photo via Flickr

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “Do men really care about how flexible their partners are in bed?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Single Straight Guy (Scott Phrenetik): Sure, flexibility is great… but I don’t need you to be able to lock your legs behind your head. In fact, I’ve never had an issue of a woman not being flexible enough for what we were doing. So no, it’s really not a big deal.

Married Straight Guy (Ben D.): Flexible as in easy going personality, then yes. I don’t want to be with a high maintenance person who cannot roll with the punches. Sometimes life happens and the best laid plans fall apart. Physically flexible, who wouldn’t want that? I don’t think members of either gender or sexual orientation want someone who is stiff and can’t move. So get out those yoga mats.

Single Gay Guy (Abraham Zeus Zapata): It’s just as much a big deal as penis length is for you gals — a happy medium is always appreciated! It’s great to have the option, but too much flex is like having sex a la Exorcism of Emily Rose (kinda scary) — but too little is like trying maneuver a department store mannequin. You don’t need to be “Cirque du Soleil,” but a yoga DVD can do wonders!

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Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Single Gay Guy is Abraham Zeus Zapata, an actor, writer and artist living in the Houston area; our Single Straight Guy is Scott Phrenetik, who moonlights as a DJ in Dallas; and our Married Straight Guy is Ben D., a former professional fighter who would now much rather spend time with his wife and baby son than get punched in the face by a sweaty man. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Advice from three of EM & LO‘s guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “What’s your take on the When Harry Met Sally truism that men and women who are single and who find each other attractive can’t simply be friends?”

Straight Single Guy (Tyler Barnett): I could go on and on about the many exceptions to this rule, but really it’s quite simple: a straight man and a straight women who are both single and find each other attractive will almost definitely have sex at some point. It may happen during a moment of weakness at a friends wedding, or maybe after polishing off a case of apple-flavored Smirnhoff Ices while watching the American Idol finale together, but I assure you, it will happen eventually.

Now before you start to tell me about your amazing opposite-sex friend who is in a strictly platonic relationship with you, let me remind you that there are indeed many exceptions, or at least explanations. I would bet this friend of yours is probably not attractive to you, or maybe just not attracted to you. I would also bet this friend is either in a long relationship, married, or gay. Or if that doesn’t cover your situation, you have probably dated in the past and it didn’t work out, so now you are friends. But there is always something. There is a reason you are friends and not more. And usually this is because one party is more into it than the other. And when that happens, there are hurt feelings.

Can men and women be strictly friends when they find each other attractive and they are both single? Sure. But that friendship will definitely have some added benefits.

Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook): I think Harry went even further, saying that men can’t even be friends with women they don’t find attractive, because they will still try to get them in to bed. While funny, I totally disagree with this, based as it is on the assumption that all men and women have in common is sex. I’ve always had as many female friends as male, because they were equally uninterested in sports, drinking until they puke and talking about tits. And rarely has their gender or attractiveness been an issue — only on a couple of occasions when I was so drunk it probably wouldn’t have mattered if they were women or men. Naturally, our friends contain a lot of the traits that we find attractive in sexual partners, but it would take a man of extreme arrogance and horniness to try and fuck them all. Like Harry.

Gay Single Guy (Justin Huang): I run with a relatively straight crowd, so I encounter this a lot. It’s funny: when I’m partying, I want everyone to hook up and I tend to push straight people together into compromising positions (I call it “Real Sims”). But when I’m sober, which is at least 50% of the time, I take a step back because things do get complicated between friends when sex enters the picture. I’ve seen a lot of great friendships (both gay and straight) become awkward this way. I think that it’s healthy to address the issue head on and talk about it like adults if there’s a mutual sexual attraction, but that’s not incredibly realistic.

Honestly, the best cases in which I’ve personally witnessed the Harry-Sally scenario have been when the couple in question just acknowledged the attraction and banged it out, usually on the couch of a mutual friend or a shared Vegas suite. Sexual tension is an abstract emotion, and if it is consummated, then Harry and Sally might be able to move on with their friendship with “been there, done that” casualness. I see it happen all the time.

