgusted and very, very concerned.

You must remember that the dreaming mind speaks in a symbolic language and should not be taken literally, which means sex in a dream really isn’t about sex at all! Instead, sex is more about connection, communication and/or a merger of energies.

Since these are your best buddies that you are dreaming about, I would bet the farm your dreams are happening because you are really connecting with them in some way. Maybe you’ve recently been finding out that you have a lot in common with them. Maybe you’ve been having deep political or other meaningful conversations that is bringing you closer to them psychologically. Or maybe you all are “coming together” — ahem — on some idea or project.

Whatever the case, it’s all good! So let not your heart be troubled. Also? Let not your friends know. As benign as these dreams are, they could totally freak your friends out!

Visit Lauri’s brand new site,¬†WhatYourDreamMeans.com, for even more dream interpretations! If you want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning, then check out her latest book,¬†Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, which will give you the tools you need to become a dream expert, too.¬†Check out all of Lauri’s books here.

 

 

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Top 5 Rules of Engagement for Backdoor Toys

July 30, 2014

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photo via flickr

We’re always thrilled to hear about people opening themselves up — as it were — to new sensual experiences in the backdoor area. Unfortunately this particular region seems to encourage experimentation with D.I.Y. sex toys — and it’s the last place you should be going D.I.Y.! Our E.R. nurse friend confirms that those stories about deodorant sticks/cucumbers/action figures stuck up patients’ butts are not merely urban legends.

D.I.Y. solutions can be great when it comes to home improvements, NOT when it comes to your tushy time. The anus and rectum are delicate body parts that need special care, or else — you’re right — things could go horribly wrong. The area is prone to tearing if mistreated, it’s not self-lubricating, and it’s got curves that can’t accommodate certain shapes (like, say, rigid action figures) easily.

Instead, you should use only high-quality toys designed specifically for the rear, like LELO’s Bob and Billy, Tantus’s L’il End butt plug, the Tantus vibrating ProTouch,¬†or Booty Beads’ Silicone Anal Beads. (If your tush doesn’t get out of bed for less than $10K, then check out LELO’s gold-plated Earl anal plug.)

Here are the five things you should look for in a high-quality, purpose-made butt toy:

1. It should have a flared base so as not to get sucked up into your black hole, lost for all eternity.

2. It should ideally be made of non-porous material like 100% silicone so it can be sterilized thoroughly (i.e. so it won’t harbor microscopic fecal bacteria).

3. It should be soft, yet firm, with a little give to it so it’s easy on your bod.

4. It should be ergonomically shaped (e.g. it should have a tapered end and possibly a curve that targets his prostate gland, a.k.a. the P-spot or the male G-spot).

5. It shouldn’t have rough seams or anything that might break off inside of you, duh.

And while you absolutely must use lubricant — and lots of it — it’s probably best to avoid anything oil-based, like Vaseline or Crisco, since oils degrade the latex in condoms, they’re a bitch to clean off, and they can lead to infection in women (should the oil in question somehow make its way to her vajayjay). Instead, go for a water- or silicone-based lube, at least when you’re playing together.

Remember: Be smart (or would that be smart-ass?) when it comes to anal play. It’s like what your mom used to tell you about your nose: just because you can stick anything up there doesn’t mean you should.

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Your Call: Can I Tell My Married Boyfriend’s Wife About Us?

July 28, 2014

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We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE* Advice Service!

 

Dear Em & Lo,

I have been having an affair with my supervisor for the past two years. Yes, he is married, but he made promises to me to leave her. She suspected us but he denied it, but when she tried to overdose on pills he called it off with me. He tells me he and his wife are over, too, but I don’t know if that’s true. I know we had a special love, and he is just calling it off out of guilt. Do I tell her?

– Cheatin’ (at) Hearts

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6 Kinds of Lube & 6 Reasons to Use Them Every Time

July 25, 2014

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LELO’s Personal Moisturizer (75 ml)¬†

Lube gets a bad rap, so we’d like to clear its name here once and for all: Store-bought personal lubricant is not a “crutch” for people with faulty machinery. And reaching for the wet stuff doesn’t mean you’re “not into it,” “frigid” or “kinky.” It just means you like to make sex even better:

  1. For women, natural lubrication doesn’t necessarily go hand-in-hand with sexual arousal. You may be ready mentally, but your body could use a little catching up. It can happen any time, but it’ll be more common the older you get.
  2. Smoking, caffeine, booze, weed, stress, certain days in your menstrual cycle, and cold medicine can all dry you up. Lubricants can help combat these Saraha culprits.
  3. Adding extra lubrication means your sensitive parts can take more and more kinds of stimulation without getting over-sensitive.
  4. It helps prevent chaffing and the condom from breaking.
  5. With so many different kinds to choose from, you can find one that’s perfect for you (i.e. you like the consistency, the scent, maybe even the taste).
  6. It just feels good — even better than it does without!

But don’t even thinking about pulling a Marlon Brando and reaching for the butter (not even the olive oil, yuppie). Oils can degrade latex (i.e. break the condom!) and can also encourage vaginal infections. So when you’re a friend in need, manmade lubricant is a friend indeed.

