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Dream Interpretation: I Had a Hot Threesome with an Ex and Her Ex

January 9, 2014


photo via Flickr

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. This week, a reader asks Lauri:

My dream is about a threesome. It starts off with me (female femme lesbian) going on a trip to some musical theater on a blue bus. There are a whole bunch of people on the bus. I guess that it’s a college trip of some kind. There is a girl (stud lesbian who I’ll call Alex) who I went to high school with and had a huge crush on. We both talked and flirted before in real life but now we’re just friends. Another person on the bus I recognized was Alex’s ex (bisexual girl who I’ll call Mia). In real life, there’s bad tension between Mia and me — we don’t talk.

In the dream my sketch pads started falling out of my bag. It seemed like I was stressed out and in a hurry. After I got all my stuff together I went to the bathroom to put it all in my bag. When I looked up I saw Alex and Mia talking. They both came to me and Alex said, “I wish I could have both of you.” We all put our arms around one another. I made out with Mia while Alex felt around both of us. Did I mention the bathroom was blue? We all had sex and rushed back to the bus. The three of us sat next to each other, laughing and smiling, putting a huge blanket over all of us. I fingered Mia while Alex kissed my neck and shoulders, touching my breasts, and then she fingered me.

When I woke up I remembered Alex had to do my hair this weekend and I got really nervous because I realized that Alex and Mia just broke up and I would love if this happens in real life. I feel horrible that I want this. I’ve always really wanted Mia to like me but she doesn’t because I flirt with Alex. They’re both gorgeous and it seemed like a dream come true.

Lauri: We tend to dream about what is on our mind the most, and through the dream we try to work out the issue. While the idea of a threesome with these two ladies is something that excites you, I think the dream is more about your desire to get rid of the tension and have harmony with them, which is why you were headed to a musical in the dream.

I think the sketch pads falling out of your bag symbolize the “falling out” that Mia and Alex had. Is there something “sketchy” about that breakup or about Mia? If not, then the sketch pads would symbolize your ability to create an ideal situation out of this.

Going into the bathroom is another sign that you wish to relieve yourself of the tension and perhaps even the emotional angst of not having Alex for yourself after all these years. What Alex says in there — “I wish I could have both of you” — is really coming from you. This is a thought you generated. So again, this is about your desire to have harmony among the three of you, your wish to have them both on your side. And sex acts in dreams are often about the need to “come together” on some level in waking life.

All the blue in this dream suggests you have been “blue” about the situation… or about something. It seems your dreaming mind is urging you to take this as an opportunity to finally create harmony. Let us know how it goes!

Want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning? Lauri’s latest book, Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, will give you the tools you need to become a Dream Expert too! Check out all of Lauri’s books here.





10 Requirements for a Sexy Bedroom

January 8, 2014


photo via Flickr

In case your bedroom has been a little worse for wear lately, here’s a quick reminder of the basics of bedroom beautification. Because a beautiful bedroom is much nicer/more inspiring/less psychically distracting to make beautiful music in.

  1. Invest in sheets with a decent thread count–there’s nothing sexy about your bare skin against the equivalent of burlap.
  2. Only have plants/flowers in the bedroom if you can keep them alive and thriving. Dead things aren’t sexy.
  3. Make sure your bed gives you proper support, because if you’ve got a bad back, you’re not going to feel much like pelvic thrusting. Make sure that the headboard is secure, that the bed’s wheels don’t roll (even better: no wheels!), and that nothing squeaks. The only weird noises you hear should be coming out of your mouths or other orifices; the only movement you feel should be coming from each other’s bodies and the Earth (get it? feeling the Earth move…?).
  4. Get rid of the bright overheads and decorate with some soft, flattering, low lights in various corners — even better if you put them all on dimmers. The occasional candle or two is nice, but don’t get all satanic ritual-y with 50 red fire hazards lining every surface of your bedroom.
  5. Even if you have minimal space, don’t put one side of your bed against a wall — that’s for kiddies and college students.
  6. Place some kind of bedside table on both sides of the bed so each person has a place to call their own within arms reach (for water glasses, lube, condoms, sex toys, etc). You get bonus points if the tables have drawers for maximizing discretion and organization.
  7. No dirty clothes on the floor, office papers cluttering your dresser, or overflowing closets. One of the main reasons hotel rooms are so sexy is because they’re neat and clean!
  8. Give your sex playlist the presentation it deserves: for minimal cost, you can invest in some small but nice speakers to surround your bed (you can even put a subwoofer under it).
  9. Save the family pictures for other rooms in the house. You don’t want your Mom smiling at you while you’re doing it.
  10. No television sets — that’s for the den. And needless to say, no stuffed animals!