Or… they might fall in love and have a great story to tell! “So we had this mutual friend named Justin, and he got us really drunk…”

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is James Glazebrook, a British writer/illustrator working in Berlin with his photographer wife on their cool blog, Überlin; our Gay Guy is Justin Huang, an LA-based freelance film editor, producer, certified personal trainer and the voice of IAmYellowPeril.com; and our Single Straight Guy is Tyler Barnett of Tyler Barnett PR in LA. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

photo via Flickr

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What do men really think about cuddling?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Gay Married Guy (Jon Ross): Cuddling is the most amazing thing in the world to do after you’ve come — after having a cigarette or possibly eating a cookie. There is nothing like snuggling up to that person you’ve just had amazing sex with as you drift off to blissful sleep. Of course, if you’re horned up or didn’t come during your little romp, there are few things more frustrating than when your man wants to cuddle and all you wanna do is bang it out dirty style. But overall, I would put cuddling squarely in the “things in life that totally rock” category — and I think most men would too, even if they might be a bit hesitant to admit it.

Straight Single Guy (Adam): It’s hard to make a declaration on behalf of all straight single guys as to what they think of cuddling. However, would you like to guess who likes cuddling, is in touch enough with his feelings to admit it, and — as you can tell from his profile photo — has at least one thumb? This guy!  I personally enjoy cuddling, I really really do, if it’s A) with the right girl and B) not being done while watching any movie starring Sarah Jessica Parker (except Space Camp, because who doesn’t love that flick?).  In fact, I’ve found that my desire level for cuddling can be a good barometer for how much I’m actually into a girl.  If it’s low, that usually means something isn’t right with the relationship.  If it’s high, it means I’m probably going to regret the day I eventually screw it up. P.S. I do have a second thumb.

Straight Married Guy (David Jacobs): Cuddling’s okay when it’s cold. Pretty nice to have a warm body next to you, and it occasionally leads to a little hanky-panky, which is of course a bonus. Post-coitus it’s alright as well, though by then both parties are usually a little sweaty and would rather stretch out and claim some space to cool down and recuperate. Body contact at that juncture usually consists of a stray crossed limb or whatnot. Cuddling? Not so much. I suppose once temperatures have stabilized it’s ok again, but by then someone (me!) is often drifting off, in which case it does’t really last long anyway — at least not that I’m aware of. So generally speaking, what’s my take on cuddling? No strong feelings for or against. When it’s not a nuisance it can be nice, but in limited quantities. I wouldn’t want to spend all day doing it!

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Straight Married Guy is David Jacobs, a NYC-based photographer; our Gay Married Guy is Jon Ross, who works for a network news program and lives in Brooklyn with his husband and two dogs; and our Straight Single Guy is Adam, a lawyer and native Floridian in his early thirties. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What are the top 3 no-no’s for a woman to do on a first date?“ To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Committed Gay Guy (Dwayne):

1. talking about ex boyfriends
2. planning the wedding
3. crying

Married Straight Guy (Jake): This is the kind of thinking that we need to break away from. There are no three top things, three best things, three worst things that will make your first date the best. Checklists that other people create for you can cause neurosis, unnecessary worrying and sweaty palms. This is a battered and bruised cliché, but seriously, just be yourself. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by acting, talking, eating and laughing naturally. Anything else is a waste of time.

Single Straight Guy (Megan): My most recent first date turned into four dates in the same day with the same woman. She broke quite a few rules from my style manual. She made fun of my cardigan. (I still have it and it is pretty atrocious, but still..). She played games when I asked for her phone number. She was a wee heavy on the makeup. She got buzzed and emotional. She accepted a flower from another man. Each of these is a no-no for me. Despite those violations, we had an amazing day. We had lunch together. We went for a midafternoon drink. We met again for dinner. We met back at her place for a late night dip in the hot tub. We would not have gotten past the lunch if there wasn’t something there. We wouldn’t have gone for a drink if there wasn’t something there. We definitely wouldn’t have warmed up the hot tub if there wasn’t something there. If you feel it, ignore your rules. Go with your gut, but know your limits, too. If she had talked on the phone throughout lunch, I would have walked; but she didn’t. Sometimes it’s better to swallow your rules. You’ll learn more about the person opposite you, but you’ll also learn something about yourself. Your palate might just be ready for those brussel sprouts you’ve avoided for so long.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Committed Gay Guy is Dwayne Resnick, a mid-20th-century decorative arts dealer in NY’s Hudson Valley; our Single Straight Guy is The Meeglet blogger Megan, a former librarian whose Men of the Stacks calendar benefits the It Gets Better Project, and our Married Straight Guy is Jake Kulji, a Minneapolis-based freelance writer who blogs at Analogue Living and who has written two Minnesota hiking and camping guidebooks. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