Don’t have any on your nightstand? Here are 6 popular brands to check out:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Dream Interpretation: My Wife Got Jealous of Extra-Marital Oral

July 24, 2014

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photo via flickr

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I dreamed I had a threesome with my wife, an ex of mine, and this other woman [ED: So, more of a foursome, then?]. I’m not sure if she was my ex’s friend. It started with oral sex where the unknown woman started, and not too long after my ex started and my wife looked in the corner of her eyes with just a bit of disgust seeing me enjoy it, as she is not that good at oral.

Lauri:¬†Let’s get the obvious out of the way. Did you have this dream soon after your wife gave you oral in real life, or soon after you perhaps discussed it or thought about it?

If so, then this dream indicates that this is an issue for you and you should take it as a gentle nudge from your subconscious to encourage your wife to explore different techniques that could help improve her skills. If you present it to her in the frame of “exploring” she may look at it as you wanting to be adventurous with her rather than you criticizing her. Em & Lo’s book SEX: How To Do Everything is a pretty thorough guide.

If your wife’s lack of oral prowess has not been top of your mind lately, then this dream may be more about communication. In my research I have found that most any dream that focuses on the mouth in some form or fashion can usually be connected to communication issues.

It seems your intuition is picking up on the fact that your wife has a bit of jealousy right now in real life, hence her giving you the side-eye in the dream. I believe your ex is in this dream as a warning that you don’t want your wife to become an ex either. So I believe this dream is urging you to open up the lines of communication with her and get to the bottom of what may be irking her lately. Open and honest communication is the key to a lasting and healthy relationship.
Visit Lauri’s brand new site,¬†WhatYourDreamMeans.com, for even more dream interpretations! If you want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning, then check out her latest book,¬†Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, which will give you the tools you need to become a dream expert, too.¬†Check out all of Lauri’s books here.

 

 

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4 New Routes to Your Orgasm

July 23, 2014

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photo via Flickr

Most people have that one, fail-safe way that gets them from point A to point O quickly and directly, scenic lookout points be damned! And when you’re busy or tired (read: every minute of every day), it’s easy (and understandable) to resort to that surefire route on the rare occasion you do get around to doing it.¬† But tonight, whether you’re alone or with a partner, give yourself at least 30 minutes — okay, 20 — to try to have an orgasm in a¬†different¬†way. Because the more ways you can train your body to have an orgasm, the opportunities for pleasure you have at your disposal and the less chance your orgasm has of ever getting old (not that that is a¬†huge¬†risk or anything). Here’s how:

  1. Use a new hand technique: If you always stick with external stimulation with your (or your partner’s) digits, go deep.¬†If you always hit your G-spot, try your PS-spot (which is directly opposite the G-spot in the vaginal canal).
  2. Get in a different position: If the missionary, for example, is the position you always end with during partner sex, then try to avoid it entirely one night (or at least give yourselves a good ten minutes with doggy style, cowgirl, or whatever).
  3. Try a new toy: If you usually like, say, a Magic Wand, why not try something designed to be used internally for a change, like a Rabbit-style vibe.
  4. Just try it without your toy for once: Attempt to recreate the sensation of your vibrator with your hands, your partner’s hands, or even your partner’s mouth. It won’t feel the same, but it won’t necessarily be worse — just different. And variety is the spice of your sex life!

Don’t worry if you haven’t gotten to O-town before time’s up. Remember, the journey is 90% the fun!

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Wise Guys: Which Would You Choose, Intercourse or Oral?

July 22, 2014

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apples_orangesphoto via flickr

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “If guys had to choose between only intercourse or only blowjobs for the rest of their life, which do you think most guys would choose?”

Straight Single Guy (L.A. Chris): I think most guys would choose blowjobs, but they really should be choosing intercourse. BJs are the best thing to happen to sex since sliced bread, but with added perks (let’s just say it’s like taking your car in for an oil change and getting a free car wash). Most men don’t get as many blowjobs in their daily routine as they’d like, so the prospect of guaranteed hummers for life is a dream come true. But it’s a devil’s bargain. Blowjobs are awesome, but they’re unsubstantial — mere icing on the cake. And a man can’t feel truly satisfied on a diet of sugar frosting alone. At some point he’s going to want to connect meaningfully with his partner. And by the time he gets to be 30 or 40 he may even want to have a baby. (Yes, men have biological clocks too. Ours are not as prominent as women’s, they’re more like pocket watches, but we have them.)

Straight Married Guy (Fred): I think most guys would struggle with this one, but then decide that intercourse would be the better choice. There are more variations of intercourse, for one thing.¬† There’s more skin contact which is always nice. Giving her pleasure at the same time is a big turn on.¬† The fact that intercourse is active rather than passive makes it a more likely choice for guys.¬† We like to do stuff… like aggressive pelvic thrusting.

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How to Choose Your Very First Vibrator

July 18, 2014

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LELO’s Nea vibrator

So you’re ready to purchase your very own My First Vibrator? Good for you! And you came to the right place, because yours truly, Em & Lo, happen to be your very personal shoppers.