Top 7 Love Lessons Learned from The Bachelor (Juan Pablo, Ep 1)

January 7, 2014


photo courtesy of ABC/Rick Rowell

Now that Juan-uary has begun, each week we’ll be bringing you the five most important love lessons you can learn from each episode of The Bachelor on ABC. With each episode guaranteed to be the most dramatic EVER (per usual), this season should prove to be a wildly educational ride. And since last night was the long-awaited premiere, chock-full of hot messes and rock-hard abs, we’ve got two bonus tips for you today!

  1. On a blind date, don’t open with your jilted-at-the-alter sob story. And while we’re at it, don’t open with talk of your recent unemployment, your brother who’s in jail, your raging case of genital herpes, or your small vestigial tail. Duh.
  2. On a date, never give out the equivalent of a pity rose, be it a pity compliment, a pity phone number exchange, or a pity kiss. You might be trying to be nice, but they’ll smell the condescension wafting off you like too much Drakkar Noir. And all you’ll probably get in return is a limp “Uh…sure.”
  3. If you’re dating a single parent, you can discern quite a bit about the quality of their parenting by assessing how properly — or in Juan Pablo’s case, how improperly — the child’s car-seat straps have been adjusted.
  4. To be sure an exotic accent is not impeding your judgment, imagine them speaking in a Pee Wee Herman voice, like this. If they still seem even just half as smart/hot/witty, then you’ll know it’s the real deal. Otherwise, you’ll realize you’ve been duped by the rolling Rs.
  5. On a blind date, give a man a stiff drink, NOT a teddy bear.
  6. We don’t care if you’re a professional massage therapist — no sensual massages may be given until at least date number 3 (when sex either is impending or has just concluded).
  7. When all else fails, take your shirt off.



Your Call: My Route to Orgasm Is Too Complicated for Husband

January 6, 2014


Antique map via Flickr

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. You can leave your advice in the comments section below — for this question in particular, we thought that a group answer might help. We figured, the more suggestions, the better, especially as she’s tried so much already! 

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE* Advice Service!


Dear Em & Lo,

Here’s another “I can’t orgasm with my partner” question, but if I hear one more suggestion about relaxing, more foreplay, show him how you do it, experiment… I’m going to scream!

I’ve been with my now husband for over 8 years, and despite being EXTREMELY close to orgasm countless times, I am just unable to get over the edge. I started masturbating at a young age — before I even know what it was. During my teens I was a pretty habitual masturbator. I used to only masturbate on my stomach with both hands over my underwear, and often with even more material for added friction. Now I am able to masturbate on my back or in a reclined position, and even with one hand directly touching myself (though this is harder). But I always have to either watch pornography or fantasize in order to orgasm.

My husband and I have always been very open sexually and I’ve tried so many times to guide his hand in all kinds of positions to try and help me orgasm. In the end he has never been able to execute the exact sequence of moves/pressure/location that I need in order to reach orgasm.

I feel like I’m some kind of freak that needs such a specific sequence of stimulation (that changes each time, mind you), that there’s no way I will ever be able to experience an orgasm that isn’t my own doing. I’m so sick of reading advice that suggests showing him what to do or having him stimulate my clitoris during sex or whatever other generic uselessness there is out there on the internet.

Is there some way that I can train my body to orgasm with a different form of stimulation than I’m used to? I currently need clitoral stimulation, but not direct, then clitoral and G-spot stimulation but from outside, not inside the vagina, then just G-spot pressure from outside… it’s ridiculous. It’s completely impossible during intercourse, so forget that idea, but is there any way I can learn to orgasm from his manual stimulation at least?! Help!

– Searching for Orgasm 2.0

What should Orgasm 2.0 do? Leave your advice for her in the comments section below.


The Married Person’s Top 10 New Year’s Resolutions

January 3, 2014

1 Comment

photo via Flickr

  1. Have sex with your partner more than you watch porn/read erotica on your own.
  2. Trim your toenails like you did when you were single before a date.
  3. Kiss your partner on the lips for at least 5 seconds every day.
  4. In the next 6 months, be sure to spend at least one night in a hotel together (even if it’s just at the Hampton Inn in the next town over).
  5. Make the weekly date night a sacrament.
  6. Give more back rubs without the expectation of reciprocal sex.
  7. Try to think of and share stories from your past that you’ve somehow never told each other before (a la “Before Midnight”).
  8. Exercise together (even if that just means going for a walk around the block while holding hands every now and then).
  9. Fart in front of each other less.
  10. Look each other in the eyes when you climax (at least occasionally).



Dream Interpretation: We Both Dreamed About Her Deceased Husband

January 2, 2014


Toulouse-Lautrec via Wiki Images

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. Got a dream you want Lauri to analyze? Click here to submit it. This week, a reader asks Lauri:

My girlfriend and I had the same dream of her deceased husband who passed 2 yrs ago. She dreamt that he came back and he was ok with her staying with me even tho he is back. And I dreamt he asked me nicely to go as he wants to be with his family again. What does this mean?