photo via flickr

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “Do guys ever have elaborate fantasies (Riding a white horse to a naked maiden? Being captured as a porn star’s slave?), or do their fantasies tend to be more prosaic?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Straight Engaged Guy (Mark Luczak): Guys’ fantasies probably tend to be less Fabio-covered romance novel-esque, but that doesn’t mean they necessarily lack in poetic beauty (yes, I had to double-check the definition of “prosaic” — I thought it was an antidepressant). Since we’re stereotypically more strictly visual and to-the-point, our fantasies can run the wide range from “hot co-worker spontaneously jumping our bones” to “hot neighbor spontaneously jumping our bones” to “hot girl walking down the street spontaneously jumping our bones.” If we really want to get elaborate, we’ll mix in a porn star, or two.

Gay Single Guy (Daniel): I think guys can have very elaborate fantasies, but that really depends on his own sexual imagination. I’m sure there are plenty who can only think of a two-girl bisexual threesome and that’s it, but I’m 100% positive there are others who might want to, say, get abducted off the street and brought into a room with dominant women who are going to sexually use and humiliate him to their hearts’ content in very specific ways. The bigger question is: which kind of guy do you want? One with a great sexual imagination, one without, or does it matter?

Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): I guess I could say something like, “Hey, anyone who’s spent much time in a high-school locker room knows that guys can have very elaborate fantasies.” Or I could point out the healthy percentage of text-based porn written by men. But the real answer is… sure. Sometimes. Just speaking for myself, I’ve sometimes had fantasies that have taken literally all day to compose. But they’re not always elaborate at all. Again, speaking for myself, they’re sometimes almost impressionistic snippets of a single mental image, a motion, a touch, or memory.

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Gay Guy is one-time stripper and sex columnist Daniel; our Straight Engaged Guy is Mark Luczak, a tech geek at Carnegie Mellon University; and our Straight Married Guy is Figleaf, the guy behind RealAdultSex.com. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

photo via Flickr

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “If a guy is casually hooking up with someone and exclusivity has not yet been established, is he obliged to tell that person about other people he’s sleeping with? And should he offer up that information, or should he wait to be asked?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Straight Married Guy (Ben): Until there’s an actual conversation, there’s no need for a conversation. In other words, as long as everybody’s playing safe, there’s no need to kiss and tell. But one important thing — this is not a “Don’t ask, don’t tell” situation. If your hook up asks you anything about it, you must be honest. Similarly, don’t you ask him or her unless you really, actually want to know.

Gay Single Guy (Justin Huang): Let’s immediately assume that everyone on this party bus is practicing safe sex and being responsible. With that established, I’d say, no, our guy is not obligated to tell his sexual partners about each other. The keyword here is “casual,” and speaking from my own experience as a single gay guy, of course I want to be with desirable people who probably have equally active sex lives, but actually hearing about it from them would be a bit of a buzzkill. If you really care about whether your hookup buddy is seeing other people, I’d say that’s a pretty clear indication that you are either just a very territorial person (read: greedy), or you have actual romantic feelings toward them and the two of you should discuss them like adults.

Furthermore, I think that it’s unfair to ask him if he’s sleeping with other people before you ask him if he wants to be exclusive. Because, frankly, it’s none of your business who those orange panties belong to unless you have a spoken claim on his penis. (Granted, if you do find someone else’s panties in his bed, that means he doesn’t clean the sheets between partners, and that should be a dealbreaker. Yuck.)

Now, there is an exception to this. He would be completely obligated to tell you about another sexual partner if it’s someone you know, especially if it’s a friend, roommate, colleague, or – yikes – someone you’re related to.