Exploring on your own is the best way to start learning the pattern of your sexual response — especially if you’ve had fairly limited sexual experience, or have yet to experience an orgasm. Too many straight women wait for a fella to come ’round to show them the way — but those dudes often don’t have a map (or else they don’t care if you get left behind). But if more women took the initiative, we’d probably get a lot fewer letters from gals saying they can’t orgasm during sex with a partner. After all, doing it on your own means you’re much more likely to be able to do it with a partner — and you’re much more likely to be able to ask for what you want when you’re with that partner, too.

And just in case you’re still “curiously debating,” here’s one more reason to go for it: Studies have shown that more than a third of women own vibrators, and that those who use them experience higher levels of sexual desire and more orgasms than those who don’t.

Okay, so now you’ve got to choose your weapon. There’s a lot of crap out there, and though we know it might be tempting to go bargain-basement shopping in the middle of a recession, you do have to pay a little bit extra for a quality toy. And by quality, we don’t mean “Swarovski-crystal-encrusted,” we just mean one that’s actually meant to be used as a vibrator, and not “for novelty purposes only.”

The most important quality in a sex toy is that it’s phthalate-free (pronounced “thay-late”) — and if the shop you’re browsing in doesn’t know what you’re talking about when you ask whether a toy contains phthalates, then you don’t want to spend your hard-earned money there! Phthalates are plastic softeners which have been shown to be bad for both your body and the environment — they’re banned in kids’ toys and even in pet toys in most countries, and yet manufacturers continue to use them in sex toys! Shocking, we know. Pure silicone is phthalate-free and always a great option for a sex toy, though there are other newer materials on the market that are also phthalate-free and worth checking out.

For newbies, we think that Fun Factory — a German toy manufacturer — is a great place to start. We’d recommend any of their toys, in fact! We love their Laya¬†($50), which is for external use. Or, if you want something slightly more phallic (and insertion-friendly), check out the¬†G-spot friendly G-Swirl Smartvibe¬†($82). For even more choice, check out GoodVibes, which stocks a whole range of Fun Factory toys.

Our friends at LELO also offer some fab — and gorgeously designed — sex toys for beginners. If you want a small smooth toy that fits in the palm of your hand like a well worn pebble, try their Siri, their Lily, or their Nea (all rechargeable).

If you’re looking for a kitchen-sink vibrator — i.e. one that provides simultaneous internal and external stimulation while paying attention to the G-spot — then a Rabbit-style vibrator is your friend in need. But again, beware of cheap knock-offs! Ever since the Rabbit made a guest appearance on Sex & the City, companies across the globe have been attempting to cash in on the trend. LELO makes a rechargeable Rabbit-style toy called the Ina 2¬†($159). Sure, it’s a little pricey, but most of you have probably spent more than this on a pair of jeans. And when’s the last time a pair of $159 jeans got you off? Never say that money can’t buy you a little love!

If all of the above are still a bit too pricey, you can always go with the ol’ standby: The Pocket Rocket. It’s only meant for external use, but at least the hard plastic it’s made of won’t leach phthalates. For $30, you can get a similar style vibe that’s waterproof made by dependable Vibratex, called the Water Dancer.

When you’re ready to expand your toy collection — you can’t have just one! — just make sure you’re shopping at a decent, well-lighted sex toy outlet. We trust GoodVibes with both our credit cards and our genitals, and we trust them to steer a newbie in the right direction.

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Dream Interpretation: I Had Sex with a Guy in a Mask

July 17, 2014

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photo via flickr

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it (18 and older only, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I dreamt that it was Halloween and I was walking next to a house with a really big display and haunted house, then someone runs at me wearing a mask and yelling and I run away. They grab me laughing and take off their mask and it turns out that it’s a man that I’ve known since high school and that I’ve previously had sex with and he had a small crush on me. He invites me into his house to hangout. We end up in this barn type enclosure full of hay and we start kissing and have very sweet but intense sex on top of the hay. Then someone walks in on us and my dream is over.

Lauri:¬†Hmmm… I’m thinking this dream is a really positive one, showing that you are beginning to accept yourself for who you are and are really beginning to like yourself.

Halloween is all about parading around as someone else, and the display, I believe, symbolizes that you have been putting on a display in real life. But then a guy that was really into you takes off his mask. Everything in a dream is really about you, so he represents the part of yourself that is totally cool with who you are and that wants to remove the false front.

Just as you yelled and ran away in the dream, this must have been a frightening thing to do… open up or reveal your true self recently. The sex that ensues is also an important message. Remember, sex in a dream is usually about incorporating some sort of quality or behavior into your life and into yourself. It seems to me, you are incorporating self appreciation into your life. And to that I say, “Rock on sista!”

 

Visit Lauri’s brand new site,¬†WhatYourDreamMeans.com, for even more dream interpretations! If you want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning, then check out her latest book,¬†Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, which will give you the tools you need to become a dream expert, too.¬†Check out all of Lauri’s books here.

 

 

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