Lauri: Having the same or similar dream as someone else on the same night is called shared dreaming and it usually happens to two people who are very close: husband and wife, best friends, mother and daughter, etc. The reason why is because the two individuals are dealing with the same issue and their subconscious responds to it similarly by giving them comparable dreams.

That being said, do you recall if the day before this dream you and your girlfriend spoke about her deceased husband? In both your dreams he came back, which makes me think perhaps the two of you brought up marriage or perhaps having a deeper commitment to each other.

Her dream is very telling in that it shows us she is ready to move on and love again. That’s a big deal! I can’t tell you how many women I have done dream work with that won’t move on because they feel as though they would be cheating on their husband. But your dream shows some apprehension.

Him telling you that he wants to be with his family again seems to reflect a concern you may have that his presence will continue to be felt in this relationship. Do you worry that your girlfriend compares you to him? It sounds like she has children. Do you worry that if you married her, her children may not welcome you?

Remember, dreams are a conversation with the self, so your inner dialogue shows some serious concern. Let this be an opportunity to bring this up to her and you can start the conversation by reminding her of this dream. Dreams are the most honest expressions we have. If you are upfront and honest about this, she’ll appreciate it and will likely reassure you… if her dream hasn’t done that for you already. Good luck and let us know how it goes!

Dreamer’s response: Thank you so much for informing us of the meaning of our dreams. Yes, we have been talking about us and the future so I guess it’s a sort of acceptance and closure. She dreams about her husband a lot and all I say is, he comes to visit in her dreams to see if she is ok. And yes she has children and we get along very well.

Her husband was a great man and she loved him to bits. I think she does not compare me to him but because it was so sudden and then all of a sudden meeting me it’s been a quick transition from loving one to another. But we both care about each other very much. But I understand what it means now and I will definitely keep in touch. Again, thank you very much.

Want to be able to figure out your own dreams every morning? Lauri’s latest book, Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life, will give you the tools you need to become a Dream Expert too! Check out all of Lauri’s books here.






The New Year’s Issue

December 19, 2013


A Refresher Course for Your New Year’s Kiss
Brush up on your midnight pucker up.


20 Naughty New Year’s Resolutions
Screw the gym membership.

What’s a Man’s Ideal New Year’s Eve?
Good wine. Good food. Good friends. And maybe a disco beat?


One More Time: What’s a Man’s Ideal New Year’s Eve?
Three more of our Wise Guys lay it out for you.


Your Sex-Related New Year’s Resolutions
More great ideas for the brand new year.


Is Your New Year’s Resolution to Be Single? Hello, D-Day!
January is the season for divorce, but don’t blame it on office holiday party nookie.


Top 10 Kinky New Year’s Resolutions
Which includes buying our book 150 SHADES OF PLAY, of course! (Now on sale for less than ten bucks so as not to conflict with your any budget-conscious resolutions!)

2013 According to Miley Cyrus and Jennifer Lawrence

It’s a year-end quote-off between 2013′s mouthiest twenty-somethings!

The Naughty and Nice Issue

December 18, 2013


‘Tis the season to be sexy. So brush up on your sex etiquette for the holidays with our best festive advice below. This of course includes buying everyone you know our book 150 SHADES OF PLAY, now at a special holiday price of under ten bucks for the first time ever, so you can give everyone a Merry Kinkmas!

What’s the Worst Holiday Present You Ever Received from a Partner?
Can you top reader H? They received an autographed photograph of Garth Brooks… and they’re not even a fan!

Rules for Surviving Your In-Laws This Holiday Season
Take long walks with your partner, let it go if you don’t get to share a bedroom, and much more!

How to Navigate the Crappy Holidays Alone
On counting your blessings and not impulse-shopping for a partner.

What’s a Good Holiday Present for a Man?
Bourbon, blowjobs, and gadgets, oh my! And check out how some of our other Wise Guys answered the question here and then here.

Your Call: Should She Dump Him Before or After Xmas?
Is it heartless to dump someone days before Christmas — or is prolonging the inevitable patronizing and worse?

What Is the Etiquette of Saucy Holiday Gifting?
At what point in a relationship is it acceptable to give a sex-related gift?

Wise Guys: Is a Striptease a Good Last-Minute Gift?
Should you unwrap yourself for your man this holiday season? (If you intend to, here’s how.)

Can I Give a Sex Toy as a Present?
Yes, but… it can’t be just any sex toy.

Wise Guys: Is a Saucy Love Ring a Good Gift for a Dude?
It is a kind of gadget, after all…

LELO’s Pleasure Sets: For Someone Who’s Been Naughty AND Nice
If you’ve met each other’s parents, then we think you’re ready to up the naughty factor a little…

Oops! I Slept with a Co-Worker at the Office Holiday Party!
Because not every kiss under the office mistletoe ends with a Jim-and-Pam-style happy ending.