Straight Single Guy (Max): If the hooking up is truly casual, there are a couple of options. First and foremost, I would say that the knowledge of other partners is often already established BEFORE any casual hooking up happens. A touch of jealousy can be a great motivator for all sides. If the knowledge of partners is unknown, I’d say that no one is obligated to say anything as long as the sex is smart and safe. After a little while however, I think that you have to say something. With time comes a greater expectation of something more: if not fidelity and commitment, than at least more forthright honesty and openness. You can’t just keep hooking up with someone and never discuss the possibilities of relationship progress, so how can you skip over something else that you already have? Also, I think that it’s incredibly rare to find more than one person who you are really into at one time. In the situations where I’ve had multiple partners, I’ve found that it’s best to be honest with everyone to avoid the potential for a big mess. If everyone is cool with a love triangle, then by all means, keep it going. Still, I think it’s hard to make these things last. More lovers just leaves more room for disagreement and hurt feelings — eventually someone involved is going to want something legit or else will simply want to call it quits. 

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Ben, a writer and artist living in Los Angeles who runs AdultParlorGames.com; our Gay Guy is Justin Huang, an LA-based freelance film editor, producer, certified personal trainer and the voice of IAmYellowPeril.com; and our Single Straight Guy, Max, is a recent college grad in New York City. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

photo via flickr

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “We read a lot about women who ‘have sex like men.’ What do you think it would mean to ‘have sex like a woman’?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Straight Single Guy (Tom Miller): I think it just means liking to have your hair pulled. I kid. I think, very broadly stereotyping here, that a fella who wanted to have sex like a woman would want to take things very slowly. Hours of foreplay followed by slow, rhythmic lovemaking, plenty of eye contact and scented candles. Afterwards there would be much cuddling. But, in real life, some ladies like it hard and fast and doggie-style and some guys want to orgasm simultaneously and hold hands and collapse into tearful, sleepy embrasure. Allegedly, it’s easier for dudes to have sex without emotional connection, but who knows if that’s true.

Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): I hate it when people say this or that woman “has sex like a man.” No, it just means we’ve got really dim stereotypes about women and sex. So I’m not enthusiastic about rising to the “sex like a woman” bait. But if I had to answer I’d say “to have sex like a woman” would be to (only on average, obviously): a) when younger, have sex slightly more often than he really felt like it but not quite as long as he liked when he did have sex; and b) when older have sex slightly less often than she really felt like it but a little longer than she liked when she did have sex.

Another way that, I think, a lot of people have sex that is attributed to “sex like a woman” is noticing all the really pleasurable things about sex that aren’t orgasms… while possibly wondering why he can’t have orgasms with his partner as easily as he can have them by himself.

Gay Married Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): I’m going to go with wishful thinking here and say it means having orgasms that last twenty seconds and can be repeated over and over and over again. You lucky bitches.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. Tom Miller writes the Tomfoolery blog for YourTango; this week’s Gay Married Guy is Joel Derfner, author of Swish; and our Straight Married Guy is Figleaf, the guy behind RealAdultSex.com. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

photo via Flickr

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “How do you know when it’s a good idea to move in together?“ To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Straight Single Guy (Chris): Another easy one: It’s never a good idea. No, that’s not actually true. I think you’ll know if it’s a good idea if the relationship passes one easy-to-measure test: You really, really, no bullshit, enjoy each others’ company, even when you aren’t in bed, or out at a beautiful restaurant, or doing some amazing activities. You need to enjoy each just sitting on the couch reading books or watching TV or talking over coffee. If your relationship up until the move-in point has consisted only of dates, you’re fucked. Spend lots more time together DOING NOTHING and see how it goes.

Straight Committed Guy (Johnny): You never know these things. You roll the dice on someone you care about. Sometimes that gamble pays off, other times it costs you everything. It’s like a mini version of marriage in terms of the investment and the risk. So my answer to the question is: before you get married. Don’t marry someone you haven’t lived with for at least a year.

Gay Single Guy (Angelo Nikolopoulos of The White Swallow): It’s never a good idea to move in with someone because:
(a) moving is a bitch
(b) decorative aesthetics will always clash
(c) there’s something thrilling about preparing a weekend “whore bag” (it’s like a mini-vacation!)
(d) lovers will always disappoint you
With that said, most of life’s inescapable forays aren’t, technically speaking, good ideas. Procreation being one of them. I guess if you decide that misery isn’t circumstantial but a mainstay of the human condition, it would probably be wise to move in with a partner who’s attractive, financially stable, and only mildly disgusted by witnessing you at your bloated worst. After all, the option to die miserable and alone is something you could always revisit later in life.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Guy is Angelo Nikolopoulos, host of an NYC queer reading series The White Swallow; Straight Single Guy is blogger Chris DiClerico; and our Straight Committed Guy is regular EMandLO.com commenter, Johnny. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

photo via flickr

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “Why do men have such an intense relationship with their penis?“ To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Married Straight Guy (Irad Eyal of Sexdegrees.net): I don’t even understand this question. It’s like a cruel koan that tries to rend the universe asunder. What is a mirror gazing upon itself? Where does the guy end and the penis begin? (Which, by the way, is an important question when you’re measuring.)

Single Straight Guy (Colin Adamo of Hooking Up & Staying Hooked): It is definitely not by choice. We are at times the ventriloquists’ dummies to our own phalluses. Of course we’d prefer not to gawk at you in the gym — we have working out to do as well. We’d love not to turn our heads when an attractive woman walks by — our necks are tired. And I’m sure all of us would rather go back to side-to-side slow dances rather than grinding our crotches into you at a nightclub — we’re not great dancers anyway. But we’re not always in charge. The penis is (be it because of biological, social-cultural, or purely fanciful reasons), and we’ve got to do what it says.

Committed Gay Guy (Terence): Um, it’s right there staring at me all the time. It’s highly interactive. It talks to me even at times I don’t want it to. It even gets me into trouble. A lot. It’s not my fault it’s an intense relationship.

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. Irad Eyal is a writer, TV producer, and founder of celebrity gossip site Sexdegrees.net; Colin Adamo is a recent Yale grad and author/blogger behind Hooking Up & Staying Hooked, the only sex and relationships resource specifically for high school guys; and Terence is an American living in Sydney. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

photo via Flickr

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What do men want to do after sex? Do you buy the “women want to snuggle, men want to eat/sleep/shower” trope?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Single Bisexual Guy (Jack): I am going to assume that this is for nocturnal sex, given how the question is worded. It is well-established that the male body releases a sleep-inducing hormone following orgasm, so sleep is a natural event, wanted or not. Personally, I’ve definitely found myself at a diner or a convenience store with my partner post-sex at 3am for food and drink, but I’ve also at times been happy to snuggle and fall asleep in each other’s arms. Some bodies just fit together perfectly for snuggling and sleep, making that very appealing. But it’s often dependent on what the partner is in the mood for, and what my feelings are for the person, whether it’s a relationship or just a random hookup or the end of a really great date. I can say that whether it is a man or a woman, I’ve found no consistent pattern – every person is different.

Married Bisexual Guy (Bryan Sebeck): I think it really depends on the guy. There are some guys who want to go right to sleep, but I think most want to do something else first. Hell, in college, I knew a guy who talked about how his favorite post-sex activity was to go down to the gym and work out. This is the very same guy who bragged about how his favorite place to have sex was in the dorm’s sauna. Personally, I’m a snuggler. My wife regularly gets on my case because she doesn’t even have a chance to get comfortable in bed before I roll over and fling a few limbs over her. Then again, if it’s the morning, I’m in the shower within minutes with my wife not far behind. I suppose that, like most things, it depends on a number of factors including who’s involved, the time of day, their mood, ect. If the person that you’re with does want to go to sleep and you want to cuddle, don’t fret. It doesn’t mean that they don’t love you. Take it as a complement. It means that you were so good that you wore them out.

Single Straight Guy (Nick): This is a question where you can as 10 guys and get 15 different answers. My answer alone will change depending on the mood during sex and who I’m with. If it was a long slow passionate romantic night I’ll want to lay down with her in my arms running my fingers through her hair. If we are just having fun, being loud and silly, I may want to go out and do something fun after. Stress relief sex: if I’m stressed I just want to sleep, if she’s the one stressed, I’ll want to make the rest of the night about her (draw a warm bath for her, give her a back massage and just let her relax and enjoy the afterglow). All in all, men have the same variety of emotions, desires, and needs that women do.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Married Bisexual Guy is Bryan Sebeck, a newlywed engineer and artist working in Detroit, MI who blogs at A Yooper Steampunk; our Single Bisexual Guy is Jack, a software consultant based in Phoenix, Arizona who blogs at Facets of Our Lives;; and our Single Straight Guy is  Nick German, a network technician based in Minnesota. To ask the guys your own question, click here.