How Not to Regret Your Holiday Office Party in 4 Easy Steps
Navigating the open bar, the micro-mini dress, and that dreaded Xerox machine.

The 12 Days of Kinkmas

Everybody sing: 3 fetish masks, 2 latex gloves, and a house slave in a gimp suit!

Em & Lo’s Sexy Holiday Gift Guide: $10 Edition

Extremely affordable gifts for every adult on your holiday list (not just sex toys!).

Em & Lo’s Sexy Holiday Gift Guide: $20 Edition

Not just sex toys! Meaning, you’ll find very affordable ideas for every adult on your list.

Em & Lo’s Sexy Holiday Gift Guide: $50 Edition

Give a little more thoughtfully to the adults on your holiday gift list.

Em & Lo’s Sexy Holiday Gift Guide: $100 Edition

And by “sexy” we mean, sure to please every adult on your gift list.

Em & Lo’s Sexy Holiday Gift Guide: Big Spender Edition

Money can’t buy you love, but it can buy you a pretty ‘effing awesome gift.

150 Shades of Play Is On Sale!!!
Have yourself a merry little kinkmas with this book… the perfect gift for your best friend/partner/sister-in-law/White Elephant party. Now on sale for less than ten bucks!

Your Call: How Do I Set Limits in a New BDSM Relationship?

December 18, 2013


photo via Entertainment Weekly
We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. You can leave your advice in the comments section below (for a reader who appears to be dating a Christian Grey wannabe). 

Submit Your Own Question to EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE* Advice Service!


Dear Em & Lo,

Do you have any advice for setting limits in a new BDSM relationship?

My boyfriend is a dom and wants few limits. I’m new at this and don’t really know where my limits are other than the obvious of no kids, no animals, don’t kill me. So we’re kind of at a stand off. Any guidance would be appreciated! Thank you!

– In a Vanilla-Chocolate Swirl

What should Vanilla-Chocolate Swirl do? Leave your advice for her in the comments section below. (And in case no one else mentions it, we’d like to point out that Fifty Shades of Grey is NOT a how-to manual for kink. But this book is!)


Wise Guys: What’s a Good Present for a Man?

December 17, 2013


photo by mysza

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What’s a good holiday present for 1) a guy you’ve just started dating (sleeping with), 2) a guy you’ve been exclusive with for a year or so, 3) a husband?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Straight Single Guy (Tom Miller): Christmas (or Hannukah) gifts are a tricky subject. Most guys catch a touch of agita about gift-giving for two reasons: 1) a great gift from you may mean that things are going a little too fast for him; and 2) he’ll feel like a real yutz if you dramatically out-spend him.

The best advice I can give is to give a gift that shows how well you know him. If you’re newly dating (or just boning), something small does the trick. Think, a shirt that you think would look great on him or some piece of media (book, music, movie, game) that you would enjoy together. Two years gets a little tricky; the big challenge is finding something that shows how well you know him. Does he love the Red Hot Chili Peppers? Get him tickets. A gadget is a great gift at this point too.

When you’re married, you presumably share finances, so you have to be a little careful with extravagance. Give him an experience. A rafting trip, a scuba-diving class or a trip to somewhere he’s always wanted to go. A book of very specific coupons is always a great gift, especially if they’re sexy OR get-out-of-chore in nature.

anonymous_suitStraight Married Guy (Fred): 1) gadgets in the $40 range, e.g. cordless screwdriver, video game, iTunes gift card, BluRay of favorite movie, remote-control toy helicopter. Or a hand-made coupon for one blowjob.

2) Gadgets in the $60 range, e.g. power drill, any power tool, video game, BluRay of favorite movie, concert/sports tickets, noise-cancelling headphones. Or a hand-made coupon for one blowjob.

3) Gadgets in the $100 range (or higher), e.g. DeWalt power drill, any power tool, BluRay player (get the same brand as his other equipment, Panasonic and Sony are good bets), Playstation portable PSP, iPad, Kindle, good knives (if he likes to cook), slippers (I love slippers). Or a hand-made coupon for one blowjob.

terence_100Gay Committed Guy (Terence): 1) An all-day sex Sunday. 2) A threesome. 3) A call girl. Okay, just kidding. I’d get a new boyfriend tix to whatever sporting event he digs and is on at that time of year. After a year I’d get him some kind of adventure ticket (skydiving, bungee, hang-gilding etc). And for the husband, I’d book a hotel for the weekend, send him for a massage and then stay in bed (breakfast-sex-lunch-sex-dinner, etc.)

Click here to see what a different group of Wise Guys recommended last year as great gifts for men.


Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. Tom Miller writes the Tomfoolery blog for YourTango; Terence is an American living in Sydney; Matt is a little shy. To ask the guys your own question, click